You and I
by Cissy Black Malfoy
Summary: Shelby is trying to fix herself. Will needs a friend. They both get much more than they were hoping for. Rachel/Shelby relationship. Rated M for language and mature themes and sexual content.
1. Damsel in Distress

**Damsel in Distress**

Shelby kneeled down in the middle of the supermarket aisle, head down in defeat, biting her lip so forcefully to try and stop the tears from coming that she could actually start crying from the pain if she was that kind of woman. But then again, she wasn't the type of woman who lets her pride slip from under her – in public of all things – either. Yet there she was, letting the desperation that had been building for a while run down her veins like poison. She could feel it burn, and she felt its effects. Even in her long career as an educator, she had never felt like this. Like she could just drop down on the floor and curl into a ball with her hands over her ears in sheer frustration.

Beth was screaming her lungs out; had been doing so for the last 20 minutes. She had checked the diaper, fed her, tried to soothe her. She had even sung to her, right there at the frozen foods aisle of the bloody market. Nothing worked, and as she checked everything once again praying the baby wasn't sick, or in pain, she had resorted to begging.

"Please Beth, please sweetheart, we'll be home in a few minutes," she attempted while her hand caressed the baby softly. "I don't know what's wrong," she murmured, when she really wanted to scream. She felt a hot tear touch the side of her nose and got it before someone could see it. She was already humiliated enough, and she would be damned if she let herself break down. She was Shelby _fucking_ Corcoran.

Somebody stood by her side telling her it might be cramps. She nodded, and thanked in such a low voice she couldn't be sure she was heard. Others stood at a more respectful distance, but the fact that they didn't downright invade her personal space didn't make up for the nasty looks they were sending her way. She was sure someone was about to call the police and report her for child abuse any minute now. She might as well give up and run to the hospital, but she was out of formula and the diapers would be gone soon enough. Not to mention she had been living off of takeout and cafeteria food from Carmel for three days already. And if she had to put up with this insanity, she _needed_ her morning coffee!

It had been one of those terrible days, granted. The storm that swept Lima since the night before had caused chaos. Her usual babysitter couldn't make it, the usual replacements were unavailable. Even the girls in Vocal Adrenaline, as scared of her as they still were, didn't budge when her low and threatening voice commanded them to stop being frightened of that little drizzle and do her the favor of watching Beth just for an hour, despite the fact that she had offered them three times more money than usual. Thinking back to it though, she probably sounded like a lunatic and wasn't as menacing as she desired by a mile.

She had called the principal in the morning, and although he was completely unhappy with her, it was agreed that her AP Music Theory class would be handled by some other teacher. Since she adopted the baby, her principal had been displeased with her and as always, he had been very vocal about it.

Carmel High was one of the highest ranking schools of the state, and for a teacher, those standards could be hell. She was a winner, the golden star that dragged the pathetic thing that was the show choir in that school to glory, yet she still got shit in a daily basis. Nobody was ever happy, and the insane sum of money people threw at her only amounted to the pressure.

The year before, when one of her senior students failed to get into Julliard, she was blamed and the parents had actually requested to see her confidential letter of recommendation to the school. It was ludicrous and she was livid, more so when she found out the principal had obliged and pulled some strings behind her back. She should probably have felt more degraded. Maybe a few years ago she would have but she had got used to that sort of thing. She had become hard. Harder, as her time in New York didn't exactly pave her personality to be soft and optimistic.

Principal Lancaster had chastised her for leaving Vocal Adrenaline and then again because of Beth, and in no short words made it clear that he didn't feel she had much to contribute to the school anymore. Grudgingly, in part because even if she had saved a whole lot of money – she had a college fund to tend to now – and in part because she felt the whole 'stay-at-home mom' thing would kill her spirit eventually, she acquiesced and took over the direction of the Music Department in order to save her job.

The demands were less overwhelming, she had more time to spend with her child and a little of her constant anxiety dissipated, but it was still a lot of work, especially if you counted the fact that she was still teaching three classes: AP Music Theory, American Musical Theatre and Advanced Vocal Training. And whereas it was her reformulation of the music curriculum that caused her huge accumulation of functions, she felt a little bitter to be, once again, trailing the dark waters completely unsupported.

It was true that in the faculty of Carmel everybody was a little cold to each other, but by being so involved with Vocal Adrenaline she never noticed how she was being singled out. Now the bags under her eyes and the frequent baby puke in her clothes were like beacons of how she was too exhausted, making those mediocre buffoons forget that she still could crush them with her little finger and shower her with disdain. In any case, she wasn't surprised when she was called in to deal with a leak at the orchestra room and the four teachers she found hanging in the lounge quickly pretended to be doing something important so that they wouldn't have to look after Beth.

And now this. Something was not right with her little girl, and Shelby didn't have a clue to what it was. This was not going to be the first night she would lie at bed at night and wonder if Beth would be better off with Quinn and Noah, even if they were just teenagers. She knew her longing for the baby had been mostly selfish, just like with Rachel. At times, she was so self-conscious about it that it would get hard to breathe.

She had a hole in her life, this emptiness that threatened to engulf her with an almighty force, and when deciding to use a human being to fill that hollow, she had set to cause a great deal of grief. She was a destructor and the proof was screaming at her. She couldn't even come through for a six-month-old helpless baby and it was pure agony.

Another tear fell down her cheek and this time she knew she was busted. But she wasn't quite sure she deserved to feel uncomfortable. She should be mortified. Her daughter needed her and she was at a complete loss. So she deserved to be embarrassed by the other patrons, it was just karma.

"God, Beth, please calm down. I'll do anything. Just give Mommy a few minutes to get us out of here."

"Bargaining with a baby?"

Shelby looked up with fury in her eyes, ready to tell the person to shove her opinion in some very inappropriate place, but was completely staggered when faced with those dimples.

"Will. Hi."

"Need help?"

Normally, she would tell him to get lost, even if he had always been nothing but friendly towards her. However, she was melting down, fast. Before she could answer, he put his basket down and picked Beth up, snuggling her against his chest and hushing her. As the screaming became less piercing, Shelby let out a breath and went back to feeling miserable and vile.

"Everything is fine. You can go back to your shopping now," Will said, dispersing the patrons while Shelby took some time to clean her face with one her sleeves. She got up and Will closed in on her, trying to make her take Beth, but to add insult to injury, she was just terrified her daughter would go back to yelling. Will seemed to notice it, and smiled encouragingly at her.

"It will be fine, Shelby. Maybe she was just a little needy, you know? Needing some human contact."

She nodded sheepishly, berating herself for not thinking of that and accepted Beth's little form into her shaky arms. The baby still whimpered a little, but the worst was gone.

"Thank you," Shelby muttered under her breath, honestly grateful, but really wishing he would just go away so she could scold herself in private. Will just nodded back, still being nice and adorable. "I should probably get her to a doctor; otherwise it doesn't look like she'll sleep. As soon as I manage to make sure we won't both starve."

Before she could protest, Will grabbed both of their baskets from the floor plus her umbrella and the car seat Shelby had been using to carry Beth around and smiled at her gently. "C'mon, I'll lend you a hand."

Shelby couldn't remember the last time she felt so indebted. She hated the damsel-in-distress act and she would never be the girl waiting for the prince to come rescuing her, but this time, she just smiled gratefully. Will had this way of making her chest fill with a warm sensation. She barely knew him, but she could almost trust him.

They walked towards the baby-food section in silence, Shelby holding Beth so tight against her chest that her arms started to hurt a little. The baby rubbed her head with her little hands, inconsolable, and then closed her fists around Shelby's red coat. It made her want to cry again, and she noted Will had to practically stop in order to keep up with her slow pace.

"Congratulations," Will impulsively said, willing to try just about anything to bring her out of her sad reverie. Shelby snapped her head up and frowned, not entirely sure what she was being congratulated for. She supposed congratulations were in order for more than one thing honestly, nonetheless she didn't feel particularly winning of lately. Poor Will was essentially carrying all of their stuff and shopping both of their lists, yet he seemed incredibly at ease. She tilted her head at him, unsure of how to respond, and arched her eyebrow in that inquisitive way he found quite endearing. He leaned towards her and whispered conspiratorially, "I have a confession to make. I actually went down to New York to see Vocal Adrenaline perform." That elicited a surprised expression from her. Shelby actually expected him to be a little bitter for the results in Regionals. They could never beat her, but she still thought third place was rather unfair. He continued, "You guys were amazing. I thought you couldn't top 'Bohemian Rhapsody,' but your U2 mash-up was mouth gaping. Jesse's vocals on 'Sunday Blood Sunday' made my heart ache a little."

"Thanks Will," Shelby said, a soft smiling reaching her eyes. "That performance was special. I didn't even believe it could be so soulful, but Jesse was in a mood and Haylee is getting so good at her vocals I just felt I had to push her and I'm glad I did, because that 'I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For' _a capella_ made me cry a little backstage."

Shelby didn't mean for that last bit to be confessed, but she wasn't as embarrassed as she would have expected. She didn't know how Will was so good with her but he had found a way to break through some of her tension.

"Yeah, I think you found your new star."

"Not mine. I left Vocal Adrenaline after Nationals," Shelby clarified, her face hardening at the admission.

"What? Why? Finally got tired of winning?" he teased.

Shelby shrugged. "Honestly? Yes. Don't worry, I'm not going to tell it's not everything that it seems, because it feels great. I absolutely encourage you to keep going and give your best. Though, if you want a tip, your stage aesthetics need some serious improvement. 'Don't Stop Believing' was vocally great but the staging was messy, and while I doubt the 'celebrity judges' even noticed, I don't think the show-choir governing board is going to keep up with that crap in the future. There'll be real judges next year, you know? It will actually be harder. And I'm rambling, sorry." Will almost burst into laughter due to her Rachel perfect impersonation, but thought that she might misunderstand his amusement and get upset. Shelby didn't seem to notice him, but instead bashfully continued. "I just started to feel lonely, isolated, you know? I needed a life, and the constant competitive mood I kept myself on for Glee turned me into a shell. Hard on the outside, empty inside. The fact that a lot of the kids I was closer to just graduated didn't help."

Shelby had gone on babbling, walking and trying to play Beth out of her bad mood, and only realized how personal she got a minute later. She halted and stared perturbed at Will, who stopped mid-air in the process of grabbing her some Mint Milanos when he saw her face. He would have chuckled at her "deer-in-the-headlights" expression except she had been busted baring her soul a little bit. Shelby's brow furrowed as she glanced away, and Will thought she seemed like she was looking for a way out of there. He checked her list. They needed some toiletries and they would be done. He got close to her, bumping his shoulder with her tense one. "C'mon Shelby, stick with me just a little longer. We're almost there." Shelby just nodded, walls going back up again, and they toddled to the proper aisle to grab the rest of her stuff.

"So, did you leave Carmel?"

"No. I'm still technically the enemy," she said wryly.

"A very honorable, advice-giving enemy. Are you just a teacher now? What do you teach? I don't think I ever asked."

"Music. I was hired to be a singing teacher, but then Music Theory had to be taken over, and then I took pity of the glee club and got really engaged with that."

Will stopped, and she had to turn on her heel to see him pout. "God, I'm so envious of you. Not that I don't like Spanish, but McKinley could use some music classes."

Shelby continued to walk, shifting the position of the now quiet baby in her arms, and let Will catch up to her. "Well, Carmel didn't have that much of a strong music program either. It was acceptable I guess, but now that I've been blackmailed into running the department, I decided to up the level."

"You are driven to excellence."

She narrowed her eyes at him while he grinned, obviously pleased with his wit, before she rolled them for him to see. "Well, yes. I am. Can't help it. Besides, I love it; not just the music, the kids too. Most of my former pupils are in my classes. I get to see them all the time and still fine tune their abilities, but I don't have to scream at them anymore or tell them to suck it up and stop crying on my stage because we are on a schedule. And now I can spend more time with the kids who aren't in Vocal Adrenaline too, who are just as brilliant and fascinating and committed to their art, even if they are horrified by the mere idea of jazz hands and Broadway smiles. It's great."

"So, you're happy?"

She stopped and gave it a thought. Happier would be more accurate. She was still lonesome sometimes, even if having Beth and being closer to her students turned her life around. She still felt very much in a hole about the situation with Rachel and just thinking about that incredible mess gave her a stomachache. She just didn't know how to make that right but she knew she had to if she wanted absolute peace of mind. Also, it didn't help that she had zero adult friends. No one to talk to and a pile of feelings that were like a big black hole inside her. She was considering getting a therapist because if she kept internalizing all of these awful emotions she was going to make herself sick. And that wasn't fair to little Beth.

"I'm getting there." Shelby looked down at her feet, appalled that she had choked out an honest answer. Usually she would have gave him a hard "I'm perfect. Do I seem anything less than perfect?" and intimidated him into a corner. Except Will was different. He had a way of getting her to put her defenses down. She stood there, a little frightened about her current fragility and waited, because whatever happened the ball was in his court now. He could break her, make her put the wall up again, or else.

"Yeah, I know what you mean," he said in a way that reminded her that he was probably still a mess too.

Definitely "else."


	2. Let Me Fall

**A/N:** I actually forgot to do this on the first chapter, so just to be stated, I don't own Glee or any of its characters.

I would like to thank so much **NastElilBuggr** for offering to beta this fic for me, because she's made every chapter so much better. And English it's not really my first language so I torture her a lot with grammar issues and typing mistakes. She's really patient, and I owe her a lot.

Also, I would like to thank **TMOLMRENT**, **Egypt-chan,** **AliceCullenForever101**, **Mica-Chan**, **MarlisaKristine** and **B13Bren** for your kind words of support. I hope you like this chapter.

**Let Me Fall**

To say that Will was stunned when turning into the baked-goods aisle of the market was an understatement. After deciding to spend summer in New York, where he crashed with an old college buddy and tried to remove both his ex-wife and ex-girlfriend from under his skin (not so successfully), he had pretty much returned to Lima with his head a little clear from faces. Faces like hers.

His students he carried in his heart, of course, and as school started all over again, Figgins and Sue were back to haunting him; still, they were pretty much his less-staggering ghosts. He had somewhat erased Shelby Corcoran of his mind after stalking her to Nationals to spy on Vocal Adrenaline and it probably was for the best. Between Rachel, Quinn and Puck, she had already left her foot impression in their faces, even if she didn't mean it, and Will didn't believe she did. Shelby had a good heart, albeit she struggled with all of her power not to wear it on her sleeve.

Yet seeing her like that, lowered next to that car seat where a little bundle yelped with all of its potency; water dripping out of her hair and clothes; basket, handbag, baby bag and umbrella crunching her arms; the smudged makeup, discrete tears and nervous moves, he had to jump in. He was a little angry that everybody just gathered around but nobody offered this distraught woman a hand. And he considered her, by all means, a close acquaintance he kind of liked and immensely admired, despite her turn as a more problematic human being than even he was, so it hurt a little to see her so helpless.

They parted after he helped her shop and got her safely to her car, but he couldn't get off his mind that even after their light conversation she looked a little displaced in the Universe around her. Whatever was in her head, it was sucking her in and shattering her into pieces. And he was worried. Will knew it was bad pattern for him, that the more a woman looked like she couldn't put it together the more he was drawn to her. But Shelby was different from Terri and Emma; they had needed him to be a participant in that sick dynamic, while Shelby seemed ashamed and defensive against his caretaking.

So he probably shouldn't be there, at her house, but he couldn't resist stopping by. She opened her door and arched one of her perfect eyebrows at him in that same cute way she had done in his kitchen once. She probably expected him to say something, but he was a little staggered. She was back to being Shelby Corcoran, the woman he remembered. Even without makeup and her signature heels, she just looked completely tidy with those skinny jeans, the black long-sleeved blouse and barefoot, and if he were to admit it, sexy as hell. Eventually, she just smiled at him and decided to do the talking.

"Will. Hi. What are you doing here?"

"Well, I want to check up on you." She stiffened her back, immediately on guard. "And Beth. Did you get her to the doctor?"

"Yeah. Ear infection. Poor thing." She looked even more defensive, but Will thought he saw something else in her face. Guilt?

"Shelby, you can't be taken aback by that. Kids get sick all the time. You really did perfectly." She shot him an incredulous stare, because as thankful as she was that he was trying to make her feel better, he really shouldn't go straight into lying to do so. If there was one thing Shelby appreciated more than anything, it was honesty. "I brought coffee."

She nodded, not wanting to get into a fight, and opened the door to let him in. She signaled him with the head towards the kitchen and then grabbed the package from his hand to prepare it. Will was totally mesmerized by her house. And her state-of-the-art kitchen. And her incredible espresso machine. Shelby truly was invested in excellence.

"It was a gift." He turned to her, who had clearly caught him staring in total awe.

"Who gave you an espresso machine?" He raised his eyebrows at her, not at all aware that she thought he was completely adorable when he did that.

"The whole kitchen," she shot back coolly. Will was a little surprised about how timid and low-key he was finding out Shelby was. He expected her to be a little more like Rachel. Though he couldn't help but notice she did have a tendency to go into talking sprees too, just like her illegitimate daughter.

"Who the hell gave you a whole kitchen?"

"Booster club. As a reward for Nationals. Take a seat." He directed himself to the modern chairs at the table while she grabbed a package of Mint Milanos, which she set in a plate in front of Will. Then she brought around the espressos and sat across from him.

"I need to start winning," he whined.

"Yes, you do. These guys don't award just gifts; they are the main source of scholarships. Most of my kids get to go to their dream schools because of the booster club. If Beth turns up stupid, I'll rush back to Vocal Adrenaline like a maniac." Oh, there it was. Shelby had made this face while saying 'maniac', closing and opening her eyes in a very dramatic fashion, that it was all Rachel. Will chuckled, finding the behavior more endearing in the girl's mother, and Shelby thought he was doing so because of her lame joke and indulged him, feeling flattered.

They fell into a comfortable silence while they sipped their coffees approvingly. Shelby leaned towards the plate to grab a Mint Milano, the ones Will had casually picked in the market while she had been busy making a fool of herself, without knowing they were her very favorites. She didn't realize she had begun to smile, and equally unaware of his movements, Will leaned closer to her while he stole a handful of cookies. Before long all of the Milanos were gone, and Will wasn't sure which he enjoyed more, the cookies or watching how she was in her own home. He was too distracted to realize that he was being examined as well.

She got up to put the plate in the sink, pulling Will out of his trance, and it occurred to him that they had been sitting together for nearly 20 minutes and little Beth was nowhere to be seen.

"Where's Beth? Is she sleeping?" To be frank, Will wanted to see the baby again. Just to have her in his arms and remember that she was supposed to be his nearly broke him. It shouldn't have and he felt guilty because she was Shelby's now, but it was the other reason he was there.

"She's not here. I got full-time help, a nanny. She took Beth to the park so I could do some work."

"You managed to find reliable full-time help between Tuesday and today?"

"Yeah. I went over my budget and even with Beth's college fund, my emergency fund and Beth's study abroad fund, we're good. We can afford it, so I just went and got it. Mary worked for the St. James' so I know she can be trusted."

"Shelby, that's great. Even if you did get your nanny recommendation from Jesse." Will laughed a little at her and she flushed, knowing full well that even if he thought was amusing, it was little embarrassing. Normally people get these types of tips from friends their own age.

Shelby fidgeted, not really sure she wanted to tell him what was on her mind but needing so desperately to tell someone, to just say it aloud. It was out before she could stop herself.

"Is it? Aren't you supposed to just do everything? Sometimes, I don't know. But I couldn't go on like that, I needed help. Just to get home and be able to take a long bath, knowing that everything is okay and that Beth is good, it just makes everything less despairingly. And she shops for me which allows me precious time with my baby and she cooks; she even cleans and even though my neuroses force me to redo the whole thing, it's nice to come back to a house that doesn't smell like baby shit. It's so nice I can't give it up, even if makes me a horrible person." Shelby focused on her feet as they tapped the Italian tile. She felt, rather then saw, Will stare incredulously at her.

"Shelby, it so doesn't make you a horrible person! You're all alone with a new-born and a full-time job. Whatever you do to make your life and Beth's life better, it just makes you a more responsible, mature parent. You can't carry the world and it's adult to admit that. I don't think you should feed those detrimental feelings towards yourself." Will's voice had been so tender that Shelby had to resist the urge of just getting up so she could fall into his arms.

"I just…" Shelby took a deep breath, building up courage. "I wanted a child so badly. I should be able to handle it. I should have been prepared. I'm sure that's what Quinn expected when she gave Beth to me. Maybe I wasn't the best parent she could get for her child. The first months were paradise but now it feels like I'm failing everybody, including myself."

For a moment Will almost gave her a pep talk, but that wasn't going to work with her. Shelby's issues seemed deep and complex and she probably needed more than simply reassurance. So he decided to try honesty instead.

"Okay, so you aren't perfect. It may come as a surprise to you because you're you but sometimes we humans fail a little bit. And it's okay. We just gotta keep our eyes open and try not to commit the big mistakes, but even those allow for some course correction at times. It's like Glee Club: it needs work and dedication, and occasionally you have to be humble and let it go, and other times you have bear your soul, and others times you have to be steely. But you make it work. If somebody can, it's you." He gave her an encouraging smile and she almost managed to smile truthfully back.

After the coffee, Will and Shelby moved to the living room. Will tried to eye the sheet music lying on the coffee table, but then Shelby snatched things away with a playful smile in her face.

"That's top secret stuff, Mr. Schuester," she scolded him teasingly.

"I thought you were out of the show-choir circuit, Miss Corcoran."

"Still."

It wasn't really secretive. Now with Jesse and Andrea gone, Haylee had really taken into Shelby and she was applying herself like crazy in her vocal training class so much that Shelby would give her tons of extra assignments just to push her. The sheets were from The Phantom of the Opera and Haylee had spent the whole week trying, training and messing it up. Shelby was ready to give her something else but she showed up this morning, kicking like she was overdosing in caffeine (she probably was), wanting to show her she had finally pulled it trough. They still worked a little on a few flats and sharps but it was fantastic. So good in fact that Shelby wouldn't be too surprise to see that little rendition of "Think of Me" in some VA performance, so out of respect for her student and all her hard work, she kept it from Will. She still remembered the Gaga copycat thing New Directions pulled, even if she found it amusing and was too entranced with others things (namely her daughter) to bother being angry.

After stashing everything away in her study, Shelby curled in the sofa next to Will.

"I lied to you," he admitted, turning so his body was angled towards her. With his arm draped across the back of the sofa, his hand nearly reached her shoulder. He curled his fingers into a fist to resist the temptation to extend them and touch her. "I didn't come by just to check if you guys were okay. I mean, yes, I got a little concerned, but I knew that you would be fine. It's just – and I know it's kind of pathetic – Emma was my only grown-up friend. And Terri wasn't much of a listener, but at least I could babble at her, and that helped. Now all I have is the kids, and I really should stop letting them know details of my private life."

Shelby's eyebrow quirked up with her lips as she responded dryly, "Well, I have most of my conversations with a six month old and I shared my life's most painful and private story with a 18-year-old student and relied on him to be there for me. So trust me, I don't judge."

"I just really need a friend right now," he confessed, and as he stared into her eyes awaiting a reaction, he knew his face was so hopeful that he probably looked like an abandoned puppy. Shelby just turned her eyes away and fidgeted, clearly not as eager about a relationship as he was, and he sighed, disheartened. "But you're not on board. We're not even competition anymore."

"I already told you, you weren't competition to begin with," she retorted, a teasing glint in her eyes. It disappeared and her lips thinned as she explained, "And it's not that. I worry about the kids."

"McKinley's or Carmel's?" Will frowned, not following.

"Quinn, Noah and Rachel. Especially Rachel."

"She never told anybody how things turned out between the two of you. Or Jesse. She just shut down about it. Are things…okay?"

"No," she responded, her cheeks flushing slightly from embarrassment, which he would have thought was beautiful if they weren't discussing something so somber. "I don't know how to bring her around and make up for how much I hurt her. And to give her what she needs and what she wants. Before, I couldn't, because there was just nothing to give. Now that I'm pulling myself back up, and learning how to give, I just don't know how to get to her without causing more problem. There's no guarantee I won't fail her again. I surely have no conditions of dealing with the demands of a teenager. And I know she is still upset about Beth." Shelby pulled her legs up against her chest, making Will wonder if she was trying to create a barrier between the two.

"You just have to show her that Beth is not a replacement for her."

"Well, but she is. I know it's abominable, but how is it not, Will? The daughter I wanted couldn't be mine, so I just went and took somebody else's."

"You didn't take anything, Shelby." Will protested, getting a little frustrated at her. "Those kids couldn't handle it and they chose you because they trust you. They knew you'd love her, and you do."

"Them," she corrected pointedly. "I love both of my daughters. And every single moment I had with them, even the painful ones with Rachel or when Beth is a little monster that makes me want to rip my hair out, were the most memorable moments of my life; the ones in which I felt truly alive, and connected, and human. But I also feel scared, insecure, inadequate…loathsome even." Shelby took her fingers and brushed her forehead diffidently; her focus seemed far away.

Will moved closer to her in the couch and engulfed her in his arms. She was shivering, and he wished he knew what to say. Anything that occurred to him just sounded weak, cliché and not really effective at all. She seemed broken and he couldn't really do anything about it. There was nothing concrete to do, changing her perception of herself was a long process and it depended on Shelby trusting that she was a good mother to Beth by herself, because as he saw it, she wasn't really doing anything wrong and realizing that she was flawed didn't turn her into a despicable human being.

Rachel was a whole different thing, and Shelby might have been right on her trail of thought. Their connection was like a sandcastle. One wrong move and the entire thing would crumble down, taking their hearts with it. It was dangerous to both of their already fragile emotional states, and she had every reason to be frightened. His marriage had played in the same way, except Terri was an adult, with real issues that needed addressing, and Rachel was a kid who had done nothing wrong. He had needed to do something, anything. Shelby could choose to leave Rachel alone forever, though it wouldn't be good to go on like this, paralyzed. It was just going to cement the wound, not heal it. But for now, he didn't have an answer, he didn't have an out, he could merely sit there and hold her.

"See? That's why you need a friend." He felt her smile a little into his chest and, though she couldn't see the effect her private smile had on him, he was grinning like a little boy. "We'll detangle ourselves from this mess. I don't know how, but we'll be okay. And the kids will be okay. We're gonna come through for them. You are Shelby Corcoran– no one thought you going to take Nationals with a routine in which the kids danced solely on their hands." She laughed at that and his pounding heart's pace increased at the sound. "You pull off the impossible and you do it brilliantly. You'll be fine."

He let himself cherish that moment, even though he knew it was wrong. She was hurting. But ever since things ended with Emma, he had been missing feeling the warm of a body against him and she smelled like lavender and baby powder. Her hand was wrapped around his elbow and through the fabric he could feel her delicate touch. Will was raising his hand to brush a lock of hair out of her face when she shifted under his embrace. Suddenly she literally pushed herself away from him and though she was still only sitting a couple of inches away, she somehow made it feel as though the entire room had filled the space between them. His eyebrows drew together as he watched her, and he could swear he could see her harden in front of him. But he wasn't buying it, even when she said impassively, "Maybe next time you do that there'll be some heads up?"

"No problem," he laughed, but his kind expression was more sympathetic than amused. Shelby had the personal space of an elephant. He remembered the crowd closing in on her in the market and how vulnerable she looked, and it dawned on him that he was lucky that she had allowed him to hug for more than a split second without slapping him into next week. It was more evidence that the light afternoon coffee he had imagined really was a failure. He dragged himself here, though it felt improper, and broke her into pieces with all that confession stuff.

He still wanted to be her friend though. He liked her density and the way she thought, even if she was using it mostly to berate herself of lately. She was also the best conversationalist; she could talk, talk and talk, but he knew she was all ears when it was his time. She was as intricate as a spider web with all its complexities, challenging his expectations at every turn, while still remaining reliable. He wondered how he could convey all that into words.

"Thank you, Will. Thanks for wanting to be my friend," she murmured, playing with her nails. After this soft-spoken expression of gratitude, he was slightly taken aback when she filled with sudden resolve, looked right at him and asked, "Coffee next Saturday?"

But of course, she had to go and do it perfectly.


	3. Difficult and Dangerous Times

**A/N: **I'm so sorry this took such a long time to be posted. I decided to have a social life and it got in the way. I promise it won't happen again, lol.

Thanks to everybody who reviewed last chapter. I love, love, love the reviews and can never get enough of your inputs. Also, it warms my heart big time to know that I'm not alone with my love of Shelby, Idina and Shell.

**Difficult and Dangerous Times**

Will was parked on the side of the road, roughly at the same spot where he experienced the Journey epiphany all those months back. The radio was off and he wasn't really expecting an illumination moment. This time around, he was building courage. It was a Tuesday.

Although there was no establish rule of when he could or couldn't call Shelby, they had been meeting on weekends. Will didn't want to push her buttons, because Shelby was unpredictable. But Will necessitated her advice.

Nervously taking the cell phone to his ear, he waited, hearing it ring.

"Hello?" She seemed calm and relaxed, he thought optimistically.

"Hi, Shelby. It's Will."

"Hey, how are you?"

"Ah, okay. Kind of. Would it be all right if I stopped by?"

"Sure, but Mary already left, so we might get interrupted by Beth. A lot." She laughed a little. She wasn't mad! Will was so relieved that he smiled.

"No problem."

Will followed Shelby into Beth's nursery. He hadn't been in there before, so he took some time to assimilate every detail. This room was so much bigger than his craft room. In all honesty, everything in Shelby's house was bigger and better. He had presumed the place to be all pink and full of stuffed animals and dolls, because that's exactly how Terri would do it, but it was a little more low-key, elegant. White, with some very light yellow. Everything was pastel and soft, the few dolls looked imported. It was classy and soothing.

"I loved your decoration. I'm already calming down."

She frowned at that. "You were nervous?"

"Angry."

Shelby straightened up a pile of bookmarked childcare books on an end table before signaling for him to join her in the couch. She had huge comfy sofas spread through the whole house and he always found her like this, languishing in one of them. He sat on the floor, though. He had no idea why, it was an impulse.

"Did your kids ever get picked on?"

"What are we talking about here?"

"Were they ever bullied?"

"Will, have you met me?" she asked rhetorically, a humorous glint in her eyes. "Yes, they have been bullied, by me, a lot."

"I don't mean it like that," he chuckled. "You are never aggressive or truly vicious."

She wasn't? Shelby genuinely wondered about this a lot. Had she never crossed the line? She was able to cite a few occasions in which it felt like she did. Disregarding her self-condemning trail of thought and focusing back on Will, she merely shrugged. "The Vocal Adrenaline performers rule that school. I don't think any of them are likely to be picked on."

Of course, there were some intimidation tactics she was biased to, and malicious stories about her and her behavior she had all too willingly fueled over the years. Perception was everything, and she was the queen of masquerade. However she didn't feel comfortable confessing those things to him in the least. How could she explain, for example, that she had let people think and accuse her of being behind Rachel's egging?

"You haven't told me yet what this is about." She tried to pull that conversation into another direction. A direction that wasn't about her. Shelby could feel a knot form in her stomach as she felt Will push against her barriers. The problem was, he looked so lost and she already liked him so much, it was easy for her to just let him.

"The jocks keep slushie-ing the kids. Tina had a cold this week and after being hit, she broke into a fever this morning. The doctors suspect pneumonia. It's already so serious and so wrong, but those kids have no idea how much harm they can do sometimes and they simply don't care."

Will's built-up anger had burst through him. He didn't mean to, but it was almost a relief. Except his voice had gone up and his tone was so frustrated, he was afraid he might have scared Shelby. He steadied his breath and looked up at her, concerned, but she seemed to still be unaffected.

"What's slushie-ing?"

Will laughed humorlessly, feeling silly that he hadn't explained this ridiculous trend that he apparently becoming was immune to, which was part of the problem to begin with. He just didn't have a solution, and it was driving him crazy. "Throwing slushies at someone's face."

"Like the drink? That's sick. And that happens all the time?"

Will nodded, getting a little flustered again. "It's so bad, Rachel, Kurt, Mercedes, and the other less-popular kids have to keep spare clothes and shampoo in their locker."

Shelby was livid. Rachel was being bullied? This badly bullied? She was so disturbed, she didn't even break into reflecting on what it said of her, as a mother, that she didn't know about this at all and wasn't there for her, which was becoming a typical train of thought.

Will looked up at her, waiting for some validation here. He's been beside himself all day at McKinley because it seemed like he was the only one that took this seriously, which was a constant source of irritation. His students had been threatened of expulsion because of the Glist and slashed tires, but this veiled form of physical violence simply slipped under the radar.

Shelby understood how he felt though, she had been there. And she didn't want him to feel like he was alone with this agonizing matter. Taking a deep breath, she readied herself to share a story that she had never told anyone before.

"My first year in Vocal Adrenaline, I had this student called Alexandra. She was _amazing_. She is an understudy on Broadway today, actually. Tzeitel, in Fiddler on the Roof." She couldn't resist a proud smile, which faded along with the focus of her eyes as she continued. "But she was a transfer from this posh boarding school at Texas, an all-girls academy. She had to come home because her father got sick with cancer, and of course she didn't fit in at all. She just wasn't Carmel High material. She was used to an uniform, good manners classes, debating societies being awesome, and god, boys were something so totally out of her grasp. She auditioned and got in VA, with all the merit, but she thought the choir was something completely different. She was a chamber choir singer and a classical ballerina, so it took her a while to acquire a taste for show faces and jazz hands. I was so focused in breaking her in and pushing the club up that I wasn't really paying attention to her, until this one day I found her sitting in the dark in the auditorium, shaking. I sat next to her, not really knowing what to do; my experience with kids was still so limited and I hadn't really mastered the soft/hard duality of being a teacher yet. So I just imagined that girl was my little sister Meredith. . I sat in silence with her for a big while, because that was what my sister and I did when we were upset: we sat with each other, in silence. Eventually, I told her that she could tell me anything, and that I would try really hard not be an adult to her. She revealed to me how some boys had cornered her after school hours and this boy Brad or Jack or something, had copped a feel while the others held her and laughed. They called her names, and one of them had given her a bruise in her left arm. This is shitty in any case, you know? But this girl was not in the sex territory, so I knew she had to be freaking out twice as much. Besides, it was a serious assault inside school premises and I was privy to the information. As the responsible adult, what do I do? You can report it, but the kids won't be too happy with you because it will be even more humiliating and they will feel even more helpless, and the bullying might escalate. In the end, you can't call CSI in, it's the word of the accuser against the word of the accused, and can you ever be certain the kids will have the courage to step forward? It's terrifying."

"What did you do?" Will was so focused on her that he could have bored holes into her skin. This story – her notes on it – he felt like she was reading his mind. She got this on a deeper level, and not even Emma could have talked to him like this.

"I spent days thinking it over, so agitated I couldn't sit still for more than two minutes at a time because my mind was working so furiously. Finally, I gathered the team. We were sixteen back then, my golden era hadn't quite begun yet. I sat them in a circle on the stage and asked them to each tell me one bad thing that had been done to them, even if was minor and how that felt. Of course, nobody volunteered, so I went first. I had this impressive story about some guy who had tried to force himself in a bathroom stall. It wasn't a lie, not completely. But it didn't happen in high school at all; it happened years later in some club in New York. I was big girl and I kicked that guy's ass. But it worked, because the kids started talking and I was horrified about the shit going on silently in that school, Will. The things they hide and let eat them away. I mean, I got a lot of whining about bad break-ups, bad boyfriends and girlfriends, incomprehensive parents, absent parents, but then there were kids being picked on, crude nicknames, gum being put in clothes and hair, people who were spit at, you name it. They regarded the word 'bullying' as normal, inevitable even. So I started to talk to them about the concept of _abuse_, because they seemed to think it only applied to sexual violence and battery and but I wanted them to grasp stuff like moral harassment as serious things. I told them VA was to be a family, a safe place, and that I was always there for them, but that wasn't going to be enough; they needed to be there for each other. And not subtly, I encouraged them to get united to face these things, especially at school. I didn't mean for my pep talk to be ambiguous, but what did I want, really? In the end, if I am sincere, I know I was pushing for the kids to become bullies themselves too. I just wanted retribution after that meeting. I was just so angry at the unfairness of it all, I might have been a little too caught up to fully realize they were impressionable kids, picking up on my mood."

"But I don't want to teach the kids to be like that."

Shelby felt so exposed she couldn't even meet his eyes. That was a dark side of her that she had been horrified about at the time, and still was. She had started regretting the decision to open up to him, fearing completely that he would be disgusted with her and walk out on their still blossoming camaraderie. Either way, she couldn't leave it at that. She had to at least explain herself properly.

"I know, and consciously I didn't either. Nonetheless I was secretly gunning down for blood and not really thinking like an educator. And it wasn't without consequence. That kid Brad or whatever the hell his name was, he was assaulted while leaving a party a while after. He left school. I knew what had happened and I kept quiet. I still carry that on my back and it repulses me to no end. I pulled the brakes on my kids and tried to convince them to burn all that hatred energy in Glee. That was when I started rehearsing them six, seven hours a day. To protect them – and to protect people from them – I would keep them locked in a room and exhaust them. If I noticed something off, I asked for a talk, but mostly they started talking to each other. I turned that meeting into a regular thing. We would sit and talk about the bad things that happened in our week and how we felt about them. It didn't have to be melodrama—I had a few students over the years who came out about their sexuality, I let them talk about how much they hated the others teachers… I let them have some private meetings without me and I never asked anyone to tell me what was talked about. That's how I did it. Still do it, actually. They get that I have a baby now, but I let them come by one Saturday a month, and I trust them to keep it up without me. And though it's not much, I think they became healthier, less insecure and happier teens. They can be little shitheads from time to time, but I showed them other outs and mostly they use it."

Shelby had been focusing on her hands throughout the whole monologue and she kept staring down, almost being able to sell that she was truly entranced with her twisting fingers. Her throat felt so dry all of a sudden, she just wanted to run down the stairs and drink a whole bottle of water.

"So, your very long advice…it's to try and make them be there for each other?" Will raised his eyebrows at her, and she didn't know if he was teasing her or really was just lost. Either way, she felt a little frustrated.

"No, my very long advice is to find the solution that will get them protected but won't compromise your integrity and dignity. Or theirs. And I'm sorry if I babbled."

"You didn't, at all. Thank you so much for that."

Will reached out and grabbed her hand. Shelby was feeling a little nauseated to have talked about all that, so she curled up and focused on breathing, on not thinking. That conversation felt like a detox. She felt Will caress her hand, rubbing little circles at her palm with his finger and gave him a faint smile.

"Did I help?" she asked. She sounded tired.

Will smiled kindly at her. She looked so small, he would never have brought it up if he knew it would harm her to talk about it like it seemed to. She could have been vague and equally wise, but he was grateful she had been so sincere. As he sat there in her daughter's room, that little girl that it was almost his to love and raise, he felt naked. And his soul was already bruised, and this week's event was taking its toll too. He sought counsel, but she gave him so much more. She gave him friendship. She shared, and though it wasn't in her best interest at all, she let him in. He was appreciative more then she could ever be aware, more then he could ever tell her. So he just pated her soft skin fondly and sat in silence with her.

Almost a half an hour later, Shelby squeezed his hand and Will looked up. His gaze had wandered away from her to Beth sleeping but didn't let go of Shelby and never stopped caressing her hand with his thumb. Maybe she thought it was time for him to go, he imagined.

But Shelby had been quiet because she felt overwhelmed. The way he kept holding on to her and comforting her so subtly felt so nice and she just didn't want to break it off. However, she was feeling better, and since she felt guilty for doing most of the talking and then getting despondent, she was actually trying to give him some attention.

"Do you want to talk about anything bad that somebody did to you?"

Will was shocked by this for a flash. The he blinked the surprise away and lifted himself to the spot next to her. "As a matter of fact, yes."

Will took his shoes off, curling around her a little. They snuggled closer, so close they were almost touching, but not quite. And Will told Shelby everything about Terri and the fake pregnancy.


	4. Follow If You Lead

A/N: Ok, so let me explain some things. First of all, the ending of last chapter was never meant to be a cliffhanger. I never intended to show Will telling the story, mostly because we all know the story. So this chapter does not pick up where the other left. Please don't kill me guys, I promise I'll try to insert a piece explaining how Shelby reacted to it later on.

Second, this chapter is actually totally devoid of Will. I hope you will like it anyway. It's one of my beta favorites. :) So I just want to thank her again for the amazing work she's been doing. Specially for pretending she's rolling her eyes back home every time she cuts a line and I put it right back (sorry NastElilBuggr, but once again, I did that a lot. Don't kill me!).

Last, and most importantly, I would like to once again thank everybody who has dropped their thoughts. Reviews warm my heart. :D

* * *

**Follow If You Lead **

Shelby sat in her car, looking fixatedly at her recently painted nails. She had spent the last five minutes contemplating if purple was a good color for her, if it was appropriate for a mother to be using that and all sort of considerations that had little to do with her neuroses with appearance. She had to distract her brain from the fact that she didn't know what to do at all. Nevertheless, she had to do it anyway.

The ring of the bell stirred her, and Shelby dispiritedly walked from the car, fidgeting all the way to the side doors of McKinley High. She passed Sandy Ryerson while he handed a suspicious package to a student and immediately went on a ramble inside her head about how unsafe that school was. She got in and walked the corridors without anybody even sparing her a look.

She was lucky enough to have only morning classes on Wednesdays and Fridays this year, which usually meant that she could rush off at lunchtime and go home to Beth. Today, however, she had called Mary to stay a little longer because there was something she had to do. Shelby's plan was to get to Will's office and have him point her to where she needed to go, but while she tried to make her way to that little closet he called his office, she heard someone call her name. Turning, she found herself opposite of the single individual in the universe she would go out of her way to avoid: the mother of her child.

"Hi, Quinn." She should say more, yet she didn't know what to say. 'How are you doing?' had double meaning and a cruel punch to it. 'Nice to see you again' was total bullshit.

"Hi, Miss Corcoran. What are you doing here? Is something wrong with Beth?"

"Oh no, sweetie. Everything is fine." Shelby scolded herself for calling the girl 'sweetie', though it wasn't really a big deal. Shelby called her students that all the time. "I'm looking for Rachel."

Quinn gave her an admonishing look, and Shelby unwittingly took a step back and wrapped her arm around her waist protectively.

"You really hurt her, Miss Corcoran. I felt bad for her and I don't even like her."

Shelby tensed to that comment. It was difficult to grasp why Rachel seemed to be so disliked in this school, to the point that people who seemed so close to her like Quinn wouldn't even make the effort to befriend her. If she was aware of this when she sent Jesse, of how much he would mean to Rachel, even if he didn't resort to seducing her in the end, she would never have done it.

"I know." Shelby acquiesced simply, playing with one of her sleeves to avoid facing Quinn. She felt defensive but not quite so much to elucidate to Quinn that even if the blond girl did have a point, this wasn't really of her god damn business. She forced a contrived conciliatory smile onto her face and was already striding away, but regretted her hostile attitude towards the girl and paused mid-step. "Quinn, Beth's adoption was an open adoption. As somebody who has a lot of regrets over all of the things I missed about my daughter's life, I seriously recommend you don't completely cut yourself out. You and Noah are welcome in my house anytime."

"That would just make everything harder, Miss Corcoran. You're not a glorified nanny that will raise her while Puck and I make lives for ourselves. You're her mom, and there's only space for one mother in her life. What will that make me?" Shelby was dumbfounded to have a sixteen-year-old girl addressing the complex issues she had been struggling with, but if even she was relieved that Quinn didn't mean to make herself a tormentor in her already self-doubting mind, she was crestfallen for her. She seemed like a fantastic kid who didn't deserve to become like Shelby.

"If you don't want to visit, that's okay. But I can send photos maybe, if you want. Let you know she is fine. Let you know who she is becoming."

"I have to think about that." Now Quinn was the one playing with her clothes to avoid her, and somehow knowing that she shared a nervous habit with her daughter's biological mother made her feel a little more like a part of her child.

Shelby once again just nodded at her, wanting to address this further, but not willing to push Quinn, who by all means was barely more than a stranger. On top of that, she had had her own agenda coming down to McKinley and she should focus on that.

Shelby once again just nodded. "And if you could pass the message along to Noah…"

"I will."

Quinn's face was almost impassive, but she wasn't anywhere nearly as good as Shelby in putting up an appearance, and her mask was easily slipping. Underneath it, Shelby could see pain. The kind of pain that you didn't usually see in a teenager's face. That you shouldn't see, ever. She should have tried to console the girl, but her instinct was to just flee.

"Well, you have my number."

"Thank you, Miss Corcoran."

Shelby tried to walk around the teenager to get away, but Quinn grabbed her elbow kindly and stalled her. Shelby felt herself shudder under her touch, the uneasiness of the moment knocking her off her possessiveness.

"Rachel's locker is that way." Quinn pointed to opposite side Shelby was trying to off herself too, and the older woman felt grateful, but still couldn't bring herself to relax. "Turn right, and then left."

Shelby just thanked her again and made herself walk away, unhappiness filling her. She hoped the girl would have a good life, devoid of regrets. She could see a lot of herself in Quinn, but sadly it wasn't the best of her that she saw.

She tried to put the whole encounter away on her mind at once and just focus on finding her daughter before she stepped into a class or something. Shelby couldn't just take her out of a school activity. Technically, Shelby couldn't take her anywhere, period, and what she was planning would pretty much qualify as kidnapping if Rachel's fathers found out.

It hurt that the simple act of taking a child that grew inside of her, that was half hers, to have a meal could be met with a season of coaching the choir of _Jailhouse Blues_. It hurt her that she had put herself in this own miserable mess, but at the same time, she knew that had the Berry's never crossed her path, Rachel wouldn't be hers. She wouldn't exist. And that would be worst.

When she finally turned the corner, Shelby was immediately in shock. Some timing she had. Rachel was indeed standing by her locker, something blue dripping from her face and hair into her clothes. Shelby's pace doubled as she rushed toward Rachel, before she purposefully bumped into a couple of cheerleaders who were loudly laughing at her daughter's expense. Right away, she went into Coach Corcoran mode and coldly stared down the students, her fierce glare focusing on the uniformed girls holding the drink cups.

"I wonder how hilarious you'll find this when she presses charges against you for assault," she said to the girls coldly. "I think Sue Sylvester will delight in ripping you apart limb by limb for earning her free publicity in the criminal pages and that her fury plus a criminal record will likely earn you a sweet time waitressing in Applebee's. Not that you're going to be considered as qualified for that, but I'm an optimistic person."

The laughter ceased at once and the arching of an eyebrow sent them all packing in different directions, colliding into each other in a complete disarray to get away from her.

Once the intimidated teenagers fled, the hallway became silent, and as Rachel occupied herself with getting her clothes out of the locker to change Shelby took some time pretending she was examining the floor.

"Thank you for that, but it wasn't really necessary." Rachel's voice was barely above a whisper, and if the older woman hadn't just cleared the hall she wouldn't have heard it.

"Well, I need to have a conversation with you, and I didn't want an audience." Shelby tried to be nonchalant, but it just came out wrong. So she took a deep breath and softened.

"Do you want help with that?"

"No." Rachel didn't look at her as she wiped her dripping face with a blue- and purple-stained towel from her locker. She couldn't hide the sniffle that escaped before she emotionlessly asked, "What do you want to talk to me about?"

Shelby swallowed hard at Rachel's coldness. She shouldn't expect anything else, really, but Rachel had never been cold to her before. She was always the one pushing her daughter away, while Rachel was the one hopefully and idealistically trying to push in. The reversal was devastating. She had prayed she would be lucky, and it wouldn't be so hard. She should have counted on the fact that her prayers had always been in vain.

"Not here. It's lunch time. Can we go somewhere? Do you have classes now?"

"No." That was kind of lie. Rachel had Model UN. But she was now curious about whatever it was that Shelby wanted. The girl had imagined she would never see her mother again— not until next Regionals anyway. What on earth was she doing at her school in the middle of the day?

Despite the girl's tentativeness, Shelby warily followed Rachel into the bathroom and when the girl leaned in the sink to wash her hair, she instinctively jumped to give her a hand.

"It's okay. I got it."

"Well, it will be much cleaner and faster if I do it, Rachel." After a pensive moment, Rachel nodded, consenting.

Shelby stole a look at the shampoo: jasmine. She smiled to herself, flooded with the simple joy of knowing what kind of shampoo her daughter used.

Shelby carefully maneuvered her hands between her baby's dark tresses, trying hard not to cry at the thought that not only it had been sixteen years before she ever got to do that, it was fairly likely she would never get that chance again. Rachel was so tense Shelby got afraid she might be hurting her.

"Is this okay?"

"Yes." Rachel whispered back to her, and Shelby tried to relax so that her daughter would too. Eventually she felt Rachel mellow under her hands, but by then she was almost done. Trying to make this longer would only make it riskier for her to get caught, and since Rachel always got a ride from her fathers, she wouldn't have many opportunities to carry on with this, even less so if she was caught trying to sneak a minor out of school property without permission from her legal parents.

Rachel got up and faced her in the mirror. She looked miserable and Shelby felt her heart wrench so badly she had to look away.

"I'll give you some privacy to change. And then, if it's all right, I'd like to take you somewhere for proper food. I'll have you back in time."

"Okay," Rachel answered simply, facing her with that demanding energy that made Shelby's legs almost buckle.

Rachel decided to be quick, because apparently that was the only way she would be granted with clarification, and less than ten minutes later Shelby hurriedly escorted her through the parking lot and into her SVU. Rachel was also aware that it was definitely against school rules for students to leave campus during school hours unless accompanied by a legal guardian, and despite the fact that she was her mother, Shelby definitely didn't fit that description. But somehow - even after everything Shelby had done - it felt right.

Rachel and Shelby both held their menus high, acting as if they were very engrossed in it even though they both had already picked what they wanted to eat. Finally, the waiter approached and they had to drop the act.

"Can I take your orders?"

"I'll have the vegan pasta and a club soda." Rachel answered a little more elatedly than she would have like. The vegetarian options in McKinley were terrible, and she tried not to take her own lunch to school so she wouldn't have one more reason be humiliated. So eating an actually decent meal, in the restaurant that was basically the fanciest and most expensive of that part of town, made her bounce a little with contentment. The fact that it was the very first lunch she would ever share with her mother didn't exactly subdue her either.

"I'll have the Caesar salad and a glass of the Pinot Grigio." Shelby stated modestly, trying not to show that she had picked on Rachel's sudden almost cheerful demeanor and that it made her heart melt.

"So, here we are."

"Here we are."

Shelby shifted in her seat, twiddling with the golden necklace she was wearing. Suddenly, all words evaded her. And she needed so many of them. It was just so overwhelming, the temptation of putting her walls back up and going home to curl up around Beth's little body was almost too great. But she couldn't.

"Do your parents know you're bullied?" Wrong again - she berated herself right away. Her IQ must have taken a walk today, she mused.

Rachel didn't answer, defensive and angry now. "Shelby, what do you want?"

"Let me start from the beginning, okay? And let's establish that the beginning is Regionals, because I feel I have a lot of explaining to do from that day."

"Like you going and adopting Beth?"

Shelby drew another gulp of air; she knew she couldn't repeat to Rachel what she had said to Will. She had those doubts disturbing her, but they were not for Rachel to have to comprehend. She would be too wounded, with reason. Shelby waited until their server dropped off their drinks and walked away before she tried explaining herself.

"I was unhappy, Rachel. Miserable. Things that used to bring me joy like hanging with my students or winning competitions only brought out aloofness. I could find a shrink and start the Prozac, or I could try to fix myself. Going after you was a mistake, even if was an honest mistake. I felt so ecstatic when I watched you perform. I experienced joy in a way I hadn't known was possible for me anymore. I didn't stop to think that it wasn't right. First, because you were not mine to claim. You were not life that sprung from me; you were life I intentionally created for somebody else. And you and your fathers shouldn't have paid for my emotions overriding my reason in that matter. It was wrongful of me, and greedy. Selfish. Second, I didn't think of you as a person, with a personality and the needs that you might have. Needs that were different than mine. You don't need a parent, Rachel. You don't. A female role model, yeah. A mentor, maybe, or a friend. But I've spent the last ten years being a role model, a mentor, and some kind of friend to young girls and boys who also weren't mine to claim and trust me when I say that with those things a genetic bond won't make a difference. Eventually, you would be gone, and a part of me would be gone with you. Except you are my daughter, and it would be too big a part to lose again. So, I'm sorry that I declined your offer. But I just can't do it. You might not get this, but as unhappy as I was, I couldn't offer you anything. And since nothing you could give me would be what I was craving, I would just resent you and harm you, Rachel."

"What changed now? Beth? Is she what you needed?"

"Yes and no. You're what I needed, Rachel. It took you for me to realize I had to change my life, urgently. It was the fact that I couldn't bond to you, not in any capacity, that made me want to turn things around and get myself a new life. I'm not going to downplay the importance of Beth, because you're smart and you're not a little child. I needed someone to love, yes, but I needed someone who would love me. I needed to be needed and loved, and not to come home to an empty house with an empty heart anymore. But if you can, don't resent her. It's because I have Beth that I'm becoming the kind of person that can offer you something."

"You don't want to be my mentor and you don't want to be my friend. You can't be my mother because you won't…can't…claim me as yours. So what are you offering me, Shelby?"

"I had a conversation with Will the other day that really stuck with me."

"Wait— Mr. Schuester? Mr. Schue went to talk to you about me? How dare he?"

"Wait, Rachel. No. I'm sorry, I thought he had mentioned. But then again, of course he didn't, I told him not to. Will and I are friends. We meet, we talk. It just happened that he was upset about something that occurred with one of your friends and we talked about it and you were mentioned. But he didn't mean anything."

"So he's been talking about Glee club with the enemy." Shelby jumped at her harsh choice of words. "Reassuring."

"Well, if it makes you feel any better about the fact that Will and I – two adults that don't owe explanations to anybody – get together sometimes to have coffee and talk, you should know that I left Vocal Adrenaline." Shelby knew she had sounded tough and bitter, but now she just couldn't take her tone back. Rachel had lots of reasons to be pissed at her, but she was not going to dictate to whom she was allowed to communicate.

She wasn't sure if the reason she had snapped at Rachel when she had been able to let Quinn's offense slide through her was because of Rachel's resentful and outraged tone - and being who she was, that had pushed Shelby's buttons quite effectively - or if it was the fact that Rachel had resorted to picking on her relationship with Will, one of the few good things in Shelby's life, and try to make it seem nasty. Maybe it was both.

Rachel looked down, visibly hurt by her harshness. Shelby felt a lump at her throat but decided to just finish saying her piece already before they found more motives to argue.

"Will told me you were being bullied. And as I was telling him about something that I did for my students, it occurred to me that maybe nobody had done such a thing to you. To offer you a safe haven where you could talk about things; get them off your chest, without fear of reactions and consequences. I found with Will that talking can be very helpful and that bullying or no bullying, teen drama or not, nobody should feel alone."

"I talk to my therapist."

Shelby stopped dead in her tracks. A therapist? Was this serious? She didn't foresee that at all, but how could she imagine that a sixteen-year-old child was already in therapy? No wonder she acted so grown up.

"Well, that's good." It was all Shelby could muster. The food came and they ate in silence, staring at opposite beige walls like they were fascinating.

Rachel was confused, but as far as she could grasp Shelby had been worried about her being bullied and lonely. And she couldn't quite decide if that meant something concrete, because Shelby was too complex for even her to comprehend. Shelby, on her part, was just furious with herself, once again auditioning for a place in her daughter's life that was already taken. She just wanted to get the hell out of here and forget this latest humiliation.

"When I was dating Jesse…" Rachel started abruptly, and Shelby felt her face burn. Did she have to bring up Jesse? That was one of her top regrets. "We got to the point where he wanted to… go to another level and I wasn't sure I wanted it too."

Shelby's mind started to panic. Another level? Was she talking about sex? Did Jesse try to have sex with her? She felt like she had been punched in the face multiple times. And since she hadn't really, when she got home she would get around to that. And when she was finishing punching herself, she would hunt Jesse down in LA and tear his vocal cords out with her bare hands.

Shelby just nodded in understanding, forcing her expression to remain calm. This was good and she didn't want to screw it up with her own turmoil.

"So I tried talking to Ms. Pillsbury." Will's freaking ex-girlfriend? Okay, now Rachel was just adding insult to injury. "But she wasn't helpful at all. I actually think she's a virgin too. And then I talked to the girls in Glee, but they were just mean. I was really at a loss and almost did something I might have regretted."

Shelby couldn't avoid when her eyes just shot open and she gagged around her next words. "Have sex? With Jesse?" He was so dead. She almost pulled out her phone to arrange a visit with him that would result in his murder, but she resisted as she watched Rachel poke at her pasta with her fork, clearly embarrassed.

"That's not the type of thing I want to address with my therapist."

"If you ever want to talk to me, about anything, not just that, I'll be there. Maybe you could come over and…and we could talk. It would be good if we had some sort of routine though, you know? Otherwise we'll just both have anxiety about when the other will call or show up. A fixed appointment will just give us more solid ground. If that's all right with you."

Rachel was still for a moment, and as she waited for a response Shelby felt as though she was going to pop from apprehension.

"Yeah, I think I could be okay with seeing you, to talk, once a week," Rachel answered quietly, but there was a hint of bliss and anticipation at her face that made Shelby go high on happiness like it was crack.

"Great. Which day do you want?"

"Saturday is best for me." Shelby grimaced at that. "But we could change."

"No, it's fine. Saturday is good. It's just that Will is usually over, but I'll just move him." Rachel looked very preoccupied. "Rachel, it's fine. Will doesn't need a day. In fact, he's been showing up whenever these days. How does the morning work for you? I can get the nanny to do an extra morning and we could have complete peace."

"Nine is okay?"

"Nine is perfect." Shelby took her scheduler out and scribbled Rachel on Saturday, putting "Buy vegan snacks and soy milk" and "Talk to Mary" under it.

The duo exchanged nervous smiles, and though she knew that they were still so far away from bonding like they wanted, Shelby thought that this was a pretty good start.

* * *

**A/N: A little curious fact: when I started writing this fic, it was supposed to be a Rachel/Shelby fic. I just put Will in there because I wanted him to bring them together. But I fell in love with Shell. And the fic became about them. Even so, we'll have Rachel around a lot. She'll be a big part of this story. So, I hope you liked the chapter. **


	5. Gorgeous

**A/N: **So I'm back, and so is Will. :D I loved writing this chapter, I hope you'll love reading it too.

Thank you so much everybody who reviewed. I get so happy every time I get a review alert! Over 30 reviews! Let's see if we can manage 50. :) I sure hope so.

**Gorgeous**

It was a bright sunny day. One of those that made you feel like you are in The Sound of Music, if only you're enough of a fan of musical cinema to be drawn into such parallels. A lot of people gathered at the lawn in the park around Will and Shelby, who had decided that it was a good day for a picnic. Shelby was lying down on their blankets, reading a book, while Will was doing airplanes with little Beth, whose laugher was perfectly high pitched to entice nothing but enjoyment from the duo.

Shelby stole a look at them, feeling a twitch at the pit of her stomach. She had been so devastated for Will when he told her about what his wife had done. She had tried talking to him about the despair Terri might have been feeling, tried to put it in his head that although she thought he was completely entitled to be pissed, he wasn't the only victim of their divorce. But the truth was that she could try and be reasonable and wise for him because it seemed like he had seriously lacked advice from someone who was unbiased in the matter, but Terri was just some woman and Will was her friend. The _Therapist Corcoran_ act was flawed by the simple fact that her heart went out for him and it wrenched at the idea that he almost spent years creating a bond with a child based upon a lie.

She had no doubt that it was possible to form the strongest of bonds with a kid that wasn't biologically yours. But if the secret had come out later, it would have ruined him in a far worse manner, not to mention what it would do to Beth.

On the other hand, she couldn't avoid feeling some anxiety over how in love with Beth Will was. She understood him. She knew what it was like to love and want to care for a child that she had no right caring for. But it made her a little uneasy, and, if she was honest, a bit jealous. It was immature and completely ludicrous of her, but did Will adore her half as much as he did her child?

Will looked down at Shelby, who quickly feigned concentration on her reading. He had been surprised at first to find out how much of a bookworm Shelby was. He remembered being amazed the day he walked into her home studio. It was in two parts, with a door in the middle.

One part was the office, which could be confused with a library easily. Shelby had literally hundreds of books about music piling up everywhere, but as he looked around, he could pick up books on philosophy, psychology, fiction, lots and lots of drama literature, history, fashion, art, and even some stuff in French and Italian. She was still to explain those to him, so he didn't know if they were not just for show yet.

The other part was an actual sound-proof studio, where she kept her musical instruments (and of course she mastered so many of them, because the extent of Shelby's musical talents were seemingly endless), recording capacity and enough space of linoleum floor that she could easily teach a dance class there. Or choreograph an entire Glee Club of 26 performers. She had shrugged and explained that Principal Lancaster didn't like when they stayed at the school on weekends, so the kids would just come over when Nationals got close and they started practicing Saturdays and Sundays too. She used to ask some of the parents over at first, afraid of what they might imagine she was doing with those kids in her house. But eventually everybody just accepted that she was trustworthy, that their children were better off being scolded by her then partying and screwing up their future, and became supportive from afar.

She did still organize parent-gatherings though. As a general rule, Shelby hated parents. But most of the Vocal Adrenaline ones were not so bad and they were big donors. They were the reason she had an unreasonably nice house for a teacher in the first place, not to mention the high maintenance life style, with all the rewards and the bonus checks she knew were not coming her way out of Lancaster enthusiasm for her work. So every three months, usually after a competition, Shelby would host a dinner party with the parents and the rest of the booster club and no kids. Sometimes it was absolutely torturous. They were all obsessed about VA and could easily spend three hours talking about that alone without a problem. But sometimes, they drank and socialized and it was actually good. Shelby couldn't complain too much when she had the rare opportunity to be amongst adults only.

Now, she wasn't in VA anymore and she wondered how her substitute would go about that. As director of the Music Department, she was seriously considering hosting a gathering after their Fall Invitational. She had to at least introduce Alicia to everybody.

Shelby looked up to Will, who seemed distracted inspecting her book cover.

"Will, do you think you could suffer through a Carmel parents meeting? Well, a Vocal Adrenaline parents gathering, actually."

Will looked at her, a little stunned.

"Shelby, I'm the enemy," he guffawed.

She cringed. That word again. It was just insulting. They were in rival schools with rival Glee Clubs. But enemy was such a powerful, strong word, it just felt like it was overbearing the importance of show choir, even if it meant so much for them and their students. It was not something that made it worth making enemies for, though Shelby had filled her quota of those too. Plus, this was different. She was spending Sunday in the park with this man, how dare he call her an enemy?

"Could we refrain from using that word? Competition, rivals, sure. Enemies, hardly. Don't you think?"

She arched that eyebrow on him, and of course he nodded yes. She was right, but he would have agreed even if she was dead wrong. The cold edge on her voice startled him a little.

"I just anticipate the environment might get a little hostile, with my departure of the chair of Art Director of Vocal Adrenaline, and I could use some moral support. You wouldn't be there as Mr. Schuester, but as Will, my good friend," she explained, still not bothering to stir her eyes away from the book, mostly because she was still a little hurt by his small-minded choice of words.

"I would love to accompany you." He smiled sincerely at her.

"Good. I'll tell you when I settle on a date."

Will came to sit beside her, putting Beth on his knees and rocking her gently, causing more sparkly giggles from the baby. Her blonde waves that were just starting to grow moved a little on her forehead and her big blueeyes were locked with his. Shelby looked at them and couldn't help but smile of joy. It was so obvious Will loved her little girl. The problem would lie on what his feelings towards her were, and vice versa, as they complicated their connection more and more each day. They had become inseparable, and sometimes it felt like they were a couple, even though they had never done something precisely romantic. Besides, Will hadn't expressed sexual attraction towards her since they made out back at the day they met. Could that day have been only a fluke?

She tried to push those thoughts aside, knowing that the stupid crush she still held for him could only mess her – them – up and focused back on her book. Which, to not to help matters, was a romance.

"You know…" Will turned to look at her. "It's dawned on me that you know almost everything about me and you still remain kind of a mystery."

"Well, that's how I like it," she snapped, but then added a huge grin. That grin, her signature playful smile, made his heart beat a little faster. Could she ever be more gorgeous then when she did that?

"No, c'mon. It's time to unravel Shelby Corcoran. You grew up here, that much I know. And I know the Rachel story."

Shelby got a little disconcerted, remembering the mini breakdown she had in his office after sneaking into New Directions' Fall Invitational to watch Rachel perform. That had been two weeks before Will came to her with his bullying problem, unknowingly prompting her to make amends with her child in the process of seeking advice. She pulled the book further up, but Will was already familiar with her habit of putting walls up, and not only was he starting to get the drill of breaking them down, but also got nothing but bemused by it.

He smiled, shifted Beth to his right arm, holding her firmly against his chest which prompted her to snuggle her tiny head in his neck, and with the other hand, he touched the delicate skin of Shelby's forearm gently.

"Where did you go to school? Can you really read in those foreign languages you pretend to read in?" Shelby mocked insult at that last one. But she had to give in to that caress and that suave voice of his, so she just put the book down and faced him, a fake pout in place.

"Of course I can speak those languages." She rolled her eyes jokingly at him. Will just chuckled back at her, fingers still stroking tenderly her arm. Shelby felt his soft touch on her skin and thought about how intimate they had quickly become. She did know a whole lot about his personal history, and she had been holding her own back. And at this point, it seemed silly. She had come to trust him so much, so why not indulge him?

"Okay, where do I start?" She sighed and placed the book by her side. "I'll start when I left. That was high school. My parents were never very wealthy and neither of them had actually gone to college, so they made my sister and me work extra hard since we were little. By the time we were finishing middle school, we were applying for scholarships to the best private schools in the country. I got accepted with a fairly decent financial aid offering for a fancy college preparatory called Choate Rosemary Hall in Connecticut. Most people there were nothing like me, and I was pretty sure I didn't want to live four years in Connecticut, but they had an amazing arts program. So I just went and happily concentrated on my music. And you know what? It wasn't that bad. I made some friends. I kind of loved the freedom of being in boarding school and being so close to New York. I got to go to Broadway with my colleagues a lot, and that was when my passion for theater got stronger. And I took a lot of trips abroad with my well-off colleagues' parents, and that's how I speak so many languages so well."

Shelby knew that it was mostly her fault that she had fallen out of touch with most of her friends from boarding school. That place had been a four year bubble, where she got to live and talk to people that were just as interested in theater and music as she was. She had loved some them, even. But being out of the bubble, she couldn't keep up with her role. Boarding school had probably been her biggest acting exercise yet, from dropping her Midwestern accent to harnessing all the aspects of the personality of Shelby Corcoran – over-talented performer with a knack for drawing attention and enlisting devotees, a venomous tongue that had led the Colorado governor's daughter to tears and putted the conceited heiress of one of New York's richest men right in her place (antics that had granted her the undisputed Queen Bee status) and girlfriend to jock (if you considered Varsity Crew a sport, but then again, Yale had been all too happy to recruit him because of it) and future millionaire John Breckenridge.

John had been her first love, her first everything. Her Finn, except with a huge trust fund and a brain to match. And he had loved her back and been the best boyfriend a girl could have asked for. He even seemed to be extremely amused by how much of an Olympic sport being the perfect boyfriend to her could be. She couldn't imagine any other teenager boy that would have found it humorous instead of creepy when she synchronized their watches or one who would allow his girlfriend to put together his class schedule in order to optimize their time together. She was almost deranged in her quirks, but he obliged. With the popularity and veneration she disposed of, it was easy for them to pretend they didn't know she was far out of his league. But that was the bubble, and it eventually burst.

"And then I graduated and went to Vassar. Majored in Drama, of course, because God prevent I could put all that elite education to some use and major in something useful like Business Administration." She rolled her eyes again, but this time there was some sadness in it and Will squinted at her, a little concerned. She just looked away, to her side, and kept going.

"Then it was New York for a while, and those were the dark times. The time when I pretty much fell out of touch with the rest of my universe, and changed personalities about 10 times, and dated the worst types. Until I was too tired, too broke, and just came home. And the rest you know, it's the Rachel story. And back to New York with renewed hope. But… nothing worked the second time either, and I became a teacher." She shrugged nonchalantly and managed to pull her eyes back at him. She hadn't told him everything, and she hoped he wouldn't notice it, because she had no disposition to talk about it now.

"What happened to your sister?" He wanted to keep her talking. She had told him a lot, but with her, he always had the feeling he was just getting the tip of the iceberg. He was.

"My sister, the little genius, got a free ride to the Swiss Alps. Then came back for Harvard. After that there was John Hopkins Med, her leaving again for Doctors without Borders, and now she just lives in Oregon. She has a research fellowship there." Shelby sounded a little annoyed, but not bitter, which sparkled Will's curiosity further.

"Wow, quite an accomplished family."

"If you want to see it like that, Will. The truth is, I failed in what I thought was my destiny, and either way, prized Show Choir Director is not what my parents hoped of me. There's only one golden child in this family and it's Mer."

"So, you guys are not friends?"

Shelby shook her head, but not as an answer; Will was getting this wrong. "I love my sister. And I like her, she's the sweetest person and the most caring sister, even if we grew apart. But she gets everything that she sets herself to, I don't. It's just how it is."

"Does she know about Rachel and Beth?"

"Yeah. I called her the same day I adopted Beth. And I kind of told her about Rachel in the same dramatic fashion I told you. It was after I said goodbye to Rach the first time around and I couldn't sleep, so I called her and asked if we could just stay in silence with each other for a second. Even if she was miles away, it comforted me. Then I broke down and told her. And she was shocked and pissed at me for not telling her for sixteen years. Afterward, she sang me a lullaby and I felt at sleep at the phone." Shelby chuckled humorlessly, a little self-conscious.

Beth started to get sleepy and Will offered her to Shelby, who settled her daughter on top of her chest, snuggling her.

Shelby closed her eyes, sensing the slight way of the baby on her and letting a smile creep on her face. She twisted her finger in one of Beth's curls. She would be eight months old soon. How had time passed so fast? All Shelby knew was the more Beth seemed to recognize her and be attached to her, the less insecure she felt. Her happiness was a growing curve that was uprising pretty well right now, and it had much to do with how whole she felt being like this, caring for Beth. She never felt more needed and wanted.

Of course it did help matters to have Will around, all attentive and loving, treating her like she was the most fascinating person on earth. Very rarely in the play _The Life of Shelby Corcoran_ could she count on such a devoted audience. Will seemed to hang onto her never ending monologues with honest consideration. That was atypical, and truth be told, it scared her a bit. But it felt so good.

Will nestled himself in Shelby's side. She was smiling, her eyelids shut and her pink lips glistening in the sun contrasting with her fair skin. Will was drawn into her and a strong yearning to kiss her snuck into him. Feeling a strong desire for Shelby wasn't new or perplexing. She was a very beautiful woman, and not common in the least. He could stare at her for days and then suddenly discover one little detail he had missed so far.

Trying to distract himself from his thoughts, Will started singing _Over the Rainbow_ to Shelby and Beth. The baby turned her little head at him, and Shelby opened her eyes just for a second, plastering an even bigger smile on. By the time he ended the tune, they were both asleep.

Will hovered over them protectively, letting himself imagine what would it be like if they were his. Letting himself pretend that they were. He considered for a moment whether or not he should try and tear Beth away from Shelby's grip so she could be more comfortable. He concluded that if he wanted to live past this day, that was a terrible idea and just let them be, picking up the book about history of jazz he had borrowed from her this morning and chewing on some of the cheese they had packed.

A quarter book later, Shelby stirred. Will subtracted Beth from Shelby's embrace carefully, but of course her eyes shot open in terror immediately. Will was ready for that, though, and he was over her within the second, shushing her.

"Sshh, It's okay, it's just me," he whispered, one hand fondling her cheek. She snuggled into his fingers, let escape a small moan of pleasure that Will didn't fail to notice.

"Beth?" she questioned, still alarmed, even if her eyes seemed intent on shutting again.

"She's fine, still asleep. I wanted you to be able to rouse without stirring her." Shelby nodded and at last managed to force her eyes open.

"How long did I doze off for?" She pulled both arms over her head, forcing Will to remove his hand in the process, and stretched.

"A little while," Will lied. She had been dead to the world for almost two hours. They had just been so peaceful that he was content to just let her go on.

"Oh, poor you. All alone in this idyllic scene." Now it was her turn to pat his cheek, and Will flushed a little. She grinned mischievously.

"Wanna eat?" he asked coyly.

"Yep." Shelby sat down and arranged the extra blankets in a smooth little mountain, where Will promptly deposited Beth. They went about their picnic, going through their impressive repertoire of small talk and half an hour later their heads were in their respective books once again but they were still conversing lightheartedly about their incredibly extensive and layered music preferences.

"Yeah, sure" Shelby answered Will distractedly, but not without a hint of sarcasm, about a comment over the merits of 90's hip hop and unceremoniously laid back down, settling her head in his lap. Will looked down at her, a little baffled. She just kept reading. Not being able to contain himself, he grinned in utter joy and feigned once again that she was his.


	6. Reach

**A/N: **I really need to apologize for how long it took me to post this chapter. It's been way too much time. Good news it that it's a really long chapter. Bad news is, no Shell. I have more to say, but I just left it for the other author note, at the end.

As always, I want to thank you all so much for all the kind reviews. And I'm always getting a few new people, which always makes me the most gleeful person in the planet! Not to mention everybody that has been sticking around since the beginning and that just make me feel so loved and happy it makes me work extra hard in this fic just to make sure you are getting the best I can offer. I just hope this is up to all of your expectations. And, I think we'll be getting to 50 reviews soon, and I'm just in the clouds! Now, enough with the babbling (I'm turning into Shelby), enjoy the chapter.

* * *

**Reach **

The melody of Swan Lake reverberated through the walls of the studio and Shelby let herself be invaded by the beauty and peace of the music for a few seconds before turning to her barre and starting plies. She really wasn't a dancer, per se. In a club, the only way she would ever stand out was because of total inability. She was clumsy, really. But ballet was another thing. She liked the structure and the discipline, and the way she could just focus on her body and how her muscles could stretch, contract and explode with energy, and how she could control all of those things. Because Shelby Corcoran was a control freak, and a proud one at that.

She rose on her right pointe and did a double spin, landing awkwardly and cursing under her breath. She was about to try it again when she heard the phone ring. She had sent Mary home early and Beth was asleep in her room, so she ran a little to get it before it startled the baby.

"Hello," she managed to articulate, a little out of breath.

"Hi, Shelby. Are you okay?" Rachel's lightly concerned voice chirped trough the phone. She had resorted back to calling Shelby by her name instead of 'Mom.' Shelby knew she should be offended or sad, but she actually felt a little more comfortable. Rachel and she were getting somewhere, finally, but she still didn't deserve the 'Mom' title and didn't know if she ever would.

"Oh, sweetie, yes. Everything is fine. I was just doing some ballet exercises. How are you doing?"

"I'm fine." Shelby noticed Rachel was hesitating. "But I wanted to show you something. I've wanted to show you it since even before I knew who you were. And now..."

Shelby frowned, a little worried.

"Well, I'm home. Stop by," she said nonchalantly and in response, there was a sharp and dramatic intake of air from her daughter as though she had been holding her breath.

"Really? Okay, I'll be there in ten," Rachel announced and promptly hung up the phone, leaving Shelby with an amused smile in her face.

Shelby had tried to use the ten minutes Rachel would take to get to her house (because the girl lived at least half an hour away, so she was either around or Shelby would break her rule of not parenting her and have a talk about speeding limits) to take a quick shower. But when she heard Beth crying on the monitor she jumped out wrapping a towel around herself and walked into the nursery dripping water everywhere, with shampoo residue still in her hair. It was the diaper, which she changed, but when she finally putted Beth in the playpen and got back under the water, the doorbell rang.

Making an executive decision, Shelby finished rinsing her hair and hoped that Rachel would manage not to explode in anxiety over being ignored at her door. Of course she knew that she was hoping in vain, if Rachel was as much like her as she thought. Shelby had always been one to throw theatrical rampages over nothing, especially when the situation made her feel insecure, as she knew Rachel still felt around her. Two minutes later, her cell began to ring. She reached for her Blackberry, which she had left it by the sink just in case, and dried her head a little before picking up.

"Hi honey."

"Hi Shelby. I'm here and..."

"I know. But I'm in the shower. Can you just wait outside for five minutes, sweetie? I'll be right down."

Shelby didn't wait for an answer before she put the phone away. Juggling two kids was quickly becoming overwhelming, but she had made a conscious decision to take as much care of Beth as she could, even with Mary around, and she wasn't going to be so mean as to tell Rachel she couldn't stop by outside of their prearranged day and time because that was not the relationship she wanted to build with her biological offspring. She might need her structure, but she also had a heart.

Rachel had come by three times already. The first time had been horrible. They sat there, not really knowing what to say or do; even small talk had been odd. Shelby was already sure Rachel would never want to return when the girl choked out that she was hungry. Shelby had sprung from the couch, berating herself for not even offering something to her, and urged Rachel towards the kitchen.

When she had laid out the options, Rachel's face lightened up like a Christmas tree. "You bought me vegan food!" she said brightly.

"Well, yes. I noticed you made a special order in the restaurant," Shelby had answered matter-of-factly. The next thing she knew was that Rachel was hugging her, arms tightly wrapped around her middle, sufficiently startling her. "Thank you," Rachel had murmured cheerfully. Shelby almost cried of sheer relief for having done one tiny thing right.

The second time, Rachel had had a difficult week at school. Apparently Will had let the kids audition for the solo performance of "Memory" from Cats upon another threat of mutiny from the others students and Kurt had swept it from under her, allegedly only because he was popular in Glee and she was, well, not.

Shelby had watched her pace nervously in front of the sofa, talking dramatically and making emphatic gestures. When she was done, Shelby had gently asked her to sit down. Then she had tried to explain to her, in a non-patronizing/parenting way, that these things happened. And if she wanted to be a star, she'd better get used to it and grow a thick skin. Rachel had nodded dejectedly and sat there with her head down for a long time, making Shelby frantic about screwing this role thing once again.

"My colleagues are mean to me," Rachel ultimately whispered out to her. Shelby had never felt so protective of anyone before that moment.

"I know," she answered calmly, because she did know. She knew a lot more than she wanted to, and yet, Rachel's little confidence broke her.

Shelby slid down the couch and sat at the tip of the seat next to Rachel so their shoulders were touching. "Do you wanna tell me about it?" she whispered encouragingly to Rachel, who nodded back in response.

"How much time do you have?" Rachel asked half hopeful, half bitter, and Shelby felt her stomach ache.

"All the time in the world." They chattered for five hours.

The third time, though, was a little happier. Rachel had shown up with a dozen outfits clutched in her arms and promptly told her she needed help getting dressed for a date. Shelby let her scatter the pieces in her bed and they went through it, but it was hopeless. She was still trying to wrap her mind around Rachel's peculiar sense of style. She had two gay dads! Shouldn't she be bearing combinations that looked cut out of Vogue? The Berrys sure had the money to afford it.

"Ok, Rach. How about we go shopping instead of doing this?" she had offered. Rachel blew into a bubble of jollity, babbling in mind-blowing speed about all the stores she liked. Shelby noted all of them in her head, making sure they would avoid them, while she ushered Rachel out and into the car.

Their shopping day had turned out great. It had been a challenge to get her daughter better outfits, while still respecting her personality. Luckily, preppy seemed to be back. By the time she pulled over at the Berrys, Rachel was bouncing up and down, full of combinations and plans in mind and Shelby had heard about every recount of Rachel and Finn's dates and fights.

Now, four days later, she was there. It was the first time Rachel had sought her out spontaneously. The ball was in her court, and Shelby was once again afraid she might kick it in the wrong direction.

"I'm so sorry, Rach." Shelby opened the door to face her daughter sitting alone on her porch, looking down at her nails. She looked so young, small and lonely that it made Shelby's heart wrench with guilt over making her wait. Rachel got up, gathering her things, and Shelby awkwardly slid an arm around her shoulders and squeezed the teenager into her, getting a small smile in return. "I wasn't supposed to take so long in the shower, but Beth kind of interrupted me. And I had already dripped soapy water over half of the second floor so I was afraid if I ran down here I'd just fall and break my head open."

Rachel nodded timidly. "It's okay. I didn't wait that long."

"Well, I still have to go up and dry the floor." She grimaced, embarrassed of how she wasn't coming through for Rachel the way she wanted. "You said you had to show me something?" Shelby tried to amend.

"Want to show you something, a video. But it can wait."

Shelby smiled at her, trying to be warm and break the tension, but it didn't do much good. She almost told Rachel that if it was one of her MySpace videos, she had seen them all. Thousands of times. She had picked 'I Dreamed a Dream' not just because it fit, but because she knew Rachel liked and identified herself with Les Miz. But in order to make Rachel feel welcomed, she decided on another tactic.

"Why don't you go and start setting it up?" Shelby said while she gently guided Rachel past her living room, through the hall and into her TV room, which had actually been transformed into a state-of-the-art home theater, but Shelby would always call it her TV room. She believed that the way you set up your house was really important, just as important as the way you structured yourself. The living room was to receive, not work or watch TV or work. So she had other spaces for that.

She was lucky her parents' home was huge. Shelby had wanted her own house ever since she moved in, but she had just been stuck with that place. For years, it had still been their house. It was the house she had grew up in, yes, but it still felt like it wasn't hers, even if all the money she had invested into transforming the old family inheritance into the sophisticated, quite valuable small mansion it was now; it was still her late mother's home.

When she saw how expensive it would be to raise a child though, she had given up the idea of moving out. She couldn't afford a place half as big as this and give Beth the elite education she wanted. The kid deserved space to play, and she wasn't much keen of the idea of having to get rid of her studio. The good thing was, for the past few months, that place had actually started to feel like home. Maybe it was because she was building something there, a life. It was not just the fancy decorated and equipped house it was before.

The TV room was the exact opposite. It had always been the TV room, since she lived here as a child, and she had always loved it. It was the place her mother would sit with her and Meredith and show them films like _The Sound of Music_, holding each child under one arm and teaching them how to sing along with the songs. It had been Phyllis Corcoran who had sparked in Shelby the interest for music, and turned her into a sucker for sung dialog, people who broke into music for no reason and quality theatricality. It had also been her mother who sat in the kitchen cutting golden stars in glittery papers and gluing them in her notebooks every time young Shelby "mastered" a new subject in school and, usually without her father's knowledge, a new song.

But then the modern and incredible sound and image stuff came in a few months before, and at the time she thought it was okay because she had been changing equipment for years and what mattered was hanging out there. However, it had been a gift for her win at Regionals, and now she felt ambiguous about the room. It was the room that sort of stood as a solid memory of her daughter having her dreams and illusions crushed, twice over, by her.

She had tried not to glance sideways that day up at the stage, even though she could feel Rachel's eyes bore into her. After Vocal Adrenaline's name was announced, her body reacted and she got a little carried away by the thrill of her students. Feeling guilty, she ended up turning to check on them after all, and upon seeing their faces, especially Rachel shattered expression, she was devastated.

Shelby remembered how Jesse's arms had involved her and he had whispered in her ear: "She'll be fine. She'll get back on her feet. She's a winner, a star. This won't change that." And she had listened to him because it was all she could do. He knew Rachel better, and either way, she needed to get out of that state of mind, so she just held onto his little speech. She was still holding on.

Rachel seemed flabbergasted with the place. With all of the technology and the dark-colored decoration in tones of dark red, violet and brown, it was indeed an impressive room. "Do you think you can find your way around?" Rachel turned and nodded at her, very much in a daze, so she just ran upstairs and walked into the baby's room.

Beth was seated in the playpen, chewing on a toy. Everything that got within her reach ended up in her mouth these days, so Shelby was screening her toys and everything else in the house like mad to make sure Beth wouldn't choke on it the minute she turned her back.

"Hi, gorgeous." She beamed at her younger daughter, who smiled back, one little tooth starting to show in her mouth. She played 'peek-a-boo' with her for a minute and then went to get her Blackberry from the dresser. Scanning her list of baby-sitters, she tried making a decision. She trusted Haylee more, and Beth was used to her, but Catherine, the violinist that was in her Music Theory class, lived a five-minute walk away and the one time she had watched Beth everything had ran smoothly.

Not wanting to make Rachel wait any more than necessary and reassuring herself over the fact that she'd still be in the house in case anything happened, she dialed Catherine's number and after their short conversation, went after a towel to dry the floor.

Rachel had just finished preparing everything when the doorbell rang, and wishing to be helpful, she got the door. It was a girl about her age, red-haired and she looked very confused at the sight of Rachel.

"Oh, sorry. I must have gotten the wrong house." Rachel raised an eyebrow at her. How could somebody get the wrong house? Then Shelby appeared at the stairs to rescue them both.

"Catherine, hi. Come in." Shelby raced through the last steps to greet the extremely shy girl.

"Good evening, Miss Corcoran," she greeted, walking around Rachel and into the foyer.

"Catherine, this is Rachel, my daughter. Rach, this is Catherine; she's a student of mine. She'll babysit Beth so we can have some quiet time." The girls eyed each other warily but then finally shook hands.

"Beth is upstairs in the nursery. I'll be right here so if you need anything, just shout." Catherine just nodded again, and began walking away, but at the last moment she hesitated and turned around.

"Yes, Catherine, you can use the studio to practice once you're done." Shelby added with a smile, and the girl just bounced with happiness, climbing the stairs a little too fast for Shelby's taste.

"She has three younger brothers so her house is noisy," she explained to Rachel.

"How is it that your have such a big reputation for being mean?" Rachel asked, obviously trying to compliment her but realizing she hadn't quite gotten there when Shelby's face fell for a full second, before the woman had time to recover.

"Not a lot of people get to see my soft side," she replied vaguely, but sincerely. Rachel still didn't move.

"You didn't have to call a sitter. We don't have to do this now."

"I know. But I want to." And when that still didn't assuage Rachel's doubts, Shelby went to her and, deciding to make a bold move, stroked her daughter's hair soothingly.

"Rach, you are welcomed here anytime. I called Catherine because I wanted to be fair to you and give you my undivided attention. Beth will be fine, as she always is. It's okay for you not to be sacrificed because of Beth, you know?"

Rachel looked at her and then around, like she was searching for a way to explain how she felt and was coming up empty. "I don't want to impose"

"You're not."

"And I know Beth is your true child."

"Rach. No. You're both my children. It's just…you have your fathers, and they are your family…"

"Exactly. My family is the Berrys and your family is Beth, and whoever else there is, and I'll understand if you need to prioritize."

"I am prioritizing. Rachel, I know that I said I'm not your mom, and I still don't feel I have much right claiming that title. But I'm trying to make everything, all of this, about you. About your needs, and your well-being. So, throw me a bone here. I thought we were making progress. But if we're not, if this isn't comfortable for you, then just tell me so we can scratch it and start over."

"I guess I just want to feel a little more a part of your life. I still feel like I'm intruding."

"You're not."

"Then why do you keep me completely cut out from your life? I don't even see Beth when I'm around."

Shelby was a little taken aback by this. She had been making sure Rachel didn't have to cross paths with Beth in order to protect her. She hadn't really though of what ideas it would give her oversensitive child. "Oh, Rach. I just thought it would hurt too much for you."

"It does." Rachel swallowed hard, but made a quick recover. "But it's okay, I can deal."

"But I don't want you to have to. Only if you are ready, when you are ready. "

Rachel just shrugged, and in light of everything they had just discussed, Shelby felt she couldn't just stand there, putting all that distance between her and the teenager. So she just wrapped her arms around her little form and felt the warmth of the girl she still considered her baby girl seep into her, making her want to cry.

"Rach, please. Tell me what to do."

"We should go watch the video." Rachel disentangled herself from her, and Shelby acquiesced, feeling confused and disconsolate. She followed her daughter into the TV room and perched herself in an opposite corner of the sofa, feeling herself go cold again.

Rachel fussed around and finally started the video, and Shelby hugged a pillow to try and subdue her current melancholy. Rachel wouldn't look at her and Shelby felt like she could bleed any moment from sheer agony, but forced herself to concentrate in the plasma screen.

The first thing that came up was the low-quality image of a stage where a girl that looked four or five belted 'Tomorrow.' She didn't have to ask to know that it was Rachel, and her heart picked up its beating, going overboard and wrenching with pain and happiness at the same time. Home video after home video continued one right after the other, showing Rachel singing, dancing, even simply playing with dolls and toys, and Shelby was barely aware that she had practically flung herself forward and was seating as close to the TV as she could without falling off the couch completely.

By the time the video finished, her cheeks were soaked and she had nearly ruined her pillow by pulling at it with her nails.

"I'm sorry," Rachel muttered, breaking her out of her trance. Shelby quickly recovered, drying up her face the best she could. "I didn't want to upset you, Shelby. I just thought you would like it. Because you said you missed so much."

Shelby looked at her daughter incredulously, because she couldn't fathom how Rachel could have perceived her emotional state as a negative thing. Shelby left her spot at the sofa and sat down in the floor in front of her older child, locking eyes with her.

"Rachel, there couldn't have been a better gift in the world you could have given me, with the exception of your presence here."

Rachel cracked a shy smile at her, and Shelby smiled too, laughing a little hysterically, but being too moved to care. She had just seen so much of her daughter's life before her eyes, and even if those two hours of memorabilia were nothing compared to the sixteen years her fathers had, Shelby knew it was even more than she was allowed to ask for. And she felt the need to reciprocate with something of her own. She loved that Rachel had been the one to try and make them less of strangers, and she knew exactly which very personal thing she wanted her child to have. The part of her life that she just didn't share, mostly because the mere idea of talking about it made her shatter into pieces. But she thought Rachel would appreciate knowing it, and as her child, she should know it.

"This room we're seating at, it was your grandmother's favorite place in the entire house. She used to put me and my baby sister Meredith here in the winter so she could do house chores, cover us with tons of blankets, give us hot cocoa with marshmallows, turn on the cartoons and tell us that if we were good girls she would watch a musical with us later. Of course we always were, and she always did. She loved musicals." Shelby let her biggest smile creep into her face, but at the same time, she could feel the tears already coming around too.

"What is her name?" Rachel asked excitedly.

"Phyllis."

"Where is she right now?"

Shelby had to take a breath. It felt almost too unfair to have to tell Rachel this, but she had a right to know. She was the only person currently in Shelby's life that had a right to know, and deep down, that made Shelby feel a little less alone in the world.

"She died when I was a senior in high school. I was in boarding school, and I didn't even know, but that was exactly what she wanted. Meredith and I always thought they were sending us away just because they wanted us to be successful, but the truth was, they didn't want us here when mom deteriorated. She had bone cancer."

Shelby let out a shuddering breath, and Rachel squeezed her shoulder, trying to reassure her. "She would have loved you so much, Rach. I think that if she was still alive, I would have never been able to… I'd just have thought of how much she would want to meet you, watch musicals with you, make you hot cocoa and spoil you rotten, and I would have given up my dreams right there. I'd have ripped that contract apart and childnapped you while you're still in my belly." Shelby laughed at her own out-of-place attempt at humor, ignoring the fact that she was tearing up again. And this time it wasn't of joy, no matter how fond her memories of her mother were.

Shelby would never forget the day when she had been shaken awake by her counselor then dragged from her bed to the Dean's office so she could talk to her father on the phone. Shelby couldn't help but imagine if the two other adults would have broken the news to her less traumatically, as her father's cold and mechanical tone still played on her mind as her first wake up call to the fact that her life might turn out how she had always pictured it. Life had been brutal to her from that day on, and she had had to adapt.

The school had offered someone to accompany her home, but she had bullied them away. Luckily, John had promptly packed her a bag and got her in his car and towards Lima the minute he woke up to find her curled outside his room, welled into a catatonic state. She couldn't remember any of his words of comfort, how the tears had felt against her cheek, where they passed by or if the school had kept tabs on them through John. She vaguely did recall drowning almost a whole bottle of cheap whiskey and more than a few of her mother's pain pills, and wasn't entirely sure if she had retched out of her body's own accord or if John had made her throw up.

To this day she was quite certain the only reason she was still alive was because John had dragged her back to Connecticut the next morning, and she had been guarded and pampered with all available specialized help, not to mention distracted by all her music and theater endeavors. It had gotten her back on her feet with a drive for her stardom dreams that was new and a little overboard.

Shelby hadn't wanted to die. She didn't consider herself a suicidal person in the least. She always made the best out of the hands life dealt her. She always fought for happiness. However, that day had brought up a self-destructive force Shelby didn't know she possessed. But it hadn't been the last time she had witnessed that dark and unfortunate side of herself. She wanted to ignore it, to play oblivious, but that little negligence of her own well-being out of the depths of her sorrow had been the most nonthreatening part of it. She couldn't ignore the times when she had purposely inflicted further mental and emotional suffering upon herself or convinced herself that she deserved all of her pain as punishment for a thing or another, the reason almost always unimportant in her self-hatred solo dance.

"Maybe it's unfair to think like that, but sometimes I doubt I would have done so many screwed up things if I had my mom. But I wasn't close to my father, and he became even more isolated after her death. My sister was so far away. I felt free but alone. Like anything I did didn't matter. It would only reflect on me, and I didn't care."

Shelby looked up at her daughter, who had also been deprived of her mother. How many times had she told herself she warranted the torment from not having Rachel because she had been an immoral, overly ambitious bitch? And meeting Rachel only had given Shelby more ammunition against herself. Sometimes she wondered if she would torture herself until the day she died, even if she eventually sorted her life out. Even if she was halfway there. She could never leave the past. "I'm sorry, Rach. I was trying to give you something of me too, and I just…"

"Don't be. I'm so grateful you are telling me this. I always wondered about how your life would have been and how those experiences would bring valuable advices for me someday. And I always wondered about everything else too. Who my grandparents were and how they were. If I had aunts and uncles, and cousins. I'm so sorry to hear that your mom is gone. And that you don't really get along with your daddy. I guess I always kind of wished you would have a happy, close family. It doesn't seem fair that you didn't."

Rachel shook her head and shut her eyes to keep herself from crying. She was angst-ridden about how little love her mother had had. So much less than Rachel, and the girl had often felt unwanted. Now she could only be too grateful because she had always had two devoted parents, and the resentment from not having Shelby around was beginning to mellow. How couldn't she have seen that she had wanted too much? She always wanted too much. Even one present and dedicated parent was more than a lot of people could count on. Why couldn't she see Shelby for the wonderful gift that she was, even with all the limitations that relationship held?

"What about your sister?" Rachel asked timidly, trying to change the subject, hopefully to something a little less saddening.

"Meredith is a doctor and she lives in Portland with her husband Milo. No cousins for you, though. I always thought that the only reason Mer found space in her life to be married is because Milo is twice as busy as her, so she doesn't really need to pay him much attention. I'll introduce you when they come around, but that's rare."

Rachel nodded, working extra-hard to hide her disappointment. She had expected to get a whole new family from Shelby. Her dads were wonderful, but she didn't have much contact with their relatives. The gay union between her fathers had been less than thrilling for their families and visits were usually way too tense, even after twenty years of marriage.

She had always dreamt that her mother would come along with lots of brothers and sisters that would be immediately infatuated with her, grandparents that would want to quarrel over her with her other nanas and grandpas, and adolescent cousins she would become best friends with. But there was nothing, and even her newly adopted half sister or whatever she was supposed to be seemed to be kept elusively away. Rachel was starting to think she rather be confused with too much family than have all these people that were somehow related to her and have no connection at all with them. At least, Shelby and she were bonding. She couldn't say Shelby wasn't trying.

"You said you didn't get along with your father. Why did you come back here?" Rachel was hoping a little that it had been because of her, even if that meant Shelby must have been through a lot of pain for the five years she hadn't even been able to go close to her.

"My father left this house years ago. He retired not too long after my mother passed away and bought a little cottage in Maine, where he practically turned into Thoreau. I don't know why I came back here. I could have gotten a job anywhere, really, but it was here that my dreams were born. Even without my mother, without my mother's physical presence, I felt that if there was a place I could reinvent myself and find new dreams it would be here."

Rachel looked away, trying not to let Shelby see she was actually a little disillusioned, because it was so selfish of her. Her grandmother seemed to have meant a huge deal to Shelby, and it was beautiful that she had dragged herself back to this tiny insipid town just to feel connected to her and her inspiring influence in her life.

"It might have taken all of five years, but I'm glad I didn't get it wrong." Shelby inclined her body towards Rachel's legs and supported her chin softly on the girl's knees, looking up at her truly marvelous daughter. Knowing she too would be in Lima almost made her give up the idea of living there entirely.

After giving birth to Rachel, she had committed the huge mistake of buying a little pink dress when she got to New York. Her intention had been to send it to Rachel, but then she concluded that the men she had stumbled across via a newspaper ad wouldn't cotton too well to the idea that she was emotionally attached to their kid. Even if they had been nothing but nice to her during the pregnancy, knowing full-well Shelby had been all alone in Lima at the time and not in the best emotional state.

After graduating Vassar to a stunning audience of nobody – Meredith being too pressed with finals in Harvard and her father refusing to give her more than a congratulatory phone call – Shelby had angrily treated herself with the worst life New York could offer. After way too many short-lived waitress jobs and distasteful club singing gigs, a thousand failed auditions and the incident she had mentioned to Will, she had landed back in Lima, broke (both money wise and in spirit) and with her vocal chords bruised.

Shelby had honestly thought she would lose her voice. Her soul had been so crushed that she wasn't too sure how she had feigned the hope to accept being a surrogate to the Berrys in order to go back to New York. She just indistinctly remembered lying on the TV room sofa, crying raggedly for days and nights straight, and feeling extremely ashamed of herself. What would Phyllis Corcoran have thought of her in that moment? She'd be aggravated. And even after her passing, Shelby lived to please her mother, and make her proud, so that had been likely how she ended up pregnant with Rachel, her ambitions still burning inside of her somehow. The faith that everything would work out, that she would make her own luck the second time around had been fed cautiously against her depression. She hadn't expected to go back to that state of complete melancholy the moment she was separated from her child.

Shelby had always been too cynical, and it had been too easy for her to believe that the baby wouldn't mean a thing. She had been baffled to be so wrong, and getting back to Lima had only intensified that always lingering feeling. She hoped Rachel would never know about that, because even though the teenager would probably like the intel, it was way too embarrassing. But for five years, Shelby had slept with that pink dress under her pillow.

She had put Rachel in the same file in her mind that belonged to her mother. They were both unattainable, unreachable. She could love them, live for them and with them in her heart, but she could never have them. It was like that until that day in Sectionals. Vocal Adrenaline had stopped being a suitable fulfillment for what she supposed was to be the meaning of her life and then being bashed with her daughter's presence, talent and unrequited resemblance to her had been too much for her always fragile psyche to take. The minute Rachel became real, a living and breathing human being she had almost been able to touch, Shelby was ruined.

"I know I already said that, baby, but I'm so, so sorry I disrupted your life, Rachel. And I'm sorry that I'm actually happy that I did."

Shelby was so close to her now, and they had touched and hugged before, but right at that moment, with her mother's head resting on the edge of her lap, her big eyes full of so many emotions, it was the closest Rachel had ever felt to her mother. So close, and Shelby looked so open, she couldn't resist extending a hand and touching the side of Shelby's face tentatively.

When the older woman didn't pull away, Rachel took it as encouragement, and fondly brushed her mother's still slightly humid hair out of her face. Rachel had great hair, and she was only too happy to know where that came from now, but still Shelby's was so luscious and silky she couldn't help but be a little awed. Everything about Shelby inspired wonder, really, and if just like her Rachel failed to become star, she hoped she would turn out just like her mother anyway: a poised beacon of beauty, strength and efficiency.

Shelby moved her hand from her own legs and grabbed her daughter's other hand between her own.

"You know Rach, I think we got this backwards. Really, you should be the one laying your head in my lap and I should be the one caressing your hair. I'm pretty sure." She stated serious, but then broke into a chuckle. Rachel smiled warmly, but didn't make mention to move or to stop what she was doing, and Shelby wondered if the girl felt the love traveling between their two tangled figures and throughout her whole body too.

And perhaps Rachel wouldn't have used the word love, because she couldn't quite associate this with what she had experienced in her sixteen years of being someone's child. She had never held one of her fathers, they were always the ones that held her, as she had never seen them as anything other then superheroes. Shelby on the other hand had been too real since the first second. Too flawed, and transparently fragile despite her confidence and coolness. It was very new and different, but it was something Rachel really liked, which made her think that maybe Shelby was right when she said she didn't need another parent. She was just too glad for whatever Shelby was becoming to her, because she felt the love too.

But through their mutual adoration and ever-growing intimacy, Rachel felt that treating her formally was wrong. Maybe she was about to screw this up, but Rachel needed more.

"Shelby, can I go back to calling you Mom?" she finally mustered up the courage to ask timidly.

Shelby looked up at her daughter, fear creeping up into her. Fear that she might overstep into a territory that wasn't hers and wasn't safe. Fear that they were defining a degree of connection that still eluded them. But she knew what was going to happen if she pulled the brakes. Rachel wouldn't get it, she would feel rejected and the bridge they just spent a month building would collapse. She might even lose her daughter entirely— and for good this time. So she would have to overstep reason and apprehension on this one. She squeezed Rachel's hand and tried to come up with a genuine expression of joy. She was happy, truly. But the uneasiness wouldn't go away.

"Of course, sweetie." Shelby saw a relieved expression take over Rachel and knew she had done the right thing. She reassured herself everything would be fine. Somehow.

"Can I show you something else?" Rachel asked with what Shelby was akin to a mischievous expression. Guardedly, she gave her daughter authorization and retreated back to the couch, taking the time Rachel needed to change DVDs to recompose herself.

Rachel bounced back enthusiastically and jumped in the sofa, curling up with her head in Shelby's lap. Shelby couldn't prevent the big smile that took over her face, and started delicately passing her hands through Rachel's hair. Her attention only broke when what seemed like a video clip started playing, and she turned to the TV.

Soon her daughter was in the screen again, except wearing a dress that looked less than appropriate and belting what seemed like a bad 80's song she couldn't recognize until the chorus started. Shelby almost gasped when Noah came on the screen, also looking way too undressed in that tank top, but she burst into laugher having to seat through both his and Rachel's over the top expressions.

Then he was replaced by Jesse, and Shelby was a little ashamed that her heart wrenched a little with delight, as always, to see him perform, even though it wasn't for long, as both the boy she recognized as Rachel's current boyfriend and the guy she was pretty sure was selling marijuana outside Rachel's school came around. "Wait, how do you know that guy?" Shelby half-hollered over the song, pointing an accusatory finger at the screen.

"Shush," Rachel muttered impatiently at her. "That's Sandy, he used to coach our glee club."

"What?" she asked disbelievingly, but Rachel didn't even bother to respond. She was already getting up, complaining that Shelby's total lack of concentration would make her need to play again. Shelby only managed to let an 'Oh, boy' escape and then braced herself for the trouble.

But Rachel didn't storm at Shelby, she just looked very upset. "You didn't like it?"

Shelby felt horrible, especially because she hadn't hated the video at all. It was very amusing, if not a little disturbing.

"Oh, sweetie, of course I liked it. It's very entertaining, and the vocals are great. I just don't think I got it. Maybe you could explain it so I can formulate a more insightful opinion." Shelby patted the seat next to her and Rachel dragged her feet back to couch, looking a little embarrassed.

"That was the video that caused Jesse to hate me, and us to basically fall apart. He wasn't too happy I gave his part to my two ex-boyfriends too," she confessed, hugging her knees over the shame.

"Noah is your ex-boyfriend?" Oh, this kept getting better and better, Shelby mused.

"Yeah, but that was a very brief thing. He didn't mean anything anymore, not like Finn anyways. But the only reason I used them both was because I was trying to get a really bad reputation. I didn't want to hurt Jesse. I thought he had forgiven me when he came back, but I guess not. He would probably have never looked at my face again if he wasn't so fiercely devoted to you," Rachel whimpered overdramatically.

"Oh, Rachel. I already told you that although I did ask for Jesse to give you that tape, I didn't have control over whatever happened with you two. I didn't tell him to go over to McKinley's, in fact it pissed me off to no end that he did, or to come back to it. I tried keeping him on his toes, tried reminding him the plan was just to get close enough to you to slip information about me without it being weird and me being arrested, but you know how Jesse likes to improvise." She knew she had been guilty; she wasn't seeking absolution. She just didn't want Rachel to feel unloved, because albeit his more pressing commitments with her and Vocal Adrenaline, Jesse had been more than a little smitten with her daughter.

"So, why did he come back if he didn't really forgive me?"

"Is that why you showed me the video? To ask me about Jesse?" Shelby's tone grew a little impatient, but there was also a new thing to it. A maternal edge. "Because I can tell you, but I'd prefer giving you his number in California and letting you two get your issues off of your chests."

"Just, tell me first if he did love me," Rachel begged her, also impatient.

"He thinks he did," Shelby replied cautiously. "And to be honest I believe you only assume that you did too. One month is too little time to actually love someone, Rach. And I think you two were more in love with how accepted and normal you two made the other feel than each other precisely."

Rachel nodded, even though Shelby doubted she had just accepted it so easily. She sighed, fully aware that she would have to give Rachel what she needed already, or that subject would just grow between them and drive them apart.

"Okay. He did come to me after San Diego, and I did scold the life out of him for being such a drama queen and a little bit of an egomaniac who needed to pull his head out of his ass. He asked me if I was upset, which of course I was, because I thought he had ruined my chance of getting to you, but I wasn't going put that weight on his shoulders. So I just told him that I was upset at the fact he had inserted himself in a place he didn't like, where he didn't feel welcomed, because of an infatuation. And even given that, his loyalty was not to you, and he knew it, so what business he had pulling a tantrum because he found out your loyalty wasn't 100% on his side? I guess I made him feel shitty enough that he felt he had to go back, but the truth is, I'd have preferred if he had came back to Carmel immediately and dealt with you privately. Going back to McKinley after Spring Break only further complicated his situation with his colleagues, and neither of us was in a position to elucidate matters properly. I'm sorry, and Jesse is too, that both of our involvements with you turned into the target of that hazing. It was unacceptable. I guess he'd rather lose you when he felt that you were not completely his anyways, than to lose his friends of four years. He actually had a lot of good friends in Vocal Adrenaline. If it makes you feel better, I know for a fact that Jesse was just with you when you guys dated. And that's about the only time I remember he was a monogamous."

"What about you?" Rachel whispered, so afraid she couldn't tear her eyes of the couch.

"What about me, Rach? I punished my students, they all served 20 hours of supervised community service and I suspended the restitution for the tires of those who participated in the attack. I rescinded privileges and called off their Nationals' rewards. As their coach, I did everything that I could. As your mother, I couldn't do anything. That's my work place, Rachel, I can't be biased. I gave them an earful about how I was personally offended but that was all I could do without risking my position. Please tell me you understand that." Shelby begged, her heart pounding at where their conversation had ended up. The day she found out her students had attacked her own child had been one she would be too glad to forget. The tricky situation in which she found herself had torn her, and she had convinced herself she had played a very rough deal very well, but that didn't make it any less of a rough deal. She hadn't been happy with it, and had little doubt on her mind that Rachel wouldn't be either.

The truth was all the punishment had been done a little more secretly than Shelby would have liked. She dealt with her students privately, not really bothering to pass the issue to Lancaster, the parents or the sponsors, because she didn't want the incident to turn into a circus around her private life. Her seniors had taken the penalty equally quietly, all too conscious that whining about it to mom and dad would only make her handle the case to the proper authorities, which would mean it would be on their records, which would get them to lose their precious college scholarships. Genuinely, Shelby didn't want that to happen either.

She still remembered standing in front of the guilty party, all of them lined up on the stage, looking down apprehensively at her. After struggling to get the words for more then half an hour, time that had allowed two of her kids to break down and cry from distress, Shelby had levelheadedly faced them. "I hope you know I'm very dismayed with you. I always treated all of you like you were my own kids, and encouraged you to treat your fellow glee clubbers like they were family too. I was very distraught to find out that instead of extending the courtesy to my biological daughter, if not even out of respect for me, you chose to assault her. I feel as that attack was aimed at me, and I'm still grasping to understand what exactly I have done to elicit such hatred from you." Shelby knew she sounded small, almost broken. Usually she went for cold, untouchable and just plainly resorted to being mean when it came to reprimanding her students. Usually, she wouldn't let them see that they could get to her. However, they were mostly seniors and she knew how her subdued demeanor would affect them. Almost all of them had grown fond of her in some way, so letting them see her so unguarded and hurt was actually the only way she could think of letting them know how vicious their attitude had been.

"Nothing!" Andrea had burst, not being able to keep quiet. "We adore you; you are our biggest role model. We would never…"

"Oh, but you did," Shelby interrupted her in return. "You all knew who she was. I don't believe you didn't consider that showing her cruelty would be bestowing that loathing on to me. I can only feel wounded and regret that this is the ending you chose for this four year relationship." She had finished and walked out, and sure enough they had all been desperate to plead her for forgiveness, Jesse being the very first. She hadn't really exonerated any of them, not even Jesse, but it was too hard to cut ties with the ones she knew were being honest. She treasured them too much.

Shelby had been the one holding Jesse's hand in the hospital when he broke his leg two years before and his parents were summering in Cannes, even though it was spring. She had been the one Andrea had came to when she had a miscarriage; nobody even knew she was pregnant and with the exception of her, that's how it had stayed. Shelby had held her while she cried and confessed that she had actually wanted that – for something bad to happen so she'd be off the hook – and then regretted it so much. She had been the one they all first told when they got into their colleges of choice, and the one that consoled Lauren when she had been denied admission to Yale, and convinced her Oberlin would be just as good.

She couldn't simply turn her back on them forever. She could be offended at that little stab in the back they had perpetrated against her forever, but she couldn't bring herself to hate her students. Also, she knew they weren't just acting out because they were jerks. It wasn't a simple case of them wanting to intimidate New Directions. If it were, they could have picked anyone. Someone that wouldn't cause her fury. They had been jealous, of her and Jesse, and all the bewilderment and distraction Rachel brought around. They had cut her some slack through when she was distracted and indisposed. They had even rehearsed without much of her help once or twice, and covered for her when she started having 'migraines' after Jesse met Rachel. She owed them some gratitude too.

She tried to convey all of that to Rachel in a way it wouldn't make the teenager hate her. Rachel had every reason not to accept it. Shelby could have kept it away from her, but what would happen when Rachel was around and intercepted a call from Jesse? Or another one of her attackers? Lying just wouldn't do.

"Rachel, are we okay?"

Rachel was still playing with the fabric in her couch. Rachel just shrugged one shoulder at her, supposedly indifferently. "I understand."

"That's not what I asked you, Rachel."

Rachel finally turned to face her, a distressed expression on her face. "Do you love your students more then you love me?"

Shelby looked at her disbelievingly and then shook her head slowly. "No, that would be impossible." It was the truth. Shelby knew her students better than she knew her own child, and she was closer to a good amount of them than she was to Rachel right now, but love? She loved her daughters above all in this world.

Rachel let herself slip back into Shelby's lap, this time a little more hesitant, and the older woman bent over to plant a kiss on her daughter's temple. "I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry." Rachel nodded into her legs, not really bothering to lie that she didn't need to apologize, because they both knew that if Shelby said 'I'm sorry' once a minute from that moment to the day they died, she would still be short. And she wasn't even taking into consideration her future screw-ups.

"I didn't just show you the video to talk about Jesse," Rachel confessed, looking up at her coyly. "Like I said, I was trying to damage my reputation."

Shelby did wonder about that.

"Why?" she asked kindly, trying not to sound judgmental. She knew the last thing Rachel needed was to be criticized or reprimanded by her. That job Shelby was happy to leave to her fathers.

"It was all prompted by this stupid list. But it's a long story and it doesn't matter. The list incident just served to further ignite my insecurities regarding popularity and appearance. And sex. It's not that any of my boyfriends haven't tried to… They have. But outside of that, I'm just perceived as this weirdo who wears too many animal pullovers. I don't know if I should just give up and try to be something else." Rachel's tone was so cynical that it scared Shelby out of her mind. She didn't want her daughter to be like that. Shelby herself was like that and it hadn't gotten her anything but misery.

"Oh honey, you should never try to be something else. I'm not a particular fan of pullovers but if they are such a big part of who you are, you should stick with it. One day, you'll see that the thing that is most sexy about a person is self-confidence. It's being comfortable in your skin and being in charge of your own body. The more you worry about what to hide, or what to show, what it's going to cause a reaction and which type, the less sensual you'll be."

Rachel thought about it. Her mother's advice sounded like one of those things you read about in Cosmo and that are usually just crap. But all of the sexy people she knew were truly examples of self-possession: Puck, Quinn (before her pregnancy), Santana, Jesse, Shelby. They were all perfectly okay with how they were, some even a little too much.

"I know people tell you to not care about what others think. Well, that's impossible. But maybe you should try and just worry about what the people that matter think."

"Shelby? I mean, Mom. What do you think?" Rachel looked up at her, a little sting of fear in her eyes.

"I think you're fantastic, honey," Shelby told her, and it made her glad to know that she meant it. Even if Rachel wasn't her daughter, it would be true. So, she just smiled reassuringly at the teenager, who returned the expression timidly. Shelby went back to caressing her hair and they left the TV on but completely blank and let time slip away. Rachel would have to go home soon, which of course pained Shelby. Her house would never be Rachel's home. But she was hoping that after that day, she could at least feel a little at home.

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**A/N: **Yet another Rachel/Shelby chapter, but I just really needed to do this. So, it's huge (almost 10.000 freaking words!). It got out of control. It kept getting bigger and bigger and my beta probably wants to murder me right now. But I really wanted to do a big Rachel/Shelby bonding piece so we can move on to other things. I kept making this picture of Shelby as a person and all of this back-story, and I had to write at least a part of it. In the end I think I explained my version of Shelby a lot, and I'll try to go light on background from now on and focus more on Will and Shelby's developing relationship.


	7. The Life of the Party

**A/N: **Almost 60 reviews!Oh guys, thank you so much. I truly love to read your inputs and talk a little more about what's going on my mind when I write certain things. Sometimes I don't even notice these processes without your remarks, and sometimes I get really good ides from you. So, please, never stop. :D

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**The Life of the Party**

"_Where are you?"_ Shelby texted, an uncharacteristic anxiety sipping into her. She had always done this alone, but this time she had invited a date, he wasn't there and she was getting fretful. Everything was okay, though. There was plenty of liquor, and the Vocal Adrenaline parents had been as fast to start downing it as she was to smile politely at them, introducing Alicia and then making a dash for the kitchen.

"_I'm so sorry! The kids didn't go home, I got a call from one of the parents, everything is a big mess! I'll be late_." Shelby read Will's response, getting a little flustered. Of course the kids had caused some sort of mess, they were teenagers! What the hell was Will thinking suggesting they went to the invitational by themselves? Couldn't the freaking counselor have chaperoned? "_It's fine. I get it_," she texted back, willing herself not to bite his head off because she had also been there. He wasn't the first teacher to be naïve enough to trust his students, though hers were typically too scared of her to give disobedience serious consideration. She sighed, rubbing the bridge of her nose to dissuade the headache she could already feel coming.

"You know, I was wandering upstairs, don't kill me, and I passed this room that seemed strangely similar to a baby nursery."

Shelby turned around to face Connor Ormond standing casually against her door frame and wearing an amused smirk on his ever-handsome face. She smiled delicately, like an infatuated girl; could she ever help herself with this man?

Connor was one of the big donors of her booster club. A Carmel alumnus from a zillionaire family, Connor was a successful lawyer in Washington, but he never forgot his roots. So he donated and came to these things, and spent holidays with his family at the huge mansion they had in the city. His ancestry had been into the oil business and his family was the wealthiest in the entire freaking district.

It had always raised whispers though, why Connor had taken such a big interest in show choir. Surely, if she was honest, she had to admit that even if Connor told everybody that he had a big fascination with show tunes and flashy performances and was a Broadway fan (which was kind of true, as she had watched Spring Awakening, Next to Normal and Grey Gardens with him in New York, and he had always been the one to invite), she knew the reason for the thousands of dollars he regularly put into Vocal Adrenaline was her. In her defense, he was already a donor when she had started sleeping with him.

It had been one of these parties when it started. It was after her second national victory, when she had finally proved that she wasn't just a fluke. There was a party with the kids in New York, and then a week later, the booster club had organized a party at the Crowne Plaza Hotel in Columbus. They had paid for a suite for her for an entire weekend and Shelby had been in the clouds, being the most outgoing she could remember being with those people.

They had just started spoiling her rotten, a privilege she would be privy to for the next four years. She had been amazed and got a little carried away at the time. After the colossal failure of her career in New York, Shelby's confidence had taken a hit. Music education was not something she had been particularly eager to try, and she was more than a little shocked to find out that she actually could like it, a lot, and that even if she wasn't performing she could still be a star.

Connor had showed up at the party after the second hour and made a beeline for her, introduced himself and extracted her from some tedious conversation with the overwhelmingly demanding father of one of her seniors. They had hid in the bar, she had a coke and rum and he sipped at that same expensive whiskey whose bottle she now kept in her own liquor cabinet just because it was his favorite.

They had talked a little about Vocal Adrenaline and got comfortable with each other (and the alcohol certainly helped) and started sharing stories, finding out almost immediately that they were both Vassar alumni. Except Connor had graduated three years before her, but nevertheless, they had spent a whole year in the same small campus and never met. So Connor started this cute game of coming up with scenarios where they might have crossed paths and they had fun together until thirty minutes later, when they just gave up the charade, got in the elevator and made out feverishly all the way to the top, where his suite was.

She still had no idea how nobody noticed that the special guest for that party, her, had disappeared before anyone even had gotten enough to drink to be off the wagon and showed up almost two hours later with swollen lips and a wrinkled dress. If someone did detect it, at least they were polite and left her alone. They were all adults, her students had no way of knowing about it and she was off business hours.

The problem was her one night stand with Connor had shifted with him turning up at breakfast and gallantly offering to take her for a spin at the town, then slipping her into his box for a performance from BalletMet Columbus, followed by dinner and ending once again in his room.

Shelby wasn't stupid or an ingénue. Connor was a Don Juan. He would never be her boyfriend, let alone something more serious, but he was an alluring, 'perfect on paper guy' who showered her with genuine adoration every time he was with her, and that was pretty much every time he was in the city. She often joked, saying she was his Lima lover. He had even taken her to his parents house one Christmas, though that was not a day Shelby was particularly proud of. She had been terribly depressed; it was right after her health issues and finding out she couldn't have children anymore.

She knew Connor had taken her because he pitied her and was worried about her sitting alone at home feeling like that, and she was quite aware that if Connor ever became resolute in settling down, it would be with some fantastic Washington career woman, a lawyer, doctor or lobbyist, not someone who coached Glee Club in Ohio for a living. It had been a good Christmas though, as everybody treated her wonderfully and Connor made a show of acting like they were actually an item without the tiniest effort.

Shelby's affection for Connor had grown into a friendly love that day. But they knew where they were going, or rather where they were not going, and that took the pressure off. They were occasional lovers and friends but they would never be a couple, and Shelby's only regret with him was that she had cultivated this very solid line. If only she could be courageous enough to put some of her pride in the line and pick the phone to dial him every once in a while, maybe she wouldn't have become so lonely. It had been almost a year she had seen him, and he had missed so much. So much joy, so much pain. She could tell him but it didn't make up for the fact that he wasn't there. He wasn't in her life, and in two days or so he wouldn't be again, and for the first time she felt distant from him.

"Long time no see, stranger. Missed you in New York." Her lips twitched up in a playful half-smile.

Connor entered the kitchen, opened his arms and engulfed her, backing away a minute later to kiss her mouth. She felt herself respond a little coldly, and put some effort to reciprocate before pulling out completely and staring at his green eyes. Connor had to be the most handsome man she had ever met, with those eyes, the perfect dark hair, full lips, square jaw and flawless smile.

"I'm sorry, I had court that whole week. But I saw the U2 presentation. Somebody filmed it and emailed it to me. It was fantastic. You've outdone yourself."

He pushed her away from him a little and took a good look at her. "You look stunning for somebody who just gave birth." She laughed, for it could only be a joke. Connor knew she couldn't have children at all, otherwise, he'd probably be calling for a DNA test right now.

"Her name is Beth, and she went to the zoo with the nanny, but they should be here any minute." Mary had called her fifteen minutes before, and Shelby had asked her to come back. Shelby trusted Mary, but she had never been away from her daughter during the night and she just wanted her back home already.

"I'm happy for you," he said softly, still smiling, but for some reason his smile didn't reach his eyes either. He kissed her forehead, and she felt very self-conscious. When had they become the forehead kiss type?

"Do you want something to eat? You shouldn't drink on an empty stomach, Connor." She shot at him with a recriminatory stare, embarrassed that there was something odd between them and wanting to get away. Shelby opened the fridge, and Connor leaned against the counter behind her, spying over her shoulder.

"Did you become vegan this past year too?" he chuckled.

Shelby tensed. How could she explain Rachel to Connor? And why did she feel like she had to, at all? "No. Long story. I'll explain later." Finally, she grabbed a raspberry pie and put next to him. "It's vegan too, but you'll live, right?" she asked teasingly, trying to bring the humor in the room up a notch.

"Yeah, I think I'll be fine eating vegan once in my life." He met her half-way, and they exchanged an amused smile for the sake of each other.

Shelby went to the cabinet for plates and when she turned back, Connor had already taken the silverware out. It was a new kitchen, but of course things were roughly in the same place because she was anal about organization, so Connor found himself around rather easily.

"Is Beth the reason you abandoned Vocal Adrenaline?"

Connor's tone hadn't been accusing, he was always anything but judgmental towards her, but Shelby grew defensive all the same.

"I didn't abandon them, Connor. I might not be Artistic Director anymore but I still handle most of their vocal training, and their formal music education, and their budget and bureaucratic crap passes through me too. I just wasn't content anymore," she finally confessed, bringing her eyes up to meet his. "The fact that Beth came along and I needed better working hours was just a happy coincidence."

"Hey, I think it's fair," he said, throwing his hands up in mock surrender. "You made that club, but that club didn't make you. You should have a life. You look so much better now. Not that you were not always so beautiful. But your skin is even smoother." He came up behind her and caressed her arm. "Your hair is shinier; even your house seems cozier. Did you get to go back to ballet like you wanted?" His hand finally settled in her belly, his head supported by her shoulder, where she had full access to his delicious aftershave and it was already driven her crazy. That aftershave was the smell of the best sex of her life.

"Yeah, I'm finally putting that studio to personal use."

"Cat, what's wrong?" Connor had called her Cat ever since he had taken her to a karaoke bar at the end of a long night, after dinner and two previous stops at more upright places. And she was so wasted he actually convinced her to go up at the stage. Even bordering an alcoholic coma, Shelby had performed a supposedly flawless rendition of 'Memory' that she didn't remember at all.

"I could ask you the same thing," she answered, sneering more each passing minute.

"Fair enough." She felt him pull away, but before she could turn her attention back at him they were interrupted by Alicia, who timidly stumbled through the threshold and cleared her throat to announce her presence.

"Shelby, everybody's asking me about the set list for Sectionals, and I don't know what to do. Can I even disclosure that kind of information? And was I supposed to have it this early?" Shelby watched the petite blonde woman fidget in front of her and got a little impatient, heavily sighing to show discontentment.

The truth was the parents did ask about songs a lot, but she knew they were trying to test Alicia. Shelby would always give them some nonsense and then change it about ten times. It didn't matter, but whatever Alicia told them now would be a statement of how fit she was for this job, as it had been when Shelby first started.

"Just tell them whatever is on your mind, Alicia. And if it feels wrong further down the road, you change it. Just don't be too scared of them."

Alicia nodded, not very convinced, and Shelby knew she hadn't helped a lot, but didn't care. She had faced them by herself for years, Alicia would have to find a way to survive. You didn't get to direct Vocal Adrenaline without a very thick skin.

While Shelby got rid of Alicia, Connor had served them both pieces of pie and seated down. He patted the stool next to him and she propelled herself to the empty seat.

"Where were we?" she asked, frowning a little at her pie. Connor put a finger under her chin and pushed her head up, forcing her to look into his marvelous green eyes.

"Well, I was about to tell you how weird it is to be without contact with a woman I consider myself intimate to, and find out she changed entirely in the meantime. And that I'm afraid I don't know you at all anymore."

Shelby felt like a little girl being scolded. His gentle touch and tender tone just made it more embarrassing.

"Look, I'm sorry." She exhaled noisily, and pinched the bridge of her nose to try and unwind. "I just never called you while you were away, it was not the type of relationship we had. So it didn't feel very appropriate to pick up the phone to announce to you I had just finished my run down early mid-life crisis lane by adopting a baby. Let's face it; we've always been a crime of opportunity in each other's life. Do I even get to exist for Washington Connor?"

"Sometimes. Sometimes I listen to a song, or watch a movie or a play, or just sit in my window when it's raining, and I think of you. I think of what you'd say, or how you'd love a rainy day in Washington, or how I would love to just stay inside with you in rainy day in Washington. And sometimes I'm upset or stressed and I think that you could say something to make me laugh, but I don't call you either because you just have a whole life going on here that I don't know anything about, except for when I show up, and it feels like it's not my place."

There was something about Connor that Shelby never expected to see there: loneliness. In a way, it just felt wrong to add that little piece of information to the puzzle after all of those years. She had always imagined Connor being perfectly happy with that existence of changing women faster than he changed suits. Shelby knew very well what it was like to be alone, and it made her heart ache a little for him.

Shelby patted his arm soothingly, shooting him a sympathetic look. Connor slid his already empty plate aside and extended his hand, grabbing her arm, pushing her out of the stool and maneuvering her into his lap. Shelby had forgotten completely about Will already or she wouldn't have been doing this in her kitchen. Considering it was a party and there were people in the next room, she shouldn't either way, but she just wanted to kiss Connor, badly.

Connor put a soft kiss in her clavicle and she couldn't help but moan softly. He kept going down, towards the cleavage of her red mini dress.

"Connor. Party. People. Baby," she managed to choke out. He stopped at the last one and looked up at her. She was terrified he would be upset for a moment, but then he just smiled mischievously at her. "I'm not over with you, Cat. Or with that conversation. As a lawyer, I've learned that when you hit a wall, you either crash against it or step around it. Start deciding which you prefer." He kissed her mouth once again, making her melt like butter, and then lifted her off of him kindly so he could step out of her kitchen.

Shelby wasn't sure if they had crashed against the wall or stepped around it. She just knew that Connor had showed up at her house at nine, not looking even half as hung-over as he should be, even though he had about four whiskeys the night before. His hair was wet, but even if it wasn't, she could tell he had just stepped out of a shower, because she knew his soap and it was all over her living room within a second.

Connor had watched Beth while Shelby showered, pulled on a fancy blue summer dress he had given her ages ago and that was honestly way too short to be appropriate for a mom, pulled her hair up in a ponytail and slipped on some flats so he could take them out for breakfast.

Connor was planning a day out, but then it started to rain, and he looked at her adoringly because she had told him she loved the rain once, but the baby was with them so they just went back home. However, when Beth had settled down for her first nap, Connor had grabbed Shelby and dragged her outside while she tried to protest furiously without making noise, and made her, well, both of them, shower in the rain. She pouted at him, but was actually delighted and he knew it. Connor hugged her and kissed her hungrily under the rain and soon enough he was pressing her against the back wall of her house and reaching for her underwear. Now, eight hours later, they had had sex in almost half of the rooms in her house during the times little Beth took her naps.

They had stopped doing it just for Beth and to eat. They had cooked pasta, Connor doing the sauce because he was so much better at his than she was, had sex against the counter and then ate at the dining table, because Shelby threw a fake tantrum about how her counter was just not hygienic anymore and it was all his fault.

Now they were lying at the floor of her dance studio, listening to the rain, eating the Swiss chocolates Connor had stolen from his mother's house and talking about Heidegger, and Shelby was having a hard time remembering why she hadn't just quit Carmel, waltzed her way to Washington and married this man.

And then it came back to her. It was because she didn't know if he would want her, or rather, how much of her he wanted and in which ways. Even at breakfast, when they tried to finish the conversation from the night before, since with Beth and Will showing up she had been totally unavailable, he never said he had any intention of changing them, now that she had obviously transformed so much. He said he wanted to be more present, but to her it just sounded like he wanted to do this more often. And now that she had the kids she always wanted, Shelby found herself craving a companion. She was a little old for dreams of a white wedding and all of that, but just someone that she could count on would do.

She could count on Connor, but only when he was around. He would do anything for her, but she wouldn't dare to summon him for fear that she would be met with his absence. She looked at him, suddenly very sad and he noticed it. He squinted his eyes at her, because it was dark and he wanted to be certain, but then he just pulled her up and over him, and after she was comfortably laid in his chest he hugged her.

He didn't say anything to her. Didn't even ask why she had suddenly gone like that. And she knew why. The only way Connor knew how to be intimate to her was physically. He was already fondling her again, when her bell rang and she jumped five feet in the air and ran desperately upstairs to put a jeans on. When she finally held the doorknob in her hand, she was panting and didn't even bother to check who it was.

Which turned out to be a mistake as her teenage daughter just waltzed into the house, babbling happily about how she had brought the DVDs of Hair and Godspell for them to see.

"Also, I just got the DVD for Chess in Concert, and I don't think we'll have time, but I thought to bring it anyway because maybe we can fit it in."

Shelby frowned, still trying to get her breathing steady and trying to figure out if that last one coupled with the big bag was an indirect for Rachel wanting to stay over. She had forgotten her child. How could she?

"Rachel, slow down. My brain cannot process all that information at once right now. Just go into the kitchen. I bought you some soy yogurt. I'll be there in a minute." Rachel nodded, but put on dejected face like Shelby had scolded her or something. She was turning on her heels when Connor came into the living room, and Shelby's only luck was that at least he had had the decency of putting his pants on. She would scream at him for not wearing a shirt too, but his Hugo Boss button blouse was actually on her body at that very moment.

"Cat, what's wrong?" Connor looked at Rachel, then at her, then back at Rachel. A very confused expression crept on.

"Connor, have I ever told you I was a surrogate when I was young and that I have a biological daughter?" She tried to sound nonchalant and put some humor into it. Usually she could count on Connor when it came to odd sense of humor, but today was the day he decided to just stand there looking dumbfounded.

"No, if you had, I'm sure I'd recall." Shelby nodded and then sheepishly walked towards Rachel, putting an encouraging hand on her back and propelling her forward.

"This is Rachel. Rachel, this is Connor. He's a friend of mine."

They shook hands and Connor looked embarrassed, but curious. Shelby had the impression she was witnessing the end of the "Shelby Corcoran and Connor Ormond Story" right in front of her eyes. She felt incredible saddened, but not enough to try and do something about it. It was like seeing a favorite piece of clothing that doesn't really fit anymore get ruined.

"I'm gonna check up on Beth, why don't you two make yourselves comfortable in the kitchen for a minute?" she added so tiredly that she was sure she hadn't sounded very nice, but turned her back on them and stalked out anyway.

After a staring contest that lasted a fair amount of time, Rachel led Connor into the kitchen, even though it seemed like Connor needed little leading. He seemed more comfortable there than she was.

"So, I'm going to rummage through your mother's food cabinet for something that isn't made of soy, gluten-free or... well, baby formula," he joked at her, but Rachel promptly blushed, feeling really ashamed about the fact that Shelby had been going out of her way to please her food sensibilities and that that was somehow a laughing matter. Connor picked up on it, and then it was his time to look sheepish. "Oh, you're the reason for Shelby's new and improved food habits." He added a smile that was genuinely nice and nonthreatening, but that was of little use.

"To be fair, she didn't really stop eating what she likes," Rachel tried in her defense. Connor seemed to be really intimate with her mother, and she didn't want him thinking Rachel was pushing her will through Shelby like a spoiled little girl, when she had no right to. Obviously, when it came to Shelby, Connor had more claim. "She just says it doesn't make much sense having two of a bunch of things, when she's perfectly fine with soy and gluten-free. She stills eats meat. And real chocolate. She says soy chocolate is torture."

"Oh yeah, she's picky with that. Don't try and take away her gourmet chocolate, she'll kill you." He laughed, trying to break the tension, but Rachel didn't know how to loosen up to him. Thankfully Shelby walked into the kitchen right then, Beth in one arm and the button blouse she was just wearing in another, stretched out to Connor. He grabbed it, and dressed himself, perfectly at ease.

"Rach, do you mind waiting in the TV room? Connor and I need some privacy."

Rachel agreed, not the least bothered to get away, but didn't leave right away. "Do you want me to take Beth?" she asked innocently, and only realized how huge was her question the minute Shelby looked back at her with wide eyes and staggered an, "Are you sure?" Rachel's issues with the adoption had not vanished, but she didn't have a valid reason right there not to take the baby and play with her for five minutes so Shelby could have a conversation without an infant bouncing on her waist. So she just stretched out her arms and let Shelby carefully place her adopted half-sister on her arms, and felt the warm of her little body seep into her.

Beth had always been an obstacle in Rachel's life somehow. Their connection was already bizarre and full of resentment. Yet, she couldn't make herself loathe that beautiful creature she held. She was completely innocent. And having those big pure eyes on her just made Rachel heart melt, and the brunette felt a strong desire to squeeze the adorable baby like she was the sibling Rachel never had. Maybe one day, it would feel like she was. But that day, Rachel just smiled timidly and hurried away from the kitchen.

"If you're going to kick me out, can I at least eat first?" Connor joked, and Shelby thought bitterly that they were indeed disconnected emotionally that weekend. Right at that moment, she was in an absolute non-nonsense mood.

"I need to know that this won't impair our professional relationship, Connor."

"What exactly is this? And what professional relationship?" Connor tried to play dumb and Shelby felt some anger rise.

"You're one of my sponsors."

"No, I'm one of Carmel's sponsors, it just happens that I think the arts deserve some attention and sports not so much."

"You were a jock, Connor."

"Look, I'm not going to whine here. I know I haven't been a boyfriend to you; it's just a little overwhelming to parachute into your new reality. We used to be two free adults doing a casual thing, and I'm not so sure I'm ready for more commitment."

"Well, Connor, I'm not so sure you'll ever be ready for more commitment. I'm sorry that I moved on in the short time of one year that you completely forgot I existed, and I know that it used to be ok, so you don't get it. But I grew lonely at some point and it just wasn't okay anymore. I'm gonna need that boyfriend now. But don't worry, I never expected you to pull me into your arms and tell me you'll stay, adopt my baby, and grow old with me. I just keep seeing this picture in my head now, but funny enough you were never in it to begin with."

Shelby just shrugged, actually quite relieved to let all of that out of her chest and she intended to just go meet Rachel and let him find his way out when he called her back.

"What if you were in mine?"

"Was I?" She arched an eyebrow at him, accusingly.

"I'm just saying you never stopped to consider that maybe the reason I keep coming back it's not just because I like you and we are good in bed. This town is not so freaking small. I can have my pick of attractive women, but I always pick you. I'm not a moron, I know Shelby Corcorans are not easy to come by. Even for a guy like me, finding a truly intelligent woman who is hard-working, fascinating, gorgeous, grounded, and not interested in my money, is not easy. It's very hard, Shelby. Even in Washington. Mostly I'm between gold diggers, blood suckers and the uptight, home-schooled millionaire heiresses. I've been looking, and there are just not that many Shelbys out there. You're not being fair. You never said you wanted to marry and have a family; you were a freaking workaholic, just like me. And while I am exceptional in many ways, but I haven't quite mastered the art of reading minds. I'm down here for an invitational; you can't just expect me to settle to all of this immediately, get on my knees and propose. And what? Uproot myself from Washington, forget about getting to the Supreme Court and come live in Lima? Uproot you and your baby, tell you to kill your successful career and separate yourself from your recently found teenage daughter? Seriously, am I just supposed to hold you, tell you that love will keep us together and that we'll figure it out?"

Shelby just stared at him at shock for a moment, wondering from where all of that had come.

"No, I don't," she finally answered, a bit too sincerely.

"But we're back at the beginning. You're not being fair. You never asked me if I wanted to get serious with you, you just assumed that I wouldn't. Just because I've been sleeping around and being casual about us, it doesn't mean I would be opposed to something else."

"All right, Connor. Are you saying you want to be serious about me, and engage with all of this that I have going on?"

"Maybe. It's just a lot to figure out, and I need some time to do it."

Shelby took a deep breath. This was all too new for her to take in. She understood what Connor was saying, and it was that he was more or less feeling like she was right now. She had sprung the family on him, and he had sprung the sly possibility that they could have a real relationship on her— a few years too late if she had a say in it.

She wasn't stupid. She didn't love Connor, but she was a 40-year-old woman with so much baggage, and she wouldn't be as moronic to turn Connor down if he ever pulled his shit together and decided he wanted to come through for her.

However, she wasn't really holding her breath, for their lives were running pretty much on ways she doubted they would ever effectively get them crossed and unified. Not without a lot of sacrifice involved, and she knew she wasn't willing to give up the aforementioned things. Her daughters and her career were the only things she had to show for. They were the only things that made her worthy of breathing the air on this earth.

But if he did come around, and she was still alone... Connor was a good man. He'd be a good life companion, even if her cynicism kept her from fully believing he would give up on having sex with other women, and he would be a good father. If only he could make himself want all of those things. Really want them, not just do it because it would be good for his career or because he was getting old and thought he should settle. It was cute of him to say that she was amazing, but she wasn't amazing enough to even get her current best friend to show up for a date on time. She was high-maintenance and far from a catch, and she would be lucky to have Connor if he thought otherwise. She didn't think she would have him, though. Her instinct was telling her he would go to Washington, think about all of this and forget she ever existed. So she just walked up to him and kissed him once more. But this time, it was a sad and tired goodbye kiss, for her hopes were low and she was just too old for this to be more promising or more heartbreaking.

"Okay. Go and figure it out. Take as much time as you want, just don't expect me to sit around and freeze my life while you do it."

Shelby looked up at him and saw what was a mixture of gloom and anger. She would have been afraid if she wasn't completely sure Connor would never harm her, or anybody for that matter. He was too good of a guy. She could have made herself love him, she just wasn't sure about the rest. She had more to lose in that very moment than ever before, and casual was just not an option anymore. It was time for Shelby to commit to life. And life was waiting for her in the TV room, and if that was all she was going to get, if the right man never came around, it was okay. It was enough.

Will sat at the piano, gathering the music sheets distractedly while the students vacated the choir room, some of them still belting a few things from their Disney Movies assignment.

"Bye Mr. Schue." He looked up to say goodbye back to Finn and saw that Rachel was still seating there, patiently waiting for everybody to leave. She gave him a small smile and he indulged by smiling back, even though he knew that those private chats Rachel liked to have with him tended to be annoying. "Rachel, if this is about the solo..." he started to warn her.

"There'll be other solos, Mr. Schue. That's not I want to talk to you about." Will raised his eyebrow, completely baffled, because since when Rachel was okay with not getting solos?

"What is it then?"

Rachel looked accusingly at the closed door. "It's private. Can we please wait until Mercedes and Kurt stop listening?" Will walked to the door and ripped it open, and sure enough, Mercedes and Kurt almost fell in the ground from leaning in against the door. Tina, Artie, Santana and Brittany were hanging around just behind them and tried to either act casual or disperse discreetly, very unsuccessfully.

"Guys, go away. This is not acceptable." They tried to look ashamed, but Will caught the nasty look Kurt sent Rachel's way and he was starting to get a little sick of this. He had tried to adapt Shelby's strategy to help her students cope with adversity but ran into a very solid wall he never saw coming: internal bullying. And Rachel was the number one victim of this too. She was for sure a little abrasive and he couldn't stand her diva tantrums, but maybe she wouldn't be like that so much if she didn't feel threatened all the time. When Rachel felt welcomed and safe around people, she was a sweetheart. The few times he had crossed her in Shelby's house she had actually been pleasant company. He sat in one of the chairs next to her and spoke softly.

"So, what is it, Rachel?"

"It's about my mother," Rachel replied timidly.

"What about her?"

"What's going on between you and her, Mr. Schue?"

"We are friends, Rachel. I thought she had filled you in."

"She did. Except, Finn and I saw you two in the park when we went for a picnic the other day, and it didn't look just friendly."

Will knew he was busted. That day in the park had been a fluke, though if he thought carefully, Shelby and he were becoming rather touchy-feely. She was becoming more comfortable around him and opening her doors. She first had let him touch her hand that night back at Beth's nursery and then one day they were having lunch and he absentmindedly started caressing her wrist. She had looked up at him, and for a moment he was sure he would get in trouble, but she just gave him her best mischievous smile, eyes glistening in amusement. Eventually she had slipped a finger into his palm and subtly caressed him back. If the effect that minor display of affection had had on him was any indication, Rachel was dead on. And there was the picnic and how he felt that day, serenading his 'friend' to sleep, having her on his lap or just simply watching her. Will didn't have many friends, but he was sure that when you start getting butterflies over that stuff, you are screwed.

Then, along came that party; when he finally made to it, of course. He expected to find her furious at him, but she just nodded understandingly at his apologies and walked away. Will had followed her into the study afterwards because he thought she might be keeping it discrete and want a word with him alone. How surprised and jealous was he when he walked into some guy fetching himself some liquor from her private cabinet and then kissing her neck like it was nothing! Like Shelby let people kiss her like that all the freaking time!

Will hadn't been able to resist interrupting and asking for a word, but of course all he got was an earful from her. All the fake tolerance came crumbling down and she got to him like a mad bull, and literally used six different ways to call him a moron and another four to express that it was none of his business what she was doing with Connor because he was three hours late.

He had considered leaving, but knowing full well the only thing that would accomplish would be her being twice as pissed next time they met, he took upon himself to look after Beth and told Mary to go home. After everybody had left, she gave him a nasty look and went up to change, but he put Beth in the crib and followed her, begging her to let him apologize. After almost forty minutes of him trying to talk his way through her defenses and her screaming, he had finally mellowed her enough that when he gently held her by the elbows and put a not so candid goodbye kiss at her cheek, she didn't downright killed him. And all of that, if he was honest, was not just 'friendly'.

But depending on what Rachel had seen, it wasn't just an issue of Will tenderly touching her mother in public. It could be more, as Will remembered very vividly he had let his mind wander to places it shouldn't. So, he just shrugged at her, at a loss.

"Are you in love with her?" Rachel pressed further.

"Would you mind if I was?"

"Mr. Schue, don't answer a question with another question. And no, I wouldn't mind. I'm not saying it wouldn't be weird at first if you two dated, but I could get used to it. But, are you? In love?"

"I don't know, Rachel. I really don't," Will growled, frustrated, making her get out of his face and look down at her hands.

"Well, we're still in a process of getting close, but she's my mother, and she's not as hard as she likes to let people think she is, so please don't hurt her. I know I'm young and inexperienced, but I had a boy playing with my feelings before and all of that fake friendship stuff, and it was really awful."

"I'm not going to play your mother. If I have feelings for her, I'll deal with them. We'll deal with them. You don't have to worry."

"Maybe you'd want to hurry..."

"Why?"

Rachel bit her lip and looked away from him. "Well, don't tell her that I told you because she'll kill me, but there was this guy in her house when I came by the other day. And she was wearing his shirt."

"A guy?" Will repeated, feeling as though he had been punched in the stomach.

"I think his name was Connor. He seemed nice, but I think they got into a fight."

_Fucking Connor had slept with her!_ Will wanted to kill that guy, he really did. But he couldn't let Rachel see how upset he was. "If he seemed nice, then what's the problem?"

Rachel just shrugged. "I know you and I haven't always got along, Mr. Schue. I'm a pain sometimes. But I know that even though you don't really like me, you wouldn't try and pry my mother away from me. I'm just now getting to know her. And what happens if she gets married? Beth is one thing, she's a baby, the guy could easily take her as his. But the deranged teenager biological daughter that she doesn't even has to take care of? She wants a family. She told me that. She has barely managed to open a little space for me in her life, and I know she wouldn't if she had a shot at a real family and I was unwanted."

"Rachel, I think you're totally wrong. I think your mother will never just cut you out."

"She would. She has before."

"She was trying to do what's best for you."

"And then she might have to try and do what's best for Beth, who is her real child right now. And that would be having a family, with a suitable father."

Will wanted to fix Rachel's messed up ideas about her relationship with Shelby, but it still felt like it wasn't his place. So he tried to come up with something else to tell her, just so that conversation wouldn't be left hanging.

"I can't just profess love to your mother because you're afraid..."

"Of course not. I'm just saying in case I am right, and the way you were touching her face that day was really way too intimate, Mr. Schue, you should go for it. I'm rooting for you."

Rachel got up and walked to the door.

"Rachel." She turned. "I don't dislike you."

Will expected her face to light up like it usually did when somebody paid her a compliment, but it remained impassive and hard, just like Shelby's would when she thought she was being patronized or lied to.

"Yeah, right." Rachel retorted cynically. It really hurt him to see her talking like that, but before he could do anything, she was out, leaving him with his thoughts. And how complicated those thoughts were.

* * *

**A/N:** So, my beta, NastElliBurg, just founded and is presiding the Connor Fan Club. If you care to join, you can always PM her. If you care to kill her for choosing Shelby/Connor over Shell, it would mean a lot to me if you waited until she's done editing the fic. Really, it would be too hard to find someone as awesome as she is.


	8. Heaven Help My Heart

**A/N: **So now I have to apologize to all the people who have been really loving all the long chapters, but this is a really tiny one. It's the beginning of a little plotline though, and one that I think a lot of people will appreciate. I sure hope so.

70 reviews! Thank you so much for all of your inputs. I really, really loved the reviews from the last chapter. I never imagined Connor would make such an impression. I don't if or when he'll return though. Let's see how the story goes.

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**Heaven Help M****y Heart**

Will leaned against the window and enjoyed the scenery, curling up with a cup of tea in his hands. In moments like this he could love the winter, even if it had barely started. Shelby sat by his side, typing madly at her laptop, likely answering her 200th email of the day. Her peppermint tea laid unattended, cold by now. He would have told her to relax and enjoy the trip, but she was so touchy any commentary would probably lead to a reenactment of _Murder on the Orient Express_.

Shelby had called him Monday morning asking about his plans for the weekend, which as always consisted of meeting her or slouching on his couch. If he got too bored, he might risk the theater or a movie, but lately he would call her to see if she wanted to tag along.

It had started when a community theater version of Rent had been staged in Lima, and he loved Rent, so he was rather delighted when she called saying she had tickets to the opening for both of them. They allowed themselves some moderate excitement, until the thing started. Shelby had exploded in laughter halfway trough 'Light My Candle' and then just went on to snort and speak ill of the whole thing.

"Will, he is singing it flat, and it's not even the right tone."

"Why is he crying? It's La Vie Boheme. I don't get it."

"Oh my, he just walked into the wall! Will, tell me you saw that!"

"Is that a hard on?"

All he could do was bent down to not let the people beside him see how much he was cracking up.

"Shelby, do you wanna leave?" he managed to choke out eventually.

"What, and miss this? God, no. It's like watching a train crash into the Grand Canyon with fireworks on top of it over and over again."

The guy seating right in front of her turned and gave her a nasty glare. It didn't distress her at all. Shelby was of the opinion that she was allowed to have an opinion and voice it in any way she wanted it, even if she was being rude, and she knew she was. She couldn't help it— the comments kept jumping from her mouth and no way in hell she would let herself be intimidated by some community theater buff. So she offered him a blank stare, while Will shifted closer to her. The minute that angry energy was directed at Shelby, Will felt protective.

"What? Clearly the director is invested in mediocrity," she added impassively.

"My son is on that stage." Will could see a vein pulsing in the guy's neck and stiffed, ready to jump in front of Shelby if this man tried anything against her.

"I'm not going to ask you who he is, because I'm sure I already said something shitty about him, and I'm not going to take it back. Now, if you want to pass along the criticism, you may be doing some good. Personal growth is not something invented by the marketing department of publishing houses to sell self-help books, you know?"

"You're a bitch, you know that?" Okay, Will wasn't going to wait; he was going to kick this guy's ass. And Shelby felt it. Will nervous energy was reverberating around. It was cute and she was flattered, but it was so unnecessary she just put her hand in Will's arm, hoping he would get her silent plea.

"Yes I am. Now can I enjoy the rest of the piece, please?"

"Leonard, leave it, please," a woman that was probably his wife whispered to him, and he turned around, not content, but acquiescing. Will should have berated her for almost giving him a heart attack, making him believe he would have to basically save her from an assault. But then again, if he was to be candid, he loved the idea of saving her, as long as it wasn't saving Shelby from herself.

From that day on, they tried to steal a few hours every week to catch a movie or a play, and he would sit and have the most fun of his life without watching much of anything, just relishing in her mock horror and malicious remarks. Or her face when they didn't have the right type of chocolate. Will had come to find out she had quite a sweet tooth, but God she was fussy.

In a way, they were doing the same thing this weekend, except they were traveling all the way to Boston to do it, and he suspected Shelby would be uncharacteristically quiet tonight. For her, it was work.

Shelby had explained to Will how after failing in New York, she had applied to Berklee and got a scholarship to study Music Education. She had called an old professor in her alma mater, and he had agreed to set up an information session for her with a few interested seniors so she could discuss potential employment at Carmel. Convincing these kids to drag themselves to Ohio to work with a bunch of teenagers wouldn't be easy, but if anybody could charm their prejudices off, it was Shelby Corcoran, especially with her impressive collection of trophies and titles.

Working for a few years at Carmel was not such a bad thing. The school paid a considerably high salary, one that matched some of the east coast elite schools. They got Shelby for a boss and the opportunity to learn from her, and when it came to musical education she was one of the best and most awarded professionals in the country.

The information session wasn't until tomorrow though, and Shelby had reserved the night at a hotel so they could check the production of _Carmen_ at Boston University's Opera Institute. Shelby's former teacher knew some kid there that was quite good; he was drenched in student loans and Shelby could be his savior. Since she was obsessed with offering an Opera course at Carmel she figured this could work out to both of their benefits.

Will suspected that most of those emails were some sort of negotiation between Shelby and Principal Lancaster, as she was still completely unhappy with the budget he offered her for the Opera class. He was resisting telling her that it was three times the budget of his Glee club and that she was being greedy, because greedy was one of the forbidden words to say in front of Shelby. It wounded and disturbed her to be called that; she took it to heart where it heightened other saddening and wrongful impressions she concocted about herself. That box was like Pandora's— it better off forever unopened.

He caught a smile from her, and got curious. "Good news, Shel?"

Shelby's head shot up at the novel nickname for her. She was being a terrible traveling companion and she knew it. But there were just so many things to resolve and she hadn't told Will she was a little claustrophobic. They could have flown in, but she would have died. Airplanes caused her such panic and the only way she ever got through it was with Ambien. Trains were less terrifying, but she still fidgeted, and needed to keep busy.

But between arguing via email with Lancaster and settling the last details with her former mentor, she ended up in a Skype conversation with Jesse in LA, Cole, her former second male lead who actually had landed in Berkelee with a praising recommendation from her, Haylee, who was back home, and Andrea, who was writing all the way from her dorm in the Royal Academy of Music in London.

She missed them horribly. They were the funniest, most talented, most infuriating children she ever had to mentor, and letting them flood her computer screen with those unintelligible messages made her heart throb and ache to have them all around her again. Jesse was, even through the web chat, commanding everybody with that ridiculous way of speaking.

"How is the baby?"

"She is fine, Jess," she typed back.

"You should let me be the godfather. Her parents have good voices, but they are so pedestrian. I shall be Beth's Shelby."

"I will be Beth's Shelby, Jesse!"

"No! You'll be her mom. She needs a Coach Corcoran! She needs a Coach St. James. So, it's settled."

"What? No!" And by that point, everybody else jumped into the conversation, she got lost and was now reading the messages furiously trying to understand how they ended up talking about the merits of the West London cast of Wicked. And then something about Jesse's fan club at UCLA and a college production of Spring Awakening he was going to star in, and by the time she got to soothe down Haylee's jealously and privately scold Jess for that mean antic when he had just returned from spending the summer in Paris with the high-schooler, he had already moved on to telling everybody how, as Beth's godfather, he was going to turn her into a Buddhist. How did those kids type so fast?

"I beg your pardon, Jesse?" She tried to seem fuming, but when did Jesse ever care for that? He had been immune to her ferocity since he found out how much she loved him years ago. She just didn't accept that he disrespected her in VA time, or that he would mock her openly in front of the other performers, but outside of that, they were pretty much accomplices.

"I know you're Jewish, but if she will be a star, she needs a cool religion. Jewish is outdated. And so is her name. As godfather, can I change her name? She shall be named Wendla. Wait, no. Elphaba. Wait, wait. Florence!"

"You know what, you're not a student anymore. So, fuck off, Jesse."

Stunned silence, or rather, blankness. Shelby smiled, victoriously. And that's when Will brought her out of her trance. Will had never called her Shel before. It had been a while since anybody had. Mer always called her Bee, and her last boyfriend called her Golden, because of her obsession with the stars. Most of her nicknames had been ambiguous and related to things that represented her, like Cat. Shel was new. Shel was sweet, but atypical, and she wasn't sure how she felt about it.

Her screen blinked and she turned away from Will to check, and buy some time.

"I'm offended. And riveted! Our first lovers' quarrel in months!" The platonic flirting. She missed that too. She didn't care how weird and immoral it seemed. Shelby would never cross that line with a student, even Jesse, and everything between them had always been harmless. The fact that there were three other people reading that conversation was proof to that. She had nothing to hide, and her only reaction was a hysterical laugh. She could sense Will's eyes boring into her and felt guilt again.

"I miss you, kiddo."

"Yeah, I miss you too. And even though you are a little off the age mark, I will totally let you join my entourage when I become famous. See? I don't hold grudges, my love."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll give it a thought. I have to go now."

She said goodbye to each kid individually, demanding long emails detailing their college music assignments and everything else they wanted to tell her, since she always was too happy to keep up with her pupils. Cole begged her to help him find some music for an audition and she made a side note to look it up, setting a coffee date with him after the thing at Berklee.

Shelby put a hand at Will's arm, closing her laptop with the other. "Will, I'm so sorry. I haven't been a very good traveling companion."

In fact, Will was about to complain about how neglected he was feeling, however he melted as soon as their eyes met. He always did, even more so when she was as cute as she was right at that moment, all frazzled from the trip, but still quirky and happy. Rachel's words came to him and he shuddered, even though there was nothing but warmth spreading through his chest as she snuggled against the seat, twisting to the side to face him. He bent over her to pull the blanket over her legs, inhaling the mind-blowing scent of cherry blossom, peppermint and Beth irradiating from her. Being in love with this woman was not totally out of consideration, and she didn't make it easier for him to keep things platonic.

He pulled slightly away, but she nestled her head against his and kissed his shoulder softly.

"I'm all yours now, I promise."

_Heaven_, Will thought, _help my heart_.


	9. Perfume and Promises

**A/N:** So, 80 reviews for 8 chapters, that's an average 10 reviews/chapter. That's pretty good! Of course I wouldn't mind terribly if it was even better. Silent readers, give us a piece of your mind. Or I might have to get really mean... (insert the Wicked Witch of the West laughter here). Though, I might get cruel any way. My imagination is evil. Only you can stop it. ;)

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**Perfume and Promises**

Arriving in the middle of the afternoon, Shelby and Will checked into the astonishing Lenox. He got himself the smallest, cheapest room they had, while she was somewhere upstairs in the one-bedroom suite Carmel was paying for her. Her principal might be hard on her, but he knew that expecting her to work in a weekend, even if it was her idea, and not getting her the best accommodations and services would earn him the tantrum of a lifetime. And nobody wanted to sit through a Shelby Corcoran tantrum.

They were both starving, but agreed to eat room service and focus on getting settled and ready for the long night they had ahead. After the opera, they were meeting the student Shelby was interested in and her former mentor for drinks, dinner and entertainment, and God only knew what the latter one was supposed to be.

Will was at the sophisticated bar at 7 PM, and had sipped through a considerable amount of club sodas by the time she joined him.

"Sorry I'm late," she whispered in his ear, leaning in his shoulder to grab his glass and take a sip. Will was invaded once again by her perfume, something entirely different now. Whatever little trace of Beth had left her, and she smelled very much adult right now. And expensive, and he knew it was a very refined perfume, even if he couldn't place its name. But most of all, she smelled like a sensual, incredible promise, and as he got a peek of her lingering body in that purple strapless dress he thought he was either the luckiest man on this planet or the most hapless one.

Shelby looked down at herself, feeling very self-conscious. Will had turned into a zombie, and even though he looked like an idiot, it was adorable…yet nerve-racking. Shelby was not clueless; things were getting out of control with them. Maybe it was a mistake to have invited him.

"Will, can we go? We're late."

"Yes, yes." He snapped out of it, but not fully. He couldn't tear his eyes from her gorgeous face, adorned by the delicate locks hanging loosely from her elaborate bun. He put one hand on her lower back and relished the fact that she let him, and they walked in a half daze to the lobby and then to the car. His fingers brushed the soft silk of her dress; hers closed around his elbow as she pulled herself closer to him, close enough that he could feel her hips pressing against his. At a certain point, he had to remind himself to breathe. She noted that, smirking at him slyly, but refrained to comment and he was grateful for that. Will couldn't believe how things had gone from extremely uncomplicated to extremely challenging. It was like Rachel's wake up call had risen the stakes. Would he take the bet? And if he did, would it pay off?

Will was never a big fan of opera, but right now he was thankful for the colorful, artful, technically outstanding rendition of Carmen he was rejoicing, as he found himself in the need of a big distraction in that moment. He remained, notwithstanding, rigid and was sure he was experiencing some tachycardia.

Shelby's chin was lying in her apparently new favorite place, his arm, and their fingers were intertwined casually. Except, it felt more and more like a pretty big deal. It was the Emma situation all over again, and he didn't know what to do. With Emma, they both had other people they had to think about. But Shelby and he were free. Which of course didn't mean she would embrace his crush on her, rather than be troubled. Which of course didn't mean they wouldn't fall apart.

He looked down at her, and her expressive eyes seemed to flow with the emotions of the show. She could express all the beauty of Carmen with almost the same complexity as the spectacle just through her face. Her beautiful, unique, radiant face that kept him constantly hypnotized. Without thinking, Will bent down and pressed a kiss on the top of her head. He couldn't help thinking she was his most precious possession. Except, she was not his.

They had limits, and if they started playing outside the lines, things could go chaotic. Shelby was nothing if not capricious, and he couldn't know how she would react to his change of heart. She stiffed a little and sat straight, fully back on her seat, and Will felt himself go out of breath over her sudden coldness.

"I'm going out for air," he finally murmured to Shelby, his mouth almost touching her rose cheek as he leaned into her ear, and stumbled across the theater under her incredulous gaze.

For an instant, Shelby was paralyzed. Deep down she knew why Will was being peculiar, but they were grown-ups. She was not going to play this game with him. He had a mouth and she was sure he knew plenty of words.

They were there to see the Opera, but she had gone and seen. From the first five minutes it was unquestionable Bryce Hall was a very talented director and she would be most fortunate if she was ever able to drag him to Ohio for a year or two to teach such a nonpareil art to teens. If there was any doubt in her mind, it was to the fairness of this. Money had a way of screwing things up, and she was ashamed of herself for showing up there, offering an obscene pile of money to some kid with endless debts and bankrupt parents and sidetracking him from his destiny. Even if she kept telling herself it was just for a small amount of time. She would go ballistic if for financial reasons Jesse or Rachel, let alone Beth, ended up doing something that was beneath them.

She sighed loudly, and got up too. She could use some air as well. By the time Shelby made it to the lobby, her phone started beeping. She checked it, and it was a text. From Will. Fuming, Shelby quickly scanned it. "_Went back to the hotel. See you tomorrow. Will." _

"You gotta be fucking kidding me," she fumed, attracting the looks of the few people around. He had left her there and totally blew her off. _"See you tomorrow?"_

Shelby steamed into the bar, drowning a vodka in about one second. It was all she could do not to take a cab back to the Lenox and bite Will's head off. She had work to do, despite the fact that uncertainty had been plaguing her all night. She had to talk to Bryce. Maybe he could say something to her that made her stop feeling like a dream crusher, and if he didn't, maybe she could offer some advice.

The drinks and dinner with Bryce Hall and her teacher, Sean, were not that bad. As expected, Bryce was smart and listened carefully to what she had to say. Shelby explained what it was that she was offering him, no lies. She told him priorities can and will change all the time, but you should never lose perspective. Being obsessed with her dream made her create a deep wound that would never heal, no matter how well she managed to patch it up (and she wasn't doing all that bad currently). But she had given herself a chance to make something of her life, and when that didn't work, she made it as good as she could. Bryce was 21. He had to understand that sometimes, compromises grow lives of their own and devour you. So you had to be careful when making them. Besides, her doors would always be opened to talent like his.

Engrossed, Bryce took her words in and then explained where he was coming from, and it was her time to be attentive to every word. That first vodka turned into two, and her focus was a little frail. She didn't want to miss a thing. She was going to shut this whole thing down before taking a punch at her own integrity.

Bryce had elucidated that unfortunately, the reason wasn't just money. He had other proposals, none as financially appealing as hers, but artistically, they seemed better. _Seemed_, because not a single one involved working with opera and he wasn't sure how much better it would be to do art direction for some off-Broadway musical.

Shelby had nodded carefully and responded, "Go do it, and then come and tell me. If you're not happy, we'll work something out. And this is when you realize how lucky you are that I'm a patient, considerate woman. Hold on to that gratefulness you feel right now, because you'll find very little of that in show business, and you certainly don't want to try and break in when nobody remembers you anymore. Yes, you'd get to actually direct some spectacles and they would surely be amazing, but that would be in Ohio. In a high school."

"I did my research. On you, Carmel, your sponsors. It seems to me like you have quite a supportive, interested community."

"Opera isn't show choir; you won't get them a trophy. They like those. They like winning. It could be Curling, it wouldn't matter. Just, think about what I said, okay?"

He smiled at her, already feeling indebted to this amazing woman. And Shelby picked up on it, and felt good, though part of the good she was feeling was in view of the fact that she was a little woozy.

After she was done with Bryce, Sean put his best effort to grab her attention. Sean was not exactly unattractive, even already being in his late 50s. He was a swimmer who was in perfect shape, a sax player, and that could be sexy as hell, and overall charming. His bright blue eyes sparkled at her, showering her with an adoration that could almost mend her torn heart. Be that as it may, casual sex with her mentor? Her common sense had not left the building entirely yet.

But it was just a matter of time and how many drinks they could slip her, so Shelby politely declined their many offers for 'entertainment', which she knew would mean the hangover of a lifetime, and begged them to push her into a taxi in their way to fun. Gentlemen that they were, they obliged, but not before making her eat some dessert because Sean wanted to put some sugar in her stomach just in case. "You are too pretty to be an easy prey, my dear," he had told her with a smile and then Bryce transformed into Jesse right in front of her eyes, all young worries and consideration, and absolutely insisted they dropped her off.

Shelby was sober before she jumped out of the car and waved them a kind goodbye, but now she was observing the mini bar uncannily. The alcohol had subdued, between other things, her disappointment at Will. Now she was sitting on her sofa, in some sexy-as-hell black laced underwear, sipping at peppermint tea while she considered filling the tub. She was exhausted, but there was a smothering verve tugging her chest and so she was restless.

She was pulled out of her reverie by a soft tap on the door, knowing it could only be one person. She could pretend she wasn't there, but she was pissed at Will because he ran away from her. No, Shelby was going to be the bigger person.

"Just a minute," she shouted for him not to leave while she drew into her room and put on black yoga pants and her old long sleeved Berkelee shirt, both of which were a little more flattering to her body than it was probably safe, but when there was someone anxiously perched outside her door, she tried not to be too picky.

She welcomed Will in, spinning on her heels and marching back to the sofa without bothering to say a word or waiting for him to come in. He did anyways, and she expected nothing less of him than being able to stroll in by himself like a big boy. She could tell he was embarrassed, as he wouldn't take his eyes of the floor, but she could tell something else was amiss and she was scared. Of him. Of his erratic behavior and of the threat it brought upon their now peaceful lives. Of what he could do, and how he could break her, because he was one of the few people in the world that could, and she wasn't sure if he fully realized how easily he could crush her between his fingers.

She held the mug again, positioning in front of her chest in a defensive way and glared scathingly at him. He stood in the middle of the living room dressed in casual jeans and the dark plum sweater from Hugo Boss that had been a gift from her. She loved that sweater. She hated that he had used it in that particular situation.

Will had spent his whole night going over this. The sexual tension was killing him; sure, he was a man. But the thing was, he had wanted her for a while now. As a woman, a companion, a lover. He wanted her, and Beth, and the life he was casually living without it being officially his life. Until when? Until the day some guy like Connor showed up and claimed her and the baby? This was his family already!

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have abandoned you there. I know you're pissed, as you have every right to be, because I was childish and with that I demonstrated that I'm not to be trusted." He finally looked straight into her and the disappointment in her eyes cut him like a knife. Will walked slowly to the couch and sat next to her, too close for his own good. He motioned to touch her arm and her body became rigid.

"You are already retreating into yourself and I don't want that. I want the exact opposite because I can, Shelby, I can be trusted. I want nothing but for you to trust me. And we built a bridge, which I broke tonight. However I can't just give up and accept that I broke it forever. I can't lose you. You and Beth mean the world to me."

In a way, Shelby seemed so disconnected he couldn't be certain she heard a word. Her eyes were on him, but they were glassy, lifeless.

Shelby wasn't fully paying attention. Just enough. Her mind was working ferociously. She had to be reasonable. She was trying really hard to, and that was not her forte when it came to her feelings. She could keep the door open for a Bryce, but a Will had so much power over her, and by nature she was so freaking dramatic, she felt and reacted to everything with ten times the normal intensity. She was too wounded and too pissed. But she didn't want to lose him either.

Suddenly, her eyes turned down to her right hand, which she swore went dead and still, and all the processing ceased. Her fucking brain was benumbing her hand! Talk about being hysterical.

_Don't panic, nothing is wrong with your hand, _she started repeating franticly in her head. Then Will grabbed it, and managed to tear the tea mug away and she shut and opened the stiff hand again and again, while her brain leaped right back into the task of finding a way to making amends with Will, like a well-programmed computer.

Will frowned at her; he obviously hadn't noticed she had been freaking out in a whole new level.

"Shelby, are you okay? What's wrong?"

"Nothing," she answered quietly, and it was true. Nothing was wrong anymore. Just the fact that she still felt the little sting of being abandoned in the middle of a supposed date. Even though they were just friends, how could Will not understand proper date etiquette? How could he leave her, period, all by herself in strange a city? What if something had happened? Not that Shelby couldn't take care of herself, but she wanted him to want to protect her anyway. She wanted him to be there for her, even if things were weird and not all that comfortable.

"How much do you care for me, Will?" she asked suddenly, in an almost robotic tone and Will didn't know if he should be more worried about that or about the vulnerability her voice subtly betrayed. If he didn't know her so well, he would have missed it entirely. But it was there, it was because of him and it made him feel awful.

"Right now, above anybody else in this world."

"And that's how you treat somebody you just care so much for? You just walk away? You can't do that to me, Will. You should know that if you ever turn your back on me, by the time you turn back, I might not be there anymore."

Will nodded disheartened, because he didn't know if she meant she wasn't there anymore already. That he had lost her. She wasn't sure either. She looked away, but Will still could see a small tear pulling in the corner of her eye. The second it fell, he took his trembling hand to her stunning face and dried it.

Shelby felt him cup her cheek, and his hand stroke trough the side of her face to her hair, and felt the desperate urge to lean in, but that vulnerability was just too foreign, it was an aggressor. "Will," she whispered, almost pleadingly, but there was hint of yearning in her voice she hadn't been able to suppress.

He heard her, but he couldn't stop, didn't want to stop. That face, that defenselessness. She was fire and ice, exposure and secret, susceptibility and strength, and she pulled him in, in and in with all of her, and he wanted her all. So he held her, and he kissed her.

He touched her peppermint flavored lips, and felt her soft hair brush his fingertips, pain filling him. Not the bad kind, though. The kind that you get when something is so perfect that you feel you are going to die in just a minute, and you might just do that, because if the moment is over then you're really not alive anymore.

Shelby wanted to draw into him, wholly into him and disappear forever into him. She had never felt safer, and the way his lips caressed hers made her feel like she was never going to be alone in the world again. How could he want her that much? She showed him it all. The darkness in her, the one that she avoided showing even herself, so chilling it was. Could he want that? Did that kiss left anything left to question? No, it didn't feel like it, so she just kissed back, craving his affection badly, madly. _God, was she in love? _


	10. I'm Not That Girl

**A/N: **I got to give a big thanks to NastElilBuggr who made this chapter so much better than it was.

Also, I gotta thank so so much every reviewer! We are getting close to 100 reviews! I feel so fortunate I can barely express. You guys are the best!

I hope you enjoy the chapter.

* * *

**I'm Not That Girl**

Shelby was not sure for long they had been kissing. It had started slow, timid. She had looked at him, so afraid, begging with her eyes for him to see that she was too exposed. That if he just reached for her, he could shatter her into a million pieces. She was sure she was going to undo herself any second.

Will just held her cheek and stared back, his eyes kind as always, reassuring, but there was also desire burning in them.

Shelby could feel the warmth of his palm mixing with the heat pouring from her flushed cheek. And then he got closer, his breath was on her jaw and she didn't want it to go away. She tasted beer on his lips. He had been drinking too.

Shelby felt his chest press against her legs more and more, until she finally gave in and let go of her knees, passing a leg behind his back and another through his lap. Her hands went up to cup his face and she closed her eyes, letting go completely. He gently laid her down at the sofa, and they kissed and cuddled. They stopped kissing and she felt like she was twelve again with Will combing his hand through her hair with genuine adoration. She stroked his chest delicately, rubbing little circles over his sweater with her fingers, which Will took to his mouth and kissed. She watched, somewhat in a stupor, and then nuzzled her face in his neck, closing her eyes again and floating away.

Will hugged her, squeezing forcefully until she imagined if he was trying to smother her, but it felt good and she just let him do it. He might have done it for hours. She wondered if she slumbered.

At some point, Will started to caress her and she had roused back. It started as tenderness. His hand trickled slowly across her arms and back. And then one of them moved down to her leg and she couldn't help but smile nervously into his skin. She was glad he couldn't see her, because she was sure she had blushed like a high schooler.

Then his hand was under her old Berkelee shirt, and it became a hunger. Shelby's body reacted, unquestionably awake now. Her lips were moving across his throat when she felt the deep moan he was barely containing, and a sudden wave of confidence filled her. Her hands went down to his belt and she blindly unbuckled it, but when Will's hands slid further under her shirt and incited the skin beneath it, she temporarily gave up and allowed him to pull her shirt over her head. As soon as she was free of the material she resumed the path her mouth was taking across his collarbone. Her brain was screaming at her to stop, but her body was overriding her judgment. She couldn't – _wouldn't _stop.

But he pushed her down just as she reached for his buttons, and rose above her, looking down with a dumbfounded expression. Shelby knew that technically she had put on that strapless black bra for his benefit, but she hadn't really expected him to get a peek at it, and she felt humbled under his lusting gaze. And at the same time, the pause gave her brain the opportunity to restart from the buzzed stupor it had been in and her doubts clashed with her itch for him, as she all too quickly reached the conclusion that she was about to commit a mistake.

Will's fingers brushed against her waist and he was about to pull her pants down when at last Shelby found her voice. "Will, no."

And that was it. There was the word that breaks any decent guy in the universe, and Will was more then honorable. Pretending he didn't hear would make him a jerk, pushing would make him sordid. So he stopped, still as could be, his face furrowed in his puzzlement.

The hands that had also halted in their exploration pushed against his firm torso, and with the distance added between their heated bodies she was able to slip from beneath him and to her feet. She was hasty to put a few feet between them.

To say that Will felt perplexed was understatement. Hadn't she felt the things he felt? And then he was worried, because it hadn't occurred to him that he might be on his own on that boat, and that Shelby didn't need the excuse of another guy to push him away. Maybe she wasn't falling for him at all. And maybe there was already one of those complicated Shelby scenarios in her head, like she had calculated the probability of this messing up her life and freaked.

"Shel, please, come back here for a minute," he muttered kindly, but not without a trace of frustration in his tone.

Shelby numbly walked back and sat, facing forward and folding her hands in her lap, using all the decorum she had learned from her wealthier colleagues to create an ice barrier between them.

"I'm sorry," she muttered, her voice barely audible.

Shelby started shivering a little from being half naked from the torso up, and Will immediately took his sweater off and wrapped around her shoulders, using the action to get closer to her body.

"Sweetie, what's wrong?"

Shelby rolled her eyes at him, more at the way he was addressing her than at the fact that he was bothering to comprehend her right at that moment, and she shrugged off the hand he had left on her shoulder. "Don't talk to me in that patronizing tone, Will. I'm not having some breakdown. We just can't do that."

Will sighed. "Is it the kids?"

"No, it's you. I'm just… I'm not that girl."

"What girl? Emma?"

"Emma, whatever, whoever. It's what she is, that I'm not. The final destination. And I can't let you use me like that."

"I moved on from Emma, Shelby."

"Have you? Are you completely sure that you are not in love with her anymore? And are you completely sure you are in love with me? And that I'm the one, forever, even if she comes knocking on your door tomorrow telling you she loves you and she's ready to be with you? A few months ago, I would have slept with you without blinking an eye, Will. But you are my best friend now. I can't lose you. I can't have the affair with the dentist not working and you being divided and resenting me, leaving me. It's too much. You're too much."

Before he could think of a response, she stalked into the bathroom and locked the door behind her. Shelby slid against the wall and hugged her knees. She was scared shitless of this woman who had possessed her body right now. This fearful woman. This wasn't her. How the hell had she changed this much? "Shit, shit, shit!" she muttered, grabbing the sweater that still smelled of him off of her shoulders in anger before burying her head in her hands.

Outside of the door, Will listened, his fist raised above his head, ready to knock on the door but frozen. He heard Shelby curse, and a hot tear formed in his right eye. This was all wrong, but he had no idea how. He had never been so confused or more at a loss about what to do to make it right. And he was at a loss with her a lot. She was always running him ragged. In any case, this was new. She had shut down so fast that he almost missed the event completely. Now, how could he get back in? His mind mimicked hers to perfection: _"Shit, shit, shit!"_

The trip back was fairing silently. Shelby once again glued herself to her laptop and didn't make a mention to look up from the screen for most of the time. They had spent most of their last day in Boston apart. Shelby had left a message for Will saying he didn't need to show up at her session in Berkelee, which to him was Shelby-code for him being uninvited.

So he had used the day to walk around the city. Boston was beautiful, but he had been so depressed that it had been hard to savor it.

Shelby, on the other hand, had had the perfect day to put Will out of her mind. First the information session with the Berkelee students, which had turned into a pleasant conversation. Then coffee with Cole. The rest of the afternoon she had dedicated to shopping, and then she had returned to the Lenox briefly, packed, changed, and gone out with Sean. He took her to an early dinner before she had to leave.

Will's face had fallen when he had watched her bid goodbye to the handsome older man, looking completely stunning in a black dress that he felt was way too short, at least to be going around with other man. He had waited by the lobby, not even being acknowledged by her as she hurried up and then back down, with her baggage rolling behind her jeans- and t-shirt-clad body.

In the compartment of the train on their ride home, Will stared at her for umpteenth time that day. Her silence was killing him.

"Shel, can we please have a conversation?"

Shelby honestly didn't want to talk, but that was just childish. They wouldn't get past the wall she had just built between them if they didn't communicate and she wanted them to get through it. So she just put the laptop away and looked at him.

"I think I said my piece last night."

Will raised a defiant eyebrow at her, but she remained impassive.

"I don't believe you. You have to have felt that."

"I felt it, Will. The problem is not our feelings for each other."

"Shelby, we gotta make an effort here. We gotta try this on. How is it that I'm willing to ignore everything and anything that might be bugging me, but you can't give me a vow of confidence when it comes to Emma?"

"It's not about confidence. I know you'll never hurt me on purpose. But that doesn't mean you won't hurt me. I'm not even going to comment the 'try it on'. I'm not a t-shirt, Will. As for the rest, I really don't know what you are talking about."

"Really? What about Connor?"

"That was months ago, Will."

"Well, I haven't forgotten."

Shelby exhaled noisily and kicked the sit in front of her, frustrated.

"I asked you to be my date on an event that was really important to me. You took three hours to show up, practically didn't socialize; it's like you were refusing to be a part of it. Like you were refusing to be a part of my life unless it was inside our little bubble. And you know what, Will? I'm tired of being a dirty little secret."

Will's eyes widened in disbelief. "Now you're making things up in your mind. I may have screwed up, but I wanted to be there and I did what I could. It's not my fault everyone there was a Carmel parent. What was I going to talk to them about?"

"I don't know. And I don't care. I was disappointed in you, and your attitude didn't make anything better. I'm sorry, but you pissed me off that day. I needed someone who could look at me and see a woman, not just a friend, and Connor was all too willing. As always."

"Then why don't you go and be with Connor?"

Will regretted it the minute it left his mouth. Shelby's body immediately went rigid, and she didn't even put an effort into concealing the pain in her face. She did look away from him, eventually. And when she finally replied, her voice was so small he knew he had pushed the knife too deep.

"Because I don't love him, and he doesn't love me. It's hardly the same as your issue with Emma."

Shelby knew that it would be so much easier if she stopped making excuses and told him the truth. She always would tell Will the truth, but after Boston, she couldn't bring herself to do it. And not this particular truth, which was little more than humiliating. She had been so uneasy with Connor at first, but she hadn't realized it had been because of Will until the teacher finally made around to her gathering. But she was infuriated, he was distant, and Connor was all over her, and as idiotic as it was, she had wanted to show Will that if he didn't want her, there were others in line.

There wasn't, really. Connor had never called her back, and she doubted he ever would, unless it was to discuss something related to the school. But even those calls he had been passing through his secretary. She really was just fishing for Will's attention that day. It hadn't worked at all, even if he had stuck around and run another round of apologies. She knew Will just respected her too much and was a little weary of stomping further on her toes that day, but why couldn't he have pulled the stunt from two days ago all those months back, as they bid farewell in the foyer at three in the morning? Then she wouldn't be needy the next day, and she wouldn't have hurt herself further by sleeping with Connor and putting herself through the emotional hiccup that was their final conversation.

That wouldn't have changed the fact that he had never wrapped up things with Emma, but maybe it wouldn't have weighed so much on her insecurities if he hadn't waited so fucking long to make a move. After all the anxiety, she had finally stuffed in her head that they would never be more than best friends. That he loved another woman. Or women, as she was very much aware that Terri still lurked around and Will had been very unclear about how he felt about it; he always described it as a mixture of deep resentment and longing. The kiss had thrown her off her balance. Why the hell now?

At least she had stopped him back at the hotel. If she had slept with him, and he regretted it later on and came to her whining about how he was still confused and divided and all of the shit she was privy to, she would have died. She would have been so ashamed that she didn't think it would be possible for them to continue to be friends. How would she bring herself to look at him if they had sex and then she had to pretend it never happened? Shelby had been there, done that and wore the shameful t-shirt. And the t-shirt in question had a Yale logo on it and smelled like Paco Rabanne.

She had barely believed when John, her high school sweetheart John, had just showed up backstage at this off-Broadway play she was doing. First, because she had no idea how anybody even managed to track her down at that particular piece. She played the protagonist sister, a bubblehead that didn't gave her much dept to delve on, especially with her mere eight lines. But she had a song and a paycheck, and it was better then bars or wedding gigs. Plus, she was the understudy for the leading role, not that it mattered, since the musical was a public failure even though it gathered a few kind reviews (none that mentioned her) and died five months after its premiere.

Besides, she hadn't seen John since they graduated boarding school and agreed to amicably end their relationship as they parted ways for different colleges. She had tried to forget him, to make him meaningless, but her college affairs were all a blur. In her love life, the only one that stick out was John, as he should, being her first love. And then the kind boy she knew was gone, and he stood before her, all grown-up and handsome, his dimples still very much there (and obviously she had an issue, because she couldn't resist a dimple if her life depended on it). And since she wasn't modest, she was aware that she was freaking hot in her twenties. Maybe not the Barbie face every producer seemed to want as the lead in their shows, but certainly attractive enough to turn half-dozen heads every time she walked into a bar wearing leather pants or tight jeans. And how easy it was to make them all fall at her feet just wearing a mini-dress. Too easy.

But she was finally in New York and no man she ever had there was more than something casual, and they weren't as many as people imagined considering she was both very busy and focused in her career and that she was terrified shitless of having one of those unexpected things happening to her even with all the protection. For so many reasons, she just couldn't bare another pregnancy. And after everything she went through with Rachel, she would never be able to push herself towards abortion.

And then there was John. He had taken her to dinner that day and even though Shelby always turned in early when she was in the middle of a run, they had walked around the city until it was almost morning. He had told her about how he was in Columbia Law, about the political career his father had already planned, and how the years in Yale had been fun with how hard he partied with his Skulls and Bones fellows. He had neglected to tell her he had gotten married to some vineyard heiress from California, and he had been very careful to take off his wedding band. And Shelby had neglected to inform him that she was more than aware that he had a wife waiting for him at the luxurious penthouse the Breckenridges had set up for them in the Upper East Side.

Even though it was completely unlike her, she had let him go up to her apartment, willing herself not to imagine what hell of an excuse he would give to his wife for getting home after dawn. He kept lying to her until one day she walked into them in a fancy hotel where she had a meeting with a director that seemed more interested in her long legs than at her talent. John and she had stared at each other for the most embarrassing amount of time, but since he had said her name out of surprise when he saw her, there was no escaping from explaining to his wife who she was.

Luckily, she was an actress. So she fake-smiled her ass off, gave him a innocent peck on the cheek and cheerfully introduced herself as a former colleague of John's while he just stood there and looked pale as hell. His wife, who was painfully nice and perfect, introduced herself as Lyla Breckenridge. With his last name, the name that was almost hers. It made Shelby want to punch her, but she couldn't. They managed some small talk, and then Shelby waited for them to vacate the premises so she could discreetly leave too. She was already feeling to much like a whore to be able to sit through that suspicious conversation with the director. She called John later that day and left a simple message on his voice mail that said "I already knew." He called her back ten minutes after that, setting a 'meeting' with her in a hotel across town. They carried it on for months, until one day Lyla came knocking on her door.

To add to the fact that both John and she were complete sons of a bitch, Lyla knew as well. She had known from the start. That day had probably been the day when Shelby became aware of how much of a bad actress she was. But Lyla was now pregnant, and she wanted (and deserved) her husband's full attention. They would have a kid and it wasn't fair to her anymore, as if it ever had been fair at all, for John to spend days and nights off with her. Shelby had been as composed as she would ever be able to pull it off, offered her some tea and called John immediately to come get his wife, because the place she lived in wasn't even safe for her, let alone for someone like Lyla, parading that Dior bag on her arm and carrying an heir in her uterus.

As if that humiliation wasn't enough, John's father had showed up at her doorstep not 24 hours later, babbling about how a scandal like that could ruin his son's future career. Shelby had never been fond of the man, so it took her all of five seconds to tell him to fuck off, but not long enough that she managed to get him out her door before he offered to pay to send her away. But then it was John's time to show up. And without much shame he had told her very clearly that it would be better for everyone's emotional well-being if she would just disappear.

Shelby had spent a long time living on nothing but hatred. She hated John for showing up in her life, seducing her and making her feel loved and cared for again even though he was unavailable. She hated herself for giving into it despite the fact that she knew he had already made a commitment to another woman. She hated Lyla for being so pretty, rich and adequate, with her Yale degree in nothing and all of her social and charity committees that were pretty much bullshit invented by rich housewives that didn't really have to take care of the house or have anything fulfilling to do, none of them things that Shelby could bear but that made Lyla the perfect future Jackie O. She hated Lyla for bearing his name and carrying his child. She hated John's father and John even more for treating her like a common prostitute they needed to hide under the carpet. She hated herself for letting them. She hated all the directors of all the auditions she had worked so hard at that rejected her, leaving once again unemployed and broke. She hated herself for failing so miserably in her career.

She hated herself for giving up, packing her few things and going to Berkelee with a fake scholarship founded by the Breckenridges. She hated that she was so immoral to do all of those things, but at the same time couldn't bring herself to drain millions out of those arrogant bastards and go try her luck in LA or London. She hated that she let herself be defeated, that she lost hope, and she hated the world for beating her down until she did.

Now she hated herself for pushing Will away when all she wanted was to let him hold her and make love to him, but she was too scared of being put through that hell again. She couldn't handle it, not just the heartbreak of losing yet another man she cared too much about to another woman, but also the idea of what she could do and become. Shelby wasn't sure if she was more scared of becoming the dirty mistress again or the good cheated wife. She didn't know what would be more pathetic. She probably couldn't stand either.

"Will, please, don't do this to me," she whispered, hiding her face in her hand, trying so hard not to break, but the memories had been more than she could take. The memories were always more than she could take yet they were her whole life, and she had to take responsibility for how awful they were. It wasn't all her doing, but enough of it was.

"Do what?" she heard him ask faintly and sighed heavily, finally looking up at him.

"I'm too fucked up already. And don't try to comfort me, because you don't know the half of it. So your patronizing really has no base here. Just don't push me, because if you do, I'll give in. And I can't. Don't put us in a position that will get everybody hurt. We have so many people we have to think of. Don't put us in a position that'll get us hurt. I don't want to go back to having no friend at all."

Shelby put her head back at her hands and tried to control herself, but she felt Will pulling her up and into his chest, and she wanted to fight him, but she wanted the warmth of his body more.

"Ssshh, it's okay. You won't lose me. You'll never lose me."

He held her head, caressing her hair and putting soft kisses on the top of her head to calm her down. It wasn't working. Shelby just wanted to scream "This isn't helping!" but she couldn't pull away.

"I just wish that there was something I could do, Shelby. Tell me what to do."

She finally made herself pull away from his embrace and looked him in the eyes.

"I already told you what to do the first time we met. Whatever issue is holding you back, work through it. Only come back to me when you are truly ready to be fully with me, and just me."

"I just don't know how long it will take for me to have closure with all my problems, Shelby. And I don't want to lose something that could possibly be the best relationship of my life in the meantime."

"You won't lose me. You'll never lose me. If you need me to wait, I can wait. And if you still love Emma, that's okay too. We can still be friends. I won't resent you. I just can't let you break my heart, okay?"

He nodded dejectedly, and they sat in silence for the rest of the trip, both of them to afraid to start a conversation. Neither of them dared to risk the tears that they were holding back with so much work each time they even tried to look at each other. But neither of them was able to let go of the other's hand.


	11. Brave Part 1

**Brave - Part 1**

"Shit," Shelby cursed aloud, scanning the sides of the road. She had forgotten to buy white tea. It was all Rachel would ever drink when she was over these days. Hot white tea, cold white tea, white tea with soy milk. It was her daughter's new thing. Before that, it was green tea, and then Shelby had gone crazy when shopping in some vegan place in Boston and taken home packages and packages of every single imported, organic, flavored or not tea she could find in that place, and Rachel had spent a few weeks drinking crazy amounts of different teas.

And as anything Rachel did, all that experimenting was coupled with extensive reviews and side notes. Rachel would call her all day long to say that she was trying the vanilla with raspberry or mint organic one, how they tasted, and how she felt about them. Those talks could be endless, really. But when she wasn't highly amused by the intensity of the girl, she just pretended that she was anyway. She knew it wasn't good that she still felt the need to tip-toe around Rachel, especially because Beth was the toddler in this scenario, but she just regarded it as karma. The music teacher wasn't willing to cause any more devastation, not in the respect of her children, at least.

Seeing a convenience store in a gas station, she parked, went inside and prayed. But of course, white tea, the one Rachel had finally settled for, wasn't the place's forte. "Shit," she cursed again, staring at a freezer in desolation and trying to identify any beverage that would do the trick. There was no way she could turn around and go to the market right now. She had given Mary the weekend off, because Rachel had a ballet recital tomorrow and Will was still being kept at arm's length for the time being. So her teenage daughter was stopping by today, more precisely in two hours, so they could talk. Or rather, Shelby could listen to her babbling about that idiotic male lead she was in love with, give her some advice and hope that she would take it and wouldn't start spreading the Corcoran exceptional genetic material by mixing it with that of Finn Hudson.

"Anything I can do to help you?" Shelby skewed her head right, towards the voice, and eyed the guy warily. He didn't look like he worked there, and usually she would just be annoyed, but a chill went up her spine and Shelby Corcoran was a woman who trusted her instincts. She gave him her best fake warm smile.

"No, thank you." Then she stepped around and made a quick a dash for the door. However, another man blocked her path before she could get off the aisle.

"Well, maybe you could help us." Fright crept up on her, but if there was one thing she got from Broadway, it was an unmatchable show face. Serene, she just waited. She wasn't going to affront them, as it would must certainly backslash, but her fear was safely out of eye sight. The first guy that had approached her started closing in.

"Don't scream," he whispered and she nodded. She wasn't planning to, anyhow. Shelby Corcoran only screamed at people.

"Do you have a car?" The man in front of her asked, and she once again just moved her head positively. She had her freaking keys in her left hand, how was she going to lie about this? This one that was blocking her, he seemed meaner. He was taller, and scruffy, and just had a general dirty and brutal flare. The other was gentle, and had quietude about him, and that was what terrorized Shelby the most. She was like that, so she had learned it was a very dangerous thing. Calm hid away the worst thoughts and behaviors, and when everything just exploded into the surface, it was not a sight to behold.

Mean One tilted the head sideways, to indicate that she should go out. But of course Shelby was not going to make this easy. Understanding that she needed a little more persuasion, he pulled the leather jacket and hoodie up, so she could see the gun in his waist band. Not reacting to that took all of her skills and training, and stoicism, and even more of it when her mind decided to become her enemy number one and pour into her all of these images and sensations of little moments she had had with her two daughters. Brain survival tactics could be perverse.

Shelby walked out, keeping in mind that she couldn't die. Didn't want to, but mostly couldn't, not orphaning two kids. Rachel would be fine parent-wise, but she would react to it like it was the apocalypse. And Beth, well, she just hadn't figured out that scenario quite yet, and that was the worst. Since she hadn't gone about changing the will, Beth could go to anyone, even the foster system and for that she would be forever damned. Even if she knew that, deep down, she was overreacting in her mind, and Beth would likely go to her next of kin, her sister Meredith in this case. And Mer was a responsible person, successful doctor, wonderful human being and everything else.

They escorted her, not touching her, thank God, but not leaving her much space to try anything. She could try to run, but she was sure the guy behind her, Calm One, would take only a second to grab her. So she let herself be ushered into the vehicle, clutched the wheel in her slightly sweaty hands, arched her back high and straight, and looked straight forward, waiting for them to tell her what to do.

"Take that exit." Shelby obeyed, still trying not to loose her mind, but already doing so discreetly. They had already taken her out of the city, and a few miles more, she would be lost. Driving trough rural Ohio was not her favorite hobby. Also, the more secluded the place, the more privacy they would have to do whatever they wanted with her. Tensing, and feeling her hand twitch like it did in Boston, Shelby tried to focus on breathing correctly and not thinking about the hand, or she would just cry. Calm Guy, who was sitting next to her on the front, must have noticed it.

"We won't hurt you," he stated almost soothingly.

"Right," she spat skeptically and then screamed in her mind: _Fuck! _She didn't mean to say that, and now she knew she was officially screwed.

"Ooh, someone is snappy." She wanted to shake her head and deny it, but she didn't see how desperation would work in her favor in this case. So she just kept her eyes front, and hoped they would drop it. But of course, Mean Guy, who was in the backseat, wouldn't.

"Let's see who Feisty here is." _No, no, no, no! _She glanced at him trough the rearview mirror in mild panic, and watched as he picked up her bag, wanting nothing more than to stop the car and take it from his hands. She was terrified of him going trough her personal things, but if she had any instinct of self-preservation, it was working on full mode, because she just couldn't move.

"Shelby Corcoran," he announced loudly. Somehow, her beloved name sounded disgusting coming from his mouth. "Only one credit card?" She confirmed, though it wasn't true. She had three, but she had given the MasterCard to Mary in case of emergencies and the Amex always stayed home. She only ever used it in shopping sprees and trips. "And three hundred dollars? But I don't buy that you're poor. Look at this ride." Shelby definitely wasn't poor, but the damned Range Rover had been a gift. The minute Shelby finally mustered the courage to tell him that, "Don't Rain on My Parade" blasted trough the car and she almost died of sheer terror.

"Your kid?" Mean Guy asked her, looking at the photo of Rachel that always appeared when she called. "No. A student. I'm a teacher," she managed to get out, her breath a little ragged.

"Pretty," he added, making her recoil in revulsion and ire. He pressed 'Ignore' and started going through her phone, and she knew she had to stop him somehow. She didn't want this guy coming across the images of Beth, Rachel and Will she stored at her cell. Or even the few pictures she reserved as memorabilia from her former students. She was just too scared they would threaten them, and Shelby knew she would do anything if they did.

"We can go to an ATM. If money is the point of this."

"If money was the point of this sweetie, you would be in the trunk and I'd be calling your hubby right now to ask for a ransom." Mean Guy shot at her with a sarcastic grin. So, she had been picked at chance. That much she had already guessed. If they were after her, they wouldn't have seized her from a well lit, not totally deserted and certainly filmed store.

"Turn that off," Calm guy requested and thankfully, was heard. "And we're going to be hitting that ATM next city." Shelby just acquiesced wordlessly and let her mind wander into her others concerns for a little while.

Shelby was troubled that Mary hadn't called yet. She always called the nanny to let her know when she was going to be late, even if it was just a few minutes, and she was already very much off-hours.

Shelby had to be grateful for her own paranoia, though. A few months back, she had created two contact sheets and handled them to Mary, just in case. One was if she was out of touch, like today, and Mary couldn't stay and wait. Those were the people she could trust Beth to. It was a pretty short list, with Will coming in first, and in case he couldn't (or wouldn't) watch the baby, Mary should drop her at the Berrys.

Rachel's fathers were not her biggest fans, but she doubted they would throw a little baby into a dumpster. Then it went on to Haylee, who she trusted very much as a baby sitter. She was good and responsible. Other babysitters were listed too, and last case scenario, there was the number to Quinn. The other contact sheet was people who needed to be warned in case something happened to her, and that contact list came with copies that should be handled to Will, the Berrys and etc, in case both events overlapped. It contained her sister, her father, Connor, Sean, Jesse and Alexandra, besides Will and Rachel, of course. Those were the people she knew would surely want to know if something grave happened to her. Well, with the exception of her father, but there was always the small possibility he would make the effort to get out of his reclusion if his elder child was dying. She wouldn't hold her breath, though.

They entered the city and Calm Guy started scanning around. Shelby tried to find a bank in the GPS, but was having a hard time finding the whole city. At last they passed an ATM and Shelby hit the brakes, clumsily parking near the corner. Calm Guy turned around and asked for the gun and her bag, and eventually made his way around the car to help her out. Another woman made her way to the ATM and Calm Guy steered her back, pressing the gun against her back discretely. The winter was really hitting Ohio hard that year, and everyone was using heavy clothes and tones of layers, so it was easy to hide a small handgun between them.

When the woman was done she turned towards them and offered them a small smile. Shelby had never really understood these naturally sympathetic people, who would just smile kindly at a stranger in the street. However, she felt grateful. She had never needed free kindness more than at that very moment.

They walked up to the ATM and Shelby withdraw as much money as she could and gave it Calm Guy, but he just instructed her to put it in her purse as he already escorted her back to the car.

Shelby could feel all of her neuroses flashing sirens into her head all at once. It was the most inappropriate time to be worrying about such things as proper hygiene, but she couldn't help feeling nauseated by that place. She eyed both beds suspiciously, not surprisingly the best they came up with in the side of the road motel they had landed in after driving all night was a double bedroom, and decided that she wasn't even going to bother waiting for them to consider giving her one or not. She walked to the farthest side of the room, leaned on the wall and gracefully lowered herself. Ironically, the floor was the safest place when it came to possible body fluids in a dump like that.

"You can have the bed," Calm One told her gently.

"I think I'm fine. Thank you, though," she replied carefully, not wanting to repeat the same mistake she had committed in the car by seeming like too much of a smart ass. He looked at the bed and nodded understandingly, proceeding to sit down in some very uncomfortable chair. Mean One walked in with a beer in hand, and they both looked at him like he was a lunatic, though by now they shouldn't be surprised by the fact that he would turn out to be the kind of guy that's already drowning his alcohol at 6 in the morning. She watched him quickly finish the can while Calm Guy sighed in frustration but stood up and closed the door after his partner and the curtains. Mean One removed his shoes and dropped in the bed near the door, starting to snort about 30 seconds later.

Calm guy crossed the room and pointed at the TV. "Do you wanna see anything?"

"I don't really watch television," she responded quietly, never quite summoning the courage to take her eyes off the floor.

"Yeah. Me neither." Shelby heard him going through her bag, and her heart started pounding, but she kept her eyes trained in a red spot on the floor that looked a lot like blood. 'Fitting,' she thought bitterly.

"Can I read this?" Calm Guy asked timidly, and she still didn't face him. She didn't have to look up to know he was talking about the Plato book she was carrying. She wasn't actually reading it. A student had borrowed almost a year ago and just given back to her that very day. "Sure. You can keep it if you want." She meant it. She had read it three times already and it wasn't some special edition thing or anything. She probably had another one somewhere.

Shelby bit a nail and then cursed inwardly for indulging in that. She had stopped with nervous nail biting years ago, and it had taken a lot of strength to pull it off. She knew people who had quit smoking with less drama then her. But then again, she had started the biting just after her mother passed away, and as much as it was an anxiety symptom, it was something that she did to comfort herself in times of great distress. It was kind of disgusting, but it worked.

The only other thing that ever suited her was singing, so she just started humming something cheerful in her head. Some stuff of the plays she had done in New York, as part of the chorus or as an understudy, yes, but nevertheless, it was the frustrated expectations that made her miserable. Being in the plays was really quite fun, even if she never got to be the star. A few hours later she saw Mean Guy wake up, get up from the bed and turn on the TV, and she was starting to feel her stomach hurt from hunger, but neither she nor Calm Guy made to move. Out of songs to perform in her head, Shelby started to plan Beth's one year birthday party. She was a little distracted then when there was a soft knock on the door, and the time it took for her brain to process it was just the enough amount of time for Calm Guy to launch himself at her and cover her mouth, muffling her pleas for help before they could be of any effect. His other arm wrapped around her torso, and he quickly half-pulled, half-carried her into the bathroom and closed the door behind them.

"Who is this?" she barely heard Mean Guy asking.

"The manager. There was a problem with your credit card." They had tried to use her credit card? Were they serious? Two guys using a credit card with the identification 'Shelby Amelia Corcoran' on it? Shelby could feel Calm Guy's collarbone pressing against the back of her skull, and she just let out a small yelp of pain against his hand. He clamped it tighter, and started to basically asphyxiate her.

"Be quiet," he hissed in her ear. Shelby stopped struggling, because if she kept up with that she would smother much faster, and tried to remember something from her innumerous breathing techniques that could help her live through this. She was coming up empty though, and her lungs were burning up. She couldn't hear much of what was being discussed outside, but she thought she listened to Mean Guy saying she was his sister and she was in the bathroom, and something about paying in cash. The arm that was crushing her torso left, and she took the opportunity to raise her hands and try and wrest away the hand covering her mouth. She managed to do just that the second the gun was pressed into her neck.

"I won't scream," she muttered quickly before he could shut her up again, or worst, shoot her. He obliged to her, and she let her head fall on his shoulders, not thinking too much of it, and also tried to ignore that business end of that gun still very much aimed for a fatal shot against her head. Shelby took big gulps of air, her eyes tearing up a bit. "You were suffocating me," she explained weakly, trying not to faint on top of him. His arm circled her waist once more, but this time he was just trying to hold her up.

"Sorry. I didn't notice." She wasn't sure if he was sincere, and she didn't care. Mean Guy knocked on the door to let them know the manager was gone. Calm Guy pushed her to the toilet seat and made her sit down. Shelby closed her eyes and rubbed her chest, trying to get her breathing to normal levels. Calm Guy kneed in front of her, a cold look in his eyes.

"Do not try to do that again," he warned her, the gun still held in front of her. There was something cold and dangerous about his tone, and she just nodded.

"Sorry. Reflex." She wasn't completely lying. It was a quick reflex, but she wasn't sorry. What she had done had been dangerous, to be honest, because the best it was going to get her was the police surrounding that place with her trapped inside a room with those two psychopaths. She could even imagine her teenage daughter watching this on TV and quivered with dreadfulness. But again, they were keeping her captive and she had little hope they would let her go unharmed. She had seen their faces. Did they really expect her not to try and signal to somebody that she needed help?

Calm Guy got up and had walked back to the room, when Mean One came in the opposite direction, fuming. "You think you can scream your way out of this, you bitch?" Shelby jerked her head up at the name. She had been called that a lot of times. So many times, she had appropriated herself of the insult and turned it into something she could act proud of. She actually preferred they see her as a bitch than be considered a scared puppy.

Shelby arched her chin up, and met his glare with a defiant look.

Calm Guy grabbed his arm and didn't let him go for her. "Leave her alone."

Mean Guy shot him a devious glare. It was obvious those two didn't like each other. "So, you get all the fun?" Calm Guy stared back at him like he was the most repulsive person in the whole world. And as far as Shelby was concerned, he could make top 5 easily.

Shelby took a deep breath and then dragged herself back into the room and to her corner. She wanted to curl into a ball and weep, but she wouldn't give them that satisfaction. The duo strode outside for a minute to talk and Shelby looked around for her things. She could try making a dash for her purse and locking herself up in the bathroom. But then what? Call Will and beg him to come and rescue her? Call the police and get SWAT all over this hell? She wasn't even sure they had put her Blackberry back at her handbag. And the punishment for trying that sure wouldn't be nice if she failed. Just like in the bathroom she felt that the more she tried to put up a fight, the sooner she would end up hurt or dead. It was so frustrating, she wanted to scream.

Shelby had never had one submissive bone in her body. She could never have imagined motherhood would change her so much. She at least wanted to believe that it was the courageous and smart part of her, and not the coward one, that made her so compliant, calm and reasonable throughout that ordeal.

She was startled out of her reverie by Calm Guy coming back in and walking up to her. "Are you hungry?" he asked kindly.

"A little bit." She tried not to sound too small, but her throat hadn't recovered and she could barely produce sound.

"Would a salad be okay?"

Shelby just assented, grateful. She watched as he took money from her wallet and got out, and just then started thinking that if he was gone, she would be all alone with Mean Guy. She turned her head to face the wall and tried to once again distract herself, but couldn't. Which was possibly good, because minutes after she heard the door click, she felt him hovering above her. Shelby felt her mouth get very dry and swallowed hard.

"Now, now. You haven't been a very good girl, have you? But we'll solve that problem," he hissed mockingly and menacingly all at the same time.

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**A/N:** I decided not to put a note on the beginning to not ruin the tension. But I know this chapter was fairly evil. Don't kill me, though! Do remember Shelby's fate is resting on my hands…

I must confess (I've confessed to some people already, actually) that writing this made me feel terrible. I blame all the fluffiness of this fic on it, because I couldn't stop writing cute, sweet things afterwards. _Gorgeous_ was pretty much born after this (yes, I have a weird writing method where everything is done out of order, and then redone to adapt to new things I wrote). So I guess it wasn't all bad that once upon a time, I was in a mood, and ended up writing this. Now, if you excuse me, I'll go finish rewriting Part 2, and try to convince myself I'm not a terrible person.

Review! I really want to hear your opinions on this one! Even if it is a statement of how much you hate me.


	12. Something Bad

**A/N: How do I even begin to apologize? I can not believe how long this has taken. It was a huge chapter, and I kept writing more and more of it instead of cutting, like I was supposed to be doing, and I was so busy with school, the internship and everything else in my life (plus, I got sick twice this month)****, I was barely writing.**

**I also wanted to apologize for not answering last chapter's reviews. I always make sure to write something in reply, and I feel gutted that I couldn't this time. I did read all of them, and I loved every single word everybody took the time to leave. I am, as always, really grateful, and hope you'll keep leaving your thoughts. I will make an extra effort to answer everybody this time around.**

**Last, but not least, I promise I'll hurry up with the next chapter. How badly would you guys mind if it wasn't revised? I just really want to get it published as fast as possible, but you should be warned, the grammar could be all over the place. **

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**Som****ething Bad**

Will slowly paced around Shelby's dance studio, his fingers gently brushing her golden ballet barre and coming to rest next to the pointe shoes she had left hanging there. He wanted to cry.

He could hear steps on the second floor. Rachel had showed up with her fathers and they were all with Beth right now. Quinn and Puck had phoned and would be there any minute; so would Finn, at Rachel's request. That house had very rarely been so full. With the exception of the parents' gathering Shelby had months before, Will didn't remember being there with so much company. Yet, it had never felt so empty. Shelby wasn't there. Shelby wasn't anywhere.

She was missing. Not in an accident, not in a hospital, not even in the morgue. She had vanished into thin air, for 18 hours and counting, throughout a very cold night and neglecting her many obligations, and there was not one single explanation that Will could still try and muster up. He was almost hoping that her obvious but never stated depression had gotten the better of her, she had snapped and gone away. Will thought he could bring himself to not mind if this was her doing something entirely shitty to all of them, as long as she was not hurt. As long as she was not dead. As long as she was out there alive and out of her own free will, because if she wasn't, then that meant something unthinkable had happened. Will's body shook with the sobs he struggled against. He couldn't let them out. Not yet. He had to find her first.

She probably needed him so badly right now. He couldn't help but to feel guilty that they were in the middle of a siege. Whatever happened, would it have happened if he was there for her? Maybe she went off the deep end because he wouldn't choose her, love her fully, like she needed him too. Maybe she was speeding home because she couldn't call him to take over Mary, got into an accident and now she was in a hospital they hadn't been able to reach yet. He knew that he probably had little to none responsibility over it, but he couldn't stop himself. He couldn't stop imagining what he could have done for her not to have disappeared.

Will let his head fall on his hand and tried to take deep gulps of breath to steady himself. The door bell rang, and he could hear Rachel's light and fast steps rushing to get it. "Please Shelby, be okay." He prayed one last time, before pulling himself together and going to greet the group.

Arriving at the living room with the most impassive expression he could muster under the circumstances, Will took in the new presences. Finn was holding a very distressed Rachel in a corner, Quinn and Puck had the same tense, uncomfortable energy they had demonstrated the day before, but seemed willing to be there all the same, and surprisingly, the rest of his glee club had all showed up in toe. Will knew that they were not just there for Rachel and Beth, but for him too, and that made him feel honored and blessed. He appreciated their support, but didn't think they had much business being there, barely knowing Shelby. She wouldn't be happy. She would understand, because she was extremely close to her own students as well, but she was fiercely private and wouldn't want strangers in her house. They didn't need that much help anyway. As powerless as that made him feel, they could cover the rest of the hospitals, but untimely, he knew that either Shelby was going to resurface somehow or the police would find her. So he sent them home.

Will had planned a gathering with his Glee students the day before, to celebrate their win at Sectionals. He couldn't offer them anything spectacular such as Range Rovers or designer kitchens, but he wanted to show them how proud he was. So they would meet at his house and have some pizza, but his plans had been thrown late in the afternoon when Mary had phoned in to enquire of Shelby's whereabouts. Of course he had no idea where she was or was planning to be, having managed to get into a fight with her twice as bad as the one they had coming from Boston, causing her to curtail contact. She had allowed him to take Beth out once, when he had summoned up the courage to beg her, but even after many pleas she refused to go with them. As much as he loved and missed Beth, he felt bad using the baby to get back into her life. It felt like cheap manipulation, because they both knew he had no right to demand being a part of Beth's life, but Shelby would never refuse him.

He knew he had screwed up. There was no doubt in his mind about it. Everything had been okay after they came back from Boston. Shelby had told him they could remain just friends if that was what he preferred, but she wanted a position from him eventually.

However he hadn't been able to face Emma, to work through their issues. He was afraid. Will didn't know what would happen. What if talking to Emma only revealed he still did love her very much, more than he could perceive being away and Emma still didn't want him? What if it was the opposite, and he'd end up hurting somebody who was just fine?

But he missed Shelby too much, so two weeks later, he rang her bell. Will had expected her to be mad, but when she opened the door, she just gave him one of her big smiles, her eyes brightening up at the sight of him.

"Hi stranger." She saluted with good humor.

That didn't last, since before accepting her invitation to come in he had wanted to make it clear that he hadn't technically made any decision whatsoever. Again, Will had expected her to go ballistic, but her face just fell and she just looked forlorn. It broke his heart in a way he couldn't have anticipated and he felt so petty.

"So what, Will? What do you want from me?" she had asked, her voice so small he could hear it almost breaking.

"Just my friend. I want my friend back, Shelby."

"So you did make a decision."

"Not yet. I just think maybe we can take a step back, and work slowly into this."

"I don't care which speed we adopt Will, as long as we are in the same page about our relation." She sighed impatiently. "I'm tired of being an understudy in my own life, I was acting I was always the understudy; in my relationships with guys; even with Rachel. I don't care that I'm almost 40, with a baby, and that I'm not an easy woman to go by, I'm setting my foot down. I'm upping my standards, finally. I will not be understudy for the Little Mermaid."

"The Little Mermaid?"

"I was going to say Bambi, but she's not that cute. And can you think of somebody more akin to a virgin Disney Princess than Emma?"

"Could you please not be so mean to her?"

"I'm not being mean to her, she's not even here."

"Still."

Shelby had sighed dramatically and he could see that she was doing everything in her power not to lose her mind. Lately, he had been causing that reaction in her a lot, and it scared him. He had tried explaining, "Emma is not like you. She's very sensitive."

"Oh, yeah. I forgot. I'm hard." Her voice had dripped with bitterness, and he damned himself for ever having stated that in the first place. He didn't know better at the time. He didn't know her at all.

"You're strong. I don't want to do something I might regret, something that might hurt her. This doesn't mean I'm choosing her over you."

"But of course it does, Will. You see, I might be strong, but I still have feelings. And you stomped on them, rather then risk causing distress to her. You're more concerned about her well being over mine. It sounds to me like you're choosing her." And she had finalized their conversation by stepping in before he could say anything and shutting the door in his face. With reason. Will hadn't been able to stop thinking ever since that day and being scared of what a conversation might do to him and Emma wasn't fair to Shelby. She was entitled to him being absolutely sure he was in love with her and just her if she was going to take that step. She was entitled to be mad for him asking her to make concessions when he wasn't making any.

But after he had so completely screwed up, he just had been at a loss. She had been firm about shutting him out, and getting back on her good graces was becoming more and more impossible as time passed. He thought if he just backed off and gave her space, things would sort themselves. They didn't.

Which was why he was so surprised to have Mary call him, and even more shocked when she asked him to take the baby, because her orders had been to drop Beth off under his care in case Shelby was ever unreachable and she had to go, which was the case. Will, always crappy with math, couldn't even fathom the odds of both of those events lining up, especially with how responsible Shelby was as a mother.

He had driven over, taken the baby, and waited around on Shelby's residence for her to arrive, but nearing the time of his meet with the kids, there was still no sign of her. Will had begun to worry, not knowing that was all he was going to do for the next day. Calling her seemed fruitless, because she was still dodging his contacts, plus, Mary had phoned her a few times and got nothing. He still did, though, and left her a voicemail informing her that he had Beth, just so that she wouldn't be caught off guard. It felt too much like a trap for him to be comfortable with it. And at the same time, spending time with little Beth, feeding her the bottle and playing silly games with her, it felt as right as anything ever would. He missed it. He missed everything, from Beth's laughter to Shelby's soft scent. But mostly, he missed holding Shelby in his arms.

The strident sound of the doorbell had made Will jump. Logically, his brain should have known that it couldn't possibly be Shelby, for that was her house and she would never ring. Yet, his brain had given up on being reasonable due to the intense preoccupation he was feeling and Will felt extremely disappointed and anxious when he opened the door to find an equally unsettled Rachel on the porch. She looked at him, surprised, and if she hadn't given any indication at school, now Will was completely sure she was very much aware of what had been happening between her mother and him, and considering how she had begged him not to hurt Shelby, Will imagined she must be extremely angry at him. Giving her his best sheepish expression, he greeted her and motioned for her to come in.

"Where is my mom?"

"She's not here." Rachel frowned in confusion and he hurriedly added "Yet." That didn't successfully dissuade the obvious concern taking upon her right away. "I'm watching Beth because Mary had to go."

"Yes, she's supposed to visit her son in Wisconsin. I It's weird that mom wouldn't be here already, even more so because she hasn't answered any of my calls." Rachel raised an eyebrow and he almost could see Shelby in front of him, for the gesture was so much alike to her mother's that it made his heart pound in longing for Shelby, before Rachel decidedly stalked towards the studio. She came back without her bag, which Will imagined she must have dropped inside and with the phone to her ear. Will stood there listening to half of the conversation with what seemed to be an obnoxious Carmel secretary who took her time insisting to Rachel that she couldn't give out information on Shelby's whereabouts. It wasn't long before she gave up, faced with the threat of Rachel driving up there to submit herself to a DNA test and prove she was indeed related to 'Miss Corcoran,' and informing her Shelby had left just before four.

Rachel related the information to him, with eyes full of fright, and he had nodded solemnly, trying not to stir her any further, but getting her conclusion. Carmel was a twenty minute drive from Shelby's house, and even the most intense traffic wouldn't justify a two hour delay. And they had both driven there, and there was no traffic.

"Rach, why don't we go over to my house? The pizza party should start any minute, and your mom can come and pick up both you and Beth. I'll leave her a voice mail."

"Okay," Rachel responded in a really small voice, clearly not fine with the suggestion but not knowing what else to do. He had to go receive the kids, but there was no way in hell he would leave Rachel at Shelby's by herself. He put a hand on shoulder and squeezed it reassuringly, guiding her to the upper level.

"I'll order you some vegan pizza. And then later you can bring the rest over here to your mom and watch the horror expression that she'll make over the idea of reheated pizza." They both laughed, remembering how much trouble that mere suggestion had got both of them into in the past. "You get your sister and I'll pack a bag for her, just in case."

Rachel stopped mid tracks and looked at him, and he couldn't quite read if her expression was one of discomfort or confusion.

"Rach, what's wrong?"

"You called her my sister. Mom has never called Beth my sister."

"Oh." It was all Will could muster, and he wanted to fix his mistake, but couldn't for the life of him find a solution.

"Do you think someday we will be really like sisters? That she'll like me?"

"Rachel," Will muttered, simultaneously relieved she wasn't angry but sad for her rare self-doubt "I think she'll admire you so much, and I definitely think she'll love you. A lot. You are already sisters, and your mother thinks so too. She just doesn't want to put pressure on you."

"Do you think she would let me participate more? That she wouldn't be concerned about messing with Beth's head?"

"I think she would love for you to be more involved in Beth's life. She's just trying to protect you. You have to know that anything she does, even the mistakes, it's thinking of your best interest."

Rachel nodded, because she knew Shelby was trying, hard. Their relationship was still shaky, but she didn't have any doubts about the woman's affection and good intentions anymore. She knew Shelby was still working to grasp properly how to be the best mom she could be to her without really being a parent. It wasn't easy, but they had settled in something good, and so far her fathers hadn't felt violated enough to try and push Shelby away. These days they were much more than friends, or mentor and pupil, and Shelby had even put up some trivial boundaries, but her authority role remained sort of peripheral. This was okay, because Rachel wasn't much trouble anyway, and so far the delicate situation had gone without incident.

There was only trouble when it came to baggage. And Rachel was finding the task of merging their two worlds much harder than she could have expected, especially when it came to Beth. She was trying to remain optimistic though, as they had made progress, and Will's reassurance certainly helped.

"C'mon Rachel. You can start by getting Beth in her car seat. We can carpool, and you can tell me all about your trip to Oberlin."

Rachel's face lightened up like a Christmas tree. "Oh, it was really wonderful, Mr. Schue."

That was all it took for Rachel to momentarily forget what they were supposed to be worrying about and go on babbling for about an hour. Shelby had been invited to repeat the same thing she had done in Berkelee in Oberlin, and it never ceased to amaze him how she managed to be so exceptional. Having two of the best music schools in the country interested in having her talk to their students about employment in the music education field (in Oberlin they wanted a lecture more than an information session, but of course she had all the freedom to try to recruit) was a huge statement to how prestigious she was.

He hadn't gone, but he had watched the whole thing online. Everybody seemed really interested in the concept of creating competitive music programs inside public conventional schools that didn't have much tradition in the arts and how said reformulated programs were turning into gigantic talent pools for conservatories and the business. He had been surprised that one of the kids actually had the information (and he didn't) that Shelby had sent four former students to Broadway, five to Juilliard, quite a few to Oberlin and Berkelee, and three of her alumni had gone on to the Yale School of Drama. No wonder those kids were willing to endure sitting through a lecture with some high-school teacher— she had quite impressive results.

She hadn't invited him, but he wasn't offended; even though he really wished he could have been there, because she had taken Beth, Rachel and Haylee. It was kind of a girl's trip.

"I had to share a room with Haylee," Rachel had started by the time they all settled in his car. He was surprised that she didn't seem annoyed to have spent time with one of Shelby's students, a VA performer no less, even though Haylee had tagged along with the excuse of babysitting Beth. "But she is actually quite nice. And funny. And totally obsessed with Barbra. So we did a Barbra-themed diva singing contest in the lobby. Of course I would have won, but Mom insisted on whisking us back to our room before we could get the guests to vote. That wasn't really fair, but Haylee is not all bad. Mom got us both meetings with the Dean of Admissions. Can you believe that? I performed 'Not a Day Goes By' to him and he said he is anxious to see us both applying to Oberlin! I always knew that if I wanted to I could attend such a prestigious music school as that, but thanks to Mom it's a guarantee."

"That's amazing, Rachel. And I'm so glad you and Haylee are friends; your mother really has the highest opinion of her. I'm sure she's very good company."

"Well, she's in Vocal Adrenaline, so I don't know how friendly we can be, really. But I like her. She actually left a message on my Facebook Wall for us to go buy some sheet music next week. But I don't know if I'll go. We all know what happened last time I cuddled with the enemy."

"Your mother really doesn't like that word. Plus, she really trusts Haylee."

"Well, she really trusts Jesse too. They still talk on a weekly basis, you know?"

Will nodded. Shelby and he had never talked about it, but he knew. He had seen her talk on the phone with Jesse a couple of times. And even though Jesse was far from being his favorite person in the world, he couldn't deny she always looked very happy when she talked to him.

"They are close, I guess."

Rachel just acquiesced too, neither of them wanting to really talk about Jesse.

"I was there that day," Rachel blurted, and Will grimaced, concerned that he knew to what day she was referring "The day you came by. I was playing with Beth in the studio, but I came out to grab a juice box and I heard you two fighting."

They both swallowed hard at the same time, Will tried to focus on the road to not have to face Rachel, and she stared through her window.

"How furious was she?" he asked, almost too afraid to know.

"Oh, she wasn't mad. She just went back to the studio and sat down, looking very upset but not angry. I tried talking to her but she didn't talk to me, not even after I told her about Quinn and how Finn still, to this day, harvests feelings for her. She just sat there, quiet, and tried to hide the fact that she was crying when I could clearly see otherwise."

"She cried?" Will gagged. He could not believe he had made her cry. Again. Shelby was a very tough person, and he had seen her really distressed; he had seen her tremble many times, probably just from the war she was always wedging against herself never to break down; but he it was very are for her to cry. He had promised himself he would never make her hurt to that point after Boston.

Rachel shrugged one shoulder at him.

"She teared up a bit, but it was obvious she was less than truthful when she told me it was from allergies." It killed him that Shelby might have shed even one lonely tear over him. He wasn't worth it, he knew he wasn't. He wasn't worthy of her, period. What type of man was him, if he would just make the woman he cared about cry and wasn't even there to embrace her as she did?

"Shit," he muttered, and then he yelled, losing control completely until he hit the wheel with his fist, making both Rachel and Beth jump. He was lucky Beth hadn't broken into a crying fit, and he took advantage of the red light to take a deep breath and calm down.

"I'm sorry, Rach."

"For cursing or for breaking my mother's heart?"

Will winced at her words, a guilty grimace taking over his face. "Both."

Rachel stared away for a long time, and then shook her head. "Sorry, but an apology doesn't make it right. You have to fix things."

"I know. I will. As soon as we find her."

They pulled by at his house and Rachel once again took Beth, while he took upon himself to get the girls' many belongings. He wished he hadn't made Terri get rid of all the baby stuff, because they used to have a playpen that would serve him well right at that time. Improvising, he gathered as many blankets as he could and piled them at the floor of what used to be their craft room, so Rachel could play with Beth without having to worry about her falling from the bed. Now that Beth was crawling, that was all she wanted to do.

He watched as Rachel settled her sister down and sprawled her toys around, putting the bag that had her clothes and other things safely out of range. He took the formula away to the kitchen to prepare a bottle for later, and left them alone just as the bell rang.

It was only ironic that the first people there were Quinn and Puck, accompanied by Santana, Brittany, Finn and Mike. Will had been honestly clueless about how to deal with the situation. How do you tell your two students who gave up a child for adoption, plus the one that imagined being the father for so long, that the kid they prayed one day they wouldn't think about every single day was in the next room?

In the end, he had chosen not to say anything, instructing them to make themselves comfortable in the living room instead and trying to think of a way of prying the trio away and explaining to them the circumstances. They didn't know, nobody did in the Glee Club with the exception of Rachel, that he had a relationship with Shelby. In turn, Rachel herself wasn't very open to them about the immense progress her bond with Shelby had sustained.

So he didn't know how they would react upon finding out both of them had a very big participation in Beth's life. Will was distracted though, first by the rest of the party arriving and then having to order the pizzas, so he was almost as surprised as anyone when he got out of the phone and the whole house was pierced by a loud baby cry.

Immediately, all the chatter ceased, and everyone looked around and at him with curiosity. He was alarmed and made mention to run to Rachel, but she came out at the same time, clutching Beth to her chest nervously, eyes wide with fright.

"I didn't do anything Mr. Schue, nothing happened, I swear. She just started whimpering, then crying, then crying louder, and she won't stop. I checked the diaper, and it's not it. I think she knows," Rachel rambled very fast and he struggled to keep up. When she finally seemed to have finished, he took Beth from her and tried rocking her. It didn't do any good.

"Calm down, Rach. I'm sure she's fine." Will could see Rachel was breaking down, and he damned himself for leaving her out of his sight when she was obviously going through something distressing. He had to wonder how many phone calls she had already put through to Shelby's cell. It was obvious by now that they might be facing something more serious than he initially hoped.

"Is that… Beth?" Finn was the one who asked, eyes wide and finger pointing straight at them. Looking around, he spotted Quinn and Puck off to a corner, and they looked even more bewildered. Will just wanted to run and hide; it was all too much for him. The fact that Beth was still screaming in his ear didn't help.

Rachel seemed to take the question as rhetorical, so stupid that it was that they might contemplate the identity of the child, and kept going on her tangent. "Look, Mr. Schue, I think we need to stop deluding ourselves. It's been four hours. Something has to have happened. Something bad."

"Wait. What's happening? Why is Beth here?" Quinn finally broke out of her shock and stood up to them.

Will was again trying to formulate the most sensible manner of approaching the facts, but Rachel jumped the gun before he could even grasp anything.

"My mom, Shelby, she seems to be missing."

"Okay, but why is Beth here? With the two of you?"

Rachel paused, apparently baffled by the question, and then seemed to realize the same thing Will had already noticed earlier. They had been awfully discreet about their business with Shelby. Which meant their connection with Beth was practically secretive.

"Here's the thing, guys. Shelby and I have become friends after she left Vocal Adrenaline. We met by chance someday, and then we had coffee one afternoon, and that was it. Soon we became pretty close. I'm sorry that I didn't tell you."

Will looked at Rachel, as requesting for her to take her cue, and she sighed impatiently.

"Look, this must be terrible for you. But it's not my fault. Shelby is my mother. I have a right to want a mom in my life, don't I? I have a right to want to know her. And it's my private life, so it's nobody's business, really. I'm not going to apologize. You chose to give her away, to Shelby of all people; that was your choice. Your issues shouldn't affect me, Mr. Schue, my mom or my sister."

Quinn grimaced at that last one and Rachel plumed herself even further. "Well, that's what she is now. Live with it." Rachel was growing fond of the title, but the reason she truly took offense and got all worked up was in her absent mother's behalf. She knew it couldn't be easy for Quinn. By letting Beth be adopted, she had probably hoped to put some distance between her and the child so they both wouldn't suffer so much.

Growing up, Rachel had at many times hated her mother for just signing her off like she was nothing. Like she didn't mean anything. She loved her fathers, but it hurt to imagine that she could mean so little to the woman that nurtured her inside her body for nine months that she would be willing to just give her away and never look back. After she met Shelby, she realized it wasn't quite like that. Shelby was strong, and Quinn was too, but she could see they both had a hole in them. She pitied her peer and she really hoped Quinn would have a happier life than Shelby had been allowed.

But she couldn't avoid being upset by how possessive and self-righteous the girl was being. She didn't have any rights, she signed those away. Shelby was Beth's true mother now. She had been putting her soul into the task of raising this child, and what she did with Beth, who she allowed in her life, it was only her decision, not Quinn's, and certainly not anybody else's in that room. Besides, Quinn would leave for college in just a little over a year - she knew that between the Cheerios and her perfect GPA, Quinn had been recruited into Penn, and neither Rachel nor Mr. Schuester would be a part of her life anymore. Why couldn't Shelby, and Beth, have them?

"I need some air," Quinn announced, making a dash for the door, and Puck and Mercedes followed suit.

"I'm gonna grab her bottle, Rach. So could you take her again?" Will passed Beth back to Rachel and she sat down between Tina and Brittany in the couch and they promptly tried to help her soothe and distract the baby.

"I think she can tell that she is in a strange house. And Mr. Schue and I aren't strangers, but I think she misses mom." Tina nodded understandingly, and so did Brittany, but Rachel doubted the blonde had processed anything she had just said. Rachel looked at Finn, and he was still staring like Beth was a nuclear bomb. Kurt walked up to him and invited him to go take some air too, and Rachel started getting a little pissed that their drama was distracting them from the pressing issue of Shelby's disappearance.

Will returned with the bottle, but Beth refused to take it. They went through the lavender case Shelby always packed with medicines and first aid and made Beth take some of the chamomile the pediatrician recommended when the baby wouldn't otherwise calm down. In the end, Beth cried herself to sleep in Rachel's arms just as the pizzas arrived, and surprisingly enough, the rest of the group made their way inside.

Rachel got up, waving both Will and Finn off when they took a step towards her, and accommodated Beth on Will's bed, dropping next to her and locking her exhausted eyes on the ceiling. She fell more alienated from her peers than ever. It was like when her relationship with Jesse started all over again. Part of her felt like they were intruding, and just wanted them to shut up and mind their own business. And the other part felt resentful that they were her only friends, and yet they couldn't be happy that she was happy, just for once. Her eyelids fell, so heavy, but at the same time, she was edgy and alert and couldn't join Beth in her blissful sleep. She forced them open again when she heard footsteps, but she got temporarily blinded by suddenly facing the lamp.

"Are you okay?" she heard, to her surprise, that it was Quinn's soft voice that questioned her.

"Yeah, I'm fine." Rachel rubbed the dark spots out of her vision and faced Quinn. She had a plate in her hands, and she quickly made her way around the bed and offered it to Rachel.

"Mr. Schue is going on and on about how Miss Corcoran will murder him if he doesn't take proper care of you. It's vegan." She shook the plate in a playful way and Rachel took it, grateful, but not feeling hungry in the least. She drew her legs up and made space for Quinn to sit next to Beth too.

"She looks well," Quinn murmured so low Rachel was almost certain she hadn't meant it to be heard.

"I'm sorry I was harsh with you earlier. Though I might come out as selfish and self-absorbed, I really am a loyal person and the whole scenario in the living room made me get really defensive on Shelby's behalf."

"I didn't know you had forgiven her. After everything…"

"You forgave your mom, didn't you?"

"No, I didn't. Being willing to put everything past us is not the same as forgiving her."

"I didn't forgive Shelby at first either. But then, as I got to know her, her history, and it's all so complicated. She was so miserable. I think we got to a point that I admire her tenacity and strength so much, that I like her so deeply, I can't feel anything but sadness over the mistakes she committed with me."

Quinn bent over Beth and hesitantly caressed her tiny body. Rachel could see the tears welling in her eyes.

"If serves as any consolation, Shelby loves her so much. We all do. And Beth has everything a little girl could ever wish. A big house, with a backyard. A good nanny. And I'm always around…"

Quinn looked at her oddly, with a frown, and Rachel realized she was babbling.

"What I mean is, she'll have a good life."

"I know. But what happens if we don't hear from Shelby? What happens if she doesn't have a mother anymore? What's suppose to…"

Quinn's questions had started jumping frenetically from her mouth, so much that she didn't notice that her sudden burst of panic was making Rachel's return.

"Can you please stop?" Rachel shrieked at her, losing control. "You don't have to worry about this. It's not your responsibility anymore. I'm sure my mother's sister is adequate enough to accommodate a child and give her a good living if something horrible happens. But that won't happen. Shelby is fine."

After her little outburst, Rachel could hear more footsteps coming towards them, and feeling embarrassed, not to mention lucky that they haven't woken Beth, she made a dash for the bathroom and locked the door. That turned out not to be such a good idea, as Rachel could feel the walls closing in on her. Her chest started constricting and hyperventilation drove her to tears. She heard the hard knocks on the door, and a voice that sounded vaguely like Will's, but she couldn't make herself get up and open it.

She had to curse her over active imagination as the various scenarios of what might have happened to Shelby ran over her head in vivid horrifying images: her mother's lifeless body at the side of the road after a terrible crash; her mother in some hospital, unconscious for whatever reason; her mother beaten after a mugging gone wrong. She was so out of reality in her nightmare, she had no idea what was happening around her until she felt a strong arm pass around her shoulders and she looked up to stare at the handsome and comforting face of her father. She whined a pitiful "Daddy" and buried her crying face into him.

Leroy dragged her back to the room, and made her sit in the bed, and Rachel didn't know where the rest of the people were and didn't care. She tried to calm down, and took the glass of water her other father, Hiram, came in bearing, but as soon as they asked for an explanation and she started spilling the her many ghastly fabrications, she was startled into a mush of dread again.

It had taken both of her dads and Will's reassurance that no one would rest until they located Shelby to bring Rachel into a functional level of hysterics, though the three of them should probably have thought a little about their words before voicing them to nobody less than Rachel. Of course she had compelled everybody into a well organized mob, separating searching groups to drive around the city and calling groups to contact hospitals, and under her dictatorial leadership, fueled by everybody's lack of courage to admit they might be running a fool's operation, they had been on it until 1AM.

Will had gotten around to sending the kids home a little earlier than that, but the Berrys had stuck around, and so had Puck and Quinn, who in the midst of all the chaos had discreetly been looking after Beth, even if they still had to come to Will to assort most things about her caretaking. Eventually Leroy and Hiram managed to drag Rachel into the car and Puck had fallen asleep in his couch, so he strode into the kitchen to find Quinn washing Beth's bottles.

"You don't have to do that, Quinn. I got it covered," he whispered gently to her, though even to him his voice didn't sound proper. It sounded tired, anguished, and restless. Which was exactly how he felt, but not what he wished to convey to the vulnerable teenager in front of him. She nodded dejectedly, and all Will wanted was to fix things somehow. But just like he wasn't able to do anything for Shelby months before, he couldn't do anything for Quinn. She needed time to cope with the things that couldn't be changed, and to figure out the ones that could, and how to work around that. She needed time dealing with her feelings, and she probably needed to get away from Lima and all of them too, and one year to college seemed so far away in that very moment, but Will longed that the intense, horrifying experience they had been dealt would be over soon enough, and wouldn't scar her too badly.

"Of course you do." She retorted bitterly, and then immediately regretted it. "I didn't sign up for this, you know. The deal was that I would know that she was with someone good, responsible, with means and affection to spare. The deal was not that I would have to worry about her fate, or even have her in my life. It's not that I don't want her, you know? It's just that it can't happen."

"Well, Shelby and Rachel have made up…"

"And that's the best I can hope for? Everybody dangling in this horrible balance show, praying that's just enough love to go around and that nobody will get hurt? Because that's just rubbish. And the only reason it's working at all is because Miss Corcoran is clinging to Beth for dear life. Forget what happens if she grows to resent me, what happens if I'm around and she grows to defer more to my authority than Shelby's? The thing is, people can be naïve. Sometimes they don't realize that family is not what's cut out to be. Family can be truly messed up. They can throw you out when you are pregnant, or they can lie about carrying your baby. And I don't want her to think that just because we have a blood tie, and just because I can love her, that I can be her mom. I can't, and I won't, and being anything else would just be…wrong."

Will moved towards the sink, because Quinn kept washing the bottles even though they were clean, and that was a nervous habit Shelby had too, which would amuse him and give a warm, fuzzy feeling normally, but it was just giving that potential ulcer an utter bust. He removed the bottles from her and she went limp, staring at her empty hands as if she was a robot whose only task had been whisked away, making a reboot necessary.

"You deserve a life. So go home, because I got it covered. And Beth is covered. No matter what. You are under no obligations here, and nobody will think anything of you because you walked away. You have your reasons. And they are good reasons. So go home, Quinn."

Will had guided her out, waking Puck on the way, and then settled with Beth in the bed. It had been a long night of barely any sleep for him, terror filling his veins with the same ideas he had made the effort to help rid Rachel of. He didn't have the illusion that Shelby would be okay, though. He wouldn't either.

Mid afternoon of the next day, he could only sit in Shelby's bed while he waited for the police to arrive to make a report, the buzz from people talking barely registering. He heard a knock on the door and looked up. It was Hiram, carrying Beth on his waist.

"Someone just woke up." He rocked the baby a little bit and Will would have motioned to take her, but she looked so comfortable, and he didn't have the energy. Hiram took notice and sat on the bed with him, Beth nicely cuddled on the older man's lap.

"Did you get any sleep last night?" he asked in that kind, but patronizing way that betrayed that he was a doctor. In a moment of self-consciousness, he realized that in all of the months that he had been teaching Rachel that he never bothered to find out what kind of doctor her father was.

"No," Will muttered, his voice even more strained than before, his muscles aching like he had taken a beating.

"Me neither. Leroy neither. Rachel, some, after we spiked her hot cocoa with a tranquilizer. You would think that if Rachel wasn't keeping us up…" His voice trailed to nothing, and Will could hear the exhaustion in him too. "Leroy rolled around all night. Ironic, considering he was never really quite fond of Shelby."

"Then why?"

"Guilt. He broke this morning, he was going to eventually, even if I didn't need him to tell me. I already knew. I'm his partner, so of course I knew he has been anticipating the day when Shelby would just fall off the radar once again. He wanted her gone and now…"

"Now he has to remember that whatever fear he has for your wonderful peaceful life or Rachel's well being, Shelby is real fucking person and he is not getting a marvelous kick of getting rid of her at the expense of her safety. And your daughter's happiness. And a baby's well being." Will's tone had got angry and edgy, but he couldn't help it. Shelby wasn't the most likeable person in the universe, and he got why Rachel's father wouldn't love her, but desiring her harm was another thing.

"Yeah, something like that." Hiram nodded faintly and swallowed hard. "You know, Shelby was just a kid when we hired her. He didn't want to admit it, but I couldn't help thinking about that. She had no one to look after her and tell her she was about to commit the biggest mistake of her life. So I did. And she either didn't believe me or didn't care. I should have stopped what we were pulling at and asked Leroy if we could choose somebody else. It would probably be the same thing all over again. But still…I spent seventeen years carrying the guilt of taking advantage of a broken, desperate twenty-two year old girl. Do you know her mom died in this house? I would find Shelby in her room, the one locked in the end of the hall, lying on the floor crying, all the time. I would come over and she would be there, and I would insist she should come live with us, but she never accepted it. Even in her misery she had to be independent and tough. But I couldn't help but taking care of her. She really grows on people. After a few months, it was like we were best friends. I think I did more movie nights with her than with Leroy. I missed her when she left. I was the happiest I've ever been because we finally had our little girl, and at the same time, I was completely torn, and I felt horrible for robbing Shelby of her rights to having a family. Of robbing her of a love that was so absent in her life. I knew someday she would feel the pull of that realization. I was actually surprised and impressed it took her so long to do what she did."

"You weren't mad?"

"I wasn't content. She messed up Rachel's head pretty badly. And she never came around to us. Leroy wouldn't have understood, or budged, and I know that she knew it and was probably afraid of us, but even after so many years I wouldn't have chased her away."

"Shelby has trained herself to always expect the worst. She worries and worries about things until she either perfects something like show choir or loses perspective. It is what makes her screw up so much. It's what makes her so strong, but also what makes her so vulnerable."

Hiram's focus had been unnerving during his passionate explanation until he asked what at that heated moment seemed to Will like a non sequitur, "What is up with the two of you?"

"She's my best friend," Will murmured in response, disheartened, because that was not all there was, but at the same time, what else was there? He had ruined everything, and truth to be told, he probably shouldn't even be calling himself her best friend still. Hiram gave him a knowing look but didn't say a thing, for which Will was grateful. Once again, the doorbell rang, and they both knew what was coming. Neither of them wanted Rachel talking to the police, though they might want to talk to her anyway, so Will had to hurry down and take care of this himself. With the exception of her daughter and the nanny, Will was the one person who knew Shelby's routines the best.

"Go. I've got her," Hiram told him softly, and he nodded, thankful again. Giving Beth one last peck, he dragged himself down the stairs and prepared to acknowledge how real their terrifying ordeal was. There was no amount of deep breaths he could take. He could just stride in there and be the man Shelby needed him to be, and hope that somehow it would be enough. That somehow, she would find her way back home.


	13. Brave Part 2

**A/N: I forgot to do this last chapter, but I have to say that B13Bren was my 100****th**** review. Yay! Thanks B13Bren, that was quite special. Though, I must say (B13Bren, don't kill me) every single review is very special to me. And now I'm gonna stop talking, because I didn't run like crazy with this chapter (and my beta did a super express revision! I'm stressing her! She's gonna kill me any day now!) so that you'll read the A/N forever and not find out what happens to Shelby. I hope this chapter is as intense for you guys as it was for me to write it. **

**Oh, and I moved the ratings to M just to be on the safe side. I don't think there's anything you need to worry about.  
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**Brave - Part 2**

_Shelby took a deep breath and then dragged herself back i__nto the room and to her corner. She watched as he took money from her wallet and got out, and just then started thinking that if he was gone, she would be all alone with Mean Guy. She turned her head to face the wall and tried to once again distract herself, but couldn't. Which was possibly good, because minutes after she heard the door click, she felt him hovering above her. Shelby felt her mouth get very dry and swallowed hard._

"_Now, now. You haven't been a very good girl, have you? But we'll solve that problem," he hissed mockingly and menacingly all at the same time. _

Shelby had worked with teenagers for a long time; she knew when someone was trying to get under her skin. She couldn't remember when it had last worked and it scared her both to be so vulnerable and to be losing her temper. Shelby narrowed her eyes at Mean Guy accusingly, and he grinned proudly.

"Fuck off," she muttered angrily, not being able to hold back her spite and disgust, not even out of fear.

His smile just widened and Shelby felt her stomach turn. Sure enough, two seconds later she felt his palm connect with the side of her face painfully, the brutality of it making her head connect with the wall. Her head started pounding and her heart thumped like a bass drum in her ears. She had to bite the inside of her mouth not to cry out and she could taste some blood from it, but it was worth it to not give him the satisfaction.

Mean Guy leaned over and patted the burning cheek he had just assaulted. Shelby felt her whole body go rigid and a trail of sweat went down her neck as his calloused fingers brushed her jaw, even though the room was piercingly cold. She pulled away, curling against the wall and he gripped her shoulder forcefully; she slapped his hand away immediately.

His face brightened up with arousal and anger.

"Oh, I'll teach you a lesson," Mean Guy hissed and dove towards her like a predator. He pulled Shelby up by her arm and shook her violently. His fingers digging into her flesh were surely going to leave a mark, even with the leather jacket she was wearing, but she didn't complain. He pulled her up to meet his lips, but she pushed against him. "Get off me!" she shouted, applying force against his chest with both arms before realizing that wasn't going to work when he drew her closer and landed a wet kiss on her chin as she evaded him, the reeking of stale alcohol on his hot breath making her choke.

He growled at her, furious, and bit her shoulder, making her crumple to the floor. Shelby supported one hand on the wall to avoid collapsing entirely and taking advantage of the slim distance created between their bodies, kicked Mean Guy in the knee, and tried to jump over him. He fell but grabbed her by the back of her jacket, and the minute she fell on the floor next to him she just felt something cold and sharp pressing against the delicate skin of her throat and she went limp with fear. His other hand took residence above her waistband, and she was engulfed in the stench of cheap soap and smoke.

"We're going to play my way now, you whore." Pulling Shelby up with the knife pressing against her neck so forcefully that she could feel the tissue tearing, Mean Guy pushed her roughly onto the bed. He sat on top of her, right on the small of her back, restraining her movements, and with the free hand pulled her jacket off. The terrifyingly sharp point of the knife trailed down her back over the thin material of her shirt, sending chills up her bones.

Shelby covered her face with both hands, her fingers digging into her skin like she was trying to rip it apart. His hand went down her blouse and she started fighting for air, knowing full well she was having a panic attack and wasn't capable of stopping it. Every tiny contact of his rugged fingertips with her body made her chest constrict. His grip was vicious and it hurt her; it felt nothing like any sexual experience she had ever had and the only reaction her body could produce was to squirm in pain, fear and repulsion. The sweat that was forming in her palms was blending with the tears she couldn't hold back. She arched her back when his hands snatched her bra, and he pulled her down, bending over her and laughing sadistically in her ear.

She felt the blade of the knife slide off her and spied through her fingers the best way she could. Fortunately, the knife was right in her field of vision, dropped away on the bed. Too far for her to reach, but at least not on her anymore. Not so fortunately, she felt the pressure of Mean Guy's body on her increase and heard the zipper of his pants opening, and the bile shot up to her mouth. Gagging, she trashed, he motioned to grab her arms, but in an instinctive reflex, she elbowed him right in the face.

Mean Guy groaned, tripped on his pants and fell from the bed, and before she could think about what she was doing, Shelby was already sprinting out of the room.

She was almost at the stairs when Calm Guy popped into the corridor, food bags in his arms and a confused look on his normally composed face, before his expression hardened and he marched towards her. Cornered, she looked around in desperation and grappled the first door she saw, but he was already a foot or so away from her and the gun was aimed straight at her chest.

Shelby walked backwards, panting, pleading with him with her eyes. He wouldn't budge, that cold stare back in place, coming towards her with furious determination. "Please," she whimpered, crossing the door threshold back into hell anyway, because he didn't seem unsettled by her despair. Immediately her hair was pulled and she yelped in shock, even more so when her back collided with a wall, but all sounds from her were cut off by a hand squeezing her throat. She opened her eyes to Mean Guy just as he prepared to punch her in the face.

Calm Guy walked right between them and grabbed Mean Guy's hand midair, and they faced each other, mutual hatred sipping through their pores. "You're not going to beat a woman in front of me," Calm Guy hissed, but it was no good, so he just shoved Mean Guy away. Shelby slid down the wall, no energy to keep herself upright, all thoughts of dignity absent.

Mean Guy got up and shoved Calm Guy against the wall, missing her by an inch. She moved out of their way, but couldn't summon enough vigor to cross the room back to the corner she had claimed. "What the hell is wrong with you?" Calm Guy hissed.

"What the hell is wrong with me? What is it with you and that woman that you keep protecting her?"

"What is it with me and that woman? What is it with you and that woman? Why the hell do you seem so keen in tormenting her? We should never have taken a hostage!"

"Oh, she'd have called the police the second we drove off with her car. Besides, I'm not going down without a fight. She's our insurance."

"You are so fucking stupid. We managed to fly under the radar so far. We cross the border, drop her off somewhere, the end. I don't want my fucking face all over Fox News while the whole country is moved with the pretty rich white woman that suffered a brutal attack. You have issues to work out? Go and do it with somebody that's not Elizabeth Smart material when I'm not involved, because I'm not going to be an accomplice to this shit."

"She's been trying to run away, and you're going to defend her?"

"Don't give me that. I know that whatever you did to her was not to keep her quiet. Go take a cold shower if you have to."

A hard knock ran through the door. "Hey, open up." It was the manager again. The air in the room got thick as butter and both of the guys turned immediately towards Shelby, and Calm Guy went to her before the other one could. He crouched on the floor next to her and put his hand over her mouth almost gently, but then again, she wasn't struggling this time. His other hand grabbed her arm to keep her still and prevent her from running to the door, right at the spot where Mean Guy had hurt her, which made her let escape a dry sob into his palm.

"Sshhh," he cooed in her ear softly. She let him shush her, even though what she truly wanted was for it to be Will's soothing whispers in her ear right at that moment, reassuring her instead of subduing her, and just watched quietly as Mean Guy answered the door.

"What the hell is going on in there? I heard the screams all the way from down there. A woman's screams."

"It was nothing, just the TV."

"Look, I've had the police running up here and being the douchebags of a lifetime up my ass. You said you had a sister, why don't you produce her so I can see for myself that things are fine?"

"I'll get her." Mean Guy closed the door more than a little angrily and looked down at the pair. "You think you'd be able to control her?" he muttered under his breath.

Calm Guy stared at her somewhat pleadingly and Shelby did wonder if there was something about her that made him a little soft or if he was just somebody who had gotten lost along the way. But she didn't buy him as a good guy. Good guys didn't run from the police, like he obviously was doing, and good guys didn't so coolly keep an innocent woman hostage at gunpoint. But somehow, whatever evil he had in him, he managed to subdue it for her sake. Why it mattered if she was hysterical or defiant she didn't know, for between both of them, their dominating physical strength and the gun, they had her defenseless.

"Shelby, just cooperate. Nothing is going to happen to you if you cooperate."

Shelby just looked at him incredulously. His idea of 'nothing' was certainly different from hers. If she did play nice, at the very least, she would remain their prisoner.

"Try to tell him what's going on and we'll shoot you," Mean Guy hissed at her.

"Shut up," Calm Guy muttered angrily to his partner. He turned his gaze back upon Shelby and said quietly, "I'll remove my hand now. Don't scream." Shelby nodded, submitting. Calm Guy helped her to her feet and ordered the other one to grab her scarf. It didn't do much good, because one look at her face was enough to alarm anyone, but Shelby put her best facade on and truly prayed it was enough for her not to get in more trouble. She was pissed at herself, obviously. Usually she would just love to stir the pot, to face down anybody who ever tried to intimidate her let alone coerce her to do something that it wasn't in her best interest. But she was completely subjugated here, and there was not much that man on the other side of the door could do to help her anyhow. And worse, she could get him killed. What if he had a wife, children? She thought of her own children, her baby and Rachel, and told herself she could swallow this degradation if only for them.

Shelby gingerly walked to the door and Calm Guy slipped behind it, gun pressing into her side as she opened it with a fake small smile.

"Hi," she greeted in a low, polite voice.

"Hi, ma'am." The middle-aged, corpulent man responded, but she could tell by his posture that he knew they weren't on par. She knew he probably could also tell she wasn't on the same level with Mean Guy either. They were both rough, common men and despite not actually having a privileged background, Shelby had been educated and had roamed in circles amongst those who were essentially American royalty. She had that superior air about her that no amount of confidence or talent would suffice to create. She had the true aura of a good breed. Which, in this particular situation and setting, made her stand out like a beacon.

"Please don't call me that, you'll make me feel old," she tried to joke, tried to pretend she was comfortable here. He chuckled forcefully, not buying it, but to Shelby's chagrin it seemed that it was in some part due to his noticeable intimidation by her persona.

"Miss Corcoran, right?" Shelby nodded. "Is everything okay in there?" His eyes scanned over her warily, from her expertly makeup-covered face to her Jimmy Choo ankle boots.

"It was a cockroach," she laughed, the story being the first thing that came to her mind. "You know women and our hysterics. I just saw it and got terrified, ran my brothers ragged trying to get that thing. I'm so sorry about the noise. I didn't mean to concern you. Please, give your patrons my sincere apologies."

"I don't think they minded much. Are you sure nothing is going on in there?"

"Yes," she lied stoically. The tiny part of her that wanted this man, despite the danger that it would mean for him, to save her, damned herself for her refined acting skills. "Everything is okay."

He went away, still not looking very sure and Shelby closed the door slowly. Calm Guy put the gun back in his waistband and turned to her, muttering a muted "You did well." Shelby bit her lip so as not to cry, not to break. She had to untie the scarf around her neck, because she was already suffocating a little from sheer misery and she made herself sit back down on the floor and pull herself together.

Mean Guy grabbed some money from her wallet and walked toward the door. "I'll go take a walk, I need a cigarette," he announced, and she could feel his withering glance down at her before he slammed the door behind him.

Calm Guy then came up to her, food bag in hand, looking very forlorn and sympathetic. He put the salad and a cold green tea can right next to her, and Shelby looked down at it, feeling her stomach turn so much she wouldn't be able to smell that food without making a dash to the toilet.

"Are you okay?" Shelby shot him the dirtiest look she could muster up. "I'm sorry I left you at his mercy. And I'm sorry about... everything." Shelby just hugged her knees and buried her face into them, praying for whatever deity was out there to get her out of this damned situation.

She heard the bed creak as Calm Guy sat on it, and also heard him sigh, but didn't bother paying him attention. "Could you at least drink the tea?" he pleaded. "I know it must be warm by now, but I don't want starving you to be added in the list of tortures you were submitted to."

"My stomach hurts," she retorted simply.

Calm Guy grabbed her jacket from the floor, wrapped around her shoulders and lifted her, pushing her still trembling body towards the bed. "I know the bed is gross, but you should lie down. And not on the cold floor."

Shelby allowed him to lower her down in the sheets that still held a tiny spot of wetness where her tears of terror had dripped earlier. She scanned them for blood, but there wasn't any and touching her neck she realized he hadn't really cut her after all. She wrapped her arm protectively around her middle and let her heavy eyelids close.

"This will be over soon," he added before leaving her.

"_This will be over soon"?_ Shelby knew she had to try and be optimistic, but to her, that sounded very much like "We'll take care of killing you and ditching your body in the next few hours". That shoved all of her drowsiness away, her mind working feverishly with all the possibilities. She had to find a way of getting away from those two, and it had to be fast.

GLEEGLEE

Shelby drew her arms around her frail form and stomped on the asphalt, trying to create some heat. Her teeth were chattering from the assault the squalid temperature was perpetrating on her body, and she was growing impatient from having to stand there while her captors discussed the logistics of Calm Guy and her going to the supermarket and back; a trip that likely wouldn't take more than ten minutes, if the ATM and register didn't have lines, which was less time than that talk had already clocked. She thought that the whole reason they had stopped in Toledo was because, first, it was a bigger, more populated city and they were hoping nobody would look at them twice and second, they wanted to rob another car and get rid of hers since she would probably have been reported missing already and there might be a BOLO on the Range Rover. So it really escaped her why they were even making an effort towards discretion.

Finally, Calm Guy joined her and guided her inside the Wal-Mart, a pressing hand in the small of her back that probably seemed to others as an intimate gesture rather than the controlling mechanism it was. He passed a basket to her and they proceeded through the almost deserted place looking for the basics they needed. They had gone through that in the car too. It was easier to just stack themselves with bottled water and food than to have to keep stopping. They still had a long way through Michigan to the border.

Shelby felt her muscles warming up under her insufficient layers of clothing on account of the more bearable environment and the heat from Calm Guy's forced proximity, and she was revolted that she couldn't instead have the comfort of people she loved. She would give anything to be Will's or Connor's or even Jesse's arm around her at that moment, and for them to tell her that no more bad things were going to be done to her.

She felt like a coward for her wishes, but she was so sick of picking herself up. Her whole life she had stayed strong while she was walked on, and then she would get up, brush off the dirt and hold onto her dignity. But this was bigger and worse than anything she had ever experienced before. This was straining her nerves in a way she had deemed impossible, but there was no telling what they would do to her next and she had no way of protecting herself. The idea that they intended to keep her hostage for a few more days was simply horrifying. But even worse was the quite reasonable (and pessimistic, but she couldn't hold it at bay) expectation that they would murder her as soon as she was no longer of use.

Shelby managed to withdraw more money from the ATM, again the maximum amount her bank allowed, her hands shaking in a way she hoped Calm Guy would interpret as being due to the cold. Looking around, however, she noticed that there was an older man watching them from afar, and he didn't look curious or even perverted as if observing a hot couple way too attentively; he had the trained scrutiny of a hawk. Or rather, a law enforcement agent.

Shelby didn't know anymore if she wanted to be spotted or not, the possibility of hell breaking loose clashing with her dread of every minute she was at the complete mercy of her kidnappers, and creating an immense blur of deep fear. She dared one frazzled peek at their onlooker, but was startled by the strident smack of Calm Guy's mouth against her forehead. He drew her closer, a fake amorous smile playing on his lips, and adjusted her scarf which, it seemed, wasn't covering her bruises properly. When they turned and walked into the snacks aisle, the guy wasn't there anymore, and Shelby felt her stomach drop to the floor, all hopes flowing away from her and leaving in place a disconnected mess. She couldn't even process what Calm Guy was saying as he dangled a bag of cookies in front of her.

He shook her lightly to make her pay attention, and it took all her energy to cut through the buzzing filling her ears and her self-preservation instinct to introspect into herself completely for her to realize he was telling her to pick something to eat. She slowly placed her hand on top of her stomach, and he nodded. "There's a drugstore here too, I think. We can pick something for your stomach." Shelby agreed wordlessly, but at the same time, was once again utterly overwhelmed by the nausea.

She took her still trembling hand to her forehead in an attempt of steadying herself, and felt Calm Guy's arm tighten around her, probably out of worry that she would faint. Maybe she should. It would be quite the scene, and perhaps he would leave her there, unconscious at the supermarket floor, deciding for once that she was way too much trouble, and more risk than insurance. But maybe he would be stubborn enough to stick with her until she roused, carry her out, or worse, would quickly and discreetly finish her out before anybody even discovered her. So she just made all the effort to remain awake and actually collaborated with him as pushed her forward, all the time whispering to her to take deep breaths.

"You know, we could pick something for your stress too," he muttered provokingly, and she shot him an enraged stare. The last thing she wanted was to let them subdue her with drugs too. He chuckled at her annoyance and her temper was further fueled.

"I'm glad you find my pain so amusing," she hissed in that tone that always made her students sure that she was about to jump at their necks and break them. She usually was.

"Not your pain. Just your personality. And it's more adorable than amusing, really."

Shelby was fully alert then and there, and she tried to escape his grasp but he held her back. She clenched her jaw, his little compliment of her more petrifying than anything Mean Guy had accomplished so far, and at the same time, completely exasperating. She faced him, knowing there was probably fire in her eyes and that there was nothing else she could try seeing as he insisted in keeping her restrained during that entire excursion. "You are a creep," she growled, successfully wiping the smugness of his face and earning enough freedom in his grip to bend down and pick a bottle of Pepto-Bismol.

Twenty minutes later they finally made it to the register, and Shelby couldn't avoid noting that maybe Calm Guy knew himself too well when he calculated the approximate time their shopping would take. He had spent five minutes just picking the right flavors of instant noodles. If he was anyone else, Shelby might have slapped him. Instead, she just stood there rolling her eyes, making sure to convey he was a worse grocery store companion than an old granny. Or Will. And Will would very frequently go off to get beef and spend fifteen minutes distracted by the variety of cheeses.

Shelby was leaning against the register, carefully consuming the vanilla yogurt Calm Guy had convinced her to pick before she fainted from low blood sugar with a plastic, disposable spoon. The open bottle of Pepto-Bismol and an empty can of ginger ale she had consumed while shopping lay next to her, and Calm Guy got the rest of their food through and paid for it with her money. She was actually going back to feeling like a human being and almost felt grateful for Calm Guy's insistence on feeding her.

While she was distracted shoving the rest of the yogurt into her mouth and again feeling grateful that her captor purchased a few other things for her now that her appetite was resurfacing, someone got close to Shelby but somewhere in her mind she must have dismissed it as likely being Mean Guy blowing their plan, so she was stunned when the man from earlier invaded her vision field and asked if she needed help.

Shelby stopped all movement and just stared at him wide-eyed, her brain too filled with fright to let her articulate a discreet way to convey she was in trouble and indeed needed his help, if he was good for it. Faster than light, Calm Guy materialized on her side and she felt the barrel of his gun pressing into her waist. Calm Guy could tell the other one that they were fine and send him packing, but of course, smart that he was, he wanted her to do it. Composing herself to the best of her abilities, which at that point were fairly limited, she gave the guy a small smile and then for the first time noticed he had a gun too. Shelby went cold right away, and if it wasn't for that she would have laughed at the absurdity of being shot to death in the middle a Wal-Mart. Unless she could stop the two alpha males from firing at each other.

"I'm fine, really. I got it covered." She hoped that her answer had been innocuous enough that would allow her to evade Calm Guy's wrath and pointed enough that this guy would understand that he shouldn't try anything lest he risk getting them all killed.

Thankfully, he just acquiesced, murmured a polite "Have a good night" and walked away. Calm Guy holstered his own weapon and hastily packed their purchases before grabbing her arm violently and pulling her out of the market. Shelby tripped a little on her own feet and then deciding that this was as good a time to be a rebel as any, started to struggle against his bruising grip.

"Stop it," he growled to her threateningly.

"I didn't do anything. You can't blame this on me. I didn't say or do anything to get that guy's attention."

"Just keep walking."

Shelby finally moved, but she wouldn't let it go. "You are being unreasonable."

Instead of responding, Calm Guy shoved her forward and then grabbed the collar of her jacket, not caring if anyone spotted the aggressive way he was manhandling her. It made Shelby want to reconsider the whole drug thing.

Shelby had never been a heavy party girl, or even a heavy drinker. She had always been very disciplined with her voice. But one year when Nationals had been held in LA, after she had shipped the kids home, Connor and she had attended a very private party held by some politician and taken ecstasy. All she could remember, and barely, was that they had ended up having sex in the pool, still dressed in the fancy designer clothes they had earlier purchased at Rodeo Drive. It definitely made a case for being intoxicated, sedated or both right at that moment, the emotional torture she was being submitted to taking a dangerous curve as she was hastily steered across the pavement, not knowing what would happen the minute Calm Guy had her in private.

She bumped into a burly man and almost fell, but Calm Guy held her up and kept pulling until she stopped again, angry tears welling in her eyes. "Please, stop it," she begged him, letting go of her enforced stoicism once again. "It wasn't my fault. What did you want me to do? I didn't even try anything."

Calm Guy took a deep breath and a good look around, and maybe just then realized that they didn't seem to have been found out because of her, and maybe he even let her rational ascertainments sink in a little. It wasn't fair to hurt her because of something that hadn't been in her control at all. He nodded at her, apparently gathering back his wits, and passed his arm around her back, once again locking her into his clutches.

"We should get out of here anyway. Now."

"Okay," she agreed, and matched his pace towards the rendezvous point they had chosen for Mean Guy to extract them.

The Range Rover was already parked at the spotted when they got to the calm, residential street. It wasn't exactly a place where there was so much movement they would go unnoticed, but there was a lot of commercial places around, so it wasn't uncommon to park there. In fact there were a few other cars around.

Shelby climbed into the back seat as instructed and Calm Guy got in after her, earning a frown from Mean Guy.

"Just drive," he muttered impatiently while putting the bags away in the back.

Mean Guy took off with the car, but kept watching them through the rearview mirror, an inquisitive expression fixed on his face.

"Lay down," Calm Guy ordered Shelby, a no-nonsense tone that left no openings for discussions. She did as told, trying to find the best position possible in a crumpled car, but she didn't miss that either way Mean Guy sneered at her.

"What did that bitch do?" he growled from the driving seat, and Shelby was glad that her head was hidden behind it so she could just lie there, quietly, out of his sight.

"Nothing. It was this nosy son of a bitch, who probably needs to get a hobby, just came after us."

"We were made?"

"Don't know. He may have seen her bruises."

"Shit. And you say she didn't do anything?"

"Well, you gave her the bruises, so it's more like it's your fault."

"Like hell. And where were you that didn't pull a tighter grip on her?"

"I was right there, and I took care of it."

"What did asshole wanted anyways?"

"Don't know. But he had a gun." Shelby had let her eyes flutter shut during their little debate, the dense exhaustion fighting hard to overcome her, but her attention was snapped right back at that last remark.

"Cop?"

"Too old. Probably retired. Or just plain vigilant."

"You think he called the police?"

"Maybe."

Shelby's breathing got really fast, because that possibility was not good for her at all. It meant they would be better off getting rid of her. It meant she was in immediate danger. And of course, that was the very first thing Mean Guy suggested. She looked at Calm Guy in such a state of panic she couldn't possibly hide it, but he didn't do anything except stare ahead of him. After some time of thick silence, he finally talked.

"I think it's better if we lay low for now. I can hide with her and you can scan the ground, see if there's any more police than usual, any suspicious activity. Maybe he did call the police. So what? Do you think they automatically deduce she's a kidnapping victim? Most likely they'll just think she's a battered girlfriend that will be more trouble saving than it's worth on a Saturday night. Maybe they'll hear purple mark in her neck and think hickey. He has nothing real on us. But just in case…"

"I think there's an industrial area south of here, not the direction we want, but some abandoned factories, pretty deserted place…"

"Okay. That sounds good."

Mean Guy maneuvered them into the aforementioned part of the city with the help of Shelby's GPS and after doing a quick examination of the neighborhood the duo settled for an old isolated factory with big gates that would facilitate the process of hiding the car. Calm Guy was the one that left the car to cut their way through the fence, which of course meant Shelby was once again trapped with her tormentor. In a swift move, he turned and grabbed her knee in a vice grip. Shelby gasped in shock, but then just toughened up and faced him down, aggravated by how much of a bully he was determined to be. Despite the jokes about her being a bully, Shelby loathed it. She could never figure out why someone would just pick on someone weaker just for pleasure. It was disgusting.

"I know you did something and he's trying to cover for you, but don't think that you are not disposable because of that."

As much as Shelby wanted to produce a good retort, she knew that was not the way to deal with this man. Anything she said to him only ever made her predicament worse. The more she waged war, the more that guy got excited. Luckily Calm Guy returned one second later, so it wasn't even hard to pretend that she had not heard his threat.

They drove into the dark, spacious building, but thankfully for some reason Calm Guy had anticipated the need to buy a flashlight, so they managed to find their way through the first pavement, which it seemed to have held the production space, even though there was no machinery around anymore to support that theory and through the second floor where there was a set of offices.

Calm Guy located one that still had its keys and ushered her inside. There was a small, old and destroyed couch inside and a table that had long ago fallen to pieces. It was an internal office though, so no windows. Calm Guy closed the gap between them, even as Shelby tried to avoid any contact by moving away until finally she hit a wall and he cornered her. She felt her legs buckle under her, the possibility that she would get a beating for what happened in the supermarket playing relentlessly on her mind.

The minute Calm Guy reached his hand towards her, Shelby's eyes flinched closed, but the slap she was expecting never came. Instead, she felt his hands go for her neck and hitched and squirmed under his touch, not sure if he was going strangle her until the very moment he removed himself and her scarf. Calm Guy gripped her once more shaking hands and started tying her wrists together. He towered over her, and she could feel his hot breath on the back of her head, which she held down, eyes still pressed tightly together.

"Please, you don't have to do this," she pleaded between her harsh and quick breaths. He didn't spare her, though. She felt his palm on her chin as he pulled it up delicately and gradually forced her vision back on him, until she comprehended what he was about to do, and shut them down again, shaking her head vigorously. That didn't work either, and she whimpered miserably as he tied a piece of cloth tightly over her mouth.

There was nobody around, so no real reason to worry if she was going to scream or not, so he could only be going for her total vexation. Shelby's voice was the one power she had, and being silenced like that made her skin crawl.

Shelby felt Calm Guy's hands leaving her arms but only opened her eyes when she heard the door bash slightly.

For what seemed like hours, Shelby didn't even dare to move. But then deciding that they wouldn't come back here right now, if they haven't abandoned her in this godforsaken place altogether, she sat down against the wall, her shoulders slumping forward and her gaze falling to her bound hands. How horrible of a world it was that most of those seventeen years Rachel did not have her mother, and, if Shelby's fears were valid, that Rachel would once again be without her. And Beth, her baby, she deserved better than being imposed on her workaholic sister. It was so unfair that she would be ripped from a second mother, in such a scrape window of time, even if she couldn't understand yet.

She felt herself start to hyperventilate, and fought it with all her power. With her mouth gagged she would just kill herself. And she would be damned if she made their life any easier by just dropping dead. Tears sprang in her eyes, but she bit then back, and thought to herself _"Be brave Shelby," _as many times as she could manage before passing out of sheer exhaustion.

GLEEGLEE

A soft bang rang out and Shelby jumped, automatically looking for the noise, listening for Beth. But her baby wasn't here, and she wasn't home. Calm Guy was standing in front of her with a bottle of water is his hand. He uncapped it and, after pulling the cloth away from her mouth, took it to her lips, but she turned her head. She still didn't trust him and she had no idea what was in the water, especially after the suggestion he made when they were at Wal-Mart. What if they were indeed trying to drug her? Worse, what if they poisoned it? They had just been talking about getting rid of her, so she might be paranoid, but she was sure her reasons for it were valid.

Calm Guy sighed loudly and stared at her like she was an annoying child, took a big gulp of the water and then pushed the bottle between her bound hands.

"See, it's just water."

"No, now it's water and your saliva_,"_ she spat at him, the whole thing jumping out of her mouth before she had the chance to think. Catching herself, she gave him the most apologetic expression she could muster and drank the water to show that she was more appreciative than her little outburst let on. Even if she was disgusted, her throat was burning. She had gone with barely any fluids for almost a day, just the ginger ale he had indulged her with at the supermarket. All in all, the anxiety, the hunger, the physical and emotional abuse, everything together, had proven to be just brutal on her body. At least her thirst was alleviated.

"C'mon." He pushed her to her feet when she was done with the bottle and half-pushed, half-dragged her out.

"Where are we going?" He immediately shushed her and kept walking, Shelby in tow. They passed Mean Guy, who was sleeping in another office farther ahead in the dim corridor, Calm Guy helped her down the stairs and then Shelby was shoved in the passenger seat of the car.

The vehicle was started right away and they swiftly made it out of the complex and back to the road. It was still night, and Shelby's heart was pounding like never before.

"What's happening?" she asked weakly, her voice almost inexistent.

"I'm dropping you somewhere. Between yesterday and how long you have been missing there's a red target painted on your forehead. It's not worth it anymore."

"So I'm done? That's it?"

"I'm not killing you. If I was, I would have done it quietly, back there, while you were sleeping. Or I would let my partner do it, since he's been really anxious to get his hands on you."

Shelby gasped harshly, and then scolded herself for not being able to control her reaction. But it was appalling to think that he could just throw her to the Big Bad Wolf so the asshole could have his fun before they discarded her, especially after days of him trying to avoid that exact scenario from happening. To say that Shelby didn't believe him fully, particularly now that he had started showing his true colors, would be an understatement, so she decided to just wait for the punch line. Which might be him taking her to the middle of nowhere and shooting her. The gun was right there, in the door, where she could see it at all times but couldn't reach without him being able to block her. Plus, her hands were still bound, which made her chances of struggling against whatever he had planned close to zero. And she might be remaining exceptionally optimistic.

"So, how old is she? Your daughter. The one that you pretended wasn't your daughter. She looks too much like you not to be yours. And she left about thirty voicemails for you, all of them referring to you as Mom. Well, actually, in a couple it was Mommy." Shelby felt a lump form in her throat. She really needed to address this with Rachel. Somebody had to teach that girl to control that overflow of information that was always pouring from her. But this time around, she was just shattered. Rachel had to be freaking out for sure. There was good reason to it, and Rachel was already fairly dramatic. A missing Shelby was just the icing on the top of the cake, and the guilt, the weight of responsibility, it just crushed her.

"She's seventeen," she choked out.

"Is the baby yours too?" _Shit._ Shelby just wanted to rant about how nobody was hers and she had just downloaded those photos from Google because she was lonely and crazy. But she was at a huge disadvantage. He had obviously taken his time to go through her phone. And her life was in there, like an open book. Besides, if Rachel had left thirty voicemails, she could only imagine Mary and Will had left at least a few too. Her face fell, and she took a deep defeated breath, looking up at the gray interior of her once-adored car.

"Never mind. I know the baby is yours. And if you care to know, your friend Will has her. He's also very worried. Where's her father?"

Shelby felt nauseated and had to cough to try to keep herself from vomiting. Pressing her head against the cool window, she shut her eyes. She was determined not to engage in this conversation, even if it seemed to be helpless denying him information he probably either already had or could guess.

She felt the car stop and looked around. Luckily for her, it wasn't a deserted place. There was actually a truck stop about a couple hundred feet away. He untied her hands and dropped her handbag on her lap.

"I took some things from there," he explained, like she couldn't have imagined. "I'm especially going to hang on to this." Calm Guy took her Blackberry out of his pocket and showed it to her.

"So many useful things in this. You know, in case someday I have to swing by Lima. I'm sure my partner would love to meet your elder daughter personally. He does like the younger ones."

Shelby looked at him with so much hatred, anybody else would have run for their lives. She motioned to leave the vehicle, but he grabbed her jacket and pulled her closer to him.

"God, what do you want?" she whined desperately.

"I want to hear from your beautiful, fancy mouth that you are going to go home to your daughters and be a good girl and not talk to the police. Because if I end up in jail because of you, the first thing I'll do when I get out is hunt down your kids and make sure you never see them again in your life. I don't care if they put you in witness protection, I'll find that cute, blonde baby and make sure to give her to some pedophile."

It actually took what seemed like an eternity for Shelby to be able to close her mouth, and then open it again, and put it to work into formulating words. "I would never do anything to put my children at risk, ever. Please, just go your way, and I'll go mine. And this never happened."

He let go of her and she pushed herself out of that car, regretting being so right about that man's true character. In a way, this couldn't have ended in a worse note. She'd rather have horrible things happen to her than having these foul men know who her daughters were and how to get to them. Shelby doubled over and had to support her hands on her knees not fall forward. She wanted nothing more than to just break down, but she couldn't. Not yet. So she took one more big breath and walked to that truck stop.


	14. A Hero Comes Home

**A/N: This one is gonna be short. I just want to thank everybody for reviewing, I loved how deeply affected you were by poor Shelby's predicament (I'm mean), I hope you will like this one even better. And thanks, as always, to my awesome beta for working so patiently with me in this, even after I told her I wouldn't rewrite anymore, and did exactly that. **

* * *

**A Hero ****Comes Home **

Will woke to an urgent knock on his door. He looked at the clock, which glowed 3:14 am, and let out a curse, remembering then that there was an infant asleep right next to him before quietly making his way out. He stumbled across the living room, not quite alert, but that changed immediately when he opened the door to a rather disheveled, but apparently very much alive, Shelby. She looked at him, eyes bloodshot and totally worn out but otherwise seemingly healthy, and with a very hoarse voice murmured for him to please go out and pay the cab for her.

He didn't move, still a little out of it, but she didn't wait, questioned if Beth was in his room and made a bee line for his bed. Will followed her, mostly because he couldn't think, but also because somewhere in his mind he knew he ought to get his wallet and pray that there would be enough money in there to cover for the run from whatever it was that she came from. He paused, observing her slow but lucid movements. She wasn't drunk, but she had no vigor either.

Still with shoes on, Shelby laid next to her daughter, enveloping her with one arm.

"Hi, baby girl," Will heard her choke out. And then she cried. The tears just flooded fast, and the sobs broke, and she couldn't stop it. Will was shocked, and this was somewhere between his best hopes and his worst fears, but it was earth shattering all the same. Something very wrong had happened.

Another knock rang, and he turned to see that the cab driver was at the door. Will went out with him, to check if he wasn't getting robbed with this, but also to ask some questions out of Shelby's ear range. The driver said he picked her up at a truck stop; she had called the company in from a pay phone. She had been two cities away, for Christ's sake! And of course, the money was short, and Will ran back in to get some spare bills he kept underneath a potted plant, just in case. By the time he got back to the room, Shelby was soundly asleep.

Cautiously, Will took off her shoes and removed her jacket and scarf. Shelby usually was quite the light sleeper – being a mother putting her in a constant vigilant state – but she didn't even stir, which concerned Will greatly. When both the silk scarf and her long hair were out of the way, Will was confronted with a series of angry bruises spread over the length of her neck. Taken aback, he couldn't help but wince, an angry tremor taking over his body.

Stepping back as to not rouse her with his violent reaction, he had to lower himself in the nearest chair. He let his head fall on his hands, and took his time gathering himself. When he was calmer, he covered Shelby with a blanket and sat on the floor next to the bed, just in case either she or the baby needed him. He knew it wasn't the best position to get rest, and Shelby and Beth probably would need him rested, but he couldn't leave her.

Will was once again stirred by knocks on the front door, but these were so frantic and loud, he had no choice but jump and get it. Otherwise, they could count on Beth belting a very high note in their ears, and if it was possible Will wanted to get the baby out of the room without waking her mother. As soon as the door was pushed aside, Rachel leaped into his living room speaking frantically.

"Mr. Schue, we can't wait another second. If the hospitals are a dead end – and they sure are as we spent the whole night calling every single emergency room in the state – and the police won't help, we have to enlist the media and the FBI." Will looked from Rachel to Hiram, whose eyes were almost as bloodshot as Shelby's had been and whose hair was completely ruffled. It wasn't completely surprising that Hiram was indulging in Rachel's deranged plans, since he was the one parent who actually seemed warm to the idea of Shelby, but Will felt bad for the guy, especially since Shelby had been home for a few hours now. He should have called, but it had completely escaped him.

"What's happening here?" Shelby appeared behind him, and as soon as Rachel brain processed that, it made her flung herself against Shelby's thin body and almost crash them both against the wall. Both Hiram and Will moved to help her, but Shelby just waved them off and encircled Rachel's trembling figure.

"Mom, you're back," Rachel whispered in a tone that betrayed that she almost expected Shelby to dissolve and to find herself to be hallucinating.

Will wondered if it was his fretful imagination, but for a second he thought Shelby was going to faint. He hurriedly ushered Hiram in and the older man managed to disentangle Rachel from her mother and make her sit down on the couch. Will had planned to go get Beth, but Shelby swiftly slipped into the room and was already cradling the stirring baby in her arms. So Will went and made coffee, returning with four mugs to the intensely silent living room five minutes later.

Rachel seemed like the only reason she hadn't leaped back on Shelby was because of the baby, now fully awake. Shelby was trying to make her take the pacifier, and even that simple task looked as if required more energy than she had in her. Hiram and he were the only ones that cared about the coffee at all, and he was sure the reason was their very pronounced needs for a caffeine burst.

"Mom, where were you? You didn't even call! We were worried," Rachel rushed out, still very hysterical. Hiram brushed his daughter's hair softly, and gave a sympathetic smile to Shelby. He knew very well what was like to be cornered by Rachel. He couldn't fathom what it was like to have a room full of people closing in, waiting for an explanation that likely wasn't one Shelby cared giving, especially to their impressionable teenage daughter. She looked a little claustrophobic.

"I couldn't, honey. I'm sorry."

"Why did you take a cab?" Will just shot out the first thing that came to mind, the one that was bugging him the most. "Your car is not at your house. Where is it?"

Shelby nodded her head, not at Will, but at his question, weighing her answer. She wanted to be clear, without giving out many details, and if there was ever a time when she didn't want to veer into melodramatics, it was then.

"It was taken." Rachel gasped loudly, and Shelby looked at her a little bit annoyed, giving her a pointed look that said _"We're downplaying here, Rachel! Keep up."_

"I was carjacked."

The room was rocked with "What?"s and "Are you okay?"s and "O-M-G"s, though that last one might have just been Rachel repeating it over and over again.

"What did they do to you?" By the time Will finished asking, he had already catapulted himself to her side and was rubbing her back gently. Maybe he expected her to just break, to cry on his shoulder, but he was awarded the same look as Rachel.

"Mom, are you hurt?" Rachel demanded, skidding in the couch to get as close to Shelby as possible too.

"Guys, I'm okay. Just tired. I'm sorry that you all worried. Trust me, if there's anything I could have done, placed a call or anything, I would have."

"Why you? I just… this is…" Will started blabbing, and Shelby could feel a headache pressing against her temples. She should have expected all of that, but it was still overwhelming the last drop of strength out of her.

"I was just at the wrong place at the wrong time. These guys needed a car, and money, and I looked like I had both. They just forced me to drive. Eventually they dropped me off at some truck stop and I hailed myself a cab and came home." Shelby just shrugged, as if she had just related some ordinary day. She really didn't want to treat it as anything more.

"You could have called me. I would have gone to you," Will whispered gently, and Shelby just nodded again, because she didn't want him to think she hadn't called because she was upset at him. Knowing he had Beth, that she could count on him, had actually been her only relief.

"I was miles and miles away. I didn't want to sit for hours at that place. And I wasn't in my most reasonable moment." Shelby carefully passed Beth into Will's arms, and hugged the doe-eyed Rachel, whose silent tears promptly became intense sobs as she fiercely squeezed her arms around Shelby's waist and buried her head in her mother's chest.

"It's okay, honey. I'm fine," Shelby cooed soothingly in her ear, rubbing her back lightly.

"You should be the one being comforted," Rachel managed to choke out between her sobs, and it made both Shelby and Hiram soften with amusement. If the circumstances were not so somber, they might have laughed at Rachel's feeble attempt of letting Shelby hog the spotlight.

"Well, I don't need to be. And it's okay that you got scared. I was scared too. But it's all over now."

It was really impressive that Shelby would openly admit her fear to them just to level with Rachel and not let her feel self-conscious for her total loss of control. But the gravity of the confession wasn't lost on anybody, and Will and Hiram exchanged a grave look at that. Both of them could tell she was holding back, Will all the more, because he had seen the bruises at the side of her neck, now covered by her grimy hair.

Hiram started shifting uncomfortably. He had been worried that the mother of his child was missing, but now that everything had been cleared, he just didn't have anything to do there anymore. He felt like an intruder. Somehow, Will, Shelby, Rachel and Beth had become this odd unit, even if they were not entirely too aware of this, and it aggravated him.

He couldn't wish Shelby any harm, not like Leroy. He understood his partner's ambiguous feelings towards her, and his intense guilt over them, but he didn't share them. The woman had probably been through hell, and if anything, he wished she was still that girl with whom he was so intimate, so he could actually do something. But at the same time, he wished his only child wasn't building this whole life from which his husband and he were shut out. Maybe it was bit controlling and selfish to want to be a part of every aspect of your kid's life, and they had obviously been very successful with that horrible clause making sure they could raise their kid without any intromission or struggles for authority, but it still hurt a little to see Rachel's affection and respect aimed so strongly at somebody else. It hurt to see that in so little time she had grown to need Shelby, even though Shelby kept tip-toeing around the parental rights she had been denied.

Leroy and he had wanted nothing more than to be enough for her. To make her happy. And he wasn't as much of a pessimist as to think they had failed, but it still appalled him how much desperation the disappearance of Shelby, who had been a total stranger a year before, had brought to his house.

When Shelby had escaped with the excuse of preparing the bottle for Beth, Hiram had followed her into the kitchen. At first she ignored him, moving around trying to get everything that she needed, but he waited for her to quiet down in front of the stove and approached her. She had unintentionally brush a lock of hair behind her ear, and he could now see what looked like finger shaped marks on her neck.

"You know, you should get yourself checked out. And there's a missing person report on you. You're gonna have to deal with that too".

Shelby just nodded, and stood there looking at the wall for a minute, but then she sighed and buried her face in her hands. Unlike Rachel or Will, who would both be deeply affected by any small display that she wasn't okay, Hiram and she were estranged enough that she could relax for a second. Shelby let her guilt about Rachel's distress automatically slip, but Hiram just patted her shoulder reassuringly and affirmed: "It happens. It's the thing about having family. There's always someone taking punches along with you. Don't beat yourself up because of it. It's not your fault, and she will be over it soon."

Of course they both knew she was going to beat herself up over it. They had worked out the idea of a sleepover, Hiram knowing his daughter wouldn't want to separate from her mother now and Shelby having the same feelings, the possibility of almost never seeing Rachel again still very much hanging over her head.

It took almost an hour for Rachel to finally calm down and accept to be taken home, so Shelby could go to her own house, take a shower and change into clean clothes. She had promised Rachel she could come over for that sleepover in two days, because her daughter was still on edge, and Shelby would do anything to help her get over it, but at the same time, she needed one day to breathe, to put things in perspective.

When they were finally alone, Will put his hand on her back, but she had recoiled from the contact and turned away from him.

"Shel…" he had pleaded quietly, his concern seeping through her.

"I'm fine, Will. Please, just take me home."

"Okay," she heard him agree and they both got busy, quickly transferring camp to her residence. Will just hoped that once they were there, and she had the opportunity to recompose, she would let him in.

Shelby looked at her daughter's little face. Granted, Beth would never look like her. But she was so pretty that sometimes Shelby could just stare at her for hours. If she looked anything like Quinn, she would turn out as a stunning woman, and Shelby would be proud nevertheless.

Beth reached her little hand towards her face and Shelby leaned in, letting her brush her little fingers over her cheek. Shelby smiled, and Beth smiled too. Then Shelby put her tongue out, and Beth broke into delicious laughter. Maybe if she could just stay like this forever, everything else would go away. It would be some sort of fiction and then it would be nothing but a haze. Her mind would process and throw it away. She was fine, but there was this anguish crumpling her chest and she just didn't have the strength to be her usual active self.

Shelby grabbed Beth's foot and kissed it, and it felt and smelled perfect, and then Beth was laughing again and trying to roll into her side, and Shelby was laughing too. Finally, after a few minutes of this, the baby started to settle down, snuggling her sleepy head into her mother's chest, hands firmly wrapped in Shelby's blouse.

Will stood at the door, watching this, wanting to cry so badly that he almost made a dash to the bathroom to have some privacy. Shelby was going to be as blasé about her abduction as she could master the strength to pull off, but he felt his heart was giving out on him. So many bad thoughts kept playing at his mind, it was just too hard. She wouldn't tell him what happened. She was shutting him out, again, but this time he was terrified for her, not for them. He didn't know what was going to happen to her if she just tried to internalize everything. Then she saw him, and with those tired dark eyes aimed straight at him, all the ambition to walk away was gone.

"Do you need anything?" he questioned tenderly, trying his very best to take care of her without making her feel smothered.

"A hug," she whispered so lowly, he hesitated. But then she had already turned her attention back to Beth, and he wanted to do it so badly, once the idea was out there, it didn't matter if he had heard it correctly.

So Will took off his shoes and lay next to her. He wrapped his arms around her middle, being careful not to disengage Beth from her, and spooned them both.

"Is this okay?"

"Tighter." Her voice was so small now that Will was starting to be concerned. But he pressed until he didn't know if she was getting air, even though she was just quiet. He felt their feet touching, and Shelby's breathing even against his chest. Will pressed kisses into her hair and then surprisingly she turned her head, and kissed his mouth. It was a peck, just a peck. But it might even have been better than that one in the Lenox. This time he wasn't going to let her go anywhere.

Will woke up rather alarmed, finding nothing but air next to him. Shelby and Beth were gone, and after the couple of days he just had, their simple absence from the bed made his heart shrink with agony. Fortunately, or not so much, the retching sound coming from behind him four seconds later revealed that Shelby was still very much present and the baby monitor next to him was on, so he could guess she had carried the child back to the nursery. He got up and walked up to her.

Shelby was trying to keep the tears from falling. She hated being sick. And she knew she wasn't, not really. She had woken up startled after a nightmare, but luckily, she was a quiet sleeper. No matter how bad the nightmare was, she'd never pant, scream or thrash around. It was the one moment when her dramatic traits were totally off and she was as low key as possible.

Shelby had extracted herself from Will and got up, legs still shaking a little from the images still running through her head. Images of what had happened and of things that had not occurred. Of Calm Guy not being there and Mean One carrying on with what he had intended to do to her. It had been impossible to hold back the vomit. Fortunately, Will was a heavy sleeper and seemed very tired, because if there was one thing Shelby hated more than being sick, was being sick in front of people.

"Hey. What's wrong?" she heard Will say from the room and tensed immediately. She had gotten away twice already, three times would have just been miraculous. He was bound to stir sometime, even if had taken him almost two hours.

"My fucked up psyche doesn't seem to want me to keep food down," she offered humorlessly. Next thing she knew he was next to her, rubbing her back.

"Will, please don't," she begged him without bothering to face him, head supported by a sweaty hand which was supported by the arm leaning on the toilet seat. Will was confused and apprehensive. She looked like hell. He just wanted to help.

"Don't what?"

"Don't cuddle me while I'm throwing up. If there is one act I don't particularly appreciate having a public for is this…" She was cut mid-sentence by another heave, and then a fit of coughing.

Will eyed her, angst-ridden. He didn't know how to just leave her like this, but didn't want to make matters worse by pushing her neuroses buttons.

"What can I do?"

"Please get me a hair band. And then go check on Beth." He did, and left her alone, still pretty much feeling like an imbecile for caving when he wanted to just hold her.

Will found Beth in the playpen, crawling around and rolling her toys up and down. She looked up at him, grabbed a plastic frog Shelby had gotten her in Boston and offered it to him. He gave her his big proud smile, the one everyone knew was less than appropriate for him because it should be exclusive to the only parent, Shelby, but he couldn't help it.

"Hey, Sunshine." He took the toy and wiggled it in front of her, making funny faces that amused her. "You know you're so much bigger now?" Beth looked up at him curiously, almost as if she could understand. "Yes, you are. I'm sorry I missed so much." Will grabbed her and kissed her wonderfully perfumed baby face and her blonde hair. She had different clothes on, so he could only guess Shelby had given her a bath while he was asleep. "You know, your mommy is Wonder Woman. And one day, I'll tell you the story how she fought the bad guys and came back for you, that is, if I get it out of her eventually. But now, let's go make some tea for her tummy."

Shelby was brushing her teeth when Will walked into the room carrying a breakfast tray. She eyed him accusatively but he just responded with a pointed look. She knew she had to try and put something in her stomach, even if it kept coming back. "At least take the medicine and drink the tea."

Will had found her some antiemetic and made peppermint tea. He had also got her some saltine crackers and some strawberry jelly, but he doubted she would even try them.

"Where's Beth?" Shelby questioned from the sink when she was done with her teeth.

Will looked at her with a weird adoring expression, and she frowned at his reflection in the mirror.

"Taking a nap. Apparently watching me prepare you all of this was more excitement than she could take."

Shelby nodded and turned the lights of the bathroom off, joining him in bed.

"Do you want me to call Rachel?"

She frowned even more intensively this time. "Why would you call Rachel, Will?"

"To cancel her sleepover. You're not well."

Shelby shook her head adamantly. "I'm fine, I'll be perfect by the time she gets here. She needs to be with me right now, Will. You saw her yesterday; she was traumatized. I need to show her that everything is normal. Besides, I don't care that Rachel is crazily intense and theatrical, I want her around. Today, more then ever."

Shelby took the antiemetic with a glass of water Will had put on the tray too, making an ugly face.

"You're amazing, you know that?" Will told her, that crazy lunatic expression of his firmly placed. "I can't believe you ever doubted you'd be a fit mother. Your devotion to the girls is super human."

Shelby shot him a grateful glance and a reticent smile, grabbing the cup of tea and lying back at the multiple pillows Will had lined up against the headboard. He laid next to her.

"Can I cuddle with you now?" Shelby signaled positively, but the minute Will's arm brushed against her waist, she stiffened.

"I'm sorry," she spoke softly, closing her eyes in frustration.

"Shel, why are you apologizing? When are you going to tell me what happened?" Shelby just sighed tiredly and looked up at the ceiling.

"I'm not trying to shut you out, Will. Just, not yet." She sipped the rest of her tea and turned towards Will. His face was distressed, anxious, hurt. She hated to be causing all of that.

Shelby reached out and stroke Will's cheek soothingly. Will cherished the endearment for a while and then took her hand to his lips and kissed it affectionately, just like he had in Boston. He cupped her face and felt her shudder, but she grabbed his hands when he motioned to retreat and kept them on her. He held her until she steadied her breath, and then leaned in cautiously and planted a soft kiss on her lips. Shelby kissed him back.

She had been battling the 'fight and flight" response her body kept producing, kept trying to make it understand that it was safe now. She was being colder than she wanted to be, but the truth was she was glad Will was trying to comfort her. After breaking up the kiss, she rested her head in his shoulder and embraced him, letting him do the same to her.

"Shel?"

"Hum?"

"I love you. So, so much that a part of me would have been ripped away if something had happened to you." He squeezed her and she felt him sob, so she just squeezed back.

"I love you too."


	15. Hope Part 1

**Hope – Part 1**

Shelby deemed that her whole body must have been on fire. She sensed her skin burn. Her eyelids felt like they were glued together because of the heat, but she couldn't just stay lied down, not at that moment. She removed the arm that was clutching her abdomen, her teenage daughter's delicate arm, and jumped out of bed, barely being able to skid across the cold floor towards the bathroom. But Shelby had been left to her own devices for a long time, and she could make herself get to where she needed even if she was dying. She was an unswerving force, being more than used to not depending on others, and as grateful as she was of the fact that Will had insisted on staying around to look after her, she really could storm through this ordeal on her own and with her eyes closed.

Shelby hastily got rid of the shirt she was wearing and her underwear and automatically switched the shower on in a way she knew the water would be as cold as she needed it to be to cool off her fever. She stepped under the water and took a deep shuddering breath as the temperature shock surged through her bruised form. Her ribcage was a constant torment now, a severe ache spreading from her lower back all the way to her chest so every time she tried a deep breath a sharp pain shot through her bones and muscles, so acute it made her dizzy, and the way her heart was pounding didn't help matters either. Will would surely be relieved when she announced in the morning that she was finally willing to see a doctor. She hated hospitals, medicines, treatments of all kind. Will couldn't understand it, and it wasn't his fault, but she had been resolute to not being dragged down to an emergency room to the point of being utterly rude to him. However, she was starting to be scared of the possibility of Mean Guy having caused some serious damage when he threw her against the wall.

Shelby wrapped her arms around her broken body. She could still feel Calm Guy's hands on her, squeezing her neck until she couldn't breath anymore, and Mean Guy's fingers trailing her legs, her torso, her breasts, touching her bare skin, all of this happening at the same time and she couldn't stop any of it. She had squirmed and struggled, tried to fight against the fabric that kept her wrists bound tightly together behind her back, tried to scream against the abrasive cloth hard-pressed against her dry lips, but she hadn't cried. Maybe it was silly pride, and altogether misplaced considering she had just vividly experienced being viciously assaulted and murdered, but there was a petty part of her that got a kick of the fact that she hadn't shed a tear, even in a dream she had no control over.

In a way, she felt blessed because she didn't know how much worse of a time she would have been having if she hadn't spent the night first with Will and then with Rachel. She wasn't sleeping much, but she felt safer knowing that they were there. She wasn't sure if she would be capable being calm knowing there was no one there to prevent something from happening while she was unconscious.

Shelby closed her eyes, but the images just got stronger. She tried to shake them off, but the sensations wouldn't leave her, repeating over and over again in a loop seemingly designed to torture her. She had to support both of her hands on the wall not to fall when she doubled over, panting and dry-heaving, and it took her all of ten minutes to recover and manage the strength to rub some liquid soap on her body before stepping out. She didn't even noticed, in the dark and totally dazed, that she had grabbed one of Beth's bottles until the scent of lavender and chamomile involved her. The product was meant to be used before putting the baby to sleep, so it had all of these soothing perfumes that actually relaxed her a little.

By the time she managed to slip back to her room, she was already feeling much better, though still a bit anguished by this routine of awful dreams and the way they kept scarring her soul further, little by little. She was going to crawl back into bed even if just to hold Rachel for a few more hours, but upon hearing faint sounds she had to crack the door open and investigate. Listening more clearly to what could only be the TV, Shelby headed down the stairs to inspect the issue. Maybe Will was awake too.

She still didn't know how to open her mouth and voice all of these terrible things to him. She didn't want to hurt him. She didn't want him to have to live her experiences in his head anymore than she wanted to keep reliving them herself. But she was sure he would understand how much of a hard time she was having, that he would hold her and let herself be reminded it was over. That nobody was going to take her again and no one was going to hurt her anymore. He would hold on to her, she knew he would. He had said he loved her. After all of their quibbles and the way they seemed unable to work it out, he still had stepped up to take care of her kids and look for her, and then he became some sort of a (annoying, but endearing) guardian and he had proclaimed to have the deepest feelings for her.

It should have overwhelmed her, especially after the weekend she had. She wasn't used to being loved, not like that anyways, and in the short time they had known each other it was very shocking that he was in that place. But she was too. The minute he said it, she had said it back, all sincerity, and no tension. It was odd, to say the least. It had taken her what seemed like a lifetime to say it to John, but then they were teenagers, and it was all a game. She had never said it to Connor, not even the few moments she felt it with a clarity she couldn't deny, because she had never wanted to weaken herself before him. She knew that the moment she said it, Connor would have the biggest leverage in the world over her and she would lose a piece of herself. He was a kind man, but Shelby could never make herself stop thinking that he could and might destroy her if she ever let him. Connor was a man of power. In a way, it was all games with him too.

But to Will, it felt natural and comfortable to blurt it out. As complicated as they were, they were still pretty simple: Two adults who liked each other very much and who wanted to be in each other's lives. Two people who genuinely loved each other. She supposed the shock from her abduction had washed their trivial complications away. Who is able to think of past girlfriends, casual sex and stupid fights when you just almost died? When you almost lost a person you can't imagine not being in your life?

They were frightened, exhausted, and it was honestly time they cut the bullshit. She hated being the wandering cliché, but there was something about having the metallic cold end of a cocked gun pressed to your neck that just made her reservations over a relationship with Will pale.

When she was sitting alone in that dark office at the factory, restrained and silenced, forcing herself to brave through the hostage situation, she had contemplated the things she still had to do with her life. She still had to raise Beth. She still had to be a supporting, encouraging force to Rachel and see her accomplish her dreams. And she still had to get her act together with Will, and grant them both a chance with love they might otherwise not have. If they weren't meant to be, that was life. It would be heartbreaking, but they would survive it, because if anything, they were both fighters and unwavering believers. But what if coming together awarded them with all of their visceral wishes? Not being alone anymore, having a family, a support system for adversities like the one they were living. Being loved, cared for, respected. Mattering in a way they otherwise wouldn't. There was a possibility they could complete each other, and that sounded as silly in her head as it would in Harlequin romances, but it takes a considerable time of being alone and feeling devoid of something you can't even explain to actually realize how good feeling important like that is.

Shelby marched into her TV room to find a sweatpants-clad Jesse curled in the sofa devouring a bowl of cereal with milk. Her first reaction was to just go back to bed, because she certainly must have been dreaming, but then again, considering the person, if the situation seemed preposterous then it was very much likely that it was real.

"Jesse?" Shelby whispered at him harshly. Jesse unglued his eyes from the TV and offered her his best boyish grin.

"It was late, so I just let myself in," he explained, as if figuring out how the hell he had made his way inside was the most important issue plaguing her at the very moment.

"You're supposed to be in California."

Jesse looked at her with a complete blank expression, as if he wasn't following. Then he snapped out of it, put the bowl down at her coffee table and turned back to her, this time managing to look like someone who had half a brain. "Rachel called when you went missing. When she called back to tell me that you were home I had already booked a flight, plus, she was very vague and I figured I'd come and see for myself if you didn't need anything. The only reason I didn't get here earlier was because I had a performance and my understudy is sick. I know, right? What's the point of having an understudy if he's not going to be available?"

Shelby shook her head at him in obvious discontent, and Jesse decided to just shrug her off. He was already there, what was the point in scolding him for coming?

"Besides, I left my CSI DVDs here." He added his trademark smirk at the end of that sentence, but Shelby was still not amused.

"So you got here, broke into my house and poured yourself a bowl of cereal?"

"Ah, first of all, you gave me a key, smart ass. Second of all, I haven't eaten since Rachel's first phone call. It was like my stomach had clamped itself out of sheer trepidation for your well-being. Then I got here, saw that you were fine and got 48 hours worth of appetite back."

"First of all, I told you I wanted that key back, plus, you're not supposed to let yourself in when I'm in the house, especially in the middle of the night. And second, you saw that I was fine? You went into my room?" Shelby arched a menacing eyebrow at him.

"Of course not. I would never violate the sacredness of your private quarters. I just peeked through the door. Could have gone without the permanent image of you and my ex-girlfriend cuddling, though. It was creepily arousing."

The inappropriate remark reminded Shelby that in the time he had been absent she had been handed yet another bill to settle with him, and she hadn't wanted to do it over the phone. She wasn`t half as intimidating without the benefit of corporeal presence, plus, Jesse didn`t get the opportunity to pretend to be bashful if she couldn`t see him. She stalked towards the couch menacingly, her face hard in a way that denounced he was in big trouble, and as her hard steps closed in on him, Jesse tried to get up and out of her commando path. She quickly reached him and while one hand went down forcefully on his shoulder, forcing back into the seat, the other grabbed him by the hair. Jesse immediately squirmed and started to groan, but mostly his attempts to get away were purposely faint.

Shelby tilted his head up so he had to look her in the eyes, and Jesse shuddered. He didn`t think she meant business anymore than usual. Everybody, including Shelby, knew that the only reason she kept going with those theatricals was because she enjoyed it. People obeyed her because they respected her too much. She was intelligent and resourceful (and intractable) enough that people around her were aware that she could wreak havoc on your life if you set her on a mission, but Jesse had only ever seen the shit hit the fan that badly once. Yet, that night, there was something dark and unreadable in Shelby`s eyes, and Jesse knew that if had been the one to put it there, he had reason to be scared.

"Do not think I'm uninformed of your attempts at deflowering my daughter or that you'll get away with it. I trusted you, Jess. What the hell?" she hissed at him, and his face brightened with relief before diming altogether. On one hand, he had imagined she had something way worse on him. On the other, he had taken enough penalties on the Rachel issue that it was starting to take its toll on their relationship. He could then clearly see disappointment creeping up in her facial lines, and for a moment he scrutinized her closer and wondered how Shelby had managed to grow older since he had last seen her in the summer. She had seemed so content then, he had let himself hope. Plus, all the time they talked on the phone or on Skype she never had bad things to relate, and suddenly she was in front of him, looking more exhausted than she ever had.

Jesse sighed. He knew he had to get into the subject, almost a year too late nonetheless, but he just wanted to make her sit down and grill her on her disappearance. "I know, I know. And in my defense, I know I got no defense, okay? I screwed up. What can I do if you have great genes and your daughter is gorgeous? I'm a teenage boy, it's the hormones." Shelby pulled his hair with a little more force. "But that's not an excuse. It's not. I'm just sorry, very sorry. You know that if there's a person I go out of my way not to upset is you, and not just because I'm scared shitless of your wrath. I wasn't thinking. If I was, I would never choose sex over losing your respect. You mean too much to me, you know that. Even more than Rachel, and I was in love with her."

Shelby sighed tiredly also, knowing well too entirely that she as well was at fault in the matter. Besides, even if he was older and had used peer pressure, Rachel didn't do anything she didn't want to, which thankfully meant she hadn't done anything period. But right at that moment, Jesse was in the right place at the right time to get on the wrong side of her bottled up rage.

Before she could do anything though, Jesse tried ducking away from her grasp but obviously that didn't work, so he tried to pry her hand away.

"Shelby, a star needs good hair. You're going to cause irreparable damage to my career", he spat in that self-important pattern of speech both he and Rachel carried, irking her even more. She slapped his hand away, but he grabbed her wrist and pulled, making her fall into him. The more they tried to disentangle themselves from the other, the more the opposite occurred, and it got even more difficult to see through the logistics of getting their bodies apart (which should probably have started with the quite obvious action of Shelby letting go of Jesse`s hair) when Shelby`s elbow accidentally got into Jesse`s eye, and they both cracked up, becoming giggling, teasing sibling-like mess. Managing to grab both of Shelby`s arms, Jesse threw Shelby on her back on an impromptu, unthought-of move and straddled her waist, pinning her down to the couch.

Shelby gasped, the jolt making her body strain in fear and shake under Jesse's body. Jesse's grin immediately fell and he pulled away. He knew he had gone overboard. They had played like that before. But he knew he had crossed a line. Yet, he was scared. Shelby seemed almost terrified of him. Shelby had never had a problem with them getting physical, trusting him implicitly to never abuse her confidence.

Shelby bit her lip and looked away. She always thought these traumas were an exaggeration. She might be dramatic, but she wasn`t weak enough to dwell on things that had passed. But her physical reactions were just out of control. It was maddening. She closed her eyes, trying to stead her breath and to regain her composure. She felt Jesse practically scramble away. When she looked up at him again, his face was full of regret and dread.

"I'm so sorry, Shelby. I didn`t mean to offend you, or, or… hurt you. I'm so, so sorry."

"Jess," she breathed, trying in vain to calm him.

"I'm really sorry, please forgive me. Please say that you're okay," he continued, frantically.

Shelby shook her head and reached a trembling hand to cup his soft boy cheek, a silent pacifying effort that barely worked. But barely was better than nothing.

"Jess, I'm okay," she managed to whisper out. He nodded, his hand taking place on top of her in a way that clearly indicated that he didn`t buy it. If only her body wasn't rebuffing any human contact from the male gender, she would have pulled him into a hug. Instead, she pushed him slightly with her foot. "Move," she ordered gently. He scooted further away to make room for her.

Shelby pushed herself up and towards him. Jesse subtly flinched away, and she didn't know if she should laugh at the irony or scold him. She laid down and put her head on his lap. Once again she shut her eyes, and heard and felt her heartbeats slow down to an almost normal speed.

"Shelby?" Jesse whispered, hesitantly.

She turned to face him. He still looked so alarmed that it made her hurt. The worst part of the whole ordeal was how much pain she was putting the people that she loved through.

"What happened to you?"

Shelby bit her lip, almost too tempted to lie. She didn't want him to see her as weak, to stop venerating her. But it was Jesse. He had seen all of her sides. Her most vulnerable one, her darkest one, her most gentle and open and loving one. No one was more loyal. No other student was this close.

"I was carjacked," she finally stiffly murmured, letting her gaze fall to his chest. Anything to not have to look him in the eyes and size his reaction.

"You mean kidnapped," he countered coolly.

Shelby looked up at him with an annoyed frown. "No, I mean what I said."

"I don't think that's a word."

"What?"

"No, really. I'm in college, and that's totally not a word," he kept going in that ridiculous robotic tone that had became his trademark.

"How did you get into college?"

"You got me into college. And I say that you're wrong."

"I'm a teacher."

"A music teacher."

"I went to Vassar."

"I go to University of California: Los Angeles. That's in Los Angeles. A real city. I bet even you can't spell Poughkeepsie," Jesse remembered how he had attempted that joke with Rachel and almost laughed. She hadn`t gotten it, at the time. She couldn`t have fathom what was the relevance of the University of California: Los Angeles being in Los Angeles, and she looked so much like Shelby, he had slipped that day and forgotten she wasn`t.

"P-o-u-g-h-k-e-e-p-s-i-e", Shelby diligently spelled, not knowing why she was engaging with Jesse in that nonsensical exchange, but then again, half of their interactions went pretty much like that.

"I think you're missing a 'p'."

"Where?"

"Somewhere. You just are."

Shelby shook her head frustrated at him but the effect was lost when she chuckled. Jesse in turn smiled, obviously satisfied to have broken the ice and amused her.

"Are you okay?" he then asked very quietly. It didn`t become him.

"Yeah," she lied, even though she knew he could see through it.

"Do you want to talk?" Jesse knew that he could get practically anything out of her. It wasn't that he had a way of making her talk, it was that she knew that when she did, he would probably just make outrageous comments and nonsense jokes until she felt okay with being vulnerable; then he would drop his act and be just as vulnerable as she was.

Shelby had a special bond with Jesse. So it worried her that she didn't feel like breaking down on his shoulder so they could dissect every single detail. The mere idea of it was too painful though.

Shelby fiddled with her shirt while she gave the idea serious consideration for the first time. However, it still made her nauseous to even try to elaborate words to describe what had transpired. "I really don't, Jess. I can't bring myself to address it. I just can't."

Jesse just acquiesced and as Shelby turned to face the TV, and her brows puckered together.

"_Xanadu_?"

"Sshh, _Xanadu_ is awesome."

"No, it isn't. And as Beth's godfather you need to improve your tastes a notch."

"I beg your pardon?" Jesse questioned with an unsure smile creeping in his face.

"Olivia Newton-John, Jess! For Christ's sake. And the plot is so stupid." Shelby tried to turn back to the screen, but Jesse held her shoulder softly, making her face him once again.

"You are going to let me be Beth's godfather?" he asked, and there was a glow in him that hit Shelby like a truck. She always forgot how little it took to make Jesse happy. Truly happy. It made her feel blessed that she could indulge him these little pleasures.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever," she at last responded, trying to play indifference when they both were sensitive to how much of a big deal it was. "But you're not changing her name. Or her religion."

Jesse beamed his biggest smile, and Shelby thought that if they used his face as energy, it could light up an entire city right at that very moment. She smiled back at him, and patted his arm, before focusing back on the movie playing. Honestly, she was almost enjoying it. Maybe when she was in a more receptive mood, she could try this again with Jesse.

"Your cereal tastes funny," Jesse announced suddenly. Jesse had never been one to be quiet for more than five minutes.

"It's gluten-free."

"Oh, so you have given preference to Rachel's food habits now," he raised his voice in mock outrage.

"Why would I have two boxes of cereal, Jesse?" she inquired seriously, glaring at him. She couldn`t just forget that there were feelings there, that those two had ended up resenting each other (and it was partially her fault).

"Why not?" he just asked bluntly, and Shelby decided to give in, because that didn't seem like a request for help or attention, just one of Jesse's random rambles.

"You're supposed to be in California!"

Jesse pouted, and Shelby just snorted and turned away from him.

Will walked into the room rubbing his eyes, and then he had to rub them some more just to make sure that he was seeing correctly. Jesse looked up at him, equally bewildered at both his presence there at four in the morning and the fact that he was wearing PJs.

"Is there something you forgot to mention?"

Shelby looked up at Jesse, frowning at his question, and the young man just made a movement with his head that indicated she should look at the door. Will smiled shyly at her, and she reciprocated, murmuring "Morning" at him. Then she glared at Jesse in a way that very clearly meant "It's not any of your business" and faced the TV again.

It wasn't that she didn't want to tell Jesse about Will, but she had no idea what to say to him. "Will and I are friends, but not really just that, because we are kind of in love. But he doesn't know for sure if he is not still in love with the guidance counselor; remember the one you used to call OCD Lady? Well, so we're not together. We were not even talking anymore, but then this happened, and our quibble seemed so petty all of a sudden, and I was so vulnerable, and here we are."

Actually, she would never make it that far. The minute she mentioned Emma, Jesse could probably get up and kick Will's ass. Jesse was all protective of her. He had risked everything he worked for the year before and almost got into a serious fight with Connor at the Nationals after-party because Connor had showed up with another woman. Who turned out to be his sister.

"Hi, Jesse. Nice to see you. So early. I didn't hear the doorbell," Will muttered, clearly too confused and sleepy to insert some very necessary sarcasm in his tone.

"I have a key," the boy answered smugly, earning himself an elbow in the gut from Shelby, but that barely fazed his poise.

"I'd try and explain the concept of something as simple as an emergency key to him, but he gets it, he just ignores it. Jesse and common courtesy are two things that don't come together," Shelby explained from the couch, still refraining from taking her attention away from the screen. She found it so much easier not to move those days. And as long as she didn't train her eyes in the wall, Will left her alone, pretending that he believed that she was indeed focused on something when they both knew she couldn't make herself stop replaying the recent events in her mind. Shelby was actually very grateful for Jesse's annoying presence because of that. His nonsense had distracted her for almost an hour, an achievement not even Rachel and her constant chatter had provided.

The reminder of Rachel made her tense. Her daughter was in the second floor, hopefully sleeping well. Shelby felt all too guilty for causing her so much distress, even though she was keenly aware that there hadn't been much she could have done about the matter.

She had hoped she could assuage the situation the previous night, but when Leroy had dropped her off at six pm, Shelby had being riding another nausea wave. She had shacked up with Rachel in the bedroom anyway, tried to talk to her without really narrating the developments, but mostly Shelby had spent time hugging the toilet seat with Rachel on the doorway clutching a bottle of mineral water and babbling something about dehydration, and before eight o'clock they had both crashed. She had briefly come to consciousness when Will had snuck in and covered them both, but then had pretty much been out cold until the nightmare shook her awake again.

Now she was worried that when Rachel woke up, she would have an added issue: Jesse.

She couldn't just kick him out, and she really didn't want to, but she knew Rachel would be beyond upset if she walked in like Will just had and found the duo in that position. She also was aware that she should get her key back now that both Rachel and Will were common presences in that house. But she wouldn't. Shelby was always bickering with Jesse about his abusive use of that key, but she had only once seriously asked for that key back, and it was the day he had egged Rachel.

After giving Vocal Adrenaline her piece, she had rushed home and taken a gulp of Connor's whiskey, just to keep the edge. Then she sat and waited, because if Jesse was ever something, it was predictable. The other students would come up with their excuses and show up at her office the next day, but not him. He would drive around for half an hour, then give into the anxiety, and slip into her house. He had done it before. He had done it the day they went to Sectionals and she had been metaphorically slapped across the face with her daughter seemingly coming out of nowhere.

He had pushed her that day, because she hadn't been able to mask the shock, the pain, the fear. He had followed her to her car, being immediately told to fuck off and go find something interesting to do, and had showed up in her house twenty minutes after her own arrival. That day she had been surprised. She hadn't expected it. She had gotten home and drowned a shot of her most expensive Vodka. Then another. Then another. Then she had gotten the baby dress she had bought for Rachel all those years back and hugged it against her face and cried on it until it was damp from her tears. He had found her in the humiliating position. It had been easy to drag the truth out of her, considering her state. Shelby wasn't one to let people hold her while she cried, but she had indulged into Jesse's warm chest that night, letting him caress her hair and rub her back while she sobbed uncontrollably. She was lucky that he was harmless as a puppy, at least to her. He always respected her, and surprisingly, that seemed to only grow after her mortifying performance. She hadn't put much of a fight either when he helped to bed, settled her under the covers and slipped her some aspirin and warm water.

But the day they egged Rachel, she knew he was coming. She took off her shoes and sat facing the foyer, waiting for him to make his entrance like a predator. It had taken him only fifteen minutes that time around.

"You little weasel," she had hissed at him, furious, the minute he crossed the threshold into the dim light of the living room. He quivered, something akin to remorse playing along with the very evident pain the rage in her voice caused. "Put that key right there," she gestured at the coffee table with her head, "turn around and don't ever come back. From now on, you're just a student and I don't want any contact with you outside of that school."

"Don't, please." he pleaded, not even a hint of his school persona present in his voice. "Don't do this to me. I know I deserve it, but don't."

"How dare you Jesse? I let you in my life, in my private life, and told you secrets I told no one. You said that you cared for her, and I honestly trusted you not to hurt her a lot more than I trusted myself, with all my selfish needs and reasons. How stupid and pathetic am I, Jesse? Very, right? Even with the horrible reputation that you had with girls. I just wanted to believe that you would do better, just for me. That you would respect me enough to be careful around my daughter. Because if you were, maybe you could protect the three of us from crashing horridly. You knew how much I've been hurting this past year, and you knew how Rachel was hurting too. How could you go and kick us while we were down? Who are you? What kind of horribly perverse person does that, Jesse?"

Usually Shelby gave these speeches with passion, pacing around, talking with her hands. But the whole egging event was the insurgence of subdued, broken Shelby. She was lucky it had worked like a charm, because it hadn`t been an act, and she was sure she felt defeated beyond the point of putting up a mask.

Jesse had slumped towards her, but had stopped himself midway and had just dropped himself on the coffee table, putting his head in his hands and rubbing his eyes nervously.

"Say something, Jesse. Come up with a lie, an excuse, anything. You can't possibly have come all the way up here just to sit there looking like you're sorry."

"It was easy, you know? Giving her up. In a way, I feel like I never had her. You know that, we talked about this when I got back from San Diego. I didn't choose, there was nothing to choose from. She wasn't mine, and you were right back then, when was I ever truly hers? This isn't about her. Please, I know that I screwed up with her, but let's forget her for a second. This is about us. I never meant... God, I know that you don't want to believe that I can be this genuinely self-absorbed and shallow, but VA is my family and I just wanted to feel like I still fit in there. I know I'll be leaving soon, but they are my friends, I couldn't just alienate myself from them. I'd miss them, they are all I have. With the exception of you. I'll understand if you never forgive or forget, if you punish me for what I did from now to the day I die, just don't turn your back on me. Please, Shelby. Please, I'm begging you. I know I don't deserve your mercy, but spare me some. You're the only adult in my life that has ever showed any real interest or kindness, that has ever truly cared. Without you, I'm adrift." Jesse kept holding her gaze, his eyes all red and puffy, and Shelby`s heart had shattered. But she had held herself composed for what she needed to do, defend her daughter. Rachel didn`t need to know about that. Rachel didn`t need to know that she cared. But it felt like it was something she had to do anyhow.

"Well, maybe you should have thought of that before cracking an egg on my daughter's forehead." Jesse looked up at her, confused, not remembering confiding that little detail in her. "One of her fathers called the school, and the call was transferred to me. You can imagine how pleasant it was for the both of us. I hope you're having as much a good time as I am."

"Oh, yeah, the time of a lifetime," he answered with dripping sarcasm. "All I do want for my life is to grow old being alone and unloved. I want to break and push away everyone that has ever loved me, just for the fun of it, you know? It might even make me a better person."

Shelby became twice as hurt, because since when had she authorized him to use her sins as a weapon to wear her down? It was pathetic and mean. So she just got up, but he grabbed her before she could leave the room and pulled her into him. She had fought him hard, pushing him away and ordering him to let go. But he wouldn't listen and he was stronger than her and eventually he managed to lock her into a bone-crushing embrace.

"I need you. You are my mentor, my friend, the older sister I never had, even the only mother figure I ever got. Please, I need you," he choked, and then started to sob, and as he buried his head in her shoulder, she could feel his hot tears passing through her shirt into her skin. She hugged him back, and not just because she felt sorry for him, but because if she didn't need him as much as he obviously did her, the truth was she never really wanted to lose him either. So she didn't let him go. Even if he had betrayed her and torn her heart, she couldn't let him go that day, and would never do so. Not even for her beloved daughter.

"Mr. Schue, could you get you me a blanket? It's a little chilly here."

Will almost gagged at how presumptuous Jesse could be, but he looked at Shelby and she didn't even acknowledged the issue, so he just gave up, dragged his feet to the second floor and back, with a blanket in hand. He gave it to Jesse, who promptly unfolded it and dropped over Shelby, making sure she was covered. Shelby just held his hand and squeezed it. Will was surprised, in a positive way. It sort of made him envy that Shelby was so comfortable with Jesse at that moment, but he just wanted her to be okay, and if Jesse was going to keep taking care of her like that Will was more than happy to have him around. Thus he decided to go back to sleep and leave the two alone.

"Jess, thanks for coming," Shelby whispered under her breath.

"No problem."

Jesse started caressing her hair softly, and Shelby felt her eyelids get very heavy, but fought the urge to take a nap.

"Jesus, sleepyhead, stop putting so much of a fight," he said teasingly, and then rubbed her arm soothingly. "Sleep Shelby. We're all here we'll take care of you, for once. Okay? Just let us."

She groaned, grumpy and not terribly enthusiastic of the idea of needing to be taken care of. If anything, she felt that she ought to take care of them. It was okay, because mostly she just felt grateful that she'd have the opportunity to do that. She could be dead. They could have been grieving her death, all on their own, and that mere idea was her demise.

Yet, it was hard to resist the fatigue and slowly she drifted away, pulling Jesse's hand away from her shoulder and squeezing it again for reassurance. "I'm not going anywhere," he whispered in her ear, and she nodded, dead to the world the next minute.

Jesse was sure, in all of his juvenile arrogance, that he was a superb actor. But it had taken all of his skills to keep his show face firmly in place for Shelby. He was sure Will and Rachel were doing their best, but it was their first time experiencing a genuinely fragilized Shelby. Jesse could still remember his first time and how he had felt disoriented.

They weren`t even close at the time; he had just been a freshman. He had only known professional, infallible Shelby then. She already demonstrated a softer side, during their weekly meetings when she sat with the team and they talked about their problems, and even with him exclusively, having frowned with concern the first time he had requested to stay over past rehearsal hours to practice the small solo she had trusted him with and making him call his parents in front of her to let them know where he was. But she had still been his detached, guarded teacher, and not much more.

He had been working on some particularly sketchy choreography, and she had been sitting at her table in the audience, scribbling away at something or other. His mineral water bottle was empty, so he had gone out to buy both him and Shelby some more. Stepping back in the eerie auditorium, he had immediately felt his stomach twist. His eyes urgently drifted to Shelby's spot, vacant and for a moment he had just stood there, confused. Then he had slowly descended the stairs, almost in a daze, wondering if maybe he wasn't being over dramatic and she hadn't just stepped out to pee.

It had taken his brain a moment to register when he caught sight of her passed out on the ground. His legs then worked furiously and he was by her side in a second, shaking her, calling her, trying to pry any reaction. In an instinct he didn`t even know he had, Jesse had pressed his fingers against her neck and found a feeble, erratic pulse. In a beat, he had her phone and was dialing 911.

The first question the attendant had made was if she was breathing, and he had felt incredibly stupid at the time for not checking the most important thing. He had turned her on her back, his palm supporting her head gently on the side and shooting alarm through him. "She's burning up!" he informed right away, then positioned his fingers under her nose and related too how it was ragged and shallow. "Please, please, hurry up," he had begged, but in the end, he had needed to hang up and spend the longest minutes of his life waiting for the goddamn ambulance alone, one of his hands gripping Shelby's wrist the whole time, in terror that if he let go, her heart would just stop, the other checking her breathing again every minute. It had been a silly idea that he could keep her alive just by monitoring her vitals, but she hadn't died, so he felt somewhat righteous.

The paramedics had arrived twelve minutes later, put an oxygen mask over her face, loaded her into a gurney and gotten her to the hospital. He had hastily grabbed their things, locked the auditorium in record time and rushed behind them, driving in her car, even though he had been only fourteen and didn`t have a license.

Arriving at the hospital, he had been bombarded with questions he had no idea how to answer. He had had to check her ID on the way just to find out her complete name and age, and he certainly had never confided in Shelby that he had guided her Lexus (that had been before the whole Range Rovers invasion, when Shelby had not only got one too, but gotten the nicer, most expensive version there was, and it was also different from all the black ones the kids sported. Jesse had to laugh at Shelby`s quirkiness at that, because she had chosen her car's distinctive color just because it had 'gold' on the name) while going through her purse. At least he had possessed her health insurance card at ready once they arrived, and seeing how at loss he was, a nurse had instantly whisked it away and went to retrieve Shelby's medical history from the company.

He had managed to sneak into the room they put her in (Shelby had made sure to upgrade her insurance, being always all about excellence, so at least she had gotten all the perks), and he had curled against a corner, praying that he wouldn`t be noticed and kicked out. Fortunately the doctors and nurses were all over Shelby, and nobody even spared him a look until the burly folder was delivered in the room, and one of the doctors asked him if he was the son. He had had no idea then what the hell that was all about, but had nodded, knowing that if they found out he wasn't a relative he wouldn`t be able to get any information on her status.

During the Rachel debacle Jesse had thought about disclosing to Shelby the story of how he had disguised as her son, telling some ridiculous story of how he was her biological child and had been adopted, and was just now getting to know her. He hadn't found a way to make the irony seem hilarious instead of cruel, and at that time Shelby would spend most of her time staring into walls and spacing out during conversations, so she might have missed the punch line even if he had nailed it.

He had been quizzed then about any pronounced symptoms, and he had wanted to laugh, but the doctor would probably take it the wrong way since he didn't know Shelby. If he had known, he would be aware of how preposterous it was to imagine Shelby as one of those women who walk around clutching her stomach or complaining that she isn't feeling well for anyone who wants to hear it. But Jesse had rummaged his brain anyway to when she could have subtly indicated that there was something off. And then it hit him, that when he had inquired if she wanted any water too, she had responded without raising her eyes and he had imagined she was concentrating, but upon further examination, he could clearly recall she had been actually quite staggered, and kept making circular movements in her temples with the point of her fingers.

"I think she had a headache earlier," he offered. "And she's been tired. I mean, she's always overworking and all, but she's still really energetic usually, but not lately." Jesse couldn`t remember ever lacking in eloquence so much, even at fourteen, but that had probably helped his case since the pretense of him being Shelby's "pregnancy carried to term" according to the chart he peeked at later had him at twelve.

Shelby had stirred then, and they all refocused on waking her up, forgetting him altogether. Jesse had grimaced when they had poked her with needles, but at least it had worked, and Shelby had come back to her senses.

"Can you state your name and what day is today?" the doctor had quizzed her while he took the mask off and checked her pupils.

"Shelby Amelia Corcoran, today is Friday, December 8th." Her voice was hoarse and faint, but she still held that all-business tone and that might have been the point where he found out he respected her a lot. Shelby was the one person he could trust to be absolutely composed under the most acute crisis, and that had been day that instilled that feeling onto him.

"Shelby, do you know where you are?"

Shelby looked around briefly. "The hospital?"

"Yes. Can you remember what happened?"

Shelby slowly shook her head no.

"What's the last thing you can recall?"

"I was trying to work, but I had a splitting headache. I have been having those a lot. Jesse left. I noticed I had a fever. I tried going after Jesse to tell him we needed to leave, but I felt lightheaded when I got up."

"Have you noticed other anomalous things, besides the headaches?"

He saw Shelby swallow hard and look scared and bashful for a second, and then close her eyes, and he was honestly terrified she might have passed out again until she had started talking.

"I've been tired quite relentlessly, even after proper sleep," she said, opening her eyes and looking unwaveringly at the doctor."I've been nauseous a lot. Breast tenderness. I've been feeling pain too, in my abdomen and lower back."

"Can you show me where?"

Jesse watched her purse her lips under the doctor's scrutinizing gaze and touch her fingers to her navel and slowly down past the hem of her blouse and her belt. It was then he knew she had been experiencing more than simple stomach aches and he looked down at the floor, unable to watch her reveal something so private, and he didn't resume his gaze on her face until the doctor spoke again.

"Have you visited your physician?"

Shelby shook her head no, but didn't bother offering an explanation.

"You have a history of cysts, so I had already asked for an ultrasound machine. We'll take a look and depending on how good the visibility is, and considering the symptoms, we might do a CT and take it from there. I'm not going to lie, you may need surgery. I can't find your emergency contact on your insurance papers. Anyone besides your son that should be here?"

Given that, Shelby had raised an eyebrow and then finally scanned the room and found him standing there, but luckily had refrained from making any commentary that would blow his cover.

"No, there is no one," she sadly disclosed a moment later, and his heart had broken for her. It had also spiked his curiosity, and maybe he had been overly optimistic, but as soon as she had been whisked away for the CT he had gone through her phone like mad.

"You are putting your son in charge of your medical decisions?"

"No!" Shelby had shouted right away, and then recovered. "He's just a kid. Just… do what you have to."

"I suppose you would want life support..."

Jesse had almost fallen to his knees on that one. He hadn't though, so he had had a clear view of Shelby turning white as a sheet, her eyes widening in complete terror, even as the doctor explained that it likely wouldn't come to that and it was just precaution and scribbled instructions away as she gravely agreed.

His almost catatonic state had persisted for a while and all of a sudden he realized he was staring at his teacher's exposed stomach, and her pants were opened and pulled down slightly and he was sure he had never blushed so violently in his life. The doctors were all focused on the images and talking about what could be happening and he imagined Shelby would want to pay attention to every drop of this, but he had come to find her scrutinizing him instead (needless to say, his shame only grew). They held each other`s gaze for what seemed like a century, and then her face had turned exceedingly gentle and caring, and she had mouthed "Everything is gonna be okay" to him. He still didn't get how she had managed to worry about him in that instant, but as witnessing that moment of illness had allowed him to see more of Shelby's true character than it would have been possible otherwise, that moment had been his brief, but powerful lesson in how generous she really was. All the times she screwed up later, he would always go back to that moment and remember that despite her flaws, Shelby was that woman that minded that he was frightened while she was the one lying in a hospital bed facing CTs and surgeries.

The fact that he had begun to believe for that that interaction would be the last one he would have with the mentor he had abruptly grown fond of also heightened the impact that moment had on him. She had been dragged down to other exams, and he had sat in that cold emergency waiting room perusing her Blackberry contacts and trying to decide whether to call the two lone numbers she had under family, "Dad" and "Mer". It dawned on him that maybe there was history and Shelby had her reasons to not want them around, but he had reverted his decision swiftly when a nurse had informed him they had get her to an OR, words like 'concussion' and 'inflamed cyst' hanging in a fog above his head.

He had spent an unreasonable amount of time dialing those numbers until his fingers were raw from hitting 'Send' every minute or so, but neither had picked up, and he felt even worse finding out Shelby was indeed all alone, and not of her own volition. It was a revelation, finding out they were one and the same. Most people couldn't understand that it was worse having a family that you couldn't count on than not having one at all. He could imagine what it would be like if he had to go through a surgery, and not have anyone there waiting to find out if he would come out of it okay. Not having anyone sitting there and worrying, and caring. So he did.

And he sat by her bed all night, only bothering to leave a generic message to his parents saying he was sleeping over at a friend's (they never called back to ask which friend, where was the house, if adults would be there).

Jesse had never spent time at a hospital before. It was as horrible as he had heard it was. The smell, the sounds, the atmosphere. You could feel the suffering, the fear, the misery all compressed into the air, and several times during the night he had to get up, and take a walk outside just to prevent a panic attack. Every once in a while he crawled from the couch and towered above her, just watching her chest rise and fall for any amount of time he could before being creeped out by himself before turning his iPod back on and letting something visceral blast into his ears. It was weird seeing Shelby look so vulnerable at the time. He thought that if he touched her, she could probably dissolve. So eventually, he had. And once again he felt her skin on fire.

**A/N:** Yes, I'm alive! It's so hard to write these huge chapters, you know? It seems like an excuse for how long it took, but it isn't. It took this long because of something called the end of the college semester, which some of you might be familiar with as that period when your life is over and you stress so much your skin looks like crap (I flipped a bitch about that until I managed to get a peeling), and then the holidays. Also, you can blame NastEllirBurg for convincing me I had to rewrite this to contextualize why Shelby and Jesse are so touch feely and I ended up with the great life story of Shelby Corcoran and Jesse St. James instead of a quick explanation. It's really, really long, and like I said before, possibly the most difficult chapter I had to write after Brave. I hope you enjoyed it, though. I was actually quite content with it. I just love those two together, and couldn't do much because Jesse is supposed to be in California, so I really tried to use this chance to the best.


	16. Hope Part 2

**A/N:** So there I am, contextualing Jesse and Shelby's relationship, and I finish, I'm happy, I look at the pages and it's 22 pages long. 22! You can just imagine my beta getting this on Christmas week and thinking about the many ways she could murder me. It got a little out of control, obviously. But I wasn't going to cut any of it, because I was really in love with the chapter (can you blame me for adoring Jon Groff so much? I mean, he's like a puppy. He's so totally cute!). I had to split it then. So here is Part 2.

* * *

**Hope - Part 2**

A great part of the rest of his weekend was a big blur. Shelby was rushed back to the OR, something about an infection, and complications, and then more complications and shock, and Jesse was starting to get convinced Shelby wasn't going to make it because she just kept getting worse and worse until her organs started to shut down and she slipped into a coma. Then he sat on the chair next to her for what seemed like years, just feeling plainly nauseated to even be there but not being able to leave her either. He was aware she was a teacher, and although she had always been kind to him, he had barely known her. But it had still killed him. Her with a ventilator thrust down her mouth (Shelby had complained about the damage to her chords for months), feeding tube shoved up her nose, IVs and monitor wires all over her. That exasperating beep in his ear reminding that she was hanging by a tread, and what the hell would he have done if she hadn't made it? Arranged a funeral?

The doctor had told him it helped to talk to the person, but he didn't know what to say either. "Hey Ms. Corcoran, hang in there" got old pretty fast. So he just turned to singing instead. From show tunes to classic rock to silly pop music to Elton John, he had hummed or belted (within reason, since they were still in a hospital) every sappy hopeful song he could think of.

Two days Shelby had been septic and comatose. Two days that he had barely slept and ate; he hadn't gone home at all, and also two days that put him at the threshold of having to burst that little bubble they were living in. He had had to inform the school principal that Shelby needed a leave due to a grave health condition and had to hear the douche go on and on, questioning how he knew she was sick, how sick she really was and whether she could at least make the effort to cover her VA demands since it was so close to Sectionals until Jesse lost it and screamed into the receiver: "Look, I'm looking at her right now, and she's breathing through a machine. So I don't think that's an option." Of course Lancaster had actually sent his secretary to check. At least she had had the decency to look sorry when she caught sight of Shelby lying in that ICU bed.

Then he had called the male and female leads of VA, who should act as their leadership in case Shelby couldn't. Jesse himself had fulfilled that role for the subsequent three years. Christopher and Alexandra had promptly driven to the hospital to both see Shelby and conference with him. He had explained what happened at length and how he had deceived the hospital staff into letting him have family privileges, so he planned to stick around as much as possible so at least they could have news. They had both agreed to take over VA practices and even start training a junior, Ethan, on his small solo so that if it came to that, they had an understudy ready to fill in for him.

As promised, he had stayed, but when it was time to go to school he couldn't call in sick since Lancaster knew he was fine (the bastard hadn't even cut him a slack so he could stay with Shelby). However, luckily, just before he was to depart to his house to take a shower and change before heading to school, Shelby's eyes had fluttered open. He had flown to her side, holding her hand and soothing her and telling her not to panic while doing exactly that and smashing the call button so hard he had likely broken it. Her watery, frightened eyes met his, and it was his time to chant "Everything is gonna be okay" to her while brushing her hair over and over again in an intimate gesture he hadn't even detected at the time. It wasn't the brightest thing to say, however poetic, but "Don't breathe or you're gonna choke on the tube" sounded too scary, even if it was the most precise, useful advice he could have given. Shelby had been amazing all the same. She had gripped the covers and clutched his hand so hard, and he could see pure anguish on her face, but she didn't stifle around the stupid tubes.

They had been broken apart when the medical team swamped in, working frantically to get the tubes off her. They put a nasal cannula in instead, examined her from head to toe, and drew what looked like a gallon of blood. By the time they were done, Shelby looked exhausted, but the doctor still sat to talk to her and explain some things that he hadn't told Jesse. Things like the fact that the infection compromised a great part of her reproduction system and that they needed to cut out a big chunk of her uterus. Things like the fact that in order to prevent the bacteria from spreading they had made a technical decision to do a hysterectomy and how she wouldn't be able to have anymore children.

Shelby's expression had shattered into pure grief and horror for a second, and he had thought she would have a meltdown, but then she had bitten back the tears and her face had gone blank. She had politely thanked the doctor for everything he had done and for saving her life, and then went on to thank Jesse for still being there before promptly dismissing him. Needless to say, Jesse had skipped school that day and stubbornly stayed planted at her side, even if she had done nothing beyond sleeping and impassively staring at the wall.

He had finally made it home by Monday night. His mother had asked how his weekend was, and he had lied that it was just fine. She had inspected him and he had thought she would, for a change, and with freaking terrible timing, notice that there was something off, but she had just asked him if he had been drinking. He had given her a sincere "No," and hadn't sounded sarcastic for the first time in years, so she just left him alone.

He had forced himself to take a shower; it had been three days and he stank, and then passed out on his bed, sleeping well into the next day and missing school yet again. His father had popped his head into his room at some point, asked if he was sick, and actually believed when he lied that he was, so at least he had a call from his parents to placate the school that time around.

When he returned to the hospital the next day, he had made sure to take with him a few good options from his extensive musical DVDs collection. As he got there, the first thing Shelby obviously questioned was why on earth he wasn't at school. He could have lied to her, but he was so fed up with doing that, he just felt like being honest for once. The most trouble that it would get him would be her trying to kick him out and back to class, and he figured that would be her agenda either way. So he had sincerely explained to her how he had deceived his parents into deceiving the school that he was sick. She tried talking him out of staying there, but he was more interested in relaying to her how Alex and Chris had brilliant staged a takeover and were now coaching Vocal Adrenaline, following Shelby's guidelines religiously and preparing themselves earnestly for Sectionals. At least that bit had made Shelby very happy.

She had demanded though that he didn't miss anymore school or Glee because of her. He had tried to argue, but there was no arguing against Shelby. She always won. He had done pretty well, invoking his best sad little-boy face and telling her he didn't want to leave her all alone (it was true), but she had held his hand and pulled him closer to the bed. Her voice was still barely there, and talking was strenuous, but she had pushed through it, and for a moment there he hadn't known if she would try bashing or patronizing him, but Shelby never really got into these silly tactics when she could just talk to you. She had been the only adult in his life that had never given his shit for no reason (she could lose her wits when she was really frustrated, especially at VA, but she always tried having a conversation afterwards) or been condescending.

"Jesse, please," her raspy voice had pleaded. He could feel his hand tingling under her faint hold. "Do you know what Principal Lancaster will do if he finds out you're cutting class to stay here? You'll give him munitions to ruin my life."

"Why? We're not doing anything. You're sick, and I just…"

"It's inappropriate all the same, Jesse. You can check up on me, I'm not going to try and stop you, but you can't interrupt your life to take care of me."

"But… nobody else is. And somebody should."

Shelby's face fell and all of a sudden she couldn't look at him anymore. She dropped his hand and started fumbling with her covers, and when she finally spoke back her voice had been merely a murmur.

"It's okay, Jesse. I can take care of myself."

"I know that you can, Ms. Corcoran. Just thought it'd be nice if you didn't have to."

Shelby had blinked at him in a way he could tell she was trying to avoid tears from springing. She had looked absolutely sad, but in that quiet dignified way Shelby always showed emotions. She had brushed his arm softly, and he knew that she agreed to his point, but she was otherwise resigned.

"Go to school tomorrow, Jesse. Okay?"

After their talk, Jesse had at least convinced her to let him put _A Chorus Line_ on, but she had fallen asleep before the first half was over. He had fetched himself a hot chocolate, bribed the nurse to get Shelby an extra blanket, and then curled back in the chair next to her with his beverage and watched the rest of the movie. It had been hard for him to watch her sleep, so unguarded, and to let go of his protective stance over her and relinquish that she was right. But in the end, he had probably done it because he didn't want her life getting harder. He missed VA, but school wasn't really his favorite thing in the world. At least in the hospital, he felt like he had a purpose. He hadn't been so anxious to go back to real life and to the notion that he didn't matter at all.

Time had passed quite hastily the brief week Shelby had spent at the hospital. For someone who had so many complications, her fast recovery had been brilliant. Jesse had gone back full time to school, but he still checked up on her every day and kept her updated about Vocal Adrenaline. After the third day, she had given him her house key and instructed him to get her laptop and a book, and then again when she was being discharged because she needed clean clothes.

The first week she had been home had been hard. Shelby had refused to see anyone apart from himself and Alexandra. The first day back had been a Sunday, so he had stayed with her. They hadn't done much, which wasn't that different from the hospital except Shelby was more uncomfortable having him around because it was her house, which showed. When she had requested for him to go there to pick up her things, she had hesitated, but still he hadn't expected her to be so stiff and wary of him.

He had taken to washing her dishes (she had told him not to; he had ignored her), and she had gone up to her bedroom. When he had finished he had tentatively climbed the stairs to bid her farewell, but she had locked herself in the bathroom. He had opted to leaving a note instead, but then he had heard her. It was honestly hard to tell for how long he was seated outside her bathroom door, listening to her sob and cry, and wanting so badly to do something but not having the courage to break her privacy. He hadn't known the real reason for her break down. It was only after finding out about Rachel that he had understood completely.

After that, he had been at her doorstep every morning before school. He would let himself in with the spare key that eventually became his, prepare her breakfast and sit in her kitchen until he could hear her alarm. He never had the nerve to wake her up. He always gave her ten minutes to get up, freshen up and make it back to bed, and then he would knock, wait for her invitation, and hand her the medicines she had to take and a glass of water.

After practice, he would stop by and see how she was doing and hang out with her a little. On Tuesday, she had turned to him while they were watching a movie.

"Jesse, do your parents know that you are here?"

Jesse had sighed and wanted to lie to her, but that would only make her mad when she found out the truth, and like anybody else in VA, he had this notion that Shelby was all-knowing and almighty.

"No." He had expected her to be kind, but still order him to get out and go home. She hadn't.

"How come?" she had asked, and he had faced her, his time to be cautious.

"What do you mean Ms. Corcoran?"

"You've been spending a whole lot of time here for them not to wonder where you are and with whom." She gave him a pointed look, and he just knew her mind was going to the improper stuff again.

"They don't. I mean, they know I'm okay. I can take care of myself too, you know?"

"Well, you shouldn't have to." He had raised his eyebrow at her, hoping to convey how ironic it was for her to be telling him that, but she had just shaken her head, in disagreement with his silent accusations. "You're just a kid, Jesse."

"No, I'm not. I haven't been one for a long time, and now it doesn't matter anymore. I don't wanna be a kid."

He hadn't said anything else, and she had been quiet for a while too. It became so that the tense silence was too much, but incredibly she had been the one to fly the white flag first.

"My sister is in Kenya. She's a doctor with the DWB. She's not the easiest person to get a hold of these days. Anyways, the little children in Africa probably need her a lot more than I did."

Jesse had felt truly grateful when Shelby had decided to open up to him. No other adult had ever bothered showing him some respect and talking to him like they were equals. For somebody who most of the time made sure to establish that she was in charge, it was extraordinary of Shelby to level with pretty much everybody. Except competition, but that was mostly teasingly, and bullies, because that was when Shelby's temper kicked in.

"What about your parents?" Jesse could actually see her shrink facing that question, and she hugged her knees close to her chest and supported her chin on them, which made her look like a little girl.

"My mom died when I was a teenager. My father then moved to this cabin in the woods and kind of died too. My sister and I made sure he has a phone, but he almost never answers it, even though he knows we are the only ones who still insist on calling. He's usually on some camping, fishing, hiking, hugging-a-tree-and-singing-'kumbaya' trip or whatever."

Jesse had let out a dry, bitter laugh that was way beyond his years, but then wasn't that his curse?

"I guess we both have parents that would rather not be parents." Jesse acquiesced, and Shelby put her hand on his shoulder, prompting him to go on. "My older brother, Elliot, has always required a little bit more attention. Well, a whole lot more attention. When he was a kid he got diagnosed with dyslexia. And you'd think a family like mine would have no problem sailing through that, and Elliot would turn out to be an outstanding young man, but I guess that just wasn't in his plans. He always got so frustrated, and then he turned aggressive and he kept failing. My parents tried boarding school, but of course they sent him back; special education, they sent him back. It was very time consuming for my parents, I guess. I had a nanny, though. And then I didn't need a nanny anymore and… I don't know if my parents don't care to try anymore because they think there's nothing more they can do for me at this point or if they just don't know how to even try and parent me. Maybe they are just tired. That would explain while they travel all the time."

"Where is Elliot now?"

"Who knows? He robbed a car. Just for the sake of it. That was the last I heard of him. That was the last straw for my parents."

"Was Elliot ever violent towards you?" Shelby interjected and he could hear the sheer apprehension in her tone.

"I was the little brother, what do you think?"

They had stayed in silence for a long time. Shelby kept squeezing his shoulder, and he had wanted to touch her, but that had seemed weird. With her looking out for him, she seemed very authoritative again, even hunched in the corner of the sofa with her cheek buried into her knees like she was, and it seemed wrong to try to pat her head or something. So he had just taken the time to compose himself.

"I want to watch _The Sound of Music_," she suddenly whispered a while later. He hadn't known then that it was her favorite. He hadn't known it was her mother's favorite, otherwise he would have advised against them seeing something so sentimental right at that moment. Instead, he had just replied, "The Nazi part kind of bums me out."

"Yeah, me too. We should just watch the first half and then watch some _Flashdance_," she had suggested and he had agreed. She had cried the entire movie.

On Friday, he had made a very excited return to her house. VA was preparing something for her, and he was really loving the ideas, even if they included the fearsome Dakota Stanley.

When he entered the house the first thing he noticed was that all lights were on in the first level. That wasn't normal for Shelby at the time, because she usually just huddled up in her room or the TV room. Five seconds later his puzzlement was elucidated when Shelby crossed the living room with a pine-smelling chemical in her hand.

"Ms. Corcoran, what are you doing?"

"Cleaning."

"You're not supposed to be making the effort, remember?"

"Oh, it wasn't that much of an effort."

He watched her sway as she walked into the kitchen and immediately trailed her.

"I think it still counts."

"I was bored."

"You could have sat at the piano and composed my first hit single or something."

"Good idea. I'll do that tomorrow."

"Sit down. Please."

"Okay."

Jesse frowned when she acquiesced so easily, but as soon as Shelby turned and walked back through the living room, up the stairs towards her bedroom, he saw her sway again. He ran after her, which was just her luck, since two seconds later she passed out right into his arms. He didn't have his now impressive body build at fourteen, so of course holding her up and carrying her to the couch had been a struggle, his heart pounding with dread the whole time. He laid her down and checked her vitals, and her heart had been beating really fast, but as he lowered himself to hear and feel her breathing on his cheek (as he had learned from the nurse he kept bothering back at the hospital), he found that at least that seemed normal. He had shaken her shoulders, but that didn't work, so he pinched her earlobe, and she had stirred. He had shaken her harder and kept calling her name, and eventually she came around.

She had opened her eyes groggily and taken a few seconds to remember what had happened, but when she did she had turned really apologetic at him.

"It's fine, Ms. Corcoran. I guess it was just too much too fast. Are you okay?"

She had nodded, but then bit her lip and he could tell she had been hiding something.

"What is it, Ms. Corcoran?"

"My abdomen really hurts." She finally admitted, grimacing.

Jesse had held up the hemline of her sweater, and looked at her for permission, which she had silently granted. Cautiously he had pulled it up to reveal her flat stomach and a little bit of blood smeared over it. They had both paled immediately.

"I think you opened your stitches." She had nodded, clearly really taken aback then, but he was in work mode in a second and he quickly got a doctor on the phone and arranged for him to go to the house and stitch her up again. Then he got a clean towel in her guests' bathroom, wet it in warm water, and tried to clean the blood, but Shelby immediately stopped him and tried to get up, which of course had led to a lot of pain and the return of her dizziness. Jesse had pushed her back, a forceful hand on her shoulder.

"Are you okay, Ms. Corcoran?"

She nodded yes first, but then changed her mind and shook her head. "I think I'm gonna be sick." Jesse had run and gotten her a trashcan, but nothing had happened once she stayed still. He had gotten her medicine and a glass of water anyway and then kneeled next to her once more.

"Just stay quiet, okay? We'll pretend this never happened." Shelby had covered her flushed face with her arm and he knew that she was already halfway through the denial, so he had just put himself to work, letting the humid fabric slide delicately across her pale skin and become increasingly stained in crimson. He noted then that the blood was still flowing, and compressed the small opening Shelby's burst of activity had caused. By the time the doctor finally rang the doorbell, Jesse had just successfully stopped the blood, and Shelby had been drifting off. She still had been given one hell of a lecture by her doctor despite that.

At first, Shelby's face had hardened, her stubbornness and self-reliance making her defensive and defiant, but as she glanced at him, at her blood slightly staining his shirt, she had crumbled and silent tears had trickled down her face. When the doctor finally left them, Jesse had helped her up the stairs and then waited and watched her fumble with her comforter, sitting at the edge of her bed looking down at her feet the entire time he just stood there, giving her legroom to find her words. He had wanted to hug her, but the notion of violating her personal space was a sure backfire in his mind. He could feel her bubble like it was made of actual matter.

"I'm so sorry I dragged you into this, Jesse. You don't have any obligation to be here."

"I know," he had interrupted her. "I'm not here because I have to be, Ms. Corcoran."

"Why are you here, Jesse? I mean, I would understand if it was Alex or some of my seniors, I'm close to them. And I got that you stayed in the hospital because you were in shock and worried to leave me all alone there given how serious my state was, but I don't get why you won't go back to your life already. I feel like I'm keeping you hostage. Today only proved that I'm roping you in, making you believe you can't turn your back on all of this. You can. It won't be awkward at school, I promise."

"I'm not a hostage! Look, we can sit here and talk about the mysteries of forming a relationship or whatever, but I think that'd be kind of dumb. Sure, it was frightening to find you lying on that floor unconscious and for a while I was just going with it, but you can't ignore that being so close and participating in such intimate, vulnerable moments has changed things."

Shelby still kept looking obsessively at the floor for the longest time and he wanted to grab her chin and force her to look at him, but that was a line he wouldn't dare cross.

"I trust you," she had said in barely above a whisper, and then finally looked up to meet his eyes. "I barely know you, and you're kid, but I trust you now. So, I guess you're right. But that doesn't mean we have to have a relationship out of school. I'm not going to force this down your throat. And I'm not going to be sick forever. How is this going to go?"

He hadn't known how to answer her. But he had recognized the fear of being abandoned by him too. He knew what it was like, reveling at the high of having someone in your life, and then feeling like a new hole had been carved into you as that person subtly gets busy with her own life before slowly becoming a stranger. What she couldn't see, so self-protective that she was, was that he would miss their time together too if they lost it. So he kept the dance going, their little routine getting more comfortable each day; and as time progressed, and Shelby got better, they got more and more fearful.

Then in what Jesse imagined was another barely disguised attempt to push him out, she started receiving people and let them around her. Everybody in Vocal Adrenaline jumped on board right away, a good deal of them having tried to communicate with her previously. They had taken upon themselves to help her too. Alexandra had even created charts. Alex had been a bit maniacal, in an endearing way that was quite like Rachel (except without the diva attitude). They had organized together a calendar in which every day a different person was responsible for getting Shelby food. Small groups took turns visiting her after practice. Shelby had been joyous, though a little surprised that they all gave a crap too. She had no idea.

One day, during practice, Lancaster had made into the auditorium to talk to the group. He had informed them that considering how much time Shelby would have to likely stay away and that she still seemed to have a long recovery ahead, he was going to hire a co-director, some guy by the name of Dustin Goldfish, or something. They had all stood there, shocked that he could be such a jerk to pull a move like that behind Shelby's back, when she was recovering from surgery.

That is until Giselle jumped from the stage and marched up to Lancaster. Jesse disliked Giselle 90% of the time. She was conceited, more competitive than anybody he knew (including himself and Rachel), loud and more than a little immoral, but he might have loved her at that very moment. She stared him down boldly and started snarling at him with that cocky mean attitude that eventually made her the Queen Bee of Carmel and VA, even faced with Andrea's actual lead status following Alex's departure and Haylee's more pronounced talent.

"Look, Mr. Principal, we appreciate the concern and all, but Ms. C. has whipped us into winner shape, okay? We can take Sectionals with our eyes closed, She left the routine totally ready, and that abusive dwarf is here every other day to make sure we'll be synchronized to our finger movements by month's end. We won't take an intruder. You bring someone in to steal Ms. C.'s place, we all refuse to perform. And then I wanna see what you'll tell the booster club when Mr. Goldshit has to nothing but props to work with."

Jesse had then looked at Alex and Chris, who were both also gaping at the fact that Giselle had threatened, cursed and basically rebelled in their names to the principal. Not that he thought any of them would accept to be coached by that guy, but considering there were people there, starting with Alex and Chris themselves, that needed to perform to secure their places in their college choices, she might have wanted to run that by the group before announcing it to Lancaster. But it had worked. He had backed down, with the condition they performed for the booster club that weekend and proved that they were on track to nail Sectionals.

They had enslaved themselves in rehearsals and Alex had gone through nights without sleep preparing a report of how she had been doing the work and how Shelby had been helping her with it. Jesse had been extra worried about shielding Shelby from all of those developments and making sure to still spend time with her despite the prolonged practices, so she wouldn't start thinking he was pulling away. That might have been the hardest week of his life, but in the end, everything had gone perfectly. Jesse had even taken some time to breathe and get lots and lots of sleep during the weekend, since Shelby had been kidnapped for the holidays by Connor.

Jesse had had to travel with his family shortly after that; Christmas was the one time his parents insisted in taking him with them to their traditional ski getaway in Chamonix, but he had made sure to buy Shelby a small gift before going.

Buying her something had been easy. He had gone to a jewelry store and bought a charm bracelet, and then chosen a variety of pendants that he knew would mean a lot to her. A golden star, to suit her charming obsession; a piano; a pinecone that was symbolic of _The Sound of Music_, her favorite musical; and the Empire State Building because she had mentioned it was her favorite New York landmark after the Central Park, and he hadn't been able to find a pedant for that. He had thought of getting something symbolic of himself too, but then just gotten a little boy pedant. A little boy with disheveled hair, a huge crooked smile and the smear of a dimple, and that way she would always carry him around. That bracelet had become fuller over the years as he and other people kept giving her pendants to add. For Christmas, he had just given her a baby made of gold, to represent Beth. She had called him in tears when she got the package on the mail.

Writing her a card to go with that initial present had been extraneous, though. There was so much he had wanted to convey, but a great deal was foggy even for him. He had drafted speeches and speeches, all very good, but neither perfect. In the end, he had just scribbled "To Shelby. Merry Christmas. Take the vacations to properly rest, okay? I'll miss you. Jess." It had been the very first time he hadn't called her Ms. Corcoran and he had hoped she would take notice of that. She had.

She had texted him a few days later, saying, "Thanks, kiddo. I'll take care and you enjoy your time with your parents, okay? Call me if you need to talk. Merry Christmas."

Surely a few days into the trip everything had been shot to hell because of a phone call from a New York police -station asking his parents to go post bail for some crap Elliot had done. He had been taking pleasure in spending time with his parents for the first time in years. They had had breakfast together every day and talked during it, and his father had been trying to snowboard with him (and making him crack up with his many falls). But of course his brother had to ruin his life even after all those years and the fact that none of the St. James wanted anything to do with him anymore.

His father had gone, leaving him with his mother, but she had promptly turned cold and distracted, and the night after that he had found himself on a phone call with Shelby. Beginning that day, Shelby had kind of become his confidant when it came to his family issues. He had knocked on her office door and promptly informed her two years later when Elliot had been caught in some mess and called him up, asking for help, since their father had promised that the get-out-of-jail card would be their last contact. She had cancelled VA practice and driven him to Chicago right away. Their trip had been tense, silent. He had even gotten scared Shelby had been pissed at him for involving her in that mess, but when he hadn't been able to hold his thoughts anymore and had exploded in apologies, she had steered the car off of the road and had given him an angry look.

"Stop it, Jesse. I'm not mad at you."

"You certainly look fuming…"

"Not at you,"she had disrupted him and then sighed heavily, running a nervous hand through her long tresses and then finding a way to tie them into a loose ponytail. She let her head fall back against the seat and closed her eyelids. "Why is family always such a fucked up matter?"

"Well, sometimes you can make your family, right?"

He had looked at her, somewhat pleadingly, and they had held each other's broken gazes for a long time, two loners sitting in a car in the middle of nowhere, just supporting each other, imagining if the other wouldn't just fall apart if they didn't. December had become the worst time for Shelby after the incident, and until that first Christmas with Beth, she had been depressed every year since she had found out she couldn't have children anymore. His parents had gone to winter in Indonesia, a new tradition they would make sure to keep for years to come, the part of leaving him behind included. In that moment, he got it. She was angry at the world. They were both angry at the world. It suited their states of mind that they had been stranded together in the infuriating task of finding Elliot and making sure he didn't end up dead or something. Jesse didn't even know why he had cared or why Shelby hadn't stopped him, but they had just gone.

They had driven nonstop through the night, just getting food and pausing to use the bathroom a few times, and then found themselves in the crack district in some treacherous part of the town. He had checked the GPS a thousand times, but it seemed that the address Elliot had given him indeed put them there, and he shouldn't have been so surprised. Shelby hadn't seemed astounded.

They had both stared at the looming abandoned structure for a minute, and Jesse knew Shelby was as aware of the danger as he was. Elliot wasn't simply a devious guy, he had a knack for cruelty; whatever he had in mind luring him to that place, it wasn't just about getting money to pay off some debt. They could have done that at a freaking café. But in public, Elliot wouldn't be able to properly torment him.

As if reading his mind, Shelby had grabbed his backpack containing the money he had gotten from his dad's safe (that sure had been the trouble of his lifetime later on) and ordered him to stay in the car.

"But Shelby…" he had started to interject but she had raised her hand to stop him.

"Stay. That's an order."

Her tone didn't leave room for argument, even though he had pretty good ones, starting with the fact that whatever Elliot had in store for him he could just as easily do to Shelby too. At first he had been placated and had stayed put, anxiously fidgeting and trying to listen to any signs of distress. But as the minutes ticked by and Shelby didn't emerge, he hadn't resisted locking the car and going after her. He had walked into the fetid alley and then into the dark building using the same bashed back door Shelby had and felt pretty lost in the vastness of the place until he heard voices.

"I can't believe little Jessie is fucking his teacher. I'm almost proud. But I'm not interested in you, yet. You can stay and party if you want to. But little Jessie is the guest of honor, he can't miss it. Where is my little brother?" Jesse heard Elliot punctuating every word of the question in anger and rushed up the stairs.

"Go to hell, Elliot," Jesse heard Shelby hiss in return. "I'm not going to let you hurt him."

When he had reached the room the voices came from and spotted Shelby captive in some other guy's clutch, his brother towering over her menacingly, his heart had stopped in terror and fury. The other guy had both of Shelby's arms twisted behind her back, but she still stood defiant and calm, barely blinking even as Elliot waved a lit cigarette near her cheek. Jesse knew all too well how his brother liked to play with those, and the thought of him torturing Shelby with one made him want to vomit. He had launched himself at his brother, rage thumping through his veins and granting him extra strength, not that he needed it. Two years had seen him transformed from a flimsy boy to a muscular, fit young man, while Elliot had been debilitated by years of drug abuse and turned into a skeletic ghost of his formerly handsome, robust self.

He had shoved Elliot into the wall, but his brother had only laughed and and said, "Oh, there you are!" before landing a punch in his face. Jesse had staggered, but recovered hurriedly and knocked the wind out of Elliot, pounding his closed fist into his brother's torso over and over again until he felt a hand on his arm.

He had turned, ready for fighting, but Shelby had raised her other hand in front of her face and he had halted in time. He had seen the other guy on the ground, clutching his intimate parts, and processed that his arrival had likely distracted the jerk enough for Shelby to kick him and get away. She had pulled him towards the door, screaming "C'mon Jesse, we have to get out of here," and then he had finally snapped and broken into a run, making sure to keep her in front of him where he could see her until they made it to the car and sped away.

She had driven them to the downtown area, parked the car in front of the Hard Rock Hotel and sat quietly and unmoving for a while. Her brows were knitted together, and he could see her mind working furiously, until she murmured an "Oh, fuck it", grabbed her handbag, got out of the car and handled the key to the valet. She made it to the concierge desk, where they promptly got looks that didn't make her edgy demeanor any better, but the minute her black Amex was out of her wallet everybody was all smiles and disposition. She had asked for two bedrooms, and he pulled her aside and out of view and earshot to question it. She kept insisting that even she wasn't so stupid as to share a bedroom with him, especially since Lancaster sure would have noticed that they both had called in sick at the same time, and she had started babbling some nonsense about her reputation until he grabbed her shoulder, shook her lightly and made her look at him.

"Shelby, we are in Chicago. I don't know anybody in Chicago. You don't know anybody in Chicago. Stop acting weird."

"They'll ask for your ID, you're a minor…"

"Shelby, shut up. Of course I have a fake ID. I'm sixteen. I have a bunch of fake IDs, including one that sports your last name."

She looked at him with wide eyes and he had thought she was going to flip a bitch, but he had just shrugged it off anyway.

"I wasn't having a particularly creative moment."

She had blinked the stun away, and then had shaken her head still, hard headed as always.

"We can't share a room."

"Do you feel like being alone right now? Because I really don't. Please let's just stick together until we go home."

She had groaned but given in, and they made it back to the reception desk to get their (expensive) double room. Jesse had lost count of the amount of money he owed Shelby, but he was sure that if she ever let him pay her back, which he doubted would occur, he might go bankrupt.

They dragged themselves inside the spacious room, and he had admired the view while Shelby got on the phone and bought them clothes from the store. When he didn't hear her voice anymore, he had made his way to her and found her staring blankly at a massive forming bruise on her right arm in the bathroom.

"Oh my God, he hurt you."

"It's fine." She had shrugged it off, abandoned her injury and turned to him. "Let me look at that." She had cupped his cheek gently and he had looked beyond her, at the mirror, so he could see what she could. An angry bruise forming on his jaw, a split lip and eyes full with tears he couldn't contain any longer. He redirected his gaze to her beaten expression, her torn silk shirt hanging loose from her shoulder, and clenched his jaw, the ire building again and making him utterly disgusted.

"Why the fuck did we come here? I'm a pathetic, stupid, irresponsible boy, and I'm not worth any more than he is."

"Don't say that. Don't you dare think that." She cupped his other cheek and forced his attention on her. "Jesse, sweetheart, don't."

"I don't even have a reason, I hate him. He has done nothing but cause destruction and heartache, he does nothing but this. What the hell was I thinking helping him?" He felt a tear slide across his face, burning. "Why?"

"He's is your brother," Shelby had stated simply, sympathetic. He had wanted to push her away and scream that she didn't understand, but she did. She also had a family member that had done nothing for her in years. Jesse didn't think her father would put her in danger like Elliot had so haphazardly done, but still.

"Never again, Shelby," he had groaned, more tears flowing. "Never again".

She had nodded. "That's probably for the best, Jesse. Elliot can't keep hurting you. You're not his punching bag. Your parents may have turned a blind eye, but I won't."

He had thrown his arms around her small form and squeezed her hard, feeling as her hands rubbed his back soothingly. "I'm sorry they harmed you."

"They didn't. It's nothing. Don't worry about it".

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry I put you at risk. I'm so so sorry, Shelby." He couldn't stop himself anyway, not when he could feel her tense muscles under his embrace. She would never admit they had terrified her, but he knew they had. Hell, they had scared him to death.

"Stop it. I know you're sorry, I accept your apologies, now stop. It's over. Let's just rest and then go home." They had showered, changed and Jesse had held a pack of ice to his face for an hour while Shelby had worked on her lap top for a while. He had been distracted watching old cartoons on the hotel cable for a while, so he only noticed later that she had dozed off, her head supported against the headboard, the computer still open on her lap. Jesse turned the thing off and transferred it to her bedside table, then proceeding to adjust her into a lying position and under the covers. Her shirt had dipped, exposing the golden star of David that had found a place between her breasts and that had dawned on Jesse that all male straight members of Vocal Adrenaline had erotic dreams about that woman, and he had her exposed to him and couldn't even feel aroused. Instead, he had pushed her shirt up and then settled the blanket around her shoulders. That had been the moment he was sure they had gone from being a problematic duo that stuck together through shit because they didn't have anybody else to two people who would go to any lengths to take care of each other.

Now, as an obviously distressed Shelby slept fretfully with her head on his lap, he felt that he had failed somehow. He had always been there for her before. He had almost wiped the floor with some smug freshman that had disrespected her once. He had threatened to beat up Connor over a mistake. He had sit by her hospital bed for three straight days. He had almost punched his brother to his death. But this had been so bad, and he wasn't there for her. In the back of his head he knew he couldn't have kept her safe, no matter how this had gone down. It was close to impossible that anyone could have protected her from being taken. But they watched out for each other. It felt like a broken promise that all of this had happened and he had been in California. He at least should have been there when she got home. She probably had needed someone she could break down around, and he wasn't there. She probably had needed someone to drag her down to a hospital, kicking and screaming if necessary, and he hadn't been there.

He wished he had been around so he could have done something, anything. He wished Rachel had freaking told him about the abduction. He should have imagined it had been bad, but he hadn't wanted to. Even though Shelby now had Beth, and it would have been uncanny for her to not even call Mary, he had imagined she had jumped on board of somebody else's shit. He wasn't the only one Shelby had ever done that type of thing for; in fact, anytime there was someone in trouble in VA Shelby took charge of it. If Rachel had disclosed that she had been through a carjacking, he wouldn't have taken so long to get there. He certainly wouldn't have bothered performing.

He tried paying attention to the movie for a while but that didn't last long. He kept glancing down at Shelby, examining her horrible bruises and just generally feeling angry. _Xanadu_ was then completely forgotten about when Shelby started fussing, an arm going up to her shoulder as she hugged herself and curled into a ball. He stroked her arm, but that didn't seem to have any effect and he considered waking her up for a minute, but then thought of something better. He started singing very low to her.

"I was sitting in the classroom

Trying to look intelligent

In case the teacher looked at me

She was long and she was lean

She's a middle-aged dream

And that lady means the whole world to me"

Jesse knew that song meant a lot to her. He knew it because he had been the one to come up with it for them to sing to her back when she was sick. By the time she had finally returned to her teaching duties after the Winter Break, they had had ample time to prepare the number, in addition to their Sectionals piece.

Jesse had come across the Elton John ballad, and they had all agreed with it. Alexandra had convinced Dakota to choreograph something for them (not exactly free of charge, but not on the Glee Club budget either), and some of the seniors had worked on the arrangement.

They actually hadn't expected Shelby in their first week back, since her medical license awarded her one more week home. They had been caught totally off guard, warming up, talking and laughing on stage, waiting for Alex to order them into place when they heard claps, the spotlights turned on and they saw her standing on the stairs.

"Are you back?" he heard Giselle bluntly ask from beside him, and Shelby had timidly nodded, striding the rest of the way to the stage. By the time she got there, he could see every single one of his colleagues sporting huge smiles and more excited than he had ever seen them.

"I'm back, but… I'm taking it slow. So, why don't I sit down here today, and you show me how the number is once, and then we just talk about everything that happened, catch up. Does that sound good?"

She had received a chorus of "Yes, Ms. Corcoran!" back, tilted her head to imply that she was satisfied and settled in the front row. They had gone through their mash up of Nirvana's "Come As You Are" and "Smells Like Teen Spirit" spectacularly. Shelby had beamed, proud, even though they were all sure that as soon as she was fully back to work mode she would find some flaws and correct them.

She had gotten up, gave thema "Congratulations guys, you've done an amazing job" and then motioned to join them on the stage, but Alex had stopped her.

"Ms. Corcoran, if you don't mind, there is something else we want to perform." Shelby had looked curious, but had agreed and taken back her place at the audience. As soon as they had their props, the piano had started and they had launched on their vivacious, and one of the very few truly emotional, performances he had had in VA. By the time they finished the last chorus of _"Teacher I, teacher I, teacher I, Teacher I need you" _everybody had tears in their eyes including Shelby, who had been so speechless for so long they had even imagined she had hated it until she had managed to choke a "Oh God guys, come down here and give me a hug." They had jumped out and piled up around her, until she complained the group hug wasn't allowing her to breathe and took her time embracing each one of them instead. They had had a pretty good week after that.

Shelby had been in such a good mood, they could do no wrong. It had been a good year altogether really, as they sailed through Sectionals and Regionals and took Nationals easily with their infamous "Candle in the Wind"/"This Fire" rendition where they sang in the middle of the stage, surrounded by fire, and danced just with their hands.

Jesse watched Shelby, and his singing had calmed her down. Taking advantage of that, he let his head fall back at the sofa, and soon he was sleeping too.

Shelby roused with the sound of Beth's faint cries. Jesse was nowhere to be seen; the TV abandoned and the curtains were still drawn. She didn't know how long she had slept, but she wasn't mad at Jesse for not sitting put like he had promised to. Jesse was too fidgety to stay still. She climbed the stairs, Beth's complaining having already ceased, and peeked into her nursery. She wasn't there.

Frowning, Shelby scanned the other rooms and came to a halt when she reached her door. Beth was in her bed, serenely lying down while Jesse tried very unsuccessfully to change her diaper. He was singing "With a Little Bit of Luck" to her, and she was completely entranced until he made a funny face and she giggled, clapping her little hands at his goofiness. Shelby felt her heart warm so completely she could have melted.

Will came up behind her and circled her waist with his arm, setting his chin on her shoulder to peek the scene. Jesse still wasn't getting it, and Shelby was highly amused by how he could be so obtuse. Beth seemed clueless though, and she extended her little arms to touch his handsome face and he buried his head in them for a minute, making comical noises, before going back to the diaper and the singing, leaving Beth to go back to the laughing and the clapping. If Beth adored Jesse so much already, Shelby knew she was in big trouble.

"Don't think I can't see you two just standing there when you could come here and put me out of my misery," Jesse grumbled at them, not taking his eyes off the struggling diaper.

Will chuckled and tried to move around her, but she held him in place, stifling back the laugher of a lifetime.

"No, let him do it. It's part of his duties as godfather. He has to learn."

"Godfather?" Will asked a little raggedly, and Shelby could tell that the news upset him. She knew he wasn't Jesse's biggest fan, but she hoped in time he could understand how important that was for both her and Jesse. They both really needed a more solid, lasting connection, to know that they wouldn't just drift apart. Plus, Jesse really wanted to be a part of Beth's life. He had been enamored with the baby since he first saw her, and he had been the very first person to visit her.

He had showed up as soon as the baby was brought home with a golden necklace that had a golden star with the inscription "Corcoran badass baby girl". She vowed she would never let her daughter use that, but of course she had. It was very cute. He had also given her a t-shirt that said "Future Tony Award Winner", but Shelby wasn't sure how she felt about that kind of expectation, so it was stashed away somewhere.

If it wasn't for Jesse and Haylee, she didn't know how she would have carried Vocal Adrenaline through to Nationals. They knew their solos and choreography like the back of their hands in one week, they helped her rehearsal the group, they watched Beth. They even had been the ones making sure Shelby ate, because she could barely keep track on her own basic needs those first three months.

"Who else would it be?" Shelby shrugged.

"I don't know, I was thinking maybe Rachel."

"No, Will. Rachel is her sister. I want her to grow into the role of sister." He nodded, and she knew that he didn't really want Rachel to be the godparent. It was clear he expected it to be him, but she would never have that. That wasn't the role she wanted him to play either, not if they still had expectation of a future, and after they had stated they LOVED each other, she really had let herself hope. She tensed a little and pushed out of his embrace, but he held on to her.

"It's a good choice." He gave her a small smile and she sighed, because he didn't look all that honest. She kissed his cheek, and returned the hug.

"It's the right thing. You'll see." She could only hope she was right about Will, but she knew she was right about Jesse. He would be great to Beth. He already was. She took another look inside the room, and Jesse had finally got it and was walking towards them, Beth in his arms. "We are gonna watch _The Lion King_ now," he announced to her and Will, playing oblivious to their current position and started belting 'Circle of Life" to Beth.

Will and Shelby came into the room carrying plates full of pancakes. The rest of breakfast was already on the coffee table from the many trips they did on their own, since neither Jesse nor Rachel would unglue their eyes from the movie and get their asses up. Of course Shelby would make them wash the dishes, though.

Apparently, while Shelby was asleep, Rachel and Jesse had talked. Though if they had called a truce, solved their issues or just put everything aside and decided to ignore it had happened, she didn't know. Rachel had been vague when questioned, Jesse had told her not to worry about it, they were going to be civil, but that it was "still a work in progress", and she had been too tired to persist at that very moment.

Will sat ot the corner of the couch, leaving some space for Shelby to sit between him and Rachel, but she jumped to the other side and settled herself between Jesse and Beth. After kissing the baby's head lovingly, Shelby set her plate in a pillow and handed her fork to Jesse, proceeding to grab the whip cream. She poured a huge amount into her mouth, and would have kept going if Jesse hadn't grabbed her wrist. She pulled back, trying to keep him from taking the bottle and swallowed to be able to talk.

"I'm still using it," she hissed with fake anger.

"Well, you're supposed to put it first on the food and then in your mouth. Use it properly."

"It's my whip cream, I use it however I freaking want."

They struggled a little bit more, until Shelby won, or Jesse let it go, and she poured two thin stripes on top of half of the pancakes. She handled the can to Jesse, who then poured a huge amount in the other half, making a ridiculous little mountain of whip cream, giving her his victorious trademark smile.

They started eating, and through the intimacy and the comfort, Will could tell that it was a thing between them. Rachel looked at him and arched an eyebrow just like her mother's, and he shrugged at her.

"Rachel, could you please pass me the syrup?"

Catching up quickly, Rachel gave him a huge smile and nodded dramatically. "Yes, Mr. Schue. Here it is."

"See? That's how civilized people do things," he scolded Jesse and Shelby lightly.

"We are not civilized," Shelby and Jesse muttered at the same time, both with their mouths a little full, just to illustrate their point properly.

Rachel shook her head at him, signalizing that she too thought that they were hopeless, and turned to play with Beth, who was very much alienated from all of that, and just very attentive to _The Lion King_.

Shelby cut a piece of her pancake and her hand got accidentally covered with some of Jesse's whip cream, making her roll her eyes and growl. Will couldn't help but chuckle, which of course earned him a threatening glare that distracted her long enough for Jesse to brush the cream away with his fingers and then lick it, leaving Shelby very red and Will very dumb folded, not to mention jealous. None of it bothered Jesse, of course.

"I'd have licked the thing right off your hand, but I have a feeling Mr. Schue would kill me."

Will was about to say that he still might, when Shelby turned to him. "Will, hit him. Please."

"With pleasure." Will put his plate away and got up, but Jesse quickly pulled their own plate to the side, circled Shelby's waist with his other arm and pushed her in front of him.

"Oh oh oh, wait right there. If you move, I... I'll tickle her."

"Are you ticklish?" Will asked her.

Shelby gave him a small pout and nodded. "Very."

Will seemed to reflect on how to proceed for a moment, but then he just frowned at her. "How does Jesse know that and I don't?"

Shelby and Jesse both smirked, and Will couldn't help but notice how similar their scorn was.

"I'll show you the spots later, Mr. Schue."

Shelby gasped and turned around in his grip, and landed a smack in his shoulder.

"Ouch!" he cried out melodramatically. But she kept slapping him jokingly, while he kept trying to get away.

"You have to show me some respect, Mr. St. James, or I'll whip some discipline and decency into your ass."

"Rach, help! Save the pancakes, save the world."

Rachel jumped and grabbed the plate before it shattered in the ground, and with both free arms Jesse tried to put up a better defense.

"And you were going to tickle me?"

"Well, not really. It was an empty threat. I'm not completely insane."

Shelby kept aiming punches until she accidentally hit the side of his face with a loud smack. Jesse yelped again, and Will and Rachel let out synchronized gasps. Even little Beth turned to look at them. Shelby's eyes widened dramatically, and she took both of her hands to her mouth and blushed furiously.

"Oh, Jess, I'm so sorry." She started saying again and again, stroking his cheek where her hand had left a very distinct print.

"Now you have to kiss it better."

Shelby rolled her eyes, but cupped his cheek and gave him a peck, and after two seconds he grinned.

"All good now," he stated, with a huge smile.

Shelby moved away from Jesse, adjusting her clothes and took the plate from Rachel.

"Thanks, sweetie."

Jesse and she cuddled back together, and Rachel looked at Will, an annoyed expression on her face. He chuckled again, and rubbing her back, and led her back to the couch. "Don't worry, we'll create our own rituals and annoy the hell out of those two. I promise."

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**A/N: **The song VA performs for Shelby is Teacher I Need You - Elton John. Look it at YouTube, I think it's pretty cute.


	17. Heart on My Sleeve

**A/N: ****I**** really want to thank everybody who has ever taken time to read even word of this fic, and every single person who has been kind enough to drop a review. This is the last chapter. This story has been quite a journey and ****I**** feel I've improved so much during the course of it. Of course, ****I**** have to thank my lovely beta for that too, and for all the hours she dedicated to this, and for putting up with my nagging. ****I**** hope you will enjoy this last chapter and that "You and I" will always have a tiny little place in your hearts, because ****I**** know that every single person that has supported me will. ****I**** loved doing this so much, and hopefully I'll be back with some other fic soon. I'm not sure, because it's my last year in school, and I'm supposed to be writing my thesis, but ****I**** have some drafts for a new Shelby story and ****I**** might give it a go sometime in the near future. Plus, if anybody ever want to chat, ask my opinion on a fic, anything, I'm one PM away. Now excuse me because ****I**** need to go curl into a corner and cry my eyeballs out. **

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**Heart on My Sleeve**

Will trailed the crowded aisles of the supermarket, the very same chain store where he had tripped on Shelby having a melt down almost a year before. He often thought it could be considered the ground zero in their story. He felt it was quite a charming mark, but Shelby had this stance that it was quite ordinary and cliché and was absolutely insistent that if anything, they should stay truthful to how they met because he had sought her out imagining she was spying on his 'excuse of a competitive show choir group', by the means of her daughter and the boy she considered a little brother no less! Shelby had always been very fond of pointing out the gigantic errors of his ways.

In reality, he couldn't be sure if Shelby wasn't just self-conscious about the humiliating moment that it had been, if it was just a snarky display of her quirky sense of superiority, or an endearing (at least to him) combination of both.

He took a shortcut through the cleaning supplies department to get to the frozen foods, made a turn and came to a halt to absorb the scene in front of him. Shelby had been casually pushing her cart around, Beth straddled on her waist, when a little boy trotted directly on her path and crashed against her legs, falling on his butt before Shelby could hold him. She looked shocked for a moment, but then helped him up and Will could discern her inquiring if he was lost while inspecting the toddler with all of her maternal overbearing. The boy was really more interested in catching Beth's attention, and Shelby was left ignored and anxious while the two grabbed each other hands in quiet fascination, and then broke down in laughter. Shelby's features twisted in mild confusion and then she smiled that warm, doting smile and he could feel the waves of affection sweeping him up and leaving him in that familiar state of mild bliss.

Shelby didn't look like a high school teacher from Lima, Ohio. But then it wasn't a secret that Shelby didn't belong in that tiny town. Balancing herself gracefully in one foot, she looked like one of those casually posed models in the magazines. Even Beth was so, so beautiful she seemed more like a prop than a real kid, and since they were so different it could very well be one of those diversity cast spreads that had been in full fashion somewhere in the world but Lima since celebrities took to adopting third world babies. Shelby had been destined to more and better, and it baffled him how fate could topple someone's life so badly. She had been destined for better arms than his for sure; probably ones like the guy who approached her where she stood near the frozen pies, who took the little boy's hand into his and started to apologize profusely to Shelby, showing off teeth that could very well be in a toothpaste commercial. In fact, the four of them would make a hell of an advertising family, all ridiculously gorgeous and stylish.

The guy whispered something to Shelby and she laughed, but shook her head, her large curls bouncing around like silk. He supposed perfect hair was also a part of the composition of a picture perfect unit. On top of the guy's 5' 10'' strong build there was an aristocratic, golden mess of waves that was much like Connor's, except lighter.

That seemed to be the type of men that were attracted to Shelby like magnets. And for the casual observer, it couldn't fit better. Will half-expected the two to go strolling together casually, talking about pretentious literature and batting eyes, until they got to the register and pulled their respective Blackberries to exchange numbers. It was hard to compete with that.

The guy merrily played with little Beth, and he saw Shelby's hand caress the little boy's hair lovingly, and it was getting to be so much for him he wanted to just walk there and stop it. And he wasn't about to admit he didn't have the balls even to himself, but he knew Shelby well enough to be aware that he shouldn't cause a scene, unless he was intending to be murdered by her. That had been a challenge though when the guy had leaned in to whisper something to her, and had held on to her arm for balance and all Shelby had done had been offering a mischievous smile.

GLEEGLEE

Will stood at the door of Shelby Corcoran. He had been bursting with trepidation for her to come open it for him, shifting on his feet as he listened to her footsteps coming closer to him. His heart had started beating a little faster, and it had almost exploded when the door flew opened and he was faced with a yelping Beth hanging by the waist of a tearing Shelby.

"What happened?" he had almost shouted, so frightened that he was. But Shelby was already giving him her biggest smile and laughing in between sobs, and he would have been relieved if he wasn't still very concerned and confused.

"Beth walked."

"What?"

"Well, she got up, and took two steps, and then fell on her face. As you can see it has deeply upset her, but we're very proud, aren't we Beth?" Shelby hugged and kissed Beth, who wouldn't budge and stop crying. "Oh, baby girl. It's okay. Mommy will kiss the boo-boo." Shelby kept kissing Beth's little face and tickling her and eventually the baby gave up screaming and broke into giggles. "Let's try again? Let's try!" Shelby excitedly walked back inside, but turned on her heels when she noticed he wasn't following her. "Will?"

"I missed it," he had murmured, desolated.

Shelby had smiled sympathetically at him and walked back to the door to console him. "It's okay. She'll do it again," she had whispered in a reassuring manner while she brushed his arm.

"Yeah, but I missed the first time. I wasn't here and it's all my fault."

"Do you need me to kiss your boo-boo too?" She smiled at him mischievously, bent down and placed a sultry kiss in his chest, right above his heart. He staggered, holding on to the door so he wouldn't fall off his own feet out of pure passion for that woman, and cupped her chin gently, pushing her away and tilting it up so she would look at him. "We need to talk."

Shelby turned cold immediately and he managed to catch a glimpse of fear in her eyes, and he damned himself because everything about his approach had started wrong, not at all like he had planned, but then again he wasn't one to stick to plans. Shelby was the systematical planner, with color-coded calendars pinned in the fridge and strategic traffic plans to go to the mall.

"It's okay, it's nothing bad," he said softly, his fingers finding the way through the long bangs falling from her ponytail. She stood still for a minute, her expression puzzled and her shoulders tense, and then nodded and walked on the opposite direction.

"I'll go put Beth in the playpen. Come in."

Will had willed himself inside, closing the front door behind him and trailing after her into Beth's nursery, where she already awaited him on the couch, her legs crossed in an Indian pose that suggested a more peaceful demeanor than he was sure she was experiencing, on his account. She patted the space next to her and he obliged, a sigh escaping his lips as he stared at Beth balancing herself on the tip of her toes against the edge of the playpen, observing them like she knew what the exchange that was to take place would be about and wanted a front row seat. He beamed her, the smile still somewhat sad, and as if completely perceptive of the strange nature of the expression Beth just tilted her head and stared at him.

His trance was broken when he felt Shelby's palm find a place on his shoulder and he averted his attention back to her.

"C'mon Will, don't be like that. A lot of parents miss their child first steps. I wasn't here when she first crawled, and yes I cried hysterically, but I'm a drama queen." She gave him a good-humored wink, but he was far caught between stupefaction and joy. He scanned her face frantically, completely beside himself because of what she had just said and pleading with his eyes for confirmation that she meant it.

Shelby stared back at him with her signature "Stop being an idiot" expression.

"You've been practically raising her with me. You know what she needs when she needs, you feed her, change her, sing her to sleep, nurse her when she is sick. No matter what happens between us, you have been the father I never even dreamed of for her and I'm very grateful. You should know that. And if something had happened..." She couldn't finish, and Will could see her swallowing hard and rubbing what he knew by now was sweat off her hands onto her jeans. "If something does happen in the future, I want you to look after her." Only she could say something that momentous so matter-of-factly yet so tenderly. It made his heart swell exponentially

Will nuzzled his head in her neck, and she held him like so many times before he had held her. Shelby felt touched when she felt his tears on her skin, and she could only hope they were tears of joy, so she chuckled and caressed his hair while he tried to pull himself together. She had always been careful, even fearful. She had put an entire wall between them because she didn't want them to construct their relationship's foundation right above the Emma Pillsbury ground zero. It was shaky ground and Shelby was not fond of earthquakes.

The fact that she had let him back in had had a lot more to do with how vulnerable and needy she was after the carjacking than it was an indication that she'd let him get away with it. But he had been the father figure she never even imagined Beth would get to have and it didn't seem fair anymore to attach his ties to the baby with the precarious development of their relationship. They didn't have to name names. She certainly didn't want to confuse her daughter, whose family situation was already complicated, in case things with them didn't work. They had only been in each other's life for a little over six months, even if they had built a fierce co-dependence rather quickly. But she felt it was only fair to acknowledge Will. He loved Beth, and he was pretty much the only person she could count on at all times (other than the nanny). She hadn't been on the receiving end of much selfless generosity in her life and she took it to heart. Her relationship with Jesse was a proof of that.

Will, on the other hand, didn't see this as casually and logically as she did. Beth was her child, and she had no obligation of creating room for him in the baby's life. Even if they were in a relationship, which they were not. She had said she loved him, but Will knew that she had loved him as a friend for a long time. It didn't mean that she was in love, and even if she was, Will felt less than enthusiastic that he had got it off her when she was still shocked and emotionally fragile from the kidnapping. Yet, here she was, calling him a parent. He knew it was symbolic, and that if he ever disappointed her with the kind of trust she had just put on him and hurt her kid she would probably castrate him with a pair of scissors, but he was more than honored, and more than ecstatic. It meant so much to him, he couldn't even put it into words. He hoped that she got the message from the fact that he was making a fool of himself and crying like a little boy. He would do anything in his power to live up to her expectations, even if things between them went awry, but honestly he couldn't help fantasizing about the day they would be officially his two girls. Maybe, if he could keep himself from screwing up, one day not too far in the future they could be his wife and his daughter.

Finally, he pulled himself together and quit holding on to her for dear life. She smiled, for she was always a little taken by how adorable he could be and kept playing with his curls. "What did you want to talk about, Will?"

"Us," he responded simply and watched her shift and massage her shoulder over the spot where he knew there was a bite mark now. He had caught it when he took Shelby to the hospital and the doctor was examining her, even though she had put her hand over it so he wouldn't be able to see what it was. She had developed the nervous habit of rubbing that spot when she was uneasy. Her face turned hard and she wrapped her other arm around her waist protectively, and for a minute it seemed as if she was expecting him to slap her, metaphorically or otherwise.

"Sweetie, it's not gonna be bad." He cupped her cheek and pulled her into him, but her whole body was rigid and wouldn't mellow into his, and she just blinked at him.

"Tell me one time that us having a relationship conversation turned out fine."

Shelby knew that at some point they would have to put some things down. That conversation was a long time coming, but she really didn't feel ready for having another dramatic fall out with Will. They probably shouldn't drag their undefined situation, but she couldn't bare any more upheaval in her life. She was barely coping with what she had.

The weeks after the abduction hadn't been exactly easy. Shelby had taken to survey the premises every time she even set foot out of the house, and after a certain point she couldn't distinguish anymore if she was afraid of those guys, of some unknown, undistinguished menace, or the police. She had flat down lied in her deposition, swearing to all gods that she had never seen the faces of the people that had her, and whenever the phone or the door bell would ring now she would get a knot in her stomach, fully expecting it to be the detectives with some tape or witness proving she had been lying.

At least at school she was distracted. She still found it easy to focus on work, and whenever Beth was awake or Rachel was around she was usually fine at home too, even though she had suddenly developed an inclination for breaking into cold sweats for no reason.

The string of nightmares hadn't wavered either, and after a few days sleeping by her side, Will had found a way of spotting them. First, he had become even more cuddly than usual, and wouldn't leave the bed until she was up. Then she woke up a few times to find a cold wet towel on the bedside table or on her forehead, which meant she kept getting fevers during the night. The week before though had been the worst. It had been a combination of her usual rape fabrications with vivid fruitions of Calm Guy's threats. It seemed to go on forever, them hurting the girls, and she fought and fought until the point when it got so bad she just started begging them to kill her, because she couldn't take their torture anymore. Will had shaken her awake at that point, and she would only later realize her sheets were stained with blood from her sinking her nails into her hand so hard, but when she came back to herself she couldn't even breathe and Will kept repeating her name and saying "Sweetheart, please, wake up". She had been so hysterical she couldn't act conscious. She had let his arms envelope her, and had broken down on his chest, sobbing so hard for so many hours her whole body hurt afterwards, while Will kept chanting "It's okay, it's over now. It's all over now. You're safe," repeatedly in her ear, which she was grateful for, but it hadn't really served to calm her down. He had needed to call a doctor to go the house and sedate her.

She wasn't a fan of the concept of needing to get worse before she got better. She was far too terrified of the notion that she might not have hit rock bottom yet, because if that day hadn't been it, she was terrorized. She really didn't want to put anymore stress into her currently unstable mind, and she really didn't know how she would muddle through if by the end of that conversation Will and her were on off mode again.

Shelby felt as Will moved the hand caressing her cheek to her hair and placed a kiss on her forehead, but she really couldn't look at him at that moment.

"I really do love you. I really do want us to work out," he whispered into her hair, soothingly.

"I do too," she retorted, pushing back and looking him at the eyes with an exasperated frown. He couldn't possibly imagine she didn't want them to resolve their issues, and move on with their relationship in a better way. "I have done my best not to complicate things anymore, you know that. I don't really know what else I can do for us. I don't really have anything else to give right now. I know it isn't fair to you, but I don't."

Will felt bad that Shelby kept reproaching herself for the fact that he had been going through all lengths to take care of her. He felt even worse that she had taken that and decided she couldn't ask for anything else from him, because at some point in the past they had agreed (or he had agreed with her, after much consideration with himself) that her fears were fairly valid, and that he didn't want to go into a serious commitment with her while still hanging on to Emma either.

"Shelby, why don't you ever listen to the words coming out of my mouth? I love you. You're not an imposition, and being with you it's not a _quid pro quo_ game. I'm not going to ask you for more just because I'm doing a lot right now, and there is certainly not a limit to how much I should be doing for you."

"Maybe not, but I'm smart to pick my battles, Will. And you are wrong. Everybody has a limit. Even you."

"Then why did I seek Emma out?"

"You did?" Shelby eyed him in a way that was the exact expression Rachel would to get when she was somewhere between incredulity and fear that made her look like an innocent, hopeful five year-old. It made Shelby look the exact same age, and normally it would not suit her at all, but at that moment she was fragile, and her insecurities were just heartbreaking.

"Yes, sweetie." He pulled her into him once more and she finally let him, nestling her head on his shoulder.

"Are you okay?" she asked softly, her fingers making trails on his chest, and stopping above his heart. Shelby had developed an obsession for feeling his heartbeat. He didn't understand what she felt was so calming and comforting about it, but he was determined not to question her coping mechanisms.

"I'm fine. I'm perfect." He brushed her arm and she snuggled further into his embrace. Even with the turmoil they had been living, holding her still evoked that sense of home in him. Happy or broken, energetic or sick, seductive or punitive, she was his safe haven.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah. One hundred percent sure."

"Is she okay?"

Will almost chuckled. Leave it to Shelby to be worried about somebody she didn't know, and even not knowing her, she didn't like.

"Yeah, honey, she is fine. She and Carl married in Vegas last week, actually."

"Is that why you..." Shelby went a little stiff in his arms, but luckily she didn't remove herself from his arms.

"No, Shelby. She got married last week, and I didn't even know. I haven't really been seeking her out lately."

"You've had a lot in your mind," Shelby bickered back, and it sounded too bitter even to her own ears, but she hadn't been able to hold back. She really wasn't trying to provoke him. Given a choice, she would have ended the conversation after he affirmed he was sure, kissed him and lived happily ever after before one of them could derail that whole effort, most likely her, since her mouth obviously had it's own resolve.

"You know, when I was having problems with Terri, and even with Emma too, I just wanted to escape. I used Glee Club, and I must admit, I diverted to other women. Even when we were having trouble, when you wouldn't even talk to me, I wanted nothing but to be here. My head is here all the time not because we are going through a hard time, it is here because you are my anchor. It's because I can't bring myself to care about anything else. Emma was this very necessary breeze of fresh air in my life at a time when I had already lost perspective of what companionship was all about. But as strong as that passion was, we never really worked as a couple. I respected and admired you before anything else. I did have a crush on you from the moment I saw you, of course. I mean, you are gorgeous. But I never imagined this. And now, I can't imagine anything else. You truly are what I want. All that I want, and all that I need. You are my best friend, and you are the one person I want when I need some human contact, and you are the only human being that manages to draw my thoughts 24/7, and not because I'm worried. Because I miss you when I'm not here, even if just for a few hours. My affection for Emma is probably never going to go away, but it's not the same anymore. I know that now. I know that after holding a two-hour conversation with her and looking at my phone every ten minutes to see if you texted me, and thinking about texting you to ask what you wanted for dinner, and then if you wanted me to pick a movie, and then I made a mental note to go to the drugstore because we are gonna be out of toothpaste soon… I still have some feelings for Emma. I do. But my life is you. You are the woman I can see myself growing old next to. Okay?"

Will put his hand on top of Shelby's, the one that had been resting above his heart and squeezed it. Shelby had been eerily quiet during his entire monologue. She took some time, and he thought that maybe the silence would kill him, but finally she redirected her gaze at his face.

"Jeez William, you are painstakingly loveable, you know that? And mad too. Any sane man would run away from my nuttiness and all of this baggage."

"Yeah, we are gonna be a couple of crazies. A couple of good-looking crazies." That made her laugh aloud, and Will was proud of himself. He had rambled and rambled just praying that he could turn everything around, and somehow he had just done that. He had done just enough, and it was the one thing he prayed for these days when he went to bed. That the next day he would wake up, and despite his mistakes he would do just enough, especially for her and Beth.

"We are lucky that we found each other, aren't we?" Shelby asked softly, her face finding that place in the crook of his neck again. For all he cared she could stay right there for the rest of their lives. He buried his nose on her cherry-blossom-scented hair and let his fingers find that spot in the back of her head that he knew had her undone in a second while he pondered her remark.

"Lucky? Nah… You and I were meant to be."

Shelby's fingertips brushed his jaw tenderly and then she tipped her head and kissed his chin.

"Now, we go out on a date," Will finalized.

Shelby chuckled.

"No, I mean it. A proper date, where we'll be dating, not just hanging out as friends." Will knew she hadn't been taken in a proper date in three years. He didn't know what was wrong with Connor that the douche couldn't sit down with her and woo her a little, even if they had been sleeping with each other for more than five years. She deserved better.

Shelby stared at him again, a blinding smile spreading through her stunning face. He kissed her eyes, wishing he could bottle the light shinning in them right at that moment to put it back there when they were full of fright, or anguish, or pain. But at least he had made her happy that day. With a little bit of luck, they would be a happy a lot.

GLEEGLEE

Will had been on his way home when he decided he didn't care about going there at all. It hadn't been a bad day, nor a particularly fantastic one. There was nothing pressing he wanted to confide in Shelby. But he just wanted to see her. Shelby was a demanding person to keep up with intellectually, with her odd sense of humor, her mood swings and personal neuroses, but she was actually very low-maintenance to date. She was easy to be around, and as much as he was trying to make their dating special, they still just hung out a lot. It was a new experience for him, because Terri and Emma always required preparation. Even lying in bed with them was complicated. With Shelby everything was simple, casual.

And the few times they had actually gone out, Shelby had been the least taxing person in the whole universe, absolutely pleased with everything; even when the waiter dropped wine on her blouse on their first date and the food took an hour to come on their second, she spared him of her infamous fits of temper.

He arrived at her home around six, and Mary opened the door for him, which worried him greatly because the last time Shelby hadn't relieved the nanny precisely at five, she had gone missing for over a day. Fortunately, Mary was attentive to his change of demeanor.

"She's in the studio, Mr. Schuester. She's taking a very important long-distance call and Beth is very energetic today."

Will nodded. "Thank you, Mary. And it's Will."

He poked his head into the studio and signaled to her, and Shelby excused herself from the call to say 'Hi', ask him to pay Mary's extra hour and please send her home and beg him to call the Thai place she loved (and he secretly hated) and order some food because she was already starving. Will acquiesced and she just murmured a thank you, going back to the phone.

They already behaved like a couple when they were just friends, but once they were in fact dating, they started to conduct themselves like they were married. So it was no shock when two hours later Will was in her bed, casually flipping through a book. They were not preparing for bed just yet, but Shelby had already chided Will to go put the car in the 'freaking garage', because they both knew he most likely wasn't going anywhere.

Shelby strode towards him barefoot and dropped herself next to him over the covers. "She won't sleep," she whined, burying her face in his shoulder. "Calm down, Shel. It's early. And it's Wednesday, you don't have a class tomorrow until 10 AM."

"I know. But Thursday mornings are good for reviewing the budget. If only I rest enough that the numbers won't get scrambled in front of my eyes… I'm already not that good at math."

"Yeah, I remember," Will chuckled, earning a gentle shove from her. "Who called earlier?"

"Connor. Well, I called him." Will immediately dropped his attention from the book and arched an eyebrow at her. He was sure that his was no match to her notorious version of the expression, but he still gave it a try.

"If you had gone and put your car in the garage like I told you to, you would have noticed there is a brand new Jaguar in there. Courtesy of Connor. I did insist that I could not accept it, and told him to come and get it, but of course he has set his foot down that he will do nothing of the sort, because it's a Christmas gift."

"It's March."

"He knows that. He sent the car because Jesse accidentally told him about mine being stolen."

"Did you tell him the insurance coverage will come through soon and you will buy a new one?"

"Yeah. He said he didn't care. He wasn't taking it back, and he would be offended if I kept insisting."

"Did you tell him you are in a committed relationship right now?"

"Yeah, and he said this isn't about that, and I'm inclined to believe him. Look, Connor is not very good at expressing himself with words, and he's awkward to talk about feelings. He's just trying to help, to offer some comfort. He's an idiot, but he means well. And I miss him, as a friend, and this the first time we talked since forever. I don't want to push him out again."

"That was all you guys talked about?"

"Yeah. And he told me to get better insurance," she added with a roll of her eyes.

Will read a few more pages of the book, and then focused back at her, serious. "You didn't tell him what happened?"

Shelby shook her head dimly, but then decided to up the mood by teasing him. "Jealous of my old confidant?"

"Not really. I just worry about you keeping all of that stuff to yourself." Shelby was aware of that. They were all concerned, to be fair. Meredith was calling more than she ever did. Rachel had tried to take her to see her therapist. Hiram and Leroy had invited Will and her out on a double date (that had gone surprisingly well). Even her principal had gone soft on her; she had never taken so many leaves in her life, but he still hadn't complained about it.

"Well, I talked to Alexandra a few weeks back. Jesse 'accidentally' let it slip to her too. Jesse is sweet, but he is so out of control right now. He's lucky he's back in California or I would have drawn the definition of the word 'private' for him and shoved it down his throat." Will looked impassively at her, but she knew he had gotten apprehensive. She knew what he was thinking. He had seen the bruises, studied her reactions and now there was this revelation about how the only person she thought to connect with was Alex. He was breaking a little, and she could see it. Shelby knew that she couldn't keep him guessing.

"But I would like to tell you. Everything. Do you think we could… now? I know it's a long story…"

"Shelby, yes, sweetheart. Of course. I have all the time in the world, just for you." Will put the book away and pulled Shelby up from where she was lying. He cradled her in his arms just like he did with Beth, and Shelby let herself be reassured by the warmth of his embrace and the soothing sounds of his heartbeats.

"I was at the gas station trying to find something for Rachel to drink. She was in the white tea phase, remember?" Will nodded, smiling a little at the memory. Some of Rachel's obsessions could be amusing. Here, in their private life, they could just laugh at those things. Rachel now only wanted to drink raspberry tea. And talk about the benefits of drinking raspberry tea. "This guy walked up to me, and I just knew he was trouble. I tried to get away from him, but the other one just cornered me. And he asked about my car, and he told me to get out with him. He had a gun, so I agreed to go quietly. It astounded me to be so compliant. But Beth and Rachel kept coming to my mind non-stop. I kept thinking I couldn't do something stupid, I couldn't let my temper kick in, I had a baby now, and a teenage daughter that would understand the brutality of whatever happened and suffer so much. So I didn't put up a fight, and I didn't try to run. I probably should have, but I was afraid. They made me get into the car and drive away. Drive north. I think they were going to Canada. They escaped from prison, you know? I Googled it a few weeks ago, I was just curious, and it was so easy to find out everything. Their names, their crimes. All the things I didn't want to know while they had me hostage. I drove all night, and we just stopped so I could get money from the ATM and to eat, but they would only let me leave the car at gunpoint, so I hesitated to call attention to myself. By dawn we stopped at this dirty side of the road motel. But I couldn't sleep, at all. I just sat there, until the first guy who had approached me, I used to call him Calm One in my head because he was just so quiet and temperate, but his real name is Richard, he left to buy food. Then the other one, he just... grabbed me." She shuddered a little at the memory and pressed herself closer to him.

"What do you mean, grabbed you?" Will barely got it out.

"He was harassing me, and I told him to fuck off, so he hit me. And he started caressing me, and I tried to get away, but he grabbed my shoulder, and I struggled against him. I knew it wasn't a good idea, but I just couldn't let him touch me. I couldn't resign myself to that. That was when I got the bite in my shoulder," Shelby exposed, mortified. She felt Will starting to stir in revolt under her.

"But then he pulled a knife out and held it against my throat, and I froze. I just froze." The tears just started flowing, and Shelby squeezed Will's arm. He brushed her hair out of her face, and kissed her temples, and then her eyelids, and then her tears, until they subsided.

"Anybody would have done the same thing, Shel. He had a knife on you. You can't feel embarrassed by that, by any of that. You have to know that everything that you did would make your daughters very proud to have you as a mother. It makes me feel very proud and lucky that I get to have you in my life. I hear it and I can only think you're the bravest woman I've ever met."

Shelby shook her head in despair at him. "I don't want the girls to know about this. Ever. Please promise you'll never tell them."

"I promise."

She let him shush her for a little while longer and then willed herself to finish the recollection. "He threw me on the bed."

Will tried to keep his face impassive, but he was dying inside. It was tearing him apart, limb by limb, to hear about the horror she had lived trough. And he couldn't stop praying that it hadn't happened. That the one thing he had been dreading since the day she showed up hadn't occurred, even with all the indications otherwise, because he had no idea how to cope with the mere notion that somebody had sexually assaulted Shelby.

"And he touched me." Shelby tried to swallow, but her mouth felt like it was full of sand. "He kept gripping me, and hurting me. And I just lied there and cried. I just didn't know what to do. I could feel the knife on me, and I was so scared. But he thought I gave up maybe, because he put the knife down to unzip his pants, and I elbowed him in the face. I don't even know how I hit him. But I just ran out of the room after that." She bit her lips nervously, looking at him for a response. Will was mildly relieved that she had escaped just by that much, but he was in a mood to get up and hit a wall just the same. He wouldn't, not a wall of her house anyway, because he knew that would just distress her further. Thank God she almost never swung by his house, so she likely would never be aware if he tore the place down with his own fists.

"I couldn't get out of the hotel, though. Richard showed up right in my path, and forced me back into the room at gunpoint. I remember walking backwards and when I stepped in, I felt my hair being pulled back and my body hit the wall, and then I couldn't breathe because something was squeezing my throat and when I opened my eyes I saw that he was going to punch me." Will held her arm so strongly out of tension he jumped a second later, scolding himself for maybe leaving a bruise on her. Another bruise. She had so many. God, why had this happened to her? She didn't deserve this. Nobody did, but Shelby had an especially grueling and disappointing life, and she was just now starting to be happy. She didn't need any more issues.

"He didn't," she tried to reassure him, but they both knew that was nothing reassuring about anything that happened. "Richard stopped him. Got him off me. But it stills haunts me, you know? It's been haunting me in my dreams, the idea that he might have… The things he came this close of doing to me. I can't shake it off my mind. And every time there was anyone around that could help me, they would quickly silence me. I tried screaming once when the manager came to our door, but Richard covered my mouth so tightly I thought I was gonna die. In a lot of moments I thought I was going to die. They took me to this abandoned factory and tied me up, and I just thought I was done. But that night, Richard woke me up, got me to the car and drove me to a truck stop, saying he didn't want me around because I'd end up raped or dead, and it would fall on his back and he didn't want that. He was just some white collar criminal, though he sure as hell didn't act like it most of the time. He didn't just let me go though. He threatened to hurt the girls if I called the police, Will. He knows who they are." Shelby's breathing got really ragged and Will rubbed her back.

If he was honest, he was little angry that she didn't tell him earlier the reason she had been so adamantly avoiding the police. Certainly the story she had told the detectives when finally it was inevitable to face them was far from the truth, and even before she confessed it, he had known that she hadn't been blindfolded the entire time. It just didn't add up. He wished she had just told him before that she was acting like that because she had been threatened. Because Rachel and Beth had been in danger, and if anybody could understand her affliction it was him, because he was feeling it build up in his chest right at that moment. The idea that criminals like she just described could be watching the girls was nerve-wracking. They were just kids! How could somebody be so perverse to both think about harming a kid and psychologically torturing a mother like that?

Will and Shelby held onto each other fiercely, not finding much more to say, but not really needing it. They had always been able to take solace from the other's touch, from the most minimal contact, but this time it just didn't seem enough. Will squeezed Shelby as much as he could, and they sipped at each other's torment, drowning but still feeling thirsty.

Will leaned in and kissed her mouth eagerly, and she kissed him back, their agony blending together and transforming into an ardent need. He laid her down in the bed, their mouths still glued like they didn't even require air, Shelby's tears smearing on his cheek, their hands rummaging each other's bodies nervously. Shelby managed to pull him between her legs and on top of her, but Will pushed away from her. "Shelby", he choked, and he didn't say anything more, but she knew exactly what he wanted. She always did.

"I'm okay, Will." She breathed heavily, her fingertips traveling through his jaw and bringing him back to her mouth. Will trusted her. He trusted her to say 'no' or 'stop' if it started to overwhelm her. If she had any doubts. It wasn't their first time. They had gotten around to that after date number three, a dinner he cooked in his house. It had been sweet, a slow and timid exploration. It had been the very definition of making love. This was so different. It was fervent like in Boston, but then they were just finding out they were in love and they were excited.

Right at that moment, they were just desperate for each other's contact. Will was sickened at the unparalleled level of cruelty that had been aimed at her, and could only think about consoling her, consoling himself. Every touch, every kiss, it was an acute attempt to make their love mend the wound, erase her scars.

Shelby felt like she was about to explode. Talking brought everything back to the surface and she just needed him close. She wanted him to make that sensation of vulnerability and terror go away. She felt a cold sweat break on her neck, and she felt nauseous, and it was her time to push him off. She tried to sit, tried to get air, and Will's hands moved to her lower back to help her, but the scraping of his palms against her hips was just making her more aroused.

One of his hands traveled up her neck, his fingers interlacing with her damp hair and sending a chill down her spine as he gently lowered her back onto the mattress. They pressed their foreheads and noses together, and Shelby's nails dig into Will's back, and she could feel his labored minty breath into her mouth and his hand shifting from her back to her stomach and slipping under her sweater. The fabric seemed to be melting into her skin, so she begged him to take it off and a second later she was lying there in her bra, and she was relieved that she could breathe. Will's slightly sweaty palm rubbed her stomach tenderly, and then cupped her breast, his lips trailing down her cleavage too, and for a moment her mind went dark and void, and she could only, but barely, focus on the sensations overtaking her, and the pleasure, and the itch building up in her core. But then the moment was gone, and she didn't know what had provoked it, but she could feel the cold knife sliding along her spine, and she clutched Will hard into her and clamped her eyes shut, wanting nothing but to scream.

Will got immediately startled as Shelby curled into him, a horrified expression in her face, that same one that made him want to cry every night while she fought her demons asleep, and he stayed up to guard and nurse her. She was shaking, and he couldn't ignore that, but she was also pressing herself against his intimacy, one leg draping around his hip to force more contact, and it was hard to ignore that too. He bent down and kissed her cheek, tasting the salt from her earlier tears.

"Sssh, you are not there, sweetie, you are here. You are here with me and I'm never letting you be hurt like that."

Will's arm wrapped around her protectively, but Shelby nudged him and then drove him down, settling on top of him.

"We don't have to do this." Will's rubbed her bare arms, hoping to tranquilize Shelby, but she seemed almost in a daze as she slowly moved his sweater up. After she discarded the offending material on the ground, she unhurriedly dropped kisses on his bare chest, creeping down towards his stomach and tickling him with the cascade of hair that fell like a curtain around her face. Will heard the button of his jeans being popped open and held her arm to stop her. "Shel..."

She interrupted him right away. "I want this, Will."

Not wasting any more time, he sat down and pulled her on to his lap. Their mouths met again in a sloppy kiss and he worked her bra off and moved to her bottoms. Shelby laid herself back, one hand over his making sure it stayed on her waistband. They locked gazes, and Shelby could discern hesitation on Will's.

She cupped his cheek with her free hand and brought him closer so he could hear her. "I'm here. With you."

GLEEGLEE

A few more minutes of emphatic conversation – Shelby had that charming habit of talking with her hands, a trait that was far less appealing on her buddy – the guy departed with whom Will could only assume was his son, and with what Will surely expected was failure.

Shelby steered the cart on his direction, and he propelled himself to move again to meet her halfway, which caused her to look up surprised. "Hi Will," she greeted quietly with a small smile while her circled the half-full shopping cart to get closer to her.

"You bought the wine?"

"Yeah, and guess what? It has alcohol in it."

"No! Oh Shelby, you've outdone yourself this time!" he commended with fake awe and Shelby nodded her head with a serious proud expression that reminded him of Brittany. His arms encircled her waist and he captured her lips with his enthusiastically, making her giggle into his mouth. He felt Beth's tiny fingers on his arm and pulled away to look down.

"Don't worry, you won't remember enough of this to be traumatized," he joked with phony indignation, and Beth tilted her head and raised an eyebrow at him, and he pretty much jumped out of his skin, knowing he was already doomed with that girl if she had already mastered the chilling eyebrow. He stood very still, waiting to see if any more of Shelby's arsenal of intimidation would be flung at him, but Beth soon lost interest and started pointing at a shelve full of cookies while holding a lock of Shelby's hair and screaming "Mommy, mommy, want" to make sure she was conveying the message.

They finished shopping and then stopped by Rachel's house to drop off Beth. Rachel had insisted on babysitting, and sent about a dozen obnoxious messages to the two of them making it clear that if they got Haylee instead there would be consequences. He wanted to laugh it off as an empty threat at first, but then Shelby reminded him that they should take it seriously because Rachel could probably talk their heads off until one of them indeed dropped dead. Or committed suicide.

Upon arriving at the house he took over the cooking, and Shelby was supposed to be setting the table, but then she wrapped herself around him from behind, her bare foot sliding up his leg, and even the most dedicated man couldn't concentrate on dinner in those conditions.

"Happy one year anniversary, hon," she cooed into his year, and even after all of that time, the way her voice fluttered around just gave him butterflies. He rotated inside her embrace, and surveyed the satin black dress that hugged her body, and it was just harder to remember food even though he could still feel the heat from the flames on his back.

"Who thought we would even last that long?"

"I don't know what you are talking about. You and I were meant to be." She had tried to do an impersonation of his voice, but it just came out wrong and he couldn't hold back the laughter, and even she had to start chuckling at her poor excuse of a comedy attempt.

"Yeah, but it was touch and go there for a while. I mean you are a frustrating, infuriating woman."

Shelby gasped and gave him an incensed look. "_I'm_ frustrating?" she shot at him, with a big emphasis on the 'I', and a daring expression.

"Yep. But I love it. There's never a dull day with you." He smiled charmingly at her and pulled her into a kiss.

Shelby snorted into his mouth. "You better love it. You better love it a lot."

He took a second to chuckle and then gazed down at her. It never stopped sneaking up on him how much he adored that woman.

"Sweetheart?"

"What?"

"Happy anniversary to you too."


End file.
